fh.godemperorofdune-第67部分
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〃You still have this。。。pain？〃
〃It's only a soft burning now。 That's one of the signs of my final metamorphosis。 In a few hundred years； I'll be back under the sand。〃
He saw her clench her fists at her sides。 〃Why？〃 she demanded。 〃Why did you do this？〃
〃This change isn't all bad。 Today； for example； has been very pleasant。 I feel quite mellow。〃
〃There are changes we cannot see；〃 she said。 〃I know there must be。〃 She relaxed her hands。
〃My sight and hearing have bee extremely acute； but not my sense of touch。 Except for my face； I don't feel things the way I could once。 I miss that。〃
Again； he noted the reluctant sympathy； the striving toward an empathic understanding。 She wanted to know！
〃When you live so long；〃 she said； 〃how does the passage of Time feel？ Does it move more rapidly as the years go by？〃
〃That's a strange thing； Siona。 Sometimes； Time rushes by me； sometimes； it creeps。〃
Gradually； as they spoke； Leto had been dimming the concealed lights of his aerie； moving his cart closer and closer to Siona。 Now； he shut off the lights； leaving only the moon。 The front of his cart protruded onto the balcony； his face only about two meters from Siona。
〃My father tells me；〃 she said； 〃that the older you get； the slower your time goes。 Is that what you told him？〃
Testing my veracity； he thought。 She's not a Truthsayer； then。
〃All things are relative； but pared to the human timesense； this is true。〃
〃Why？〃
〃It is involved in what I will bee。 At the end； Time will stop for me and I will be frozen like a pearl caught in ice。 My new bodies will scatter； each with a pearl hidden within it。〃
She turned and looked away from him； peering out at the desert； speaking without looking at him。
〃When I talk to you like this here in the darkness I can almost forget what you are。〃
〃That's why I chose this hour for our meeting。〃
〃But why this place？〃 。
〃Because it is the last place where I can feel at home。〃
Siona turned against the rail； leaning on it and looking at him。 〃I want to see you。〃
He turned on all of the aerie's lights； including the harsh white globes along the roof of the balcony's outer edge。 As the light came on； an Ixian…made transparent mask slid out of wall recesses and sealed off the balcony behind Siona。 She felt it move behind her and was startled； but nodded as though she understood。 She thought it was a defense against attack。 It was not。 The wall merely kept out the damp insects of the night。
Siona stared at Leto； sweeping her gaze along his body； pausing at the stubs which once had been his legs； bringing her attention then to his arms and hands； then to his face。
〃Your approved histories tell us that all Atreides are descended from you and your sister； Ghanima；〃 she said。 〃The Oral History disagrees。〃
〃The Oral History is correct。 Your ancestor was Harq al Ada Ghani and I were married only in name； a move to consolidate the power。〃
〃Like your marriage to this Ixian woman？〃
〃That is different。〃
〃You will have children？〃
〃I have never been capable of having children。 I chose the metamorphosis before that was possible。〃
〃You were a child and then you were…〃 she pointed 〃this？〃
〃Nothing between。〃
〃How does a child know what to choose？〃
〃I was one of the oldest children this universe has ever seen。 Ghani was the other。〃
〃That story about your ancestral memories！〃
〃A true story。 We're all here。 Doesn't the Oral History agree？〃
She whirled away and held her back stiffly presented to him。 Once more； Leto found himself fascinated by this human gesture： rejection coupled to vulnerability。 Presently； she turned around and concentrated on his features within the hooded folds。
〃You have the Atreides look；〃 she said。
〃I e by it just as honestly as you do。〃
〃You're so old。。。why aren't you wrinkled？〃
〃Nothing about the human part of me ages in a normal way。〃
〃Is that why you did this to yourself？〃
〃To enjoy long life？ No。〃
〃I don't see how anyone could make such a choice；〃 she muttered。 Then louder： 〃Never to know love。 。 。〃
〃You're playing the fool！〃 he said。 〃You don't mean love； you mean sex。〃
She shrugged。
〃You think the most terrible thing I gave up was sex？ No； the greatest loss was something far different。〃
〃What？〃 She asked it reluctantly； betraying how deeply he touched her。
〃I cannot walk among my fellows without their special notice。 I am no longer one of you。 I am alone。 Love？ Many people love me； but my shape keeps us apart。 We are separated； Siona； by a gulf that no other human dares to bridge。〃
〃Not even your Ixian woman？〃
〃Yes； she would if she could； but she cannot。 She's not an Atreides。〃
〃You mean that I。。uld？〃 She touched her breast with a finger。
〃If there were enough sandtrout around。 Unfortunately； all of them enclose my flesh。 However； if I were to die。 。 。〃
She shook her head in dumb horror at the thought。
〃The Oral History tells it accurately；〃 he said。 〃And we must never forget that you believe the Oral History。〃
She continued to shake her head from side to side。
〃There's no secret about it；〃 he said。 〃The first moments of the transformation are the critical ones。 Your awareness must drive inward and outward simultaneously； one with Infinity。 I could provide you with enough melange to acplish this。 Given enough spice； you can live through those first awful moments。。。and all the other moments。〃
She shuddered uncontrollably； her gaze fixed on his eyes。
〃You know I'm telling you the truth； don't you？〃
She nodded； inhaled a deep trembling breath； then： 〃Why did you do it？〃
〃The alternative was far more horrible。〃
〃What alternative？〃
〃In time； you may understand it。 Moneo did。〃
〃Your damned Golden Path！〃
〃Not damned at all。 Quite holy。〃
〃You think I'm a fool who can't。。。〃
〃I think you're inexperienced； but possessed of great capability whose potential you do not even suspect。〃
She took three deep breaths and regained some of her posure； then： 〃If you can't mate with the Ixian； what。 。 。〃
〃Child； why do you persist in misunderstanding？ It's not sex。 Before Hwi； I could not pair。 I had no other like me。 In all of the cosmic void； I was the only one。〃
〃She's like。。。you？〃
〃Deliberately so。 The lxians made her that way。〃
〃Made her。。 。〃
〃Don't be a plete fool！〃 he snapped。 〃She is the essential god…trap。 Even the victim cannot reject her。〃
〃Why do you tell me these things？〃 she whispered。
〃You stole two copies of my journals；〃 he said。 〃You've read the Guild translations and you already know what could catch me。〃
〃You knew？〃
He saw boldness return to her stance； a sense of her own power。 〃Of course you knew；〃 she said； answering her own question。
〃It was my secret；〃 he said。 〃You cannot imagine how many times I have loved a panion and seen that panion slip away。。。as your father is slipping away now。〃
〃You love。。。him？〃
〃And I loved your mother。 Sometimes they go quickly； sometimes with agonizing slowness。 Each time I am wracked。 I can play callous and I can make the necessary decisions； even decisions which kill； but I cannot escape the suffering。 For a long； long time…those journals you stole tell it truly…that was the only emotion I knew。〃
He saw the moistness in her eyes； but the line of her jaw still spoke of angry resolution。
〃None of this gives you the right to govern；〃 she said。
Leto suppressed a smile。 At last they were down to the root of Siona's rebellion。
By what right？ Where is justice in my rule？ By imposing my rules upon them with the weight of Fish Speaker arms； am I being fair to the evolutionary thrust of humankind？ I know all of the revolutionary cant； the catch…prattle and the resounding phrases。
〃Nowhere do you see your own rebellious hand in the power I wield；〃 he said。
Her youth still demanded its moment。
〃I never chose you to govern；〃 she said。
〃But you strengthen me。〃
〃How？〃
〃By opposing me。 I sharpen my claws on the likes of you。〃
She shot a sudden glance at his hands。
〃A figure of speech；〃 he said。
〃So I've offended you at last；〃 she said； hearing only the cutting anger in his words and tone。
〃You've not offended me。 We're relat
