annr.pandora-第24部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


trated　too　deep。
　What　a　shock　awaited　me　as　I　found　myself　inside。
　The　Temple　was　far　more　ancient　than　our　Temple　in　Rome；　and　Egyptian　paintings　covered　its　walls。　A　shiver　at　once　went　through　me。　The　columns　were　in　the　Egyptian　style；　not　fluted　but　smoothly　round；　and　brightly　painted　in　orange；　and　rising　to　giant　lotus　leaves　at　the　capitals。　The　smell　of　the　incense　was　overpowering　and　I　could　hear　music　emanating　from　the　Sanctuary。　I　could　hear　the　thin　notes　of　the　lyre；　and　of　the　wires　of　the　sistrum　being　plucked；　and　I　could　hear　a　litany　being　chanted。
　But　this　was　a　thoroughly　Egyptian　place；　which　enveloped　me　as　firmly　as　my　blood　dreams。　I　almost　fainted。
　The　dreams　came　back　…　the　deep　paralytic　sense　of　being　in　some　secret　Sanctuary　in　Egypt；　my　soul　swallowed　within　another　body！
　The　Priestess　came　to　me。　This　too　was　a　shock。
　In　Rome；　her　dress　would　have　been　purely　Roman；　and　she　might　have　worn　a　small　exotic　headdress；　a　little　cap　to　her　shoulders；　perhaps。
　But　this　woman　wore　Egyptian　clothes　of　pleated　linen；　in　the　old　style；　and　she　wore　a　magnificent　Egyptian　headdress　and　wig；　the　broad　mass　of　long　black　braids　falling　down　stiffly　over　her　shoulders。　She　looked　as　extravagant　perhaps　as　Cleopatra　had　ever　looked；　for　all　I　knew。
　I　had　only　heard　stories　of　Julius　Caesar's　love　of　Cleopatra；　then　her　affair　with　Mark　Antony　and　Cleopatra's　death。　All　that　was　before　my　birth。
　But　I　knew　that　Cleopatra's　fabulous　entrance　into　Rome　had　much　affrighted　the　old　Roman　sense　of　morality。　I　had　always　known　the　old　Roman　families　feared　Egyptian　magic；　In　the　recent　punitive　Roman　massacre；　which　I've　described；　there　was　a　lot　of　shouting　about　license　and　lust；　but　beneath　it；　there　had　been　an　unspoken　fear　of　the　mystery　and　the　power　hidden　behind　the　Temple　doors。
　And　now　as　I　gazed　at　this　Priestess；　at　her　painted　eyes；　I　felt　in　my　soul　this　fear。　I　knew　it。　Of　course　this　woman　seemed　to　have　stepped　from　the　dreams；　but　it　was　not　that　which　struck　me　so　much；　for　after　all；　what　are　dreams？　This　was　an　Egyptian　woman　…　wholly　alien　and　inscrutable　to　me。
　My　Isis　had　been　Greco…Roman。　Even　her　statue　in　the　Roman　Sanctuary　had　been　clothed　in　a　gorgeously　draped　Greek　dress　and　her　hair　had　been　done　softy　in　the　old　Greek　style；　with　waves　around　her　face。　She　had　held　her　sistrum　and　an　urn。　She　had　been　a　Romanized　goddess。
　Perhaps　the　same　had　happened　with　the　goddess　Cybele　in　Rome。　Rome　swallowed　things　and　made　them　Roman。
　In　a　very　few　centuries；　though　I　had　no　thought　of　it　then　…　how　could　I　…　Rome　would　swallow　and　shape　the　followers　of　Jesus　of　Nazareth；　and　make　of　his　Christians　the　Roman　Catholic　church。
　I　suppose　you　are　familiar　with　the　modern　expression；　〃When　in　Rome；　do　as　the　Romans　do。〃
　But　here；　in　this　reddish　gloom；　among　flickering　lights　and　a　deeper　muskier　incense　than　I　had　ever　smelled；　I　resented　my　timidity　in　silence。　Then　the　dreams　did　descend；　like　so　many　veils　lowered　one　by　one　to　enclose　me。　In　a　flash　I　saw　the　beautiful　Queen　weeping。　No。　She　screamed。　Cried　for　help。
　〃Get　away　from　me；〃　I　whispered　to　the　air　around　me。　〃Fly　from　me；　all　things　that　are　impure　and　evil。　Get　away　from　me　as　I　enter　the　house　of　my　Blessed　Mother。〃
　The　Priestess　took　me　in　hand。　I　heard　voices　from　my　dream　in　violent　argument。　I　strained　to　dear　my　vision；　to　see　the　worshipers　ing　and　going　towards　the　Sanctuary　to　meditate　or　to　make　sacrifice；　to　ask　for　some　favor。　I　tried　to　realize　it　was　a　big　busy　crowd；　very　little　different　from　Rome。
　But　the　touch　of　the　Priestess　enfeebled　me。　Her　painted　eyes　struck　terror。　Her　broad　necklace　caused　me　to　blink　my　eyes。　Row　upon　row　of　flat　stones。
　I　was　taken　into　a　private　apartment　of　the　Temple　by　her；　offered　a　sumptuous　couch。　I　lay　back　exhausted。　〃Fly　from　me；　all　things　evil；〃　I　whispered。　〃Including　dreams。〃
　The　Priestess　sat　beside　me　and　enfolded　me　in　her　silken　arms。　I　looked　up　into　a　mask！
　〃Talk　to　me；　suffering　one；〃　she　said　in　Latin　with　a　thick　accent。　〃Speak　all　that　must　e　forth。〃
　Suddenly　…　uncontrollably　…　I　poured　out　my　whole　family　story；　the　annihilation　of　my　family；　my　guilt；　my　travails。
　〃What　if　I　was　the　cause　of　my　family's　downfall　…　my　worship　at　the　Temple　of　Isis？　What　if　Tiberius　had　remembered　it？　What　have　I　done？　The　Priests　were　crucified　and　I　did　nothing。　What　does　Mother　Isis　want　of　me？　I　want　to　die。〃
　〃That　she　does　not　want　of　you；〃　said　the　Priestess；　staring　at　me。　Her　eyes　were　huge；　or　was　it　the　paint？　No；　I　could　see　the　whites　of　her　eyes；　so　glistening　and　pure。　Her　painted　mouth　let　loose　words　like　a　tiny　breeze　in　a　monotone。
　I　was　fast　being　delirious　and　totally　unreasonable。　I　murmured　what　I　could　about　my　initiation；　what　details　I　could　tell　a　Priestess；　for　all　these　things　were　highly　secret；　you　know；　but　I　confirmed　for　her　that　I　had　been　reborn　in　the　rites。
　All　the　stored…up　weakness　in　me　was　cut　loose　in　a　flood。
　Then　I　lay　down　my　guilt。　I　confessed　that　I　had；　early　on；　left　the　Cult　of　Isis；　that　in　recent　years；　I　had　walked　only　in　the　public　processions　to　the　sea；　when　the　goddess　was　carried　to　the　shore　to　bless　the　ships。　Isis；　the　goddess　of　Navigation。　I　had　not　lived　a　life　of　devotion。
　I　had　done　nothing　when　the　Priests　of　Isis　were　crucified；　except　speak　out　with　many　others　behind　the　Emperor's　back。　There　had　been　a　solidarity　between　me　and　those　Romans　who　thought　Tiberius　was　a　monster；　but　we　had　not　raised　our　voices　in　defense　of　Isis。　My　Father　had　told　me　to　remain　silent。　So　I　had。　This　was　the　same　Father　who　had　told　me　to　live。
　I　turned　over　and　slipped　down　off　this　couch　and　I　lay　on　the　tiled　floor。　I　don't　know　why。　I　pressed　my　cheek　to　the　cold　tile。　I　liked　the　coldness　against　my　face。　I　was　in　a　state　of　madness；　but　not　an　uncontrollable　state。　I　lay　staring。
　I　knew　one　thing。　I　wanted　to　get　out　of　this　Temple！　I　didn't　like　it。　No；　this　had　been　a　very　bad　idea。
　I　hated　myself　suddenly　for　having　bee　so　vulnerable　to　this　woman；　whatever　sort　she　was；　and　the　atmosphere　of　the　blood　dreams　beckoned　to　me。
　I　opened　my　eyes。　The　Priestess　bent　over　me。　I　saw　the　weeping　Queen　of　my　nightmares。　I　turned　away　and　shut　my　eyes。
　〃Be　at　peace；〃　she　said　in　her　calculated　and　perfected　voice。　〃You　did　nothing　wrong；〃　said　the　Priestess。
　It　seemed　preposterous　that　such　a　voice　should　issue　from　such　a　painted　face　and　form；　but　the　voice　was　definite。
　〃First；〃　the　Priestess　said；　〃you　must　understand　that　Mother　Isis　forgives　anything。　She　is　the　Mother　of　Mercy。〃　Then　she　said；　〃You　have　been　more　fully　initiated　by　your　description　than　most　here　or　anywhere。　You　made　a　long　fast。　You　bathed　in　the　sacred　blood　of　the　bull。　You　must　have　drunk　the　potion。　You　dreamed　and　saw　yourself　reborn。〃
　〃Yes；〃　I　said；　trying　to　revive　the　old　ecstasy；　the　priceless　gift　of　belief　in　something。　〃Yes。　I　saw　the　stars　and　great　fields　of　flowers；　such　fields。。。〃
　It　was　no　good。　I　was　scared　of　this　woman　and　I　wanted　to　get　out　of　there。　I'd　go　home　and　confess　all　this　to　Flavius　and　make　him　let　me　weep　on　his　shoulder。
　〃I　am　not　pious　by　nature；〃　I　confessed。　〃I　was　young。　I　loved　the　free　women　who　went　there；　the　women　who　slept　with　whom　they　chose；　the　whores　of　Rome；　the　keepers　of　the　houses　of　pleasure；　I　liked　women　who　thought　for　themselves；　and　followed　the　goings…on　of　the　Empire。〃
　〃You　can　enjoy　such　pany　here　as　well；〃　said　the　Priestess；　without　batting　an　eye。　〃And　don't　fear　that　your　old　ties　to　the　Temple　caused　your　downfall　in　Rome。　We　have　plenty　of　news　to　confirm　that　the　highborn　were　not　persecuted　by　Tiberius　when　he　destroyed　the　Temple。　It　is　always　the　poor　who　suffer：　the　street　whore　and　the　simple　weaver；　the　hairdresser；　the　bricklayer。　No　noble　family　was　persecuted　in　the　name　of　Isis。　You　know　that。　Some　women　fled　to　Alexandria　because　they　would　not　give　up　the　worship；　but　they　were　never　in　danger；〃
　The　dreams　approached。　〃Oh；　Mother　of　God；〃　I　whispered。
　The　Priestess　went　on　talking。
　〃You；　like　Mother　Isis；　have　been　the　victim　of　tragedy。　And　you；　li