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第57部分

jefflong.yearzero-第57部分

小说: jefflong.yearzero 字数: 每页4000字

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 Now Miranda saw how he gripped the book in his two hands。 His knuckles were white。 The beating hurt。 He was holding on for dear life。 Still; he kept the book tilted so that she could see the pictures。
 Miranda sat in the darkness before the screen。 At last the girl did wear out。 Her arms drifted down to her sides。 The screams dwindled。 Miranda could almost read her thoughts。Now what?
 Nathan Lee kept reading。 His voice had a lilt to it。 After a few minutes; the girl edged closer; a matter of inches。 She had that innocence of children; and craned her neck; trying to see the pictures。 Ever so slowly; he lowered one arm。
 〃Don't you do it;〃 Miranda murmured at the screen。 He was going to grab her。 It was a trap。
 And then it happened。
 The girl sat on his lap。
 It was not; Miranda told herself; an act of affection。 She sat on him like a piece of furniture。 Her eyes were intent on the pictures。 He was an object。 A tool。
 His voice softened。 When he saidhush; hush; it was the sound of the wind; and her eyes flared wider。
 〃Well; now;〃 the Captain said behind her。 Miranda became aware of other guards watching; too。 The biggest men had padded shields and helmets and armor。
 〃He tricked her;〃 Miranda said。
 〃Good trick;〃 said the Captain。
 Miranda lost track of time。 Gradually Nathan Lee strayed from the text。 He kept turning the pages slowly。 Syllable by syllable; one picture at a time; he worked into a kind of song。 It was a nonsense song without real words; practically a chant。 Then Miranda realized his drawn…out notes were full of vibrations。 He was making his chest resound against her back。
 Miranda watched in disbelief。 He was enchanting her。
 The girl laid her head against his shoulder。
 〃God;〃 whispered a guard。 〃By god。〃
 Her eyes closed。
 She fell asleep。
 Nathan Lee went on with the song。 His face was grotesque。 One eye was swelling shut。 The camera caught a single tear squeezing loose。 It tracked down his cheekbone。 He wanted to cry。 He was happy。 Miranda could see it。 But it would have woken the girl; and so he governed himself。
 He laid the book to one side。 He wrapped his arms around her。 She nestled into his warmth。 He smelled her hair。
 The Orphanage quieted。 Miranda glanced at the other monitors; and the clones eased their clamor。
 After an hour; Nathan Lee laid the girl on the bare floor; still sleeping。 The battle had exhausted her。 He crept to the door on his hands and knees。 Miranda and the Captain and his looming guards went into the hallway and waited silently。
 The Captain softly opened the door; and Miranda nearly gagged on the reek of fresh sewage。 Nathan Lee came through at their feet。 The Captain eased the door shut。 They had to help Nathan Lee stand。 The girl had raked his cheek to the bone。 His good eye was bloodshot and seeping。 He kept his arms folded against his ribs。 She'd injured his neck and back muscles。
 No one said anything。 Nathan Lee blinked as if emerging from a deep cave。 They parted for him to leave。 He shuffled like an old man。
 Miranda spoke。 〃You had no right。〃
 〃Yeah; I did。〃 He was thirsty。 〃Solace; remember?〃
 Miranda dogged him。 〃You had no idea what you were doing。〃
 〃I talked with a speech language pathologist;〃 he said。 〃She said you don't touch a child like this lightly。 Touch her too gently; it only triggers a startle reflex。 I didn't know that before。 The lady told me it had to be a deep embrace。 That's all that works。〃
 〃I don't care who you talked to。 You had no permission。〃 Tears welled in her eyes。 〃This is cruel;〃 she said。 〃You opened up her heart。 Now what?〃
 He had to turn his whole body with his head drooped down。 The child had torn a tuft from his scalp。 〃Let's just do the best we can;〃 he said。 Returning the favor; she knew。 She had made him part of things。 Now he made her part; too。
  
 WHENTARA WOKEnext morning; he was there again; showered and stitched and wearing clean clothes。 His face was ugly with lumps and bruises。 He hurt。 But he was there。
 Her eyes opened; and they were dark blue。 One of her baby teeth had fallen out in the last few weeks。 What must she have thought of that; all alone?The tooth fairy's here now; he thought。
 〃Good morning; sunshine;〃 he rasped。
 Her voice was hoarse; too。 〃A; b; c; d; e; f; g;〃 she sang to him。
 He opened his arms。 She climbed right into the embrace。 〃Let's not leave you alone again;〃 he said。
 But he was going to leave her。 When the time came; he would ride off to find his own daughter。 By then; Tara's life would be full with other people; though。 Already a support team from social services was mobilizing for her。 After so much neglect; she was about to be treated like a real child。
 They shared an orange。 He peeled it with his teeth and nails; and pulled the wedges apart。 They were both starving。 More food arrived。
 When the nurse came in with a tray of syringes; Tara clung to Nathan Lee。 He motioned the nurse to wait; and he started reading。 Tara's eyes settled on the page。 It was as if she had fallen into his storybook。 She didn't seem to notice the bee stings of the needles。
 They made a game of cleaning Tara up。 Her cell was like a septic pit。 Nathan Lee carried her across the empty hallway to a clean cell。 Someone had painted a rainbow on one stainless steel wall。 An hour later; the speech language lady arrived bearing gifts of paper and crayons。 Tara was allowed to keep a favorite doll。
 Step by step; they began unearthing her from their wrongs。
 
 22
 Butterflies
 
 AUGUST 14
 She was among her butterflies。
 The sun was sinking behind the Jemez caldera; the collapsed crater of a once massive volcano。 The mountains across the valley would stay lighted for another hour。 But perched along a finger of ancient lava; Los Alamos lay in shadow。 The air was getting cooler。 The butterflies were flocking to her body heat。
 The cage was an old dog run with chicken wire for walls and plywood for a roof。 It sat on the edge of what passed for her backyard; a shelf of sandstone jutting above the sheer drop。 From here; the cliff fell a hundred feet or more。 This was her retreat。 Sometimes she dreamed about their orange and black wings pouring out of the depths。
 〃Miranda?〃 his voice said。
 She jerked her head around。 Butterflies scattered in a burst; then settled back onto her bare arms and hair。 〃What are you doing here?〃 she snapped at him。
 It was Nathan Lee out there。 He looked like a jigsaw puzzle through the chicken wire。
 〃I've been thinking;〃 he said。
 Break out the party hats;she thought with annoyance。 People didn't e out here。 She had little enough privacy in her days and nights。 And she resented getting snuck up on。 〃You shouldn't be wandering around;〃 she said。 〃Security could pick you up。 Ochs has put the word out on you。 I keep telling you; I only have control over my own little island。〃
 Then it occurred to her that he might be offering himself as bait; trying to draw Ochs out from South Sector or wherever he was hiding。
 〃I wanted to run something past you;〃 he said。
 〃In my backyard? I'm off duty。〃
 He didn't take the hint。 〃Killer view;〃 he said。
 She didn't answer。 Her silence didn't discourage him。 She'd noticed that。 Stillness didn't faze him。 He and the Captain were like peas in a pod that way。 You had to have a fort level with yourself to be around them very much。
 He came closer to the chicken wire。 She couldn't see if he was staring at her or the butterflies。 After a few minutes; he asked; 〃Are those monarchs?〃
 〃Part of an old experiment;〃 she said。 〃Memory。〃 Butterflies kept lighting on her mouth。 It was the honey she'd put on some cold corn…bread when she got home。
 〃What about it?〃
 〃Where does it e from?〃 she said。 Did he really want to hear this; or was he just patronizing her? He was a cipher to her。 She felt herself tensing up。 What did he want? 〃How much does a memory weigh? Is it folded into a protein? A charge of electricity? How does it get stored?〃
 〃How much does a memory weigh?〃 he said。 He had e right up to the wire; but didn't weave his fingers through the mesh。 He didn't touch the cage。 His eyes were on her。
 〃The question's mostly figurative。 Then again;〃 she lifted on

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