jefflong.yearzero-第69部分

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　He　knew　something　about　traveling　through　the　land　of　the　dead。　With　care；　he　might　make　it　all　the　way　around　the　planet。　The　world　would　devour　him；　but　not　before　he　devoured　it。
　〃You're　leaving？〃　she　said。
　〃Call　it　a　dream；〃　he　said。　To　love　someone　who　was　living；　for　a　change；　or　at　least　love　someone　within　his　reach。　He　raced　over　his　guilt；　trying　to　get　ahead　of　it。　It　was　a　matter　of　momentum。　If　he　paused　to　think　of　what　he　was　thinking；　he　would　stall。
　〃But　you　can't；〃　she　said。
　His　heart　lifted。　Was　she　reaching　for　him？　〃I'd　never　be　missed；〃　he　tried。
　〃What　about　the　city？〃
　Her　disbelief　backed　him　off。　He　had　never　heard　her　say　it　like　that；　as　if　she　held　the　life　of　this　place　in　the　palms　of　her　hands。
　〃Los　Alamos？〃
　〃Yes；〃　she　insisted。　〃We　need　everyone　here。　It's　all　here。〃
　〃All　what？〃
　〃Everything。〃　She　scooped　at　the　air。　〃Salvation。〃
　She　was　dead　serious。　〃I　thought　you　were　going　to　say；　you　know；　the　last　of　civilization；〃　he　teased。
　〃That；　too；〃　she　added　without　a　pause。　〃When　all　the　other　cities　are　dead；　we'll　be　the　last　city。〃
　〃I　guess　that's　something　to　carve　on　the　tombstone；〃　he　said。　He　wanted　one　final　grand　expedition　through　the　ruins。　And　she　wanted　to　nurse　civilization　right　up　to　its　last　gasp。　It　made　him　feel　lonely；　for　her　as　well　as　him。
　〃Don't　you　see？〃　she　said。　〃The　survivors　will　e。〃
　〃Ah；　them；〃　he　said。　The　missing　links。
　〃The　satellite　teams　have　tracked　over　seven　hundred　survivor　incidents　now。　Campfires；　mostly；　but　car　headlights；　too；　and　the　heat　signatures　of　engines。　They're　out　there；　circling　around；　keeping　alive。〃Inheriting　the　earth；　thought　Nathan　Lee。Doing　what　I　want　to　do。
　〃They're　all　overseas；〃　he　pointed　out。　〃They'll　never　make　it　here。　They　don't　even　know　we　exist。〃
　〃But　there　will　be　American　survivors。〃　Quietly；　she　said；　〃Once　America　dies　off。　The　disease　will　sort　them　out。〃
　〃What　makes　you　think　they'll　e　here？〃
　She　gestured　at　the　lights。　〃They'll　see　us　from　far　away。〃
　〃But　who　will　they　be；　these　survivors？〃
　〃They　could　be　our　last　hope；〃　she　said。　It　was　like　a　mantra。　〃They　may　have　developed　antibodies　to　modern　Corfu。。。。〃
　〃No；〃　he　interrupted。　〃I　mean　who　will　they　be？〃
　She　was　confused。　〃Americans。　Probably　people　from　this　land　mass；　maybe　migrant　groups　drifting　south　from　Canada。。。。〃
　〃Be　careful　what　you　wish　for；〃　he　said。　〃You　want　them　to　be　lambs。　But　what　if　they're　wolves？〃
　She　didn't　answer。
　〃You　have　no　idea　what　it's　like　out　there。〃
　She　looked　away　from　him　at　her　beloved　city。
　〃Maybe　you　should　be　afraid；〃　he　said。
　She　stood　up。　〃I　expected　better　of　you；〃　she　said。　He　listened　to　her　footsteps　crunch　through　the　gravel。　The　door　shut　behind　her。　After　she　was　gone；　he　continued　sitting　on　the　edge　of　the　roof；　wondering　what　was　real　outside　of　his　desire。
　　
　AN　HOUR　LATER；　he　reached　the　outskirts　of　South　Sector；　breathing　hard。　He　came　here　often；　always　like　this；　stealing　through　the　trees；　covered　in　night。　It　was　cold；　but　the　jog　had　warmed　him。　As　always；　South　Sector　lay　beyond　the　forest　like　an　island　of　light。　For　a　place　with　such　a　dark　reputation；　it　was　ungodly　bright。　Klieg　lights　blazed。　The　fence　line　glittered　like　a　a　silvery　wall。
　It　had　bee　a　regular　stand…off。　South　Sector　held　Ochs。　Ochs　held　the　secret　of　Grace。　Nathan　Lee　had　the　wire　cutters　and　the　knife　to　cut　her　free。　But　not　the　courage。　It　was　more　than　that。　He　had　lost　his　direction。　The　world　had　never　seemed　so　immense。　What　if　Ochs　was　only　an　excuse　to　be　lost？　What　if　Grace　no　longer　existed？　He　dueled　with　his　doubts。
　Nathan　Lee　edged　through　the　trees。　The　tops　of　scattered　clusters　of　buildings　stood　above　the　gleaming　dike　of　triple　fence。　He　drew　closer。　The　pound　foreshortened。　At　last　he　could　see　only　guard　towers　and　coils　of　razor　wire　and　warning　signs　surrounding　it。
　The　cleared　earth　blazed　white。　There　was　no　in…between　in　that　no　man's　land。　No　shadows　allowed。　It　was　always　like　this。　The　clones　wanted　out。　He　wanted　in。
　They　would　catch　him。　That　was　a　given。　The　clearing　was　marked。　It　was　mined　and　there　were　sensors　and　cameras　and　patrols。　Even　so；　he　might　have　stepped　into　the　light。　But　he　didn't　trust　his　destiny。
　〃Nathan　Lee。〃
　He　ignored　the　whisper。　It　was　the　forest。　The　wind。
　The　voice　whispered　again。　This　time；　he　ducked　and　turned；　and　it　was　Miranda。
　She　shifted　in　the　screen　of　brush　and　woods。　The　shadows　striped　her。　Her　eyes　were　green　lights　in　the　darkness。
　She　had　followed　him。　He　was　flustered；　as　much　by　her　stealth　as　by　his　carelessness。　You　had　to　run　to　stay　with　her；　but　that　was　by　day。　Where　had　she　learned　to　move　through　the　night？　There　was　no　path　in　here。　From　night　to　night　he　wasn't　sure　how　he　would　approach。
　〃What　are　you　doing？〃　he　whispered。
　The　forest　changed　her。　She　was　Miranda；　but　different。　She　moved　backward　into　the　deeper　shadows。　She　was　sure　of　herself。　His　foot　snapped　a　twig。　He　lost　sight　of　her。　She　moved；　and　he　found　her　again。　The　shadows　streamed　like　water。
　He　followed　her　further　and　further　away　from　South　Sector。　The　light　dwindled。　She　paused。　She　didn't　stop；　only　let　him　catch　up。　She　stayed　in　motion；　latticed　by　shadows。
　〃How　did　you　find　me？〃　he　said。
　She　tsk'ed。　He　was　easy　stalking。　And　it　wasn't　her　first　time。　It　rattled　him。　She　had　watched　him　slouching　on　the　border　of　light。　He　felt　foolish。
　〃I　e　here　to　think；〃　he　said。
　She　wouldn't　quit　moving。　She　paced。　He　had　to　twist　in　circles　to　follow　her。
　〃Why　throw　yourself　away？〃　she　said。
　〃I'm　not。〃
　〃You　want　to。〃
　〃Want；〃　he　said　bitterly。　〃Everything　I　want；　I　can't　have。　I'm　faking　it。〃
　〃It's　stupid。〃　She　was　angry。　Her　hand　shoved　at　him。　He　stumbled。
　She　started　to　push　him　again；　but　this　time　Nathan　Lee　caught　her　wrist。　It　felt　like　he　was　falling　or　holding　on　for　dear　life。　Miranda　could　have　jerked　from　his　grip。　Instead；　she　pulled；　but　not　to　pull　away。　She　drew　him　in。
　Later　they　would　make　a　game　of　it；　each　accusing　the　other　of　stealing　the　first　kiss。　Then　they　would　take　turns　laying　claim　to　it。　Then　they　would　start　over　with　each　other　all　over　again；　telling　and　retelling　their　beginning　until　finally　it　felt　woven　into　the　myth　of　them。　All　lovers　do　it；　creating　the　world　fresh　around　them。　The　only　difference　is　that　some　have　less　time　for　it　than　others。　And　so　they　hurried　to　catch　up　with　themselves。
　
　27
　Golgotha
　
　OCTOBER
　Someone　snuck　into　the　yard　one　night　and　hung　a　crucifix　in　a　crook　of　the　tree。　By　the　time　Nathan　Lee　arrived　in　next　morning；　the　yard　was　empty。　The　damage　was　done。　Izzy　stood　by　the　tree。
　〃The　clones　took　one　look　and　bolted　for　the　door；〃　Izzy　told　him。　〃Now　they　won't　e　out。〃
　Nathan　Lee　plucked　the　crucifix　from　the　crook　of　branches。　The　little　figurine　had　its　arms　cast　wide。　The　culprit　had　been　Catholic；　or　stolen　it　from　one。　Protestants　worshipped　empty　crosses；　the　transformation　not　the　suffering。　〃Who　would　go　to　the　trouble？〃　He　held　the　thing　in　his　hands。　〃And　why？〃
　〃Maybe　it　was　meant　as　a　gift；〃　said　Izzy。　〃Or　a　token　of　their　Lord's　Prayer；　to　declare　solidarity。　Modern　Christian　to　primitive　Christian。　Probably　nothing　malicious。〃
　His　mind　had　been　full　of　Miranda；　her　lean　body；　her　green　eyes。　He　didn't　want　the　interference。　He　tossed　the　crucifix　into　the　fire。　〃Now　what？〃
　〃Let's　just　explain　it　to　them；〃　Izzy　wisecracked。　〃Boys；　we've　made　a　religion　about　a　corpse　nailed　on　wood。〃
　They　had　discussed　it　before。　Even　the　primal　Christians　in　the　group　wouldn't　buy　it。　The　worship　of　the　crucifixion　hadn't　evolved　for　many　centuries　after　the　early　Church　began。　The　actual　practice　had　needed　to　end　before　its　adoration　could　begin。
　〃They　think　it's　an　omen　of　things　to　e；〃　said　Izzy。　〃If　they　had　doubts　before；　they　don't　anymore。　This　is　hell。　They're　in　the　hands　of　demons。〃
　The　supernatural　world　was　utterly　real　to　them。　Nathan　Lee　had　heard　it　over　and　over　in　their　testimonies　to　home。　Demons　were　to　blame　for　everything；　for　the　cold　air；　for　stomach　and　headaches；　for　strange　noises　on　the　far　side　of　the　co