绿里奇迹(英文版)-第80部分

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ady　begun　to　happen　to　me；　but　I　was　too　fixed　…　mentally　and　emotionally　…　on　doing　my　duty　to　notice。　
〃Is　there　anything　special　you'd　like　that　night　for　dinner；　John　？　We　can　rustle　you　up　most　anything。　Even　bring　you　a　beer；　if　you　want。　just　have　to　put　her　in　a　coffee　cup；　that's　all。〃　
〃Never　got　the　taste〃；　he　said。　
〃Something　special　to　eat；　then？〃　
His　brow　creased　below　that　expanse　of　clean　brown　skull。　Then　the　lines　smoothed　out　and　he　smiled。　〃Meatloaf'd　be　good。〃　
〃Meatloaf　it　is。　With　gravy　and　mashed。〃　I　felt　a　tingle　like　you　get　in　your　arm　when　you've　slept　on　it；　except　this　one　was　all　over　my　body。　In　my　body。　〃What　else　to　go　with　it？〃　
〃Dunno；　boss。　Whatever　you　got；　I　guess。　Okra；　maybe；　but　I's　not　picky。〃　
〃All　right〃；　I　said；　and　thought　he　would　also　have　Mrs。　Janice　Edgebe's　peach　cobbler　for　dessert。　〃Now；　what　about　a　preacher？　Someone　you　could　say　a　little　prayer　with；　night　after　next？　It　forts　a　man；　so　I've　seen　that　many　times。　I　could　get　in　touch　with　Reverend　Schuster；　he's　the　man　who　came　when　Del　…　〃　
〃Don't　want　no　preacher〃；　John　said。　〃You　been　good　to　me；　boss。　You　can　say　a　prayer；　if　you　want。　That'd　be　all　right。　I　could　get　kneebound　with　you　a　bit；　I　guess。〃　
〃Me！　John　；　I　couldn't　…　〃　
He　pressed　down　on　my　hands　a　little；　and　that　feeling　got　stronger。　〃You　could；〃　he　said。　〃Couldn't　you；　boss？〃　
〃I　suppose　so〃；　I　heard　myself　say。　My　voice　seemed　to　have　developed　an　echo。　〃I　suppose　I　could；　if　it　came　to　that。〃　
The　feeling　was　strong　inside　me　by　then；　and　it　was　like　before；　when　he'd　cured　my　waterworks；　but　it　was　different；　too。　And　not　just　because　there　was　nothing　wrong　with　me　this　time。　It　was　different　because　this　time　he　didn't　know　he　was　doing　it。　Suddenly　I　was　terrified；　almost　choked　with　a　need　to　get　out　of　there。　Lights　were　going　on　inside　me　where　there　had　never　been　lights　before。　Not　just　in　my　brain；　all　over　my　body。　
〃You　and　Mr。　Howell　and　the　other　bosses　been　good　to　me〃；　John　Coffey　said。　〃I　know　you　been　worryin；　but　you　ought　to　quit　on　it　now。　Because　I　want　to　go；　boss。〃　
I　tried　to　speak　and　couldn't。　He　could；　though。　What　he　said　next　was　the　longest　I　ever　heard　him　speak。　
〃I'm　rightly　tired　of　the　pain　I　hear　and　feel；　boss。　I'm　tired　of　bein　on　the　road；　lonely　as　a　robin　in　the　rain。　Not　never　havin　no　buddy　to　go　on　with　or　tell　me　where　we's　in　from　or　goin　to　or　why。　I'm　tired　of　people　bein　ugly　to　each　other。　It　feels　like　pieces　of　glass　in　my　head。　I'm　tired　of　all　the　times　I've　wanted　to　help　and　couldn't。　I'm　tired　of　bein　in　the　dark。　Mostly　it's　the　pain。　There's　too　much。　If　I　could　end　it；　I　would。　But　I　cain't。〃　
Stop　it；　I　tried　to　say。　Stop　it；　let　go　of　my　hands；　I'm　going　to　drown　if　you　don't。　Drown　or　explode。　
〃You　won't　'splode；〃　he　said；　smiling　a　little　at　the　idea　。。。　but　he　let　go　of　my　hands。　
I　leaned　forward；　gasping。　Between　my　knees　I　could　see　every　crack　in　the　cement　floor；　every　groove；　every　flash　of　mica。　I　looked　up　at　the　wall　and　saw　names　that　had　been　written　there　in　1924；　1926；　1931。　Those　names　had　been　washed　away；　the　men　who　had　written　them　had　also　been　washed　away；　in　a　manner　of　speaking；　but　I　guess　you　can　never　wash　anything　pletely　away；　not　from　this　dark　glass　of　a　world；　and　now　I　saw　them　again；　a　tangle　of　names　overlying　one　another；　and　looking　at　them　was　like　listening　to　the　dead　speak　and　sing　and　cry　out　for　mercy。　I　felt　my　eyeballs　pulsing　in　their　sockets；　heard　my　own　heart；　felt　the　windy　whoosh　of　my　blood　rushing　through　all　the　boulevards　of　my　body　like　letters　being　mailed　to　everywhere。　
I　heard　a　train…whistle　in　the　distance　…　the　threefifty　to　Priceford；　I　imagine；　but　I　couldn't　be　sure；　because　I'd　never　heard　it　before。　Not　from　Cold　Mountain；　I　hadn't；　because　the　closest　it　came　to　the　state　pen　was　ten　miles　east。　I　couldn't　have　heard　it　from　the　pen；　so　you　would　have　said　and　so；　until　November　of　'32；　I　would　have　believed；　but　I　heard　it　that　day。　
Somewhere　a　lightbulb　shattered；　loud　as　a　bomb。　
〃What　did　you　do　to　me？〃　I　whispered。　〃Oh　John　；　what　did　you　do？〃　
〃I'm　sorry；　boss；〃　he　said　in　his　calm　way。　〃I　wasn't　thinkin。　Ain't　much；　I　reckon。　You　feel　like　regular　soon。〃　
I　got　up　and　went　to　the　cell　door。　It　felt　like　walking　in　a　dream。　When　I　got　there；　he　said：　〃You　wonder　why　they　didn't　scream。　That's　the　only　thing　you　still　wonder　about；　ain't　it？　Why　those　two　little　girls　didn't　scream　while　they　were　still　there　on　the　porch。〃　
I　turned　and　looked　at　him。　I　could　see　every　red　snap　in　his　eyes；　I　could　see　every　pore　on　his　face。。。　and　I　could　feel　his　hurt；　the　pain　that　he　took　in　from　other　people　like　a　sponge　takes　in　water。　I　could　see　the　darkness　he　had　spoken　of；　too。　It　lay　in　all　the　spaces　of　the　world　as　he　saw　it；　and　in　that　moment　I　felt　both　pity　for　him　and　great　relief。　Yes；　it　was　a　terrible　thing　we'd　be　doing；　nothing　would　ever　change　that　。。。　and　yet　we　would　be　doing　him　a　favor。　
〃I　seen　it　when　that　bad　fella；　he　done　grab　me；〃　John　said。　〃That's　when　I　knowed　it　was　him　done　it。　I　seen　him　that　day；　I　was　in　the　trees　and　I　seen　him　drop　them　down　and　run　away；　but　…　〃　
〃You　forgot；〃　I　said。　
〃That's　right；　boss。　Until　he　touch　me；　I　forgot。〃　
〃Why　didn't　they　scream；　John　？　He　hurt　them　enough　to　make　them　bleed；　their　parents　were　right　upstairs；　so　why　didn't　they　scream？〃　
John　looked　at　me　from　his　haunted　eyes。　〃He　say　to　the　one；　'If　you　make　noise；　it's　your　sister　I　kill；　not　you'；　He　say　that　same　to　the　other。　You　see？〃　
〃Yes〃；　I　whispered；　and　I　could　see　it。　The　Detterick　porch　in　the　dark。　Wharton　leaning　over　them　like　a　ghoul。　One　of　them　had　maybe　started　to　cry　out；　so　Wharton　had　hit　her　and　she　had　bled　from　the　nose。　That's　where　most　of　it　had　e　from。　
〃He　kill　them　with　they　love〃；　John　said。　〃They　love　for　each　other。　You　see　how　it　was？〃　
I　nodded；　incapable　of　speech。　
He　smiled。　The　tears　were　flowing　again；　but　he　smiled。　〃That's　how　it　is　every　day〃；　he　said；　〃all　over　the　worl'。〃　Then　he　lay　down　and　turned　his　face　to　the　wall。　
I　stepped　out　into　the　Mile；　locked　his　cell；　and　walked　up　to　the　duty　desk。　I　still　felt　like　a　man　in　a　dream。　I　realized　I　could　hear　Brutal's　thoughts　…　a　very　faint　whisper；　how　to　spell　some　word；　receive；　I　think　it　was。　He　was　thinking　i　before　e；　except　after　c；　is　that　how　the　dadratted　thing　goes？　Then　he　looked　up；　started　to　smile；　and　stopped　when　he　got　a　good　look　at　me。　〃Paul？〃　he　asked。　〃Are　you　all　right？〃　
〃Yes。〃　Then　I　told　him　what　John　had　told　me　…　not　all　of　it；　and　certainly　not　about　what　his　touch　had　done　to　me　（I　never　told　anyone　that　part；　not　even　Janice；　Elaine　Connelly　will　be　the　first　to　know　of　it　…　if；　that　is；　she　wants　to　read　these　last　pages　after　reading　all　the　rest　of　them）；　but　I　repeated　what　John　had　said　about　wanting　to　go。　That　seemed　to　relieve　Brutal　…　a　bit；　anyway　…　but　I　sensed　（heard？）　him　wondering　if　I　hadn't　made　it　up；　just　to　set　his　mind　at　ease。　Then　I　felt　him　deciding　to　believe　it；　simply　because　it　would　make　things　a　little　easier　for　him　when　the　time　came。　
〃Paul；　is　that　infection　of　yours　ing　back？〃　he　asked。　〃You　look　all　flushed。〃　
〃No；　I　think　I'm　okay〃；　I　said。　I　wasn't；　but　I　felt　sure　by　then　that　John　was　right　and　I　was　going　to　be。　I　could　feel　that　tingle　starting　to　subside。　
〃All　the　same；　it　might　not　hurt　you　to　go　on　in　your　office　there　and　lie　down　a　bit。〃　
Lying　down　was　the　last　thing　I　felt　like　right　then　…　the　idea　seemed　so　ridiculous　that　I　almost　laughed。　What　I　felt　like　doing　was　maybe　building　myself　a　little　house；　then　shingling　it；　and　plowing　a　garden　in　back；　and　planting　it。　All　before　suppertime。　
That's　how　it　is；　I　thought。　Every　day。　All　over　the　world。　That　darkness。　All　over　the　world。　
〃I'm　going　to　take　a　turn　over　to　Admin　instead。　Got　a　few　things　to　check　over　there。〃　
〃If　you　say　so。〃　
I　went　to　the　door　and　opened　it；　then　looked　back。　〃You've　got　it　right〃；　I　said：　〃r…e…c…e…i…v…e；　i　before　e；　except　after　c。　Most　of　the　time；　anyway；　I　guess　there's　exceptions　to　all　the　rules。…〃　
I　went　out；　not　needing　to　look　back　at　him　to　kn