dk.coldfire-第75部分

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bullet。　But　you're　as　close　to　Superman　as　any　man's　likely　to　get。　In　fact；　in　some　ways　you've　got　him　beat　because　you　can　see　into　the　future。　Maybe　you　see　only　bits　and　pieces　of　it；　and　only　random　visions　when　you　aren't　trying　for　them；　but　you　can　see　the　future。〃　
　He　was　shaken　by　her　conviction。　〃So　where'd　I　get　all　this　magic？〃　〃I　don't　know。〃　
　〃That's　where　it　falls　apart。〃　
　〃It　doesn't　fall　apart　just　because　I　don't　know；〃　she　said　frustratingly。　
　〃Yellow　doesn't　stop　being　yellow　just　because　I　don't　know　anything　about　why　the　eye　sees　different　colors。　You　have　the　power。　
　You　are　the　power；　not　God　or　some　alien　under　the　millpond。〃　
　He　pulled　his　hands　from　hers　and　looked　out　the　windshield　toward　the　county　road　and　the　dry　fields　beyond。　He　seemed　afraid　to　face　up　to　the　tremendous　power　he　possessed…maybe　because　it　carried　with　it　responsibilities　that　he　was　not　sure　he　could　shoulder。　
　She　sensed　that　he　was　also　shamed　by　the　prospect　of　his　own　mental　illness；　and　unable　to　meet　her　eyes　any　longer。　He　was　so　stoic；　so　strong；　so　proud　of　his　strength　that　he　could　not　accept　this　suggested　weakness　in　himself　He　had　built　a　life　that　placed　a　high　value　on　self　control　and　self　reliance；　that　made　a　singular　virtue　out　of　self　imposed　solitude；　in　the　manner　of　a　monk　who　needed　no　one　but　himself　and　God。　Now　she　was　telling　him　that　his　decision　to　bee　an　iron　man　and　a　loner　was　not　a　well…considered　choice；　that　it　was　a　desperate　attempt　to　deal　with　emotional　turmoil　that　had　threatened　to　destroy　him；　and　that　his　need　for　self　control　had　moved　him　over　the　line　of　rational　behavior。　
　She　thought　of　the　words　on　the　tablet：　I　AM　ING。　YOU　DIE。　
　She　switched　on　the　engine。　
　He　said；　〃Where　are　we　going？〃　As　she　put　the　car　in　gear；　pulled　out　onto　the　county　road；　and　turned　right　toward　New　Svenborg；　she　did　not　answer　him。　Instead；　〃Was　there　anything　special　about　you　as　a　boy？〃　〃No；〃　he　said　a　little　too　quickly；　too　sharply。　
　〃Never　any　indication　that　you　were　gifted　or…〃　〃No；　hell；　nothing　like　that。〃　
　Jim's　sudden　nervous　agitation；　betrayed　by　his　restless　movement　and　his　trembling　hands；　convinced　Holly　that　she　had　touched　on　a　truth。　He　had　been　special　in　some　way；　a　gifted　child。　Now　that　she　had　reminded　him　of　it；　he　saw　in　that　early　gift　the　seeds　of　the　powers　that　had　grown　in　him。　But　he　didn't　want　to　face　it。　Denial　was　his　shield。　
　〃What　have　you　just　remembered？〃　〃Nothing。〃　
　〃e　on；　Jim。〃　
　〃Nothing；　really。〃　
　She　didn't　know　where　to　go　with　that　line　of　questioning；　so　she　could　only　say；　〃It's　true。　You're　gifted。　No　aliens；　only　you。〃　
　Because　of　whatever　he　had　just　remembered　and　was　not　willing　to　share　with　her；　his　adamancy　had　begun　to　dissolve。　〃I　don't　know。〃　
　〃It's　true。〃　
　〃Maybe。〃　
　〃It's　true。　Remember　last　night　when　The　Friend　told　us　it　was　a　child　by　the　standards　of　its　species？　Well；　that's　because　it　is　a　child；　a　perpetual　child；　forever　the　age　at　which　you　created　it…ten　years　old。　
　Which　explains　its　childlike　behavior；　its　need　to　brag；　its　poutiness。　
　Jim；　The　Friend　didn't　behave　like　a　ten…thousand…year…old　alien　child；　it　just　behaved　like　a　ten…year…old　human　being。〃　
　He　closed　his　eyes　and　leaned　back；　as　if　it　was　exhausting　to　consider　what　she　was　telling　him。　But　his　inner　tension　remained　at　a　peak；　revealed　by　his　hands；　which　were　fisted　in　his　lap。　
　〃Where　are　we　going；　Holly？〃　〃For　a　little　ride。〃　As　they　passed　through　the　golden　fields　and　hills；　she　kept　up　a　gentle　attack：　〃That's　why　the　manifestation　of　The　Enemy　is　like　a　bination　of　every　movie　monster　that　ever　frightened　a　ten…year…old　boy。　The　thing　I　caught　a　glimpse　of　in　my　motel…room　doorway　wasn't　a　real　creature；　I　see　that　now。　It　didn't　have　a　biological　structure　that　made　sense；　it　wasn't　even　alien。　It　was　too　familiar；　a　ten…year…old　boy's　hodgepodge　of　boogeymen。〃　
　He　did　not　respond。　
　She　glanced　at　him。　〃Jim？〃　His　eyes　were　still　closed。　
　Her　heart　began　to　pound。　〃Jim！〃　At　the　note　of　alarm　in　her　voice；　he　sat　up　straighter　and　opened　his　eyes。　〃What？〃　〃For　God's　sake；　don't　close　your　eyes　that　long。　You　might've　been　asleep；　and　I　wouldn't　have　realized　it　until〃　〃You　think　I　can　sleep　with　this　on　my　mind？〃　〃I　don't　know。　I　don't　want　to　take　the　chance。　Keep　your　eyes　open；　okay？　You　obviously　suppress　The　Enemy　when　you're　awake；　it　only　es　through　all　the　way　when　you're　asleep。〃　
　In　the　windshield　glass；　like　a　puter　readout　in　a　fighter…plane　cockpit；　words　began　to　appear　from　left　to　right；　in　letters　about　one　inch　high：　DEAD　DEAD　DEAD　DEAD　DEAD　DEAD。　
　Scared　but　unwilling　to　show　it；　she　said；　〃To　hell　with　that；〃　and　switched　on　the　windshield　wipers；　as　if　the　threat　was　dirt　that　could　be　scrubbed　away。　But　the　words　remained；　and　Jim　stared　at　them　with　evident　dread。　
　As　they　passed　a　small　ranch；　the　scent　of　new…mown　hay　entered　with　the　wind　through　the　windows。　
　〃Where　are　we　going？〃　he　asked　again。　
　〃Exploring。〃　
　〃Exploring　what？〃　〃The　past。〃　
　Distressed；　he　said；　〃I　haven't　bought　this　scenario　yet。　I　can't。　
　How　the　hell　can　I？　And　how　can　we　ever　prove　it's　true　or　isn't？〃　〃We　go　to　town；〃　she　said。　〃We　take　that　tour　again；　the　one　you　took　me　on　yesterday。　Svenborg…port　of　mystery　and　romance。　What　a　dump。　
　But　it's　got　something。　You　wanted　me　to　see　those　places；　your　subconscious　was　telling　me　answers　can　be　found　in　Svenborg。　So　let's　go　find　them　together。〃　
　New　words　appeared　under　the　first　six：　DEAD　DEAD　DEAD　DEAD　DEAD　DEAD。　
　Holly　knew　that　time　was　running　out。　The　Enemy　wanted　through；　wanted　to　gut　her；　dismember　her；　leave　her　in　a　steaming　heap　of　her　own　entrails　before　she　had　a　chance　to　convince　Jim　of　her　theory…and　it　did　not　want　to　wait　until　Jim　was　asleep。　She　was　not　certain　that　he　could　repress　that　dark　aspect　of　himself　as　she　pushed　him　closer　to　a　confrontation　with　the　truth。　His　self　control　might　crack；　and　his　benign　personalities　might　sink　under　the　rising　dark　force。　
　〃Holly；　if　I　had　this　bizarre　multiple　personality；　wouldn't　I　be　cured　as　soon　as　you　explained　it　to　me；　wouldn't　the　scales　immediately　fall　off　my　eyes？〃　〃No。　You　have　to　believe　it　before　you　can　hope　to　deal　with　it。　
　Believing　that　you　suffer　an　abnormal　mental　condition　is　the　first　step　toward　an　understanding　of　it；　and　understanding　is　only　the　first　painful　step　toward　a　cure。〃　
　〃Don't　talk　at　me　like　a　psychiatrist；　you're　no　psychiatrist。〃　
　He　was　taking　refuge　in　anger；　in　that　arctic　glare；　trying　to　intimidate　her　as　he　had　tried　on　previous　occasions　when　he'd　not　wanted　her　to　get　any　closer。　Hadn't　worked　then；　wouldn't　work　now。　
　Sometimes　men　could　be　so　dense。　
　She　said；　〃I　interviewed　a　psychiatrist　once。〃　
　〃Oh；　terrific；　that　makes　you　a　qualified　therapist。〃　
　〃Maybe　it　does。　The　psychiatrist　I　interviewed　was　crazy　as　a　loon　himself；　so　what　does　a　university　degree　matter？〃　He　took　a　deep　breath　and　let　it　out　with　a　shudder。　〃Okay；　suppose　you're　right　and　somehow　we　do　turn　up　undeniable　proof　that　I'm　crazy　as　a　loon〃　〃You　aren't　crazy；　you're…〃　〃Yeah；　yeah；　I'm　disturbed；　troubled；　in　a　psychological　box。　Call　it　whatever　you　want。　
　If　we　find　proof　somehow…and　I　can't　imagine　how　then　what　happens　to　me？　Maybe　I　just　smile　and　say；　Oh；　yes；　of　course；　I　made　it　all　up；　I　was　living　in　a　delusion；　I'm　ever　so　much　better　now；　let's　have　lunch。〃　But　I　don't　think　so。　I　think　what　happens　is。　。　。　
　I　blow　apart；　into　a　million　pieces。〃　
　〃I　can't　promise　you　that　the　truth；　if　we　find　it；　will　be　any　sort　of　salvation；　because　so　far　I　think　you've　found　your　salvation　in　fantasy　not　in　truth。　But　we　can't　go　on　like　this　because　The　Enemy　resents　me；　and　sooner　or　later　it'll　kill　me。　You　warned　me　yourself。〃　
　He　looked　at　the　words　on　the　windshield；　and　said　nothing。　He　was　running　out　of　arguments；　if　not　resistance。　
　The　words　quickly　faded；　then　vanished。　
　Maybe　that　was　a　good　sign；　an　indication　of　his　subconscious　acmodation　to　her　theory。　Or　maybe　The　Enemy　had　decided　that　she　could　not　be　intimidated　with　threats…and　was　struggling　to