annr.pandora-第46部分

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　〃I　have　to　speak　this　way！〃　he　said　gently。　His　voice　was　all　kindness　in　its　heat。　〃It　is　my　primary　concern；〃　he　said。　〃If　you　can　understand　what　happened　with　the　end　of　the　Roman　Republic；　if　you　can　understand　Lucretius　and　the　Stoics；　whole；　then　you　can　understand　what　we　are。　You　have　to　do　this！〃
　〃I'll　let　that　insult　pass；〃　I　answered。　〃I'm　not　in　the　mood　for　listing　for　you　every　philosopher　or　poet　I　have　read。　Nor　for　recounting　the　level　of　talk　around　our　nighttime　table。〃
　〃Pandora；　I　don't　mean　any　offense！　But　Akasha　is　not　a　goddess！　Remember　your　dreams。　She　is　a　vial　of　precious　strength。　Your　dreams　told　you　she　could　be　used；　that　any　unscrupulous　blood　drinker　could　pass　on　the　blood　to　another；　that　she　is　a　form　of　demon；　host　to　the　power　we　share。〃
　〃She　can　hear　you！〃　I　whispered；　outraged。
　〃Of　course；　she　can。　For　fifteen　years　I've　been　her　guardian。　I've　fought　off　those　renegades　from　the　East。　And　other　connivers　from　the　African　hinterlands。　She　knows　what　she　is。〃
　No　one　could　have　guessed　his　age；　save　from　the　seriousness　of　his　expression。　A　man　in　perfect　form；　that　was　what　he　seemed。　I　tried　not　to　be　dazzled　by　him；　by　the　pulsing　night　behind　him；　and　yet　I　wanted　so　to　drift。　〃Some　wedding　feast；〃　I　said。　〃I　have　things　to　say　to　the　trees。〃
　〃They　will　be　there　tomorrow　night；〃　he　said。
　The　last　image　I　had　of　her　passed　before　my　eyes；　colored　in　ecstasy；　she　took　the　young　Pharaoh　from　his　chair　and　broke　him　into　sticks。　I　saw　her　before　that　revelation；　at　the　beginning　of　the　swoon；　running　down　the　corridor　laughing。
　A　slow　fear　crept　over　me。
　〃What　is　it'？〃　Marius　asked。　〃Confide　in　me。〃
　〃When　I　drank　from　her；　I　saw　her　like　a　girl；　laughing。〃　I　recounted　then　the　marriage；　the　flood　of　rose　petals；　and　then　her　strange　Egyptian　Temple　full　of　frenzied　worshipers。　At　last　I　told　him　how　she　had　entered　the　chamber　of　the　little　King；　whose　advisors　warned　him　of　her　gods。
　〃She　broke　him　up　as　if　he　were　a　boy　of　wood。　She　said；　'Little　King；　little　Kingdom；'　〃
　I　picked　up　my　pages；　which　earlier　I　had　placed　on　this　desk。　I　described　the　last　dream　I　had　had　of　her；　when　she　threatened；　screaming；　to　walk　into　the　sun　and　destroy　her　disobedient　children。　I　described　all　the　things　I　had　seen　…　the　many　migrations　of　my　soul。
　My　heart　hurt　so　much。　Even　as　I　explained；　I　saw　her　vulnerability；　the　danger　that　was　embodied　in　her。　I　explained　finally　how　I　had　written　all　this　in　Egyptian。
　I　was　weary　and　wished　truly　that　I　had　never　opened　eyes　on　this　life！　I　felt　the　keen　and　total　despair　again　of　those　nights　of　weeping　in　my　little　house　in　Antioch　when　I　had　pounded　on　walls；　and　driven　my　dagger　into　the　dirt。　If　she　had　not　run；　laughing　down　that　corridor！　What　did　the　image　mean？　And　the　little　boy　King；　broken　so　helplessly？
　I　made　a　sum　of　it　easily　enough。　I　waited　for　Marius's　belittling　remarks。　I　hadn't　much　patience　for　him　now。
　〃How　do　you　interpret　it？〃　he　asked　gently。　He　tried　to　take　my　hand　but　I　withdrew　it。
　〃It's　bits　and　pieces　of　her　recollection；〃　I　said。　I　was　heartbroken。　〃It's　what　she　remembers。　There　is　but　one　suggestion　of　a　future　in　it　all；〃　I　said。　〃There　is　only　one　prehensible　image　of　a　wish：　our　wedding；　that　we　be　together。〃；　My　voice　was　full　of　sadness；　yet　I　asked　him。
　〃Why　do　you　weep　again；　Marius？〃　I　asked。　〃She　must　gather　recollections　like　flowers　picked　at　random　from　the　garden　of　the　world；　like　leaves　falling　into　her　hands；　and　from　these　recollections　she　fastened　for　me　a　garland！　A　wedding　garland！　A　trap。　I　have　no　migrant　soul。　I　think　not。　If　I　did　have　a　migrant　soul；　then　why　would　she　alone；　one　so　archaic；　helpless；　irrelevant　to　the　world　itself；　so　out　of　fashion　and　out　of　power；　be　the　one　to　know　this？　To　make　it　known　to　me？　The　only　one　to　know？〃
　I　looked　at　him。　He　was　engaged　yet　crying。　He　showed　no　shame　in　it；　and　would　obviously　render　no　apology。
　〃What　was　it　you　said　before？〃　I　asked。　〃　'That　I　can　read　minds　makes　me　no　wiser　than　the　next　man'？〃　I　smiled。　〃That　is　the　key。　How　she　laughed　as　she　led　me　to　you。　How　she　wanted　me　to　behold　you　in　your　loneliness。〃
　He　only　nodded。
　〃I　wonder　how　she　knew　to　cast　her　net　so　far；〃　I　said；　〃to　find　me　across　the　rolling　sea。〃
　〃Lucius；　that's　how　she　knew。　She　hears　voices　from　many　lands。　She　sees　what　she　wants　to　see。　One　night　here　I　badly　startled　a　Roman；　who　appeared　to　recognize　me　and　then　slunk　away　as　if　I　were　a　danger　to　him。　I　went　after　him；　thinking　vaguely　that　there　was　something　to　this；　his　excessive　fear。
　〃I　soon　realized　a　great　weight　distorted　his　conscience　and　twisted　his　every　thought　and　movement。　He　was　terrified　to　be　recognized　by　someone　from　the　capital。　He　wanted　to　leave。
　〃He　went　to　the　house　of　a　Greek　merchant；　pounding　on　the　door　late；　by　torchlight；　and　demanded　the　payment　of　a　debt　owed　to　your　Father。　The　Greek　told　him　what　he　had　told　him　before；　that　the　money　would　be　repaid　only　to　your　Father　himself。
　〃The　next　night　I　sought　Lucius　out　again。　This　time　the　Greek　had　a　surprise　for　him。　A　letter　had　just　e　from　your　Father　by　military　ship。　This　was　perhaps　four　days　before　your　own　arrival。　The　letter　plainly　stated　that　a　favor　was　being　asked　of　the　Greek　by　your　Father　in　the　name　of　Hospitality　and　Honor。　If　the　favor　was　granted；　all　debts　were　canceled。　Everything　would　be　explained　by　a　letter　acpanying　a　cargo　destined　for　Antioch。　The　cargo　would　take　some　time；　as　the　ship　had　many　stops　to　make。　The　favor　was　of　crucial　importance。
　〃When　your　brother　saw　the　date　of　this　letter；　he　was　stricken。　The　Greek；　who　was　thoroughly　sick　of　Lucius　by　this　time；　slammed　the　door　in　his　face。
　〃I　accosted　Lucius　only　steps　away。　Of　course　he　remembered　me；　the　eccentric　Marius　of　long　ago。　I　pretended　surprise　to　see　him　here　and　asked　after　you。　He　was　in　a　panic　and　made　up　some　story　about　your　being　married　and　living　in　Tuscany；　and　said　that　he　was　on　his　way　out　of　town。　He　hurried　off。　But　the　moment's　contact　had　been　enough　to　see　the　testimony　he'd　given　the　Praetorian　Guard　against　his　family　…　all　lies　…　and　to　imagine　the　deeds　that　had　resulted　from　it。
　〃The　next　time；　on　waking；　I　couldn't　find　him。　I　kept　watch　on　the　house　of　the　Greeks。　I　weighed　in　my　mind　a　visit　to　the　old　man；　the　Greek　merchant；　some　way　to　lay　down　a　friendship　with　him。　I　thought　of　you。　I　pictured　you。　I　remembered　you。　I　made　up　poems　in　my　head　about　you。　I　didn't　hear　or　see　anything　of　your　brother。　I　presumed　he'd　left　Antioch。
　〃Then　one　night　I　awoke　and　came　upstairs　and　looked　out　to　see　the　city　full　of　random　fires。
　〃Germanicus　had　died；　never　retracting　his　accusations　that　Piso　had　poisoned　him。
　〃When　I　reached　the　house　of　the　Greek　merchant；　it　was　nothing　but　burnt　timbers。　I　caught　no　sight　or　sound　of　your　brother　anywhere。　For　all　I　knew　they　were　all　dead；　your　brother；　and　the　Greek　merchant　family。
　〃All　through　the　nights　after；　I　searched　for　sight　or　sound　of　Lucius。　I　had　no　idea　you　were　here；　only　an　obsessive　longing　for　you。　I　tried　to　remind　myself　that　if　I　mourned　for　every　mortal　tie　I　had　had　when　alive；　I　would　go　mad　long　before　I　had　learnt　anything　about　my　gifts　from　our　King　and　Queen。
　〃Then；　I　was　in　the　bookseller's　and　it　was　early　evening　and　the　Priest　slipped　up　to　me。　He　pointed　to　you。　There　you　stood　in　the　Forum；　and　the　philosopher　and　students　were　bidding　you　farewell。　I　was　so　dose！
　〃I　was　so　overe　with　love　I　didn't　even　listen　to　the　Priest　until　I　realized　he　was　speaking　of　strange　dreams　as　he　pointed　to　you。　He　was　saying　that　only　I　could　put　it　all　together。　It　had　to　do　with　the　blood　drinker　who　had　recently　been　in　Antioch；　not　an　unmon　occurrence。　I　have　slain　other　blood　drinkers　before。　I've　vowed　to　catch　this　one。
　〃Then　I　saw　Lucius。　I　saw　you　e　together。　His　anger　and　guilt　were　nearly　blinding　to　me　with　this　blood　drinker's　vision。　I　heard　your　words　effortlessly　from　a　great　distance；　but　would　not　move　until　you　were　safely　away　from　him。
　〃I　wanted　to　kill　him　then；　but　the　wiser　course　seemed　to　stay　right　with　you；　to　enter　the