annr.pandora-第12部分

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　Meantime　there　were　rumors　that　the　Delatores；　the　notorious　spies　of　the　Praetorian　Guard；　pocketed　one…third　of　the　estate　of　those　against　whom　they　informed。　I　found　it　horrible。　My　Father　shook　his　head；　and　said；　〃That　started　under　Augustus。〃
　〃Yes；　Father；〃　I　said；　〃but　then　treason　was　considered　a　matter　of　what　one　did；　not　what　one　said。〃
　〃Which　is　all　the　more　reason　to　say　nothing。〃　He　sat　back　wearily。　〃Lydia；　sing　to　me。　Get　your　lyre。　Make　up　one　of　your　ic　epics。　It's　been　a　long　time。〃
　〃I'm　too　old　for　that；〃　I　said；　thinking　of　the　silly；　bawdy　satires　on　Homer　which　I　used　to　make　up　so　quickly　and　freely　that　everyone　marveled。　But　I　jumped　at　that　idea。　I　remember　that　night　so　palpably　that　I　cannot　tear　myself　loose　now　from　the　writing　of　this　story；　even　though　I　know　what　pain　I　must　confess　and　explore。
　What　does　it　mean　to　write？　David；　you'll　see　this　question　repeated；　because　with　each　page　I　understand　more　and　more　…　I　see　the　patterns　that　have　before　eluded　me；　and　driven　me　to　dream　rather　than　live。
　That　night　I　did　make　a　very　funny　epic。　My　Father　laughed。　He　fell　asleep　on　his　couch。　And　then；　as　if　from　a　trance　state；　he　spoke；　〃Lydia；　don't　live　out　your　life　alone　on　account　of　me。　Marry　for　love！　You　must　not　give　up！〃
　By　the　time　I　turned　around；　he　was　breathing　deeply　again；
　Two　weeks　later；　or　maybe　it　was　a　month；　our　life　came　abruptly　to　an　end。
　I　came　home　one　day；　found　the　house　pletely　empty　except　for　two　terrified　old　slave　men　…　men　who　actually　belonged　to　the　household　of　my　brother　Antony　…　who　let　me　in　and　bolted　the　door　ferociously。
　I　walked　through　the　huge　vestibule　and　then　into　the　peristyle　and　into　the　dining　room。　I　beheld　an　amazing　sight。
　My　Father　was　in　full　battle　dress；　armed　with　sword　and　dagger；　lacking　only　his　shield。　He　even　wore　his　red　cloak。　His　breastplate　was　polished　and　gleaming。
　He　stared　at　the　floor　and　with　reason。　It　had　been　dug　up。　The　old　Hearth　from　generations　ago　had　been　dug　up。　This　had　been　the　first　room　of　this　house　in　the　very　ancient　days　of　Rome；　and　it　was　around　this　Hearth　that　the　family　gathered；　worshiped；　dined。
　I　had　never　even　seen　it；　We　had　our　household　Shrines；　but　this；　this　giant　circle　of　burnt　stones！　There　were　actually　ashes　there；　uncovered。　How　ominous　and　sacred　it　appeared。
　〃What　in　the　name　of　the　gods　is　going　on？〃　I　asked。　〃Where　is　everybody？〃
　〃They　are　gone；〃　he　said。　〃I　have　freed　the　slaves；　sent　them　packing。　I've　been　waiting　for　you。　You　have　to　leave　here　now！〃
　〃Not　without　you！〃
　〃You　will　not　disobey　me；　Lydia！〃　I　had　never　seen　such　an　imploring　yet　dignified　expression　in　his　face。　〃There's　a　wagon　out　back；　ready　to　take　you　to　the　coast；　and　a　Jewish　merchant　who　is　my　most　trusted　friend　who　will　take　you　by　ship　out　of　Italy！　I　want　you　to　go！　Your　money's　been　loaded　on　board　the　ship。　Your　clothing。　Everything。　These　are　men　I　trust。　Nevertheless　take　this　dagger。〃
　He　picked　up　a　dagger　from　the　nearby　table　and　gave　it　to　me。　〃You've　watched　your　brothers　enough　to　know　how　to　use　it；〃　he　said；　〃and　this。〃　He　reached　for　a　sack。　〃This　is　gold；　the　currency　that　all　the　world　accepts。　Take　it　and　go。〃
　I　always　carried　a　dagger；　and　it　was　in　the　sling　on　my　forearm　but　I　could　not　shock　him　with　this　just　now；　so　I　put　the　dagger　in　my　girdle　and　took　the　purse。
　〃Father；　I'm　not　afraid　to　stand　by　you！　Who's　turned　on　us？　Father；　you　are　Senator　of　Rome。　Accused　of　any　crime；　you　are　entitled　to　a　trial　before　the　Senate。〃
　〃Oh；　my　precious　quick…witted　daughter！　You　think　that　evil　Sejanus　and　his　Delatores　bring　charges　out　in　the　open？　His　Speculatores　have　already　surprised　your　brothers　and　their　wives　and　children。　These　are　Antony's　slaves。　He　sent　them　to　warn　me　as　he　fought；　as　he　died。　He　saw　his　son　dashed　against　the　wall。　Lydia；　go。〃
　Of　course　I　knew　this　was　a　Roman　custom　…　to　murder　the　entire　family；　to　wipe　out　the　spouse　and　offspring　of　the　condemned。　It　was　even　the　law。　And　in　matters　such　as　this；　when　word　got　out　that　the　Emperor　had　turned　his　back　on　a　man；　any　of　his　enemies　could　precede　the　assassins。
　〃You　e　with　me；〃　I　said。　〃Why　do　you　stay　here？〃
　〃I　will　die　a　Roman　in　my　house；〃　he　said。　〃Now　go　if　you　love　me；　my　poet；　my　singer；　my　thinker。　My　Lydia。　Go！　I　will　not　be　disobeyed。　I　have　spent　the　last　hour　of　my　life　arranging　for　your　salvation！　Kiss　me　and　obey　me。〃
　I　ran　to　him；　kissed　him　on　the　lips　and　at　once　the　slaves　led　me　through　the　garden。
　I　knew　my　Father。　I　could　not　revolt　against　him　in　this　final　wish。　I　knew　that；　in　old…fashioned　Roman　style；　he　would　probably　take　his　life　before　the　Speculatores　broke　down　the　front　door。
　When　I　reached　the　gate；　when　I　saw　the　Hebrew　merchants　and　their　wagon；　I　couldn't　go。
　This　is　what　I　saw。
　My　Father　had　cut　both　his　wrists　and　was　walking　around　the　household　hearth　in　a　circle；　letting　the　blood　flow　right　down　onto　the　floor。　He　had　really　given　his　wrists　the　slash。　He　was　turning　white　as　he　walked。　In　his　eyes　there　was　an　expression　I　would　only　e　to　understand　later。
　There　came　a　loud　crash。　The　front　door　was　being　bashed　in。　My　Father　stopped　quite　still。　And　two　of　the　Praetorian　Guard　came　at　him；　one　making　sneering　remarks；　〃Why　don't　you　finish　yourself　off；　Maximus；　and　save　us　the　trouble。　Go　on。〃
　〃Are　you　proud　of　yourselves！〃　my　Father　said。　〃Cowards。　You　like　killing　whole　families？　How　much　money　do　you　get？　Did　you　ever　fight　in　a　true　battle。　e　on；　die　with　me！〃
　Turning　his　back　on　them；　he　whipped　around　with　sword　and　dagger；　and　brought　down　both　of　them；　as　they　came　at　him；　with　unanticipated　thrusts。　He　stabbed　them　repeatedly。
　My　Father　wobbled　as　if　he　would　faint。　He　was　white。　The　blood　flowed　and　flowed　from　his　wrists。　His　eyes　rolled　up　into　his　head。
　Mad　schemes　came　to　me。　We　must　get　him　into　the　wagon。　But　a　Roman　like　my　Father　would　never　have　cooperated。
　Suddenly　the　Hebrews；　one　young　and　one　elderly；　had　me　by　the　arms　and　were　carrying　me　out　of　the　house。
　〃I　vowed　I　would　save　you；〃　said　the　old　man。　〃And　you　will　not　make　a　liar　of　me　to　my　old　friend。〃
　〃Let　go　of　me！〃　I　whispered。　〃I　will　see　him　through　it！〃
　Throwing　them　off　in　their　polite　timidity　I　turned　and　saw　from　a　great　distance　my　Father's　body　by　the　hearth。　He　had　finished　himself　with　his　own　dagger。
　I　was　thrown　into　the　wagon；　my　eyes　dosed；　my　hands　over　my　mouth。　I　fell　among　soft　pillows；　bolts　of　fabric；　tumbling　as　the　wagon　began　to　roll　very　slowly　down　the　winding　road　of　the　Palatine　Hill。
　Soldiers　shouted　at　us　to　get　the　hell　out　of　the　way。
　The　elderly　Hebrew　said；　〃I　am　nearly　deaf；　sir；　what　did　you　say？〃
　It　worked　perfectly。　They　rode　past　us。
　The　Hebrew　knew　exactly　what　he　was　doing。　As　crowds　rushed　past　us　he　kept　to　his　slow　pace。
　The　one　young　one　came　into　the　back　of　the　wagon。　〃My　name　is　Jacob；〃　he　said。　〃Here；　put　on　all　these　white　mantles。　You　look　now　like　an　Eastern　woman。　If　questioned　at　the　gate；　hold　up　your　veil　and　pretend　you　do　not　understand。〃
　We　went　through　the　Gates　of　Rome　with　amazing　ease。　It　was　〃Hail　David　and　Jacob；　has　it　been　a　good　trip？〃
　I　was　helped　aboard　a　large　merchant　vessel；　with　galley　slaves　and　sails；　nothing　unusual　at　all；　and　then　into　a　small　barren　wooden　room。
　〃This　is　all　we　have　for　you；〃　said　Jacob。　〃But　we　are　sailing　now。〃　He　had　long　wavy　brown　hair　and　a　beard。　He　wore　striped　robes　to　the　ground。
　〃In　the　dark？〃　I　asked。　〃Sailing　in　the　dark？〃
　This　was　not　usual。
　But　as　we　moved　out；　as　the　oars　began　to　dip；　and　the　ship　found　its　proper　distance　and　began　to　move　South；　I　saw　what　we　were　doing。
　All　the　beautiful　Southwestern　coast　of　Italy　was　well　lighted　by　her　hundreds　and　hundreds　of　palatial　villas。　Lighthouses　stood　on　the　rocks。
　〃We　will　never　see　the　Republic　again；〃　said　Jacob　wearily；　as　though　he　were　a　Roman　citizen；　which　I　think　in　fact　he　was。　〃But　your　Father's　last　wish　is　fulfilled。　We　are　safe　now。〃
　The　old　man　stepped　up　to　me。　He　told　me　that　his　name　was　David。
　The　old　man　apologized　profusely　that　there　were　no　fem