cb.imajica2-第25部分
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sure in it。 All I want to do is make good the damage I've done。〃
〃And how will you do that; Maestro?〃 Athanasius said。 His one good eye brimmed with tears as he surveyed the bodies。 〃How will you make this good? Can you resurrect them with what's between your legs? Is that the trick of it? Can you fuck them back into life?〃
Gentle made a guttural sound of disgust。
〃Well; that's what you Maestros think; isn't it? You don't want to suffer; you just want the glory。 You lay your rod on the land; and the land bears fruit。 That's what you think。 But it doesn't work that way。 It's your blood the land wants; it's your sacrifice。 And as long as you deny that; others are going to die in your place。 Believe me; I'd cut my throat now if I thought I could raise these people; but I've been played a wretched trick。 I've the will to do it; but my blood's not worth a damn。 Yours is。' I don't know why。 I wish it weren't。 But it is。〃
〃Would Uma Umagammagi like to see me bleed?〃 Gentle said。 〃Or Tishalulte? Or Jokalaylau? Is that what your loving mothers want from this child?〃
〃You don't belong to them。 I don't know who you belong to; but you didn't e from their sweet bodies。〃
〃I must have e from somewhere;〃 Gentle said; voicing that thought for the first time in his life。 〃I've got a purpose in me; and I think God put it there。〃
〃Don't look too far; Maestro。 Your ignorance may be the only defense the rest of us have got against you。 Give up your ambition now; before you find out what you're really capable of。〃
〃I can't。〃
〃Oh; but it's easy;〃 Athanasius said。 〃Kill yourself; Maestro。 Let the land have your blood。 That's the greatest service you could do the Dominions now。〃
There was the bitterest echo; in these words; of a letter he'd read months ago; in another kind of wilderness。
Do this for the women of the world; Vanessa had written。 Slit your lying throat。
Had he really traveled the Dominions simply to have the advice he'd been given by a woman whom he'd cheated in love returned to him? After all this striving for prehension; was he finally as injurious and fraudulent a Maestro as he was a lover?
Athanasius read the accuracy of this last dart off his target's face and with a feral grin hammered it home。
〃Do it soon; Maestro;〃 he said。 〃There are enough orphans in the Dominions already; without you indulging your ambitions for another day。〃
Gentle let these cruelties go。 〃You married me to the love of my life; Athanasius;〃 he said。 〃I won't ever forget that kindness。〃
〃Poor Pie 'oh' pah;〃 the other man replied; grinding the point home。 〃Another of your victims。 What a poison there must be in you; Maestro。〃
Gentle turned and left the circle without responding; with Athanasius repeating his earlier advice to usher him on his way。
〃Kill yourself soon; Maestro;〃 he said。 〃For you; for Pie; for all of us。 Kill yourself soon。〃
It took Gentle a quarter of an hour to make his way through the ravagement to open ground; hoping as he went that he'd find some vehicle…Floccus'; perhaps…that he could mandeer for the return journey to Yzordderrex。 If he found nothing; it would be a long trek on foot; but that would have to be the way of it。 What little illumination the fires behind him proffered soon dwindled; and he was obliged to search by starlight; which would most probably have failed to show him the vehicle had his path not been redirected by the squeals of Floccus Dado's porcine pet Sighshy^ who; along with her litter; was still inside。 The car had been thrown over in the storm; and so he went to it simply to let the animals out; planning to go on to find another。 But as he struggled with the handle a human face appeared at the steamed…up window。 Floccus was inside and greeted Gentle's appearance with a clamor of relief almost as high…pitched as Sighshy's。 Gentle clambered up onto the side of the car and after much swearing and sweating wrenched the door open with brute force。
〃Oh; you're a sight to behold; Maestro;〃 Floccus said。 〃I thought I was going to suffocate in there。〃
The stench was piercing; and it came with Floccus when he clambered out。 His clothes were caked in the litter's excrement; and Mama's too。
〃How the hell did you get in there?〃 Gentle asked him。
Floccus wiped a turd trail off his spectacles and blinked at his savior through them。
〃When Athanasius told me to summon you; I thought; Something's wrong here; Dado。 You'd better go while you can。 I'd just got into the car when the storm started; and it was simply turned over; with all of us inside。 The windows are unbreakable; and the locks were jammed。 I couldn't get out。〃
〃You were lucky to be in there。〃
〃So I see;〃 Floccus observed; surveying the distant vista of destruction。 〃What happened out here?〃
〃Something came out of the First; in pursuit of Pie 'oh' pah。〃
〃The Unbeheld did this?〃
〃So it would seem。〃
〃Unkind;〃 Floccus said softly; which was surely the understatement of the night。
Floccus lifted Sighshy and her litter…two of which had perished when their mother fell on them…out of the vehicle; then he and Gentle set to the task of putting it back on four wheels。 It took some doing; but Floccus made up in strength what he lacked in height; and between the two of them the job was done。
Gentle had made plain his intention to return to Yzordderrex but wasn't certain of Floccus's intentions until the engine was running。 Then he said; 〃Are you ing with me?〃
〃I should stay;〃 Floccus replied。 There was a fretful pause。 〃But I've never been much good with death。〃
〃You said the same thing about sex。〃
〃It's true。〃
〃That doesn't leave much; does it?〃
〃Would you prefer to go without me; Maestro?〃
〃Not at all。 If you want to e; e。 But let's get going。 I want to be in Yzordderrex by dawn。〃
〃Why; what happens at dawn?〃 Floccus said; a superstitious flutter in his voice。
〃It's a new day。〃
〃Should we be grateful for that?〃 the other man inquired; as though he sniffed some profound wisdom in the Maestro's reply but couldn't quite grasp it。
〃Indeed we should; FIoccus; indeed we should。 For the day; and for the chance。〃
〃What。。。 er。。。 what chance would that be exactly?〃
〃The chance to change the world。〃
〃Ah;〃 said FIoccus。 〃Of course。 To change the world。 I'll make that my prayer from now on。〃
〃We'll pose it together; FIoccus。 We've got to invent everything from now on: who we are; what we believe。 There's been too many old roads taken。 Too many old dramas repeated。 We've got to find a new way by tomorrow。〃
〃A new way。〃
〃That's right。 We'll make that our ambition; agreed? To be new men by the time the et es up。〃
FIoccus' doubt was visible; even by starlight。 〃That doesn't give us very long;〃 he observed。
True enough; Gentle thought。 In the Fifth; midsummer could not be very far off; and though he didn't yet prehend the reasons; he knew the Reconciliation could only be performed on that day。 There was a fine irony。 Having frittered away lifetimes in pursuit of sensation; the span he had left in which to make good the error of that waste could be measured in terms of hours。
〃There'll be time;〃 he said; hoping to answer FIoccus' doubts; and subdue his own; but knowing in his heart of hearts that he was doing neither。
6
Jude was stirred from the torpor Quaisoir's narcotic bed had induced in her not by sound…she'd long since bee accustomed to the anarchy that had raged unabated throughout the night…but by a sense of unease too vague to be identified and too insistent to be ignored。 Something of consequence had happened in the Dominion; and though her wits were dulled by indulgence; she woke too agitated to return to the fort of a scented pillow。 Head throbbing; she heaved herself up out of the bed and went in search of her sister。 Concupiscentia was at the door; with a sly smile on her face。 Jude half remembered the creature slipping into one of her drugged dreams; but the details were hazy; and the foreboding she'd woken with was more important now than remembering the fantasies that had gone before。 She found Quaisoir in a darkened room; sitting beside the window。
〃Did something wake you; sister?〃 Quaisoir asked her。
〃I don't quite kn