rz.thegunsofavalon-第22部分

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me　anything　I　want　to　know。　It　is　not　a　long　ride；　but　the　mountains　are　different；　the　sky　is　different　…　everything！　…　and　it　is　as　if　there　were　no　way　back；　once　I　am　there。　I　had　tried　ing　back　on　my　own　before；　but　I　just　got　lost。　Grandpa　always　had　to　e　for　me；　and　then　the　way　was　easy。　The　Tecys　follow　all　of　his　instructions　concerning　me。　They　treat　him　as　if　he　were　some　sort　of　god。〃
　〃He　is；〃　I　said；　〃to　them。〃
　〃You　said　that　you　do　not　know　them。〃
　〃I　don't　have　to。　I　know　Benedict。〃
　〃How　does　he　do　it？　Tell　me。〃
　I　shook　my　head。
　〃How　did　you　do　it？〃　I　asked　her。　〃How　did　you　get　back　here　this　time？〃
　She　finished　her　wine　and　held　out　the　glass。　When　I　looked　up　from　refilling　it；　her　head　was　cocked　toward　her　right　shoulder；　her　brows　were　furrowed；　and　her　eyes　were　focused　on　something　far　away。
　〃I　do　not　really　know；〃　she　said；　raising　the　glass　and　sipping　from　it　automatically；　〃I　am　not　quite　certain　how　I　went　about　it。。。〃
　With　her　left　hand；　she　began　to　toy　with　her　knife；　finally　picking　it　up。
　〃I　was　mad；　mad　as　hell　for　having　been　packed　off　again；〃　she　said。　〃I　told　him　that　I　wanted　to　stay　here　and　fight；　but　he　took　me　riding　with　him　and　after　a　time　we　arrived　at　the　village。　I　do　not　know　how。　It　was　not　a　long　ride；　and　suddenly　we　were　there。　I　know　this　area。　I　was　born　here；　I　grew　up　here。　I've　ridden　all　over；　hundreds　of　leagues　in　all　directions。　I　was　never　able　to　find　it　when　I　went　looking。　But　it　seemed　only　a　brief　while　that　we　rode；　and　suddenly　we　were　at　the　Tecys'　again。　But　it　had　been　several　years；　and　I　can　be　more　determined　about　things　now　that　I　am　grown。　I　resolved　to　return　by　myself。〃
　With　the　knife；　she　began　scraping　and　digging　at　the　ground　beside　her；　not　seeming　to　notice　what　she　was　doing。
　〃I　waited　till　nightfall；〃　she　went　on；　〃and　studied　the　stars　to　take　my　direction。　It　was　an　unreal　feeling。　The　stars　were　all　different。　I　didn't　recognize　any　of　the　constellations。　I　went　back　inside　and　thought　about　it。　I　was　a　little　bit　afraid　and　did　not　know　what　to　do。　I　spent　the　next　day　trying　to　get　more　information　out　of　the　Tecys　and　the　other　people　in　the　village。　But　it　was　like　a　bad　dream。　Either　they　were　stupid　or　they　were　purposely　trying　to　confuse　me。　Not　only　was　there　no　way　to　get　from　there　to　here；　they　had　no　idea　where　'here'　was　and　were　none　too　certain　about　'there。'　That　night　I　checked　the　stars　again；　to　be　sure　about　what　I　had　seen；　and　I　was　about　ready　to　begin　believing　them。〃
　She　moved　the　knife　back　and　forth　as　if　honing　it　now；　smoothing　the　soil　and　packing　it　flat。　Then　she　began　to　trace　designs。
　〃For　the　next　several　days；　I　tried　to　find　my　way　back；〃　she　continued。　〃I　thought　I　could　locate　our　trail　and　backtrack　along　it；　but　it　just　sort　of　vanished。　Then　I　did　the　only　other　thing　I　could　think　of。　Each　morning　I　struck　out　in　a　different　direction；　rode　until　noon；　then　headed　back。　I　came　across　nothing　that　was　familiar。　It　was　totally　bewildering。　Each　night　I　went　to　sleep　more　angry　and　upset　over　the　way　things　were　turning　out　…　and　more　determined　to　find　my　own　way　back　to　Avalon。　I　had　to　show　Grandpa　that　he　could　no　longer　dump　me　like　a　child　and　expect　me　to　stay　put。
　〃Then；　after　about　a　week；　I　began　having　dreams。　Nightmares；　sort　of。　Did　you　ever　dream　that　you　were　running　and　running　and　not　going　anyplace？　That　is　sort　of　what　it　was　like　…　with　the　burning　spider　web。　Only　it　wasn't　really　a　spider　web；　there　was　no　spider　and　it　wasn't　burning。　But　I　was　caught　in　this　thing；　going　around　it　and　through　it。　But　I　wasn't　really　moving。　That　is　not　pletely　right；　but　I　do　not　know　how　else　to　put　it。　And　I　had　to　keep　trying　…　actually；　I　wanted　to　…　to　move　about　it。　When　I　woke　up　I　was　tired；　as　if　I　had　actually　been　exerting　myself　all　night　long。　This　went　on　for　many　nights；　and　each　night　it　seemed　stronger　and　longer　and　more　real。
　〃Then　this　morning　I　got　up；　the　dream　still　dancing　in　my　head；　and　I　knew　that　I　could　ride　home。　I　set　out；　still　half　dreaming；　it　seemed。　I　rode　the　entire　distance　without　stopping　once；　and　this　time　I　paid　no　special　heed　to　my　surroundings；　but　kept　thinking　of　Avalon　…　and　as　I　rode；　things　kept　getting　more　and　more　familiar　until　I　was　here　again。　Only　then　did　it　seem　as　if　I　were　fully　awake。　Now　the　village　and　the　Tecys；　that　sky；　those　stars；　the　woods；　the　mountains；　they　all　seem　like　a　dream　to　me。　I　am　not　at　all　certain　that　I　could　find　my　way　back　there。　Is　that　not　strange？　Can　you　tell　me　what　happened？〃
　I　rose　and　circled　the　remains　of　our　lunch。　I　sat　down　beside　her。
　〃Do　you　remember　the　looks　of　the　burning　spider　web　that　really　wasn't　a　spider　web；　or　burning？〃　I　asked　her。
　〃Yes…sort　of；〃　she　said。
　〃Give　me　that　knife；〃　I　said。
　She　passed　it　to　me。
　With　its　point；　I　began　adding　to　her　doodling　in　the　dirt；　extending　lines；　rubbing　some　out；　adding　others。　She　did　not　say　a　word　the　entire　time；　but　she　watched　every　move　that　I　made。　When　I　had　finished；　I　put　the　knife　aside　and　waited　for　a　long；　silent　while。
　Then；　finally；　she　spoke　very　softly。
　〃Yes；　that　is　it；〃　she　said；　turning　away　from　the　design　to　stare　at　me。　〃How　did　you　know？　How　did　you　know　what　I　had　dreamed？〃
　〃Because；〃　I　said；　〃you　dreamed　a　thing　that　is　inscribed　in　your　very　genes。　Why；　how；　I　do　not　know。　It　demonstrates；　however；　that　you　are　indeed　a　daughter　of　Amber。　What　you　did　was　walk　in　Shadow。　What　you　dreamed　was　the　Great　Pattern　of　Amber。　By　its　power　do　those　of　the　blood　royal　hold　dominion　over　shadows。　Do　you　understand　what　I　am　talking　about？〃
　〃I　am　not　certain；〃　she　said。　〃I　do　not　think　so。　I　have　heard　Grandpa　cursing　shadows；　but　I　never　understood　what　he　meant。〃
　〃Then　you　do　not　know　where　Amber　truly　lies。〃
　〃No。　He　was　always　evasive。　He　told　me　of　Amber　and　of　the　family。　But　I　do　not　even　know　the　direction　in　which　Amber　lies。　I　only　know　that　it　is　far。〃
　〃It　lies　in　all　directions；〃　I　said；　〃or　any　direction　one　chooses。　One　need　but　…〃
　〃Yes！〃　she　interrupted。　〃I　had　forgotten；　or　thought　he　was　just　being　mysterious　or　humoring　me；　but　Brand　said　exactly　the　same　thing　a　long　while　ago。　What　does　it　mean；　though？〃
　〃Brand！　When　was　Brand　here？〃
　〃Years　ago；〃　she　said；　〃when　I　was　just　a　little　girl。　He　used　to　visit　here　often。　I　was　very　much　in　love　with　him　and　I　pestered　him　mercilessly。　He　used　to　tell　me　stories；　teach　me　games。。。〃
　〃When　was　the　last　time　you　saw　him？〃
　〃Oh；　eight　or　nine　years　ago。　I'd　say。〃
　〃Have　you　met　any　of　the　others？〃
　〃Yes；〃　she　said。　〃Julian　and　Gerard　were　here　not　too　long　ago。　Just　a　few　months　back。〃
　I　suddenly　felt　very　insecure。　Benedict　had　certainly　been　quiet　about　a　lot　of　things。　I　would　rather　have　been　ill　advised　than　kept　totally　ignorant　of　affairs。　It　makes　it　easier　for　you　to　be　angry　when　you　find　out。　The　trouble　with　Benedict　was　that　he　was　too　honest；　though。　He　would　rather　tell　me　nothing　than　lie　to　me。　I　felt　something　unpleasant　ing　my　way；　however；　and　knew　that　there　could　be　no　dawdling　now；　that　I　would　have　to　move　as　quickly　as　possible。　Yes；　it　had　to　be　a　hard　hellride　for　the　stones。　Still；　there　was　more　to　be　learned　here　before　I　essayed　it。　Time。。。　Damn！
　〃Was　that　the　first　time　that　you　met　them？〃　I　asked。
　〃Yes；〃　she　said；　〃and　my　feelings　were　very　hurt。〃　She　paused；　sighed。　〃Grandpa　would　not　let　me　speak　of　our　being　related。　He　introduced　me　as　his　ward。　And　he　refused　to　tell　me　why。　Damn　it！〃
　〃I'm　sure　he　had　some　very　good　reasons。〃
　〃Oh；　I　am　too。　But　it　does　not　make　you　feel　any　better；　when　you　have　been　waiting　all　your　life　to　meet　your　relatives。　Do　you　know　why　he　treated　me　like　that？〃
　〃These　are　trying　times　in　Amber；〃　I　said；　〃and　things　will　get　worse　before　they　get　better。　The　fewer　people　who　know　of　your　existence；　the　less　chance　there　is　of　your　getting　involved　and　ing　to　harm。　He　did　it　only　to　protect　you。〃
　She　made　a　spitting　noise。
　〃I　do　not　need　protecting；〃　she　said。　〃I　can　take　care　of　myself。〃
　〃You　are　a　fine　fencer；〃　I　said。　〃Unfortunately；　life　is　more　plicated　than　a　fair　dueling