mck.harpistinthewind-第51部分

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　held　against　his　heart。　He　could　not　speak；　he　did　not　know　what　language　of　light　and　darkness　the　falcon　who　had　so　ruthlessly　fashioned　his　life　would　hear。　He　thought　numbly　of　Hed；　it　seemed　to　lay　where　his　heart　lay；　under　his　hands。　Then　the　High　One　knelt　in　front　of　him；　lifted　Morgon's　face　between　his　hands。　His　eyes　were　the　harpist's；　night…dark；　and　no　longer　silent　but　full　of　pain。
　　　　　　　〃Morgon；〃　he　whispered；　〃I　wish　you　had　not　been　someone　I　loved　so。〃
　　　　　　　He　put　his　arms　around　Morgon；　held　him　as　fiercely　as　the　falcon　had　held　him。　He　circled　Morgon　with　his　silence；　until　Morgon　felt　that　his　heart　and　the　tower　walls　and　the　starred　night　sky　beyond　were　built　not　of　blood　and　stone　and　air；　but　of　the　harpist's　stillness。　He　was　still　crying　noiselessly；　afraid　to　touch　the　harpist；　as　if　he　might　somehow　change　shape　again。　Something　hard　and　angled；　like　grief；　was　pushing　into　his　chest；　into　his　throat；　but　it　was　not　grief。　He　said；　above　its　pain；　feeling　the　High　One's　pain　as　one　thing　he　could　prehend；　〃What　happened　to　your　son？〃
　　　　　　　〃He　was　destroyed　in　the　war。　The　power　was　stripped　from　him。　He　could　no　longer　live。。。　He　gave　you　the　starred　sword。〃
　　　　　　　〃And　you。。。　you　have　been　alone　since　then。　Without　an　heir。　With　only　a　promise。〃
　　　　　　　〃Yes。　I　have　lived　in　secret　for　thousands　of　years　with　nothing　to　hope　in　but　a　promise。　A　dead　child's　dream。　And　then　you　came。　Morgon；　I　did　anything　I　had　to　do　to　keep　you　alive。　Anything。　You　were　all　my　hope。〃
　　　　　　　〃You　are　giving　me　even　the　wastelands。　I　loved　them。　I　loved　them。　And　the　mists　of　Herun；　the　vesta；　the　backlands。。。　I　was　afraid；　when　I　realized　how　much　I　loved　them。　I　was　drawn　to　every　shape；　and　I　couldn't　stop　myself　from　wanting。。。〃　The　pain　broke　through　his　chest　like　a　blade。　He　drew　a　harsh；　terrible　breath。　〃All　I　wanted　from　you　was　truth。　I　didn't　know　。。。　I　didn't　know　you　would　give　me　everything　I　have　ever　loved。〃
　　　　　　　He　could　not　speak　any　more。　Sobbing　wrenched　him　until　he　did　not　know　if　he　could　endure　his　own　shape。　But　the　High　One　held　him　to　it；　soothing　him　with　his　hands　and　his　voice　until　Morgon　quieted。　He　still　could　not　speak；　he　listened　to　the　winds　whispering　through　the　tower；　to　the　occasional　patter　of　rain　on　the　stones。　His　face　was　bowed　against　the　High　One's　shoulder。　He　was　silent；　resting　in　the　High　One's　silence；　until　his　voice　came　again；　hoarse；　weary；　calmer。
　　　　　　　〃I　never　guessed。　You　never　let　me　see　that　far　beyond　my　anger。〃
　　　　　　　〃I　didn't　dare　let　you　see　too　much。　Your　life　was　in　such　danger；　and　you　were　so　precious　to　me。　I　kept　you　alive　any　way　I　could；　using　myself；　using　your　ignorance；　even　your　hatred。　I　did　not　know　if　you　would　ever　forgive　me；　but　all　the　hope　of　the　realm　lay　in　you；　and　I　needed　you　powerful；　confused；　always　searching　for　me；　yet　never　finding　me；　though　I　was　always　near　you　。。。〃
　　　　　　　〃I　told　。。。　I　told　Raederle　if　I　came　back　out　of　the　wastes　to　play　a　riddle…game　with　you　that　I　would　lose。〃
　　　　　　　〃No。　You　startled　the　truth　out　of　me　in　Herun。　I　lost　to　you；　there。　I　could　endure　everything　from　you　but　your　gentleness。〃　His　hand　smoothed　Morgon's　hair；　then　dropped　to　hold　him　tightly　again。　〃You　and　the　Morgol　kept　my　heart　from　turning　into　stone。　I　was　forced　to　turn　everything　I　had　ever　said　to　her　into　a　lie。　And　you　turned　it　back　into　truth。　You　were　that　generous　with　someone　you　hated。〃
　　　　　　　〃All　I　wanted；　even　when　I　hated　you　most；　was　some　poor；　barren；　parched　excuse　to　love　you。　But　you　only　gave　me　riddles。。。　When　I　thought　Ghisteslwchlohm　had　killed　you；　I　grieved　without　knowing　why。　When　I　was　in　the　northern　wastes；　harping　to　the　winds；　too　tired　even　to　think；　it　was　you　who　drew　me　out。。。　You　gave　me　a　reason　for　living。〃　His　hands　had　opened　slowly。　He　raised　one；　almost　tentatively；　to　the　High　One's　shoulder　and　shifted　back　a　little。　Something　of　his　own　weariness　showed　in　his　eyes；　and　the　endless；　terrible　patience　that　had　kept　him　alive　so　long；　alone　and　unnamed；　hunted　by　his　own　kind　in　the　world　of　men。　Morgon's　head　bowed　again　after　a　moment。
　　　　　　　〃Even　I　tried　to　kill　you。〃
　　　　　　　The　harpist's　fingers　touched　his　cheekbone；　drew　the　hair　back　from　his　eyes。　〃You　kept　my　enemies　from　suspecting　me　very　effectively；　but　Morgon；　if　you　had　not　stopped　yourself　that　day　in　Anuin；　I　don't　know　what　I　would　have　done。　If　I　had　used　power　to　stop　you；　neither　of　us　would　have　lived　too　long　afterward。　If　I　had　let　you　kill　me；　out　of　despair；　because　we　had　brought　one　another　to　such　an　impasse；　the　power　passing　into　you　would　have　destroyed　you。　So　I　gave　you　a　riddle；　hoping　you　would　consider　that　instead。〃
　　　　　　　〃You　knew　me　that　well；〃　he　whispered。
　　　　　　　〃No。　You　constantly　surprised　me　。。。　from　the　very　first。　I　am　as　old　as　the　stones　on　this　plain。　The　great　cities　the　Earth…Masters　built　were　shattered　by　a　war　that　no　man　could　have　survived。　It　was　born　out　of　a　kind　of　innocence。　We　held　so　much　power；　and　yet　we　did　not　understand　the　implications　of　power。　That's　why；　even　if　you　hated　me　for　it；　I　wanted　you　to　understand　Ghisteslwchlohm　and　how　he　destroyed　himself。　We　lived　so　peacefully　once；　in　these　great　cities。　They　were　open　to　every　change　of　wind。　Our　faces　changed　with　every　season；　we　took　knowledge　from　all　things：　from　the　silence　of　the　backlands　to　the　burning　ice　sweeping　across　the　northern　wastes。　We　did　not　realize；　until　it　was　too　late；　that　the　power　inherent　in　every　stone；　every　movement　of　water；　holds　both　existence　and　destruction。〃　He　paused；　no　longer　seeing　Morgon；　tasting　a　bitter　word。　〃The　woman　you　know　as　Eriel　was　the　first　of　us　to　begin　to　gather　power。　And　I　was　the　first　to　see　the　implications　of　power。。。　that　paradox　that　tempers　wizardry　and　pelled　the　study　of　riddlery。　So；　I　made　a　choice；　and　began　binding　all　earth…shapes　to　me　by　their　own　laws；　permitting　nothing　to　disturb　that　law。　But　I　had　to　fight　to　keep　the　land…law；　and　we　learned　what　war　is　then。　The　realm　as　you　know　it　would　not　have　lasted　two　days　in　the　force　of　those　battles。　We　razed　our　own　cities。　We　destroyed　one　another。　We　destroyed　our　children；　drew　the　power　even　out　of　them。　I　had　already　learned　to　master　the　winds；　which　was　the　only　thing　that　saved　me。　I　was　able　to　bind　the　power　of　the　last　of　the　Earth…Masters　so　they　could　use　little　beyond　the　power　they　were　born　to。　I　swept　them　into　the　sea　while　the　earth　slowly　healed　itself。　I　buried　our　children；　then。　The　Earth…Masters　broke　out　of　the　sea　eventually；　but　they　could　not　break　free　of　my　hold　over　them。　And　they　could　never　find　me；　because　the　winds　hid　me；　always。。。
　　　　　　　〃But　I　am　very　old；　and　I　cannot　hold　them　much　longer。　They　know　that。　I　was　old　even　when　I　became　a　wizard　named　Yrth　so　that　I　could　fashion　the　harp　and　the　sword　that　my　heir　would　need。　Ghisteslwchlohm　learned　of　the　Star…Bearer　from　the　dead　of　Isig；　and　he　became　one　more　enemy　lured　by　the　promise　of　enormous　power。　He　thought　that　if　he　controlled　the　Star…Bearer；　he　could　assimilate　the　power　the　Star…Bearer　would　inherit　and　bee　the　High　One　in　more　than　name。　It　would　have　killed　him；　but　I　did　not　bother　explaining　that　to　him。　When　I　realized　he　was　waiting　for　you；　I　watched　him　in　Lungold；　and　later　in　Erlenstar　Mountain。　I　took　the　shape　of　a　harpist　who　had　died　during　the　destruction　and　entered　his　service。　I　wanted　no　harm　to　e　to　you　without　my　consent。　When　I　found　you　at　last；　sitting　on　the　dock　at　Tol；　oblivious　of　your　own　destiny；　content　to　rule　Hed；　with　a　harp　in　your　hands　you　could　barely　play　and　the　crown　of　the　Kings　of　Aum　under　your　bed；　I　realized　that　the　last　thing　I　had　been　expecting　after　all　those　endless；　lonely　centuries　was　someone　I　might　love。。。〃　He　paused　again；　his　face　blurred　into　pale；　silvery　lines　by　Morgon's　tears。　〃Hed。　No　wonder　that　land　shaped　the　Star…Bearer　out　of　itself；　a　loving　Prince　of　Hed；　ruler　of　ignorant；　stubborn　farmers　who　believed　in　nothing　but　the　High　One　。。。〃
　　　　　　　〃I　am　hardly　more　than　that　now。。。　ignorant　and　thick…skulled。　Have　I　destroyed　us　both　by　ing　here　to　find　you？〃
　　　　　　　〃No。　This　is