annr.pandora-第10部分

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　And　besides　it　was　a　great　pleasure。
　So　I　was　there；　not　so　far　from　the　cave　of　the　Lupercal；　watching　with　other　young　women；　as　the　two　chosen　men　of　that　year　were　smeared　with　blood　from　a　sacrifice　of　goats　and　then　draped　in　the　bleeding　skins　of　the　sacrificed　animals。　I　couldn't　see　all　of　this　very　well；　but　I　had　seen　it　many　times；　and　when　years　before　two　of　my　brothers　had　run　in　this　festival；　I　had　pushed　to　the　front　to　get　a　good　look　at　it。
　On　this　occasion；　I　did　have　a　fairly　good　view　when　each　of　the　two　young　men　took　his　own　pany　and　began　his　run　around　the　base　of　the　Palatine　Hill。　I　moved　forward　because　I　was　supposed　to　do　it。　The　young　men　were　hitting　lightly　on　the　arm　of　every　young　woman　with　a　strip　of　goatskin；　which　was　supposed　to　purify　us。　Render　us　fertile。
　I　stepped　forward　and　received　the　ceremonial　blow；　and　then　stepped　back　again；　wishing　I　was　a　man　and　could　run　around　the　hill　with　the　other　men；　not　an　unusual　thought　for　me　at　any　time　in　my　mortal　life。
　I　had　some　sarcastic　inner　thoughts　about　〃being　purified；〃　but　by　this　age　I　behaved　in　public　and　would　not　on　any　account　have　humiliated　my　Father　or　my　brothers。
　These　strips　of　goatskin；　as　you　know；　David；　are　called　Februa；　and　February　es　from　that　word。　So　much　for　language　and　all　the　magic　it　unwittingly　carries　with　it。　Surely　the　Lupercalia　had　something　to　do　with　Romulus　and　Remus；　perhaps　it　even　echoed　some　ancient　human　sacrifice。　After　all；　the　young　men's　heads　were　smeared　with　goat　blood。　It　gives　me　shivers；　because　in　Etruscan　times；　long　before　I　was　born；　this　might　have　been　a　far　more　cruel　ceremony。
　Perhaps　this　was　the　occasion　that　Marius　saw　my　arms。　Because　I　was　exposing　them　to　this　ceremonial　lash；　and　was　already；　as　you　can　see；　much　of　a　show…off　in　general；　laughing　with　the　others　as　the　pany　of　men　continued　their　run。
　In　the　crowd；　I　saw　Marius。　He　looked　at　me；　then　back　to　his　book。　So　strange。　I　saw　him　standing　against　a　tree　trunk　and　writing。　No　one　did　this　…　stand　against　a　tree；　hold　a　book　in　one　hand　and　write　with　the　other。　The　slave　stood　beside　him　with　a　bottle　of　ink。
　Marius's　hair　was　long　and　most　beautiful。　Quite　wild。
　I　said　to　my　Father；　〃Look；　there's　our　barbarian　friend　Marius；　the　tall　one；　and　he's　writing。〃
　My　Father　smiled　and　said；　〃Marius　is　always　writing。　Marius　is　good　for　writing；　if　for　nothing　else。　Turn　around；　Lydia。　Be　still。〃
　〃But　he　looked　at　me；　Father。　I　want　to　talk　to　him。〃
　〃You　will　not；　Lydia！　You　will　not　grace　him　with　one　small　smile！〃
　On　the　way　home；　I　asked　my　Father；　〃If　you're　going　to　marry　me　to　someone　…　if　there's　no　way　short　of　suicide　that　I　can　avoid　this　disgusting　development　…　why　don't　you　marry　me　to　Marius？　I　don't　understand　it。　I'm　rich。　He's　rich。　I　know　his　Mother　was　a　wild　Keltoi　princess；　but　his　Father　has　adopted　him。〃
　My　Father　said　witheringly；　〃Where　have　you　learned　all　this？〃　He　stopped　in　his　tracks；　always　an　ominous　sign。　The　crowd　broke　and　streamed　around。
　〃I　don't　know；　it's　mon　knowledge。〃　I　turned。　There　was　Marius　hovering　about；　glancing　at　me。　〃Father；〃　I　said；　〃please　let　me　speak　to　him。〃
　My　Father　knelt　down。　Most　of　the　crowd　had　gone　on。　〃Lydia；　I　know　this　is　dreadful　for　you。　I　have　caved　to　every　objection　you　have　raised　to　your　suitors。　But　believe　you　me；　the　Emperor　himself　would　not　approve　of　you　marrying　such　a　mad　wandering　historian　as　Marius！　He　has　never　served　in　the　military；　he　cannot　enter　the　Senate；　it　is　quite　impossible。　When　you　marry；　you　will　marry　well。〃
　As　we　walked　away；　I　turned　again；　thinking　only　to　pick　Marius　out　from　the　others；　but　to　my　surprise　he　was　stark　still；　looking　at　me。　With　his　flowing　hair；　he　much　resembled　the　Vampire　Lestat。　He　is　taller　than　Lestat；　but　he　has　the　same　lithe　build；　the　same　very　blue　eyes　and　a　muscular　strength　to　him；　and　a　squareness　of　face　which　is　almost　pretty。
　I　pulled　away　from　my　Father　and　ran　up　to　him。
　〃Well；　I　wanted　to　marry　you；〃　I　said；　〃but　my　Father　has　said　no。〃
　I'll　never　forget　the　expression　on　his　face。　But　before　he　could　speak；　my　Father　had　gathered　me　up　and　gone　into　obliterating　respectable　conversation：
　〃How　now；　Marius；　how　goes　it　with　your　brother　in　the　Army。　And　how　is　it　with　your　history。　I　hear　you　have　written　thirteen　volumes。〃
　My　Father　backed　up；　virtually　carrying　me　away。
　Marius　did　not　move　or　answer。　Soon　we　were　with　others　hurrying　up　the　hill。
　All　the　course　of　our　lives　was　changed　at　that　moment。　But　there　was　no　conceivable　way　Marius　or　I　could　have　known　it。
　Twenty　years　would　pass　before　we　would　meet　again。
　I　was　thirty…five；　then。　I　can　say　that　we　met　in　a　realm　of　darkness　in　more　respects　than　one。
　For　now；　let　me　fill　up　the　gap。
　I　was　married　twice；　due　to　pressure　from　the　Imperial　House。　Augustus　wanted　us　all　to　have　children。　I　had　none。　My　husbands　seeded　plenty；　however；　with　slave　girls。　So　I　was　legally　divorced　and　freed　twice　over；　and　determined　then　to　retire　from　social　life；　just　so　the　Emperor　Tiberius；　who　had　e　to　the　Imperial　throne　at　the　age　of　fifty；　would　not　meddle　with　me；　for　he　was　more　a　public　puritan　and　domestic　dictator　than　Augustus。　If　I　kept　to　the　house；　if　I　didn't　go　abroad　to　banquets　and　parties　and　hang　around　with　the　Empress　Livia；　Augustus's　wife　and　mother　of　Tiberius；　perhaps　I　wouldn't　be　pushed　into　being　a　stepmother！　I'd　stay　home。　I　had　to　care　for　my　Father。　He　deserved　it。　Even　though　he　was　perfectly　healthy；　he　was　still　old！
　With　all　due　respect　for　the　husbands　I　have　mentioned；　whose　names　are　more　than　footnotes　in　mon　Roman　histories；　I　was　a　wretched　wife。
　I　had　plenty　of　my　own　money　from　my　Father；　I　listened　to　nothing；　and　yielded　to　the　act　of　love　only　on　my　own　terms；　which　I　always　obtained；　being　gifted　with　enough　beauty　to　make　men　really　suffer。
　I　became　a　member　of　the　Cult　of　Isis　just　to　spite　these　husbands　and　get　away　from　them；　so　that　I　could　hang　around　at　the　Temple　of　Isis；　where　I　spent　an　enormous　amount　of　time　with　other　interesting　women；　some　far　more　adventurous　and　unconventional　than　I　dared　to　be。　I　was　attracted　to　whores。　I　saw　the　brilliant；　loose　women　as　having　conquered　a　barrier　which　I；　the　loving　daughter　of　my　Father；　would　never　conquer。
　I　became　a　regular　at　the　Temple。　I　was　initiated　at　last　in　a　secret　ceremony；　and　I　walked　in　every　procession　of　Isis　in　Rome。
　My　husbands　loathed　this。　Maybe　that's　why　after　I　came　home　to　my　Father　I　gave　up　the　worship。　Whatever；　it　was　a　good　thing　perhaps　that　I　had。　But　fortune　could　not　be　so　easily　shaped　by　any　decision　of　mine。
　Now　Isis　was　an　imported　goddess；　from　Egypt；　of　course；　and　the　old　Romans　were　as　suspicious　of　her　as　they　were　of　the　terrible　Cybele；　the　Great　other　from　the　Far　East；　who　led　her　male　devotees　to　castrate　themselves。　The　whole　city　was　filled　with　these　〃Eastern　cults；〃　and　the　conservative　population　thought　them　dreadful。
　These　cults　weren't　rational；　they　were　ecstatic　or　euphoric。　They　offered　a　plete　rebirth　through　understanding。
　The　typical　conservative　Roman　was　far　too　practical　for　that。　If　you　didn't　know　by　age　five　that　the　gods　were　made…up　creatures　and　the　myths　invented　stories；　then　you　were　a　fool。
　But　Isis　had　a　curious　distinction　…　something　that　set　her　far　apart　from　the　cruel　Cybele。　Isis　was　a　loving　mother　and　goddess。　Isis　forgave　her　worshipers　anything。　Isis　had　e　before　all　Creation。　Isis　was　patient　and　wise。
　That's　why　the　most　degraded　woman　could　pray　at　the　Temple。　That's　why　none　were　ever　turned　away。
　Like　the　Blessed　Virgin　Mary；　who　is　so　well　known　today　throughout　the　East　and　West；　the　Queen　Isis　had　conceived　her　divine　child　by　divine　means。　From　the　dead　and　castrated　Osiris；　she　had　drawn　the　living　seed　by　her　own　power。　And　many　a　time　she　was　pictured　or　sculpted　holding　her　divine　son；　Horus；　on　her　knee。　Her　breast　was　bare　in　all　innocence　to　feed　the　young　god。
　And　Osiris　ruled　in　the　land　of　the　dead；　his　phallus　lost　forever　in　the　waters　of　the　Nile；　where　an　endless　semen　flowed　from　it；　fertilizing　the