rz.thegunsofavalon-第16部分

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　yourself。　It　has　been　too　long。〃
　I　nodded。　It　was　unfortunate；　but　family　etiquette　as　well　as　the　balance　of　power　required　that　I　answer　his　questions　before　asking　any　of　my　own。　He　was　my　elder；　and　I　had　…　albeit　unknowing　…　intruded　in　his　sphere　of　influence。　It　was　not　that　I　begrudged　him　the　courtesy。　He　was　one　of　the　few　among　my　many　relatives　whom　I　respected　and　even　liked。　It　was　that　I　was　itching　to　question　him。　It　had　been；　as　he　had　said；　too　long。
　And　how　much　should　I　tell　him　now？　I　had　no　notion　where　his　sympathies　might　lie。　I　did　not　desire　to　discover　the　reasons　for　his　self…imposed　exile　from　Amber　by　mentioning　the　wrong　things。　I　would　have　to　begin　with　something　fairly　neutral　and　sound　him　out　as　I　went　along。
　〃There　must　be　a　beginning；〃　he　said　then。　〃I　care　not　what　face　you　put　upon　it。〃
　〃There　are　many　beginnings；〃　I　said。　〃It　is　difficult。。。　I　suppose　I　should　go　all　the　way　back　and　take　it　from　there。〃
　I　took　another　sip　of　the　wine。
　〃Yes；〃　I　decided。　〃That　seems　simplest　…　though　it　was　only　paratively　recently　that　I　recalled　much　of　what　had　occurred。
　〃It　was　several　years　after　the　defeat　of　the　Moonriders　out　of　Ghenesh　and　your　departure　that　Eric　and　I　had　a　major　falling　out；〃　I　began。　〃Yes；　it　was　a　quarrel　over　the　succession。　Dad　had　been　making　abdication　noises　again；　and　he　still　refused　to　name　a　successor。　Naturally；　the　old　arguments　were　resumed　as　to　who　was　more　legitimate。　Of　course；　you　and　Eric　are　both　my　elders；　but　while　Faiella；　mother　to　Eric　and　myself；　was　his　wife　after　the　death　of　Clymnea；　they　…〃
　〃Enough！〃　cried　Benedict；　slapping　the　table　so　hard　that　it　cracked。
　The　lamp　danced　and　sputtered；　but　by　some　small　miracle　was　not　upset。　The　tent's　entrance　flap　was　immediately　pushed　aside　and　a　concerned　guard　peered　in。　Benedict　glanced　at　him　and　he　withdrew。
　〃I　do　not　wish　to　sit　in　on　our　respective　bastardy　proceeding；〃　Benedict　said　softly。　〃That　obscene　pastime　was　one　of　the　reasons　I　initially　absented　myself　from　felicity。　Please　continue　your　story　without　the　benefit　of　footnotes。〃
　〃Well　…　yes；〃　I　said；　coughing　lightly。　〃As　I　was　saying；　we　had　some　rather　bitter　arguments　concerning　the　whole　matter。　Then　one　evening　it　went　beyond　mere　words。　We　fought。〃
　〃A　duel？〃
　〃Nothing　that　formal。　A　simultaneous　decision　to　murder　one　another　is　more　like　it。　At　any　rate；　we　fought　for　a　long　while　and　Eric　finally　got　the　upper　hand　and　proceeded　to　pulverize　me。　At　the　risk　of　getting　ahead　of　my　story；　I　have　to　add　that　all　of　this　was　only　recalled　to　me　about　five　years　ago。〃　Benedict　nodded；　as　though　he　understood。
　〃I　can　only　conjecture　as　to　what　occurred　immediately　after　I　lost　consciousness；〃　I　went　on。　〃But　Eric　stopped　short　of　killing　me　himself。　When　I　awakened；　I　was　on　a　shadow　Earth　in　a　place　called　London。　The　plague　was　rampant　at　the　time；　and　I　had　contracted　it。　I　recovered　with　no　memory　of　anything　prior　to　London。　I　dwelled　on　that　shadow　world　for　centuries；　seeking　some　clue　as　to　my　identity。　I　traveled　all　over　it；　often　as　part　of　some　military　campaign。　I　attended　their　universities；　I　spoke　with　some　of　their　wisest　men；　I　consulted　famous　physicians。　But　nowhere　could　I　find　the　key　to　my　past。　It　was　obvious　to　me　that　I　was　not　like　other　men　and　I　took　great　pains　to　conceal　this　fact。　I　was　furious　because　I　could　have　anything　that　I　wanted　except　what　I　wanted　most　…　my　own　identity；　my　memories。
　〃The　years　passed；　but　this　anger　and　this　longing　did　not。　It　took　an　accident　that　fractured　my　skull　to　set　off　the　changes　that　led　to　the　return　of　my　first　recollections。　This　was　approximately　five　years　ago；　and　the　irony　of　it　is　that　I　have　good　reason　to　believe　Eric　was　responsible　for　the　accident。　Flora　had　apparently　been　resident　on　that　shadow　Earth　all　along；　keeping　watch　over　me。
　〃To　return　to　conjecture；　Eric　must　have　stayed　his　hand　at　the　last　moment；　desiring　my　death；　but　not　wanting　it　traceable　to　him。　So　he　transported　me　through　Shadow　to　a　place　of　sudden；　almost　certain　death　…　doubtless　to　return　and　say　that　we　had　argued　and　I　had　ridden　off　in　a　huff；　muttering　something　about　going　away　again。　We　had　been　hunting　in　the　Forest　of　Arden　that　day　…　just　the　two　of　us；　together。〃
　〃I　find　it　strange；〃　Benedict　interrupted；　〃that　two　rivals　such　as　yourselves　should　elect　to　hunt　together　under　such　circumstances。〃
　I　took　a　sip　of　wine　and　smiled。
　〃Perhaps　it　was　a　trifle　more　contrived　than　I　made　it　sound；〃　I　said。　〃Perhaps　we　both　weled　the　opportunity　to　hunt　together。　Just　the　two　of　us。〃
　〃I　see；〃　he　said。　〃So　it　is　possible　that　your　situations　could　have　been　reversed？〃
　〃Well；〃　I　said；　〃that　is　difficult　to　say。　I　do　not　believe　I　would　have　gone　that　far。　I　am　talking　as　of　now；　of　course。　People　do　change；　you　know。　Back　then。。。？　Yes；　I　might　have　done　the　same　thing　to　him。　I　cannot　say　for　certain；　but　it　is　possible。〃
　He　nodded　again；　and　I　felt　a　flash　of　anger　which　passed　quickly　into　amusement。
　〃Fortunately；　I　am　not　out　to　justify　my　own　motives　for　anything；〃　I　continued。　〃To　go　on　with　my　guesswork；　I　believe　that　Eric　kept　tabs　on　me　after　that；　doubtless　disappointed　at　first　that　I　had　survived；　but　satisfied　as　to　my　harmlessness。　So　he　arranged　to　have　Flora　keep　an　eye　on　me；　and　the　world　turned　peacefully　for　a　long　while。　Then；　presumably；　Dad　abdicated　and　disappeared　without　the　question　of　the　succession　having　been　settled　…〃
　〃The　hell　he　did！〃　said　Benedict。　〃There　was　no　abdication。　He　just　vanished。　One　morning　he　simply　was　not　in　his　chambers。　His　bed　had　not　even　been　slept　in。　There　were　no　messages。　He　had　been　seen　entering　the　suite　the　evening　before；　but　no　one　saw　him　depart。　And　even　this　was　not　considered　strange　for　a　long　while。　At　first　it　was　simply　thought　that　he　was　sojourning　in　Shadow　once　again；　perhaps　to　seek　another　bride。　It　was　a　long　while　before　anyone　dared　suspect　foul　play　or　chose　to　construe　this　as　a　novel　form　of　abdication。〃
　〃I　was　not　aware　of　this；〃　I　said。　〃Your　sources　of　information　seem　to　have　been　closer　to　the　heart　of　things　than　mine　were。〃
　He　only　nodded；　giving　rise　to　uneasy　speculations　on　my　part　as　to　his　contact　in　Amber。　For　all　I　knew；　he　could　be　pro…Eric　these　days。
　〃When　was　the　last　time　you　were　back　there　yourself？〃　I　ventured。
　〃A　little　over　twenty　years　ago；〃　he　replied；　〃but　I　keep　in　touch。〃
　Not　with　anyone　who　had　cared　to　mention　it　to　me！　He　must　have　known　that　as　he　said　it；　so　did　he　mean　me　to　take　it　as　a　caution　…　or　a　threat？　My　mind　raced。　Of　course　he　possessed　a　set　of　the　Major　Trumps。　I　fanned　them　mentally　and　went　through　them　like　mad。　Random　had　professed　ignorance　as　to　his　whereabouts。　Brand　had　been　missing　a　long　while。　I　had　had　indication　that　he　was　still　alive；　imprisoned　in　some　unpleasant　place　or　other　and　in　no　position　to　report　on　the　happenings　in　Amber。　Flora　could　not　have　been　his　contact；　as　she　had　been　in　virtual　exile　in　Shadow　herself　until　recently。　Llewella　was　in　Rebma。　Deirdre　was　in　Rebma　also；　and　had　been　out　of　favor　in　Amber　when　last　I　saw　her。　Fiona？　Julian　had　told　me　she　was　〃somewhere　to　the　south。〃　He　was　uncertain　as　to　precisely　where。　Who　did　that　leave？
　Eric　himself；　Julian；　Gerard；　or　Caine；　as　I　saw　it。　Scratch　Eric。　He　would　not　have　passed　along　the　details　of　Dad's　non…abdication　in　a　manner　that　would　allow　things　to　be　taken　as　Benedict　had　taken　them。　Julian　supported　Eric；　but　was　not　without　personal　ambitions　of　the　highest　order。　He　would　pass　along　information　if　it　might　benefit　him　to　do　so。　Ditto　for　Caine。　Gerard；　on　the　other　hand；　had　always　struck　me　as　more　interested　in　the　welfare　of　Amber　itself　than　in　the　question　of　who　sat　on　its　throne。　He　was　not　over…fond　of　Eric；　though；　and　had　once　been　willing　to　support　either　Bleys　or　myself　over　him。　I　believed　he　would　have　considered　Benedict's　awareness　of　events　to　be　something　in　the　nature　of　an　insurance　policy　for　the　realm。　Yes；　it　was　almost　certainly　one　of　these　three。　Julian　hated　me。　Caine　neither　liked　nor　disliked　me　especially；　and　Gerard　and　I　shared