gs.earthabides-第29部分

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gh　the　bad　days；　alone…all　those　qualities　now　came　up　to　work　against　him。　And　he　sensed　too；　very　deeply；　that　they　would　be　wrong。　The　old　methods　had　worked　in　the　days　when　there　were　girls　in　every　cocktail…bar；　looking　for　adventure。　But　now　such　methods　were　not　right；　he　knew；　and　knew　deeply…at　this　time；　when　the　vast　city　stretched　away　empty　in　all　directions　outside　of　the　windows　and　all　the　ways　of　the　world　had　vanished　and　this　woman　had　lived　through　all　the　catastrophe　and　the　fear　and　the　loneliness　and　now　had　e　out　on　the　other　side；　still　with　courage　in　her　eyes；　and　affirmation；　and　laughter。　
　　For　a　wild　moment　he　had　an　idea　that　they　might　say　some　kind　of　marriage　vows。　Quakers　could　marry　themselves。　Why　couldn't　others？　They　could　stand　up　together；　and　face　toward　the　east　where　the　morning　sun　would　rise。　And　then　he　sensed　that　the　mere　babbling　of　words　was　in　itself　much　more　dishonest　even　than　a　straightforward　feeling　for　the　knee　under　the　table。　He　realized　that　he　had　been　silent　for　what　might　have　been　a　full　minute。　She　was　looking　across　at　him　with　level　calm　eyes；　and　he　knew　that　she　read　his　thoughts。　
　　In　his　embarrassment　he　rose　suddenly　to　his　feet；　upsetting　the　chair　as　he　got　up。　Then　the　table　between　them　had　ceased　to　be　a　symbol　joining　them　together　and　now　held　them　apart。　He　stepped　from　behind　it；　and　across　toward　her　as　she　rose　up　too。　And　then　there　was　the　softness　of　her　body　against　his。　
　　O　Song　of　Songs！　Thine　eyes；　my　love；　are　gentle；　and　the　fullness　of　thy　lips　is　soft　andfirm。　Thy　neck　is　ivory；　and　the　smoothness　of　thy　shoulders　like　warm　ivory。　The　softness　of　thy　breasts　against　me　is　like　fine　wool。　Thy　thighs　are　firm　and　strong　like　the　cedars。　O　Song　of　Songs！　
　　She　had　gone　now；　into　the　inner　room。　He　sat；　still　with　breath　and　heart　quick；　tense　and　waiting。　He　had　only　one　fear　now。　In　a　world　where　there　were　no　doctors　and　even　no　other　women；　how　could　anyone　risk　the　chance？　But　she　had　gone。　He　realized　that　she；　too；　in　her　great　affirmation；　would　consider　this　also　and　care　for　it。　
　　O　Song　of　Songs。　My　love；　thy　bed　is　fragrant　as　boughs　of　the　pine　tree；　and　thy　body　is　warm。　Thou　art　Ashtoreth。　Thou　art　Aphrodite；　that　keepest　the　gate　of　Love。　Now　my　strength　is　upon　me。　Now　the　rivers　are　pent　up。　Now　is　my　hour。　Oh　receive　me　in　thine　infinitude。　
　　
　　Chapter　7
　　He　lay　quietly　awake　after　she　slept　beside　him；　and　his　thoughts　rushed　by　him　so　fast　that　he　could　not　stop　them　long　enough　to　get　to　sleep。　That　was　what　she　had　said　before；　earlier　in　the　evening…no　matter　what　happened　to　the　world；　it　did　not　change　the　person；　and　he　remained　what　he　had　been。　Yes；　that　was　the　way！　lbough　so　much　had　happened；　and　even　though　he　might　be　deeply　moved　by　that　great　experience；　yet　still　he　was　the　observer…the　man　who　sat　by　the　side；　watching　what　happened；　never　quite　losing　himself　in　the　experience。　The　strangeness！　In　the　old　world　it　might　well　never　have　happened。　Out　of　destruction　had　e；　for　him；　love。　
　　He　slept。　When　he　woke；　it　was　daylight；　and　she　was　gone。　He　looked　around　the　room　fearfully。　Yes；　it　was　really　a　shabby　little　room；　and　he　suddenly　had　a　fear　that　perhaps　all　this　seemingly　great　experience　of　love　was；　after　all；　only　something　which　in　the　old　days　would　have　been　no　more　than　a　pick…up　of　a　restless　waitress　and　a　grimy　room　in　a　cheap　hotel。　And　she…she　was　no　goddess；　no　hamadryad　glimpsed　whitely　in　the　dusk！　Except　at　the　moment　of　desire；　she　would　never　be　Ashtoreth　or　Aphrodite。　He　trembled　a　little　to　think　of　how　she　might　look　in　the　morning　light。　She　was　older　than　he；　perhaps　he　was　merely　mixing　her　in　some　vague　kind　of　mother…image。　〃Oh；　don't　worry；〃　he　thought；　putting　it　into　words；　〃there　never　has　been　perfection　yet；　and　it　certainly　isn't　going　to　start　now　for　me。〃　Then　he　remembered　how　she　had　first　spoken；　not　in　question　or　mand；　but　merely　in　affirmation。　Yes；　that　was　the　way　it　ought　to　be。　Take　what　was　good　in　a　situation；　not　worrying　about　what　might　not　be　there。　
　　He　got　up　and　dressed。　As　he　dressed；　he　sniffed　the　aroma　of　coffee。　Coffee！　That　was　a　kind　of　modern　symbol；　too。　
　　She　had　the　table　set　in　the　breakfast…nook　when　he　came　out；　as　any　muter's　wife　might　have　done。　He　looked　at　her　almost　bashfully。　He　saw　again；　more　clearly　by　morning　light；　the　wide…set　black　eyes　in　the　dark　face；　the　full　ripe　lips；　the　swelling　curve　of　the　breasts　beneath　a　light…green　smock。　
　　He　did　not　offer　to　kiss　her；　and　she　did　not　seem　to　expect　it。　But　they　smiled　back　and　forth；　one　at　the　other。　〃Where's　Princess？〃　he　said。　〃I　put　her　out　for　her　run。〃　
　　〃Good…And　it's　going　to　be　a　good　day；　too；　I　think。〃　
　　〃Yes；　looks　like　it。　Sorry　there　are　no　eggs。〃　
　　〃No　matter。　What　is　it？　Bacon；　I　see。〃　
　　〃Yes。　
　　They　were　little　words；　meaning　nothing；　yet　there　was　a　great　joy　to　say　them。　A　greater　joy；　perhaps；　saying　the　little　things　than　saying　something　much　greater。　A　whole　contentment　came　over　him。　This　was　no　affair　of　the　rented　room。　His　luck　was　in！　He　looked　across　into　her　level　eyes；　and　felt　new　security　and　courage　rise　up　within　him！　This　would　endure！　
　　They　moved　back；　later　that　day；　to　the　house　on　San　Lupo　Drive；　chiefly　because　he　seemed　to　have　more　possessionsbooks；　especially…than　she　did。　It　was　less　trouble　to　move　to　the　books　than　to　move　the　books　to　them。　
　　The　days　went　more　swiftly　and　more　fortably　after　that。　There　were　many　ways　of　sharing。　〃What　was　it？〃　he　thought。　〃'A　friend　doubles　joys　and　cuts　griefs　in　half'？〃　
　　She　never　talked　about　herself。　Once　or　twice　he　tried　to　draw　her　out　with　questions；　thinking　that　she　might　need　to　tell　things。　But　she　did　not　respond　easily；　and　he　decided　that　she　had　already　made　her　adjustment　in　her　own　way。　She　had　drawn　the　veil　across　the　view　toward　the　past；　now　she　looked　forward　only　
　　Yet　she　made　no　apparent　attempt　at　secrecy。　He　learned　from　casual　remarks　that　she　had　been　married　（happily；　he　was　sure）；　and　had　had　two　small　children。　She　had　gone　to　high　school　but　not　to　college；　her　grammar　lapsed　occasionally。　Her　soft　accent；　which　he　had　noticed　when　she　first　spoke；　had　perhaps　the　touch　of　Kentucky　or　Tennessee　in　it。　
　　But　she　never　mentioned　having　lived　anywhere　except　in　California。　
　　Her　social　status　must　have　been；　Ish　judged；　somewhat　lower　than　his。　But　there　was　nothing　more　ridiculous　to　contemplate；　now；　than　all　that　business　of　social　classes。　
　　〃Amazing；　how　little　everything　Re　that　matters　now！〃　And　the　days　slid　by　easily。　
　　One　morning；　finding　that　they　needed　some　supplies；　he　went　down　to　start　the　car。　He　put　his　thumb　on　the　smrter　button。　There　was　a　sudden　click；　nothing　more。　He　pressed　it　again；　and　it　clicked。　That　was　all。　
　　He　heard　no　sudden　forting　whir　as　the　motor　took　over；　no　reassuring　little　bangs　as　the　cold　cylinders　began　to　fire。　Panic　fell　upon　him　again。　He　pressed　the　button　once　more；　and　still　once　more；　and　every　time　came　only　the　little　click。　〃Battery　gone！〃　he　thought。　
　　He　got　out；　raised　the　hood　of　the　car；　and　stared　hopelessly　at　the　orderly　but　plex　array　of　wires　and　gadgets。　It　was　too　much　for　him。　He　had　a　sudden　hopeless　feeling　within　him；　he　went　back　to　the　house。　
　　〃The　car　won't　start；〃　he　said。　〃Battery　gone；　or　something！〃　He　knew　that　his　face　must　be　even　more　woebegone　than　his　voice。　That　was　why　he　could　hardly　believe　it；　when　she　laughed。　〃There's　no　place　we　have　to　go　so　badly　as　all　that；〃　she　said。　〃To　look　at　you；　you'd　think　that　things　had　gone　to　pieces！〃　
　　Then　he　laughed　too。　It　made　all　the　difference　in　the　world　whether　you　had　that　other　to　cut　the　grief　in　half；　and　the　trouble　suddenly　seemed　tiny。　A　car　was　convenient　when　you　wanted　to　go　to　the　stores　and　load　up　with　some　more　supplies。　But　you　could　live　just　as　well　without　a　car。　She　was　right…they　had　really　no　place　that　they　needed　so　badly　to　go！　
　　He　had　imagined　a　desperate　day；　tying　to　find　a　new　car　or　to　fix　up　the　old　one。　As　it　was；　they　made　it　a　sport；　even　though　it　did　take　them　most