sk.petsematary-第58部分

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oe　in　both　hands…it　thwapped　solidly　into　his　palms　like　a　well…caught　football…and　shoved　backward　as　hard　as　he　could。
　　Bellowing；　Goldman　flew　backward　at　an　angle；　pinwheeling　his　arms　for　balance。　He　fell　on　Gage's　Eternal　Rest　casket；　which　had　been　manufactured　in　the　town　of　Storyville；　Ohio；　and　which　had　not　e　cheap。
　　Oz　the　Gweat　and　Tewwible　has　just　fallen　on　top　of　my　son's　coffin；　Louis　thought　dazedly。　The　casket　fell　from　the　trestle　with　a　huge　crash。　The　left　end　fell　first；　then　the　right。　The　latch　snapped。　Even　over　the　screams　and　the　crying；　even　over　the　bellows　of　Goldman；　who　after　all　was　only　playing　a　children's　party　game　of　Pin　the　Blame　on　the　Donkey；　Louis　heard　the　lock　snap。
　　The　coffin　did　not　actually　open　and　spill　Gage's　sad；　hurt　remains　out　onto　the　floor　for　all　of　them　to　gawp　at；　but　Louis　was　sickly　aware　that　they　had　only　been　spared　that　by　the　way　the　coffin　had　fallen…on　its　bottom　instead　of　on　its　side。　It　easily　could　have　fallen　that　other　way。　Nonetheless　in　that　split　instant　before　the　lid　slammed　shut　on　its　broken　latch　again；　he　saw　a　flash　of　gray…the　suit　they　had　bought　to　put　in　the　ground　around　Gage's　body。　And　a　bit　of　pink。　Gage's　hand；　maybe。
　　Sitting　there　on　the　floor；　Louis　put　his　face　in　his　hands　and　began　to　weep。　He　had　lost　all　interest　in　his　father…in…law；　in　the　MX　missile；　in　permanent　versus　dissolving　sutures；　in　the　heat　death　of　the　universe。　At　that　moment；　Louis　Creed　wished　he　were　dead。　And　suddenly；　weirdly；　an　image　rose　in　his　mind：
　　Gage　in　Mickey　Mouse　ears；　Gage　laughing　and　shaking　hands　with　a　great　big　Goofy　on　Main　Street；　in　Disney　World。　He　saw　this　with　utter　clarity。
　　One　of　the　trestle　supports　had　fallen　over；　the　other　leaned　with　drunken　casualness　against　the　low　dais　where　a　minister　might　stand　to　offer　a　eulogy。　Sprawled　in　the　flowers　was　Goldman；　also　weeping。　Water　from　the　overturned　vases　trickled。　The　flowers；　some　of　them　crushed　and　mangled；　gave　off　their　turgid　scent　even　more　strongly。
　　Rachel　was　screaming　and　screaming。
　　Louis　could　not　respond　to　her　screams。　The　image　of　Gage　in　Mickey　Mouse　ears　was　fading；　but　not　before　he　heard　a　voice　announcing　there　would　be　fireworks　later　that　evening。　He　sat　with　his　face　in　his　hands；　not　wanting　them　to　see　him　anymore；　his　tear…stained　face；　his　loss；　his　guilt；　his　pain；　his　shame；　most　of　all　his　cowardly　wish　to　be　dead　and　out　of　this　blackness。
　　The　funeral　director　and　Dory　Goldman　led　Rachel　out。　She　was　still　screaming。　Later　on；　in　another　room　（one　that　Louis　assumed　was　reserved　especially　for　those　overe　with　grief…　the　Hysterics'　Parlor；　perhaps）　she　became　very　silent。　Louis　himself；　dazed　but　sane　and　in　control；　sedated　her　this　time；　after　insisting　that　the　two　of　them　be　left　alone。
　　At　home　he　led　her　up　to　bed　and　gave　her　another　shot。　Then　he　pulled　the　covers　up　to　her　chin　and　regarded　her　waxy；　pallid　face。
　　〃Rachel；　I'm　sorry；〃　he　said。　〃I'd　give　anything　in　the　world　to　take　that　back。〃
　　〃It's　all　right；〃　she　said　in　a　strange；　flat　voice　and　then　rolled　over　on　her　side；　turning　away　from　him。
　　He　heard　the　tired　old　question　Are　you　all　right？　rising　to　his　lips　and　pushed　it　back。　It　wasn't　a　true　question；　it　wasn't　what　he　really　wanted　to　know。
　　〃How　bad　are　you？〃　he　asked　finally。
　　〃Pretty　bad；　Louis；〃　she　said　and　then　uttered　a　sound　that　could　have　been　a　laugh。　〃I　am　terrible；　in　fact。〃
　　Something　more　seemed　required；　but　Louis　could　not　supply　it。　He　felt　suddenly　resentful　of　her；　of　Steve　Masterton；　of　Missy　Dandridge　and　her　husband　with　his　arrowhead…shaped　adam's　apple；　of　the　whole　damned　crew。　Why　should　he　have　to　be　the　eternal　supplier？　What　sort　of　shit　was　that？
　　He　turned　off　the　light　and　left。　He　found　that　he　could　not　give　much　more　to　his　daughter。
　　For　one　wild　moment；　regarding　her　in　her　shadowy　room；　he　thought　she　was　Gage…the　thought　came　to　him　that　the　whole　thing　had　been　a　hideous　nightmare；　like　his　dream　of　Pascow　leading　him　into　the　woods；　and　for　a　moment　his　tired　mind　grasped　at　it。　The　shadows　helped…there　was　only　the　shifting　light　of　the　portable　TV　that　Jud　had　taken　up　for　her　to　pass　the　hours。　The　long；　long　hours。
　　But　it　wasn't　Gage；　of　course；　it　was　Ellie；　who　was　now　not　only　grasping　the　picture　in　which　she　was　pulling　Gage　on　the　sled；　but　sitting　in　Cage's　chair。　She　had　taken　it　out　of　his　room　and　brought　it　into　hers。　It　was　a　small　director's　chair　with　a　canvas　seat　and　a　canvas　strip　across　the　back。　Stenciled　across　that　strip　was　GAGE。　Rachel　had　mail…ordered　four　of　these　chairs。　Each　member　of　the　family　had　one　with　his　or　her　name　stenciled　on　the　back。
　　Ellie　was　too　big　for　Gage's　chair。　She　was　crammed　into　it；　and　the　canvas　bottom　bulged　downward　dangerously。　She　held　the　Polaroid　picture　to　her　chest　and　stared　at　the　TV；　where　some　movie　was　showing。
　　〃Ellie；〃　he　said；　snapping　off　the　TV；　〃bedtime。〃
　　She　worked　her　way　out　of　the　chair；　then　folded　it　up。　She　apparently　meant　to　take　the　chair　into　bed　with　her。
　　Louis　hesitated；　wanting　to　say　something　about　the　chair；　and　finally　settled　on；　〃Do　you　want　me　to　tuck　you　in？〃
　　〃Yes；　please；〃　she　said。
　　〃Do　you。　。　。　would　you　want　to　sleep　with　Mommy　tonight？〃
　　〃No；　thanks。〃
　　〃You　sure？〃
　　She　smiled　a　little。　〃Yes。　She　steals　the　covers。〃
　　Louis　smiled　back。　〃e　on　then。〃
　　Instead　of　trying　to　put　the　chair　in　bed　with　her；　Ellie　unfolded　it　by　the　head　of　the　bed；　and　an　absurd　image　came　to　Louis…here　was　the　consulting　room　of　the　world's　smallest　psychiatrist。
　　She　undressed；　putting　the　picture　of　her　and　Gage　on　her　pillow　to　do　it。　She　put　on　her　baby　doll　pajamas；　picked　up　the　picture；　went　into　the　bathroom；　put　it　down　to　wash　up；　brush；　floss；　and　to　take　her　fluoride　tablet。　Then　she　picked　it　up　again　and　got　into　bed　with　it。
　　Louis　sat　down　beside　her　and　said；　〃I　want　you　to　know；　Ellie；　that　if　we　keep　on　loving　each　other；　we　can　get　through　this。〃
　　Each　word　was　like　moving　a　handcar　loaded　with　wet　bales；　and　the　total　effort　left　Louis　feeling　exhausted。
　　〃I'm　going　to　wish　really　hard；〃　Ellie　said　calmly；　〃and　pray　to　God　for　Gage　to　e　back。〃
　　〃Ellie…〃
　　〃God　can　take　it　back　if　He　wants　to；〃　Ellie　said。　〃He　can　do　anything　He　wants　to。〃
　　〃Ellie；　God　doesn't　do　things　like　that；〃　Louis　said　uneasily；　and　in　his　mind's　eye　he　saw　Church　squatting　on　the　closed　lid　of　the　toilet；　staring　at　him　with　those　muddy　eyes　as　Louis　lay　in　the　tub。
　　〃He　does　so；〃　she　said。　〃In　Sunday　School　the　teacher　told　us　about　this　guy　Lazarus。　He　was　dead；　and　Jesus　brought　him　back　to　life。　He　said　'Lazarus；　e　forth；'　and　the　teacher　said　if　he'd　just　said　'e　forth；'　probably　everybody　in　that　graveyard　would　have　e　out；　and　Jesus　only　wanted　Lazarus。〃
　　An　absurdity　popped　out　of　his　mouth　（but　the　day　had　sung　and　gibbered　with　absurdity）：　〃That　was　a　long　time　ago；　Ellie。〃
　　〃I'm　going　to　keep　things　ready　for　him；〃　she　said。　〃I've　got　his　picture；　and　I'm　going　to　sit　in　his　chair…〃
　　〃Ellie；　you're　too　big　for　Gage's　chair；〃　Louis　said；　taking　her　hot；　feverish　hand。　〃You'll　break　it。〃
　　〃God　will　help　it　not　to　break；〃　Ellie　said。　Her　voice　was　serene；　but　Louis　observed　the　brown　half…moons　under　her　eyes。　Looking　at　her　made　his　heart　ache　so　badly　that　he　turned　away　from　her。　Maybe　when　Gage's　chair　broke；　she　would　begin　to　understand　what　had　happened　a　little　better。
　　〃I'm　going　to　carry　the　picture　and　sit　in　his　chair；〃　she　said。　〃I'm　going　to　eat　his　breakfast　too。〃　Gage　and　Ellie　had　each　had　their　own　breakfast　cereals；　Gage's；　Ellie　had　once　claimed；　tasted　like　dead　boogers。　If　Cocoa　Bears　was　the　only　cereal　in　the　house；　Ellie　would　sometimes　eat　a　boiled　egg。　。　。　or　nothing　at　all。　〃I'll　eat　lima　beans　even　though　I　hate　them；　and　I'll　read　all　of　Gage's　picturebooks　and　I'll。　。　。　I'll。　。　。　you　know。　。　。　get　things　ready。　。　。　in　case　。　。　。〃
　　She　was　crying　now。　Louis　did　not　try　to　fort　her　but　only　brushed　her　hair　back　from　her　forehead。　What　she　was　talking　about　made　a　certain　crazed　sense。　Keeping　the　li