tp.lightfantastic-第9部分

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　of　young　tearaways。'
　'Kids　of　today；'　mented　Rincewind。
　'I　blame　the　parents；'　said　Twoflower。
　Once　you　had　made　the　necessary　mental　adjustments；　the　gingerbread　cottage　was　quite　a　pleasant　place。　Residual　magic　kept　it　standing　and　it　was　shunned　by　such　local　wild　animals　who　hadn't　already　died　of　terminal　tooth　decay。　A　bright　fire　of　liquorice　logs　burned　rather　messily　in　the　fireplace；　Rincewind　had　tried　gathering　wood　outside；　but　had　given　up。　It's　hard　to　burn　wood　that　talks　to　you。
　He　belched。
　'This　isn't　very　healthy；'　he　said。　'I　mean；　why　sweets？　Why　not　crispbread　and　cheese？　Or　salami；　now　…　I　could　just　do　with　a　nice　salami　sofa。'
　'Search　me；'　said　Swires。　'Old　Granny　Whitlow　just　did　sweets。　You　should　have　seen　her　meringues　…'
　'I　have；'　said　Rincewind；　'I　looked　at　the　mattresses　。　。　。'
　'Gingerbread　is　more　traditional；'　said　Twoflower。
　'What；　for　mattresses？'
　'Don't　be　silly；'　said　Twoflower　reasonably。　Whoever　heard　of　a　gingerbread　mattress？'
　Rincewind　grunted。　He　was　thinking　of　food　…　more　accurately；　of　food　in　Ankh…Morpork。　Funny　how　the　old　place　seemed　more　attractive　the　further　he　got　from　it。　He　only　had　to　close　his　eyes　to　picture；　in　dribbling　detail；　the　food　stalls　of　a　hundred　different　cultures　in　the　market　places。　You　could　eat　squishi　or　shark's　fin　soup　so　fresh　that　swimmers　wouldn't　go　near　it；　and　…
　'Do　you　think　I　could　buy　this　place？'　said　Twoflower。　Rincewind　hesitated。　He'd　found　it　always　paid　to　think　very　carefully　before　answering　Twoflower's　more　surprising　questions。
　'What　for？'　he　said；　cautiously。
　'Well；　it　just　reeks　of　ambience。'
　'Oh。'
　'What's　ambience？'　said　Swires；　sniffing　cautiously　and　wearing　the　kind　of　expression　that　said　that　he　hadn't　done　it；　whatever　it　was。
　'I　think　it's　a　kind　of　frog；'　said　Rincewind。　'Anyway；　you　can't　buy　this　place　because　there　isn't　anyone　to　buy　t　from…'
　'I　think　I　could　probably　arrange　that；　on　behalf　of　the　forest　council　of　course；'　interrupted　Swires；　trying　to　avoid　Rincewind's　glare。
　'…　and　anyway　you　couldn't　take　it　with　you；　I　mean；　you　could　hardly　pack　it　in　the　Luggage；　could　you？'　Rincewind　indicated　the　Luggage；　which　was　lying　by　the　fire　and　managing　in　some　quite　impossible　way　to　look　like　a　contented　but　alert　tiger；　and　then　looked　back　at　Twoflower。　His　face　fell。
　'Could　you？'　he　repeated。
　He　had　never　quite　e　to　terms　with　the　fact　that　the　inside　of　the　Luggage　didn't　seem　to　inhabit　quite　the　same　world　as　the　outside。　Of　course；　this　was　simply　a　byproduct　of　its　essential　weirdness；　but　it　was　disconcerting　to　see　Twoflower　fill　it　full　of　dirty　shirts　and　old　socks　and　then　open　the　lid　again　on　a　pile　of　nice　crisp　laundry；　smelling　faintly　of　lavender。　Twoflower　also　bought　a　lot　of　quaint　native　artifacts　or；　as　Rincewind　would　put　it；　junk；　and　even　a　seven…foot　ceremonial　pig　tickling　pole　seemed　to　fit　inside　quite　easily　without　sticking　out　anywhere。
　'I　don't　know；'　said　Twoflower。　'You're　a　wizard；　you　know　about　these　things。'
　'Yes；　well；　of　course；　but　baggage　magic　is　a　highly　specialised　art；'　said　Rincewind。　'Anyway；　I'm　sure　the　gnomes　wouldn't　really　want　to　sell　it；　it's；　it's…；'　he　groped　through　what　he　knew　of　Twoflower's　mad　vocabulary　…　'it's　a　tourist　attraction。'
　'What's　that？'　said　Swires；　interestedly。
　'It　means　that　lots　of　people　like　him　will　e　and　look　at　it；'　said　Rincewind。
　'Why？'
　'Because…'　Rincewind　groped　for　words　…　'it's　quaint。　Urn；　oldey　worldey。　Folkloresque。　Er；　a　delightful　example　of　a　vanished　folk　art；　steeped　in　the　traditions　of　an　age　long　gone。'
　'It　is？'　said　Swires；　looking　at　the　cottage　in　bewilderment。
　'Yes。'
　'All　that？'
　'Fraid　so。'
　'I'll　help　you　pack。'
　And　the　night　wears　on；　under　a　blanket　of　lowering　clouds　which　covers　most　of　the　Disc　…　which　is　fortuitous；　because　when　it　clears　and　the　astrologers　get　a　good　view　of　the　sky　they　are　going　to　get　angry　and　upset。
　And　in　various　parts　of　the　forest　parties　of　wizards　are　getting　lost；　and　going　around　in　circles；　and　hiding　from　each　other；　and　getting　upset　because　whenever　they　bump　into　a　tree　it　apologises　to　them。　But；　unsteadily　though　it　may　be；　many　of　them　are　getting　quite　close　to　the　cottage　。　。　。
　Which　is　a　good　time　to　get　back　to　the　rambling　buildings　of　Unseen　University　and　in　particular　the　apartments　of　Greyhald　Spold；　currently　the　oldest　wizard　on　the　Disc　and　determined　to　keep　it　that　way。
　He　has　just　been　extremely　surprised　and　upset。
　For　the　last　few　hours　he　has　been　very　busy。　He　may　be　deaf　and　a　little　hard　of　thinking；　but　elderly　wizards　have　very　well…trained　survival　instincts；　and　they　know　that　when　a　tall　figure　in　a　black　robe　and　the　latest　in　agricultural　handtools　starts　looking　thoughtfully　at　you　it　is　time　to　act　fast。　The　servants　have　been　dismissed。　The　doorways　have　been　sealed　with　a　paste　made　from　powdered　mayflies；　and　protective　octograms　have　been　drawn　on　the　windows。　Rare　and　rather　smelly　oils　have　been　poured　in　plex　patterns　on　the　floor；　in　designs　which　hurt　the　eyes　and　suggest　the　designer　was　drunk　or　from　some　other　dimension　or；　possibly；　both；　in　the　very　centre　of　the　room　is　the　eightfold　octogram　of　Witholding；　surrounded　by　red　and　green　candles。　And　in　the　centre　of　that　is　a　box　made　from　wood　of　the　curly…fern　pine；　which　grows　to　a　great　age；　and　it　is　lined　with　red　silk　and　yet　more　protective　amulets。　Because　Greyhald　Spold　knows　that　Death　is　looking　for　him；　and　has　spent　many　years　designing　an　impregnable　hiding　place。
　He　has　just　set　the　plicated　clockwork　of　the　lock　and　shut　the　lid；　lying　back　in　the　knowledge　that　here　at　last　is　the　perfect　defence　against　the　most　ultimate　of　all　his　enemies；　although　as　yet　he　has　not　considered　the　important　part　that　airholes　must　play　in　an　enterprise　of　this　kind。
　And　right　beside　him；　very　close　to　his　ear；　a　voice　has　just　said：　DARK　IN　HERE；　ISN'T　IT？
　

　It　began　to　snow。　The　barleysugar　windows　of　the　cottage　showed　bright　and　cheerful　against　the　blackness。
　At　one　side　of　the　clearing　three　tiny　red　points　of　light…glowed　momentarily　and　there　was　the　sound　of　a　chesty　cough；　abruptly　silenced。
　'Shut　up！'　hissed　a　third　rank　wizard。　They'll　hear　us！'
　'Who　will？　We　gave　the　lads　from　the　Brotherhood　of　the　Hoodwink　the　slip　in　the　swamp；　and　those　idiots　from　the　Venerable　Council　of　Seers　went　off　the　wrong　way　anyway。'
　'Yeah；'　said　the　most　junior　wizard；　'but　who　keeps　talking　to　us？　They　say　this　is　a　magic　wood；　it's　full　of　goblins　and　wolves　and　…'
　'Trees；'　said　a　voice　out　of　the　darkness；　high　above。　It　possessed　what　can　only　be　described　as　timbre。
　'Yeah；'　said　the　youngest　wizard。　He　sucked　on　his　dogend；　and　shivered。
　The　leader　of　the　party　peered　over　the　rock　and　watched　the　cottage。
　'Right　then；'　he　said；　knocking　out　his　pipe　on　the　heel　of　his　seven　league　boot；　who　squeaked　in　protest。　'We　rush　in；　we　grab　them；　we're　away。　Okay？'
　'You　sure　it's　just　people？'　said　the　youngest　wizard；　nervously。
　'Of　course　I'm　sure；'　snarled　the　leader。　'What　do　you　expect；　three　bears？'
　'There　could　be　monsters。　This　is　the　sort　of　wood　that　45　has　monsters。'
　'And　trees；'　said　a　friendly　voice　from　the　branches。　'Yeah；'　said　the　leader；　cautiously。
　

　Rincewind　looked　carefully　at　the　bed。　It　was　quite　a　nice　little　bed；　in　a　sort　of　hard　toffee　inlaid　with　caramel；　but　he'd　rather　eat　it　than　sleep　in　it　and　it　looked　as　though　someone　already　had。
　'Someone's　been　eating　my　bed；'　he　said。
　'I　like　toffee；'　said　Twoflower　defensively。
　'If　you　don't　watch　out　the　fairy　will　e　and　take　all　your　teeth　away；'　said　Rincewind。
　'No；　that's　elves；'　said　Swires　from　the　dressing　table。　'Elves　do　that。　Toenails；　too。　Very　touchy　at　times；　elves　can　be。'
　Twoflower　sat　down　heavily　on　his　bed。
　'You've　got　it　wrong；'　he　said。　'Elves　are　noble　and　beautiful　and　wise　and　fair；　I'm　sure　I　read　that　somewhere。'
　Swires　and　Rincewind's　kneecap　exchanged　glances。
　'I　think　you　must　be　thinking　about　different　elves；'　the　gnome　said　slowly。　'We've　just　got　the　other　sort　around　here。　Not　that　you