srdonaldson.thepowerthatpreserves-第94部分
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for departure…'' Abruptly； his suppressed passion broke into a cry。 〃My people！ I could not bear it！ I fled them with abjection crowding at my heart…fled them lest I； too； should fall into their dismay。 Therefore they were slain。 I who might have fought the Raver deserted them in the deepest blackness of their need。〃 Unable to contain himself any longer； he heaved to his feet。 His raw； scourged voice rasped thickly in his throat。 〃I am unclean。 I must…wash。〃
Holding himself stiffly upright； he turned and lumbered away toward the river。
The helplessness of Covenant's pain came out as anger。 His own voice shook as he muttered to Banner； 〃If you say one word to blame him； I swear…〃
Then he stopped himself。 He had accused Bannor unjustly too often in the past； the Bloodguard had long ago earned better treatment than this from him。 But Bannor only shrugged。 〃I am a Haruchai； 〃 he said。 〃We also are not immune。 Corruption wears many faces。 Blame is a more enticing face than others； but it is none the less a mask for the Despiser。''
His speech made Covenant look at him closely。 Something came up between them that had never been laid to rest； neither on Gallows Howe nor in the Ramen covert。 It wore the aspect of habitual Bloodguard distrust； but as he met Banner's eyes； Covenant sensed that the issue was a larger one。
Without inflection； Bannor went on： 〃Hate and vengeance are also masks。〃
Covenant was struck by how much the Bloodguard had aged。 His mortality had accelerated。 His hair was the same silver as his eyebrows； his skin had a sere appearance； as if it had started to wither； and his wrinkles looked oddly fatal； like gullies of death in his countenance。 Yet his steady dispassion seemed as plete as ever。 He did not look like a man who had deserted his sworn loyalty to the Lords。
〃Ur…Lord；〃 he said evenly； 〃what will you do？〃
〃Do？〃 Covenant did his best to match the Bloodguard； though he could not look at Banner's aging without remorse。 〃I still have work to do。 I've got to go to Foul's Creche。〃
〃For what purpose？〃
〃I've got to stop him。〃
〃High Lord Elena also strove to stop him。 You have seen the oute。〃
〃Yes。〃 Covenant did full justice to Banner's statement。 But he did not falter。 〃I've got to find a better answer than she did。〃
〃Do you make this choice out of hate？〃
He met the question squarely。 〃I don't know。〃
〃Then why do you go？〃
〃Because I must。〃 That must carried the weight of an irrefusable necessity。 The escape he had envisioned when he had left Morinmoss did not suffice。 The Land's need held him like a harness。 〃I've done so many things wrong。 I've got to try to make them right。〃
Bannor considered this for a moment； then asked bluntly； 〃Do you know then how to make use of the wild magic？〃
〃No；〃 Covenant answered。 〃Yes。〃 He hesitated； not because he doubted his reply； but because he was reluctant to say it aloud。 But his sense of what was unresolved between him and Bannor had bee clearer； something more than distrust was at stake。 〃I don't know how to call it up； do anything with it。 But I know how to trigger it。〃 He remembered vividly how Bannor had pelled him to help High Lord Prothall summon the Fire…Lions of Mount Thunder。 〃If I can get to the Illearth Stone…I can do something。〃
The Bloodguard's voice was hard。 〃The Stone corrupts。〃
〃I know。〃 He understood Banner's point vividly。 〃I know。 That's why I have to get to it。 That's what this is all about…everything。 That's why Foul has been manipulating me。 That's why Elena…why Elena did what she did。 That's why Mhoram trusted me。〃
Bannor did not relent。 〃Will it be another Desecration？〃
Covenant had to steady himself before he could reply。 〃I hope not。 I don't want it to be。〃
In answer； the Bloodguard got to his feet。 Looking soberly down at the Unbeliever； he said； 〃Ur…Lord Covenant； I will not acpany you for this purpose。〃
〃Not？〃 Covenant protested。 In the back of his mind； he had been counting on Banner's panionship。
〃No。 I no longer serve Lords。〃
More harshly than he intended； Covenant rasped； 〃So you've decided to turn your back？〃
〃No。'' Bannor denied the charge flatly。 〃What help I can； I will give。 All the Bloodguard knowledge of the Spoiled Plains； of Kurash Qwellinir and Hotash Slay； I will share with you。 But Ridjeck Thome； Corruption's seat…there I will not go。 The deepest wish of the Bloodguard was to fight the Despiser in his home； pure service against Corruption。 This desire misled。 I have put aside such things。 My proper place now is with the Ranyhyn and their Ramen； in the exile of the mountains。〃
Covenant seemed to hear an anguish behind the inflectionless tone of the speech…an anguish that hurt him in the same way that this man always hurt him。 〃Ah； Bannor；〃 he sighed。 〃Are you so ashamed of what you were？〃
Bannor cocked a white eyebrow at the question； as if it came close to the truth。 〃I am not shamed；〃 he said distinctly。 〃But I am saddened that so many centuries were required to teach us the limits of our worth。 We went too far； in pride and folly。 Mortal men should not give up wives and sleep and death for any service…lest the face of failure bee too abhorrent to be endured。〃 He paused almost as if he were hesitating； then concluded； 〃Have you forgotten that High Lord Elena carved our faces as one in her last marrowmeld work？〃
〃No。〃 Bannor had moved him。 His response was both an assertion and a promise。 〃I will never forget。〃
Bannor nodded slowly。 Then he said； 〃I； too； must wash；〃 and strode away toward the river without a backward glance。
Covenant watched him go for a moment； then leaned his head back against the warmth of the Colossus and closed his sore eyes。 He knew that he should not delay his departure any longer； that he increased his risks every moment he remained where he was。 Lord Foul was certain to know what had happened； he would feel the sudden destruction of the Staff； and would search until he found the explanation； perhaps by pelling Elena once more out of her death to answer his questions。 Then preparations would be made against the Unbeliever； Foul's Creche would be defended； hunting parties would be sent out。 Any delay might mean defeat。
But Covenant was not ready。 He still had one more confession to make…the last and hardest thing he would have to tell his friends。 So he sat absorbing the heat of the Colossus like sustenance while he waited for Bannor and Foamfollower to return。 He did not want to carry the weight of any more dishonesty with him when he left the place where Triock had
died。
Bannor was not gone long。 He and Foamfollower returned dripping to dry themselves in the heat of the stone。 Foamfollower had regained his posure。 His teeth flashed through his stiff wet beard as if he were eager to be on his way…as if he were ready to fight his way through a sea of foes for one chance to strike a blow at the Despiser。 And Bannor stood dourly at the Giant's side。 They were equals； despite the difference in size。 They both met Covenant's gaze when he looked up at them。 For an odd moment he felt torn between them； as if they represented the opposing poles of his dilemma。
But odder than this torn feeling was the confidence which came with it。 In that fleeting moment； he seemed to recognize where he stood for the first time。 While the impression lasted； his fear or reluctance or uncertainty dropped from him。' 〃There's one more thing；'' he said to both his friends at once； 〃one more thing I've got to tell you。〃
Then； because he did not want to see their reactions until he had given them the whole tale； he sat gazing into the lifeless circle of his ring while he described how High Lord Mhoram had summoned him to Revelstone； and how he had refused。
He spoke as concisely as he could without minimizing the plight of Revelstone as he had seen it then； or the danger of the little girl for whom he had denied Mhoram's appeal； or the hysteria which had been on him when he had made his choice。 He found as he spoke that he did not regret the decision。 It seemed to have nothing to do with either his regret or his volition；
