annr.pandora-第57部分

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the　answer　to　the　greatest　questions　humans　and　immortal　have　ever　posed。　He　looked　to　me　for　answers！
　Then　glancing　back　again　at　the　dead　Cassiodorus；　he　ran　to　me；　across　the　sloping　grass；　and　the　need　came　out　of　him；　poured　from　him；　his　arms　out　as　it　beheld　me。　Could　I　not　explain？　Could　I　not　contain　in　some　Divine　Design　the　mystery　of　the　loss　of　Cassiodorus！　Cassiodorus　who　had　with　his　Vivarium　rivaled　the　hive　of　bees　in　elegance　and　glory！　It　was　Vivarium　which　had　drawn　this　consciousness　together　from　the　hives！　Could　I　not　ease　this　creature's　pain！
　〃There　are　horrors　in　this　world；〃　I　whispered。　〃It　is　made　up　of　mystery　and　dependent　upon　mystery。　If　you　would　have　peace；　go　back　to　the　hives；　lose　your　human　shape；　and　descend　again；　fragmented　into　the　mindless　life　of　the　contented　bees　from　which　you　rose。〃
　He　was　fixed；　and　he　listened　to　me。
　〃If　you　would　have　fleshly　life；　human　life；　hard　life　which　can　move　through　time　and　space；　then　fight　for　it。　If　you　would　have　human　philosophy　then　struggle　and　make　yourself　wise；　so　that　nothing　can　hurt　you　ever。　Wisdom　is　strength。　Collect　yourself；　whatever　you　are；　into　something　with　a　purpose。
　〃But　know　this。　All　is　speculation　under　the　sky。　All　myth；　all　religion；　all　philosophy；　all　history　…　is　lies。〃
　The　thing；　whether　it　be　male　or　female；　drew　up　its　bundled　straw　hands；　as　if　to　cover　its　mouth。　I　turned　my　back　on　it。
　I　walked　away　silently　through　the　vineyards。　In　a　little　while　the　monks　would　discover　that　their　Father　Superior；　their　genius；　their　saint；　had　died　at　his　work。
　I　looked　back　in　amazement　to　discover　that　the　figure　of　straw　remained；　organized；　assuming　the　posture　of　an　upright　being；　watching　me。
　〃I　will　not　believe　in　you！〃　I　shouted　back　to　this　man　of　straw。　〃I　will　not　search　with　you　for　any　answer！　But　know　this：　if　you　would　bee　an　organized　being　as　you　see　in　me；　love　all　mankind　and　womankind　and　all　their　children。　Do　not　take　your　strength　from　blood！　Do　not　feed　on　suffering。　Do　not　rise　like　a　god　above　crowds　chanting　in　adoration。　Do　not　lie！〃
　It　listened。　It　heard。　It　remained　still。
　I　ran。　I　ran　and　ran　up　the　rocky　slopes　and　through　the　forests　of　Calabria　until　I　was　far　far　away　from　it。　Under　the　moon；　I　saw　the　sprawling　majesty　of　Vivarium　with　its　cloisters　and　sloped　roofs　as　it　surrounded　the　shores　of　its　shimmering　inlet　from　the　sea。
　I　never　saw　the　straw　creature　again。　I　don't　know　what　it　was。　I　don't　want　you　to　ask　me　any　question　about　it。
　You　tell　me　spirits　and　ghosts　walk。　We　know　such　beings　exist。　But　that　was　the　last　I　saw　of　that　being。
　And　when　next　I　drifted　through　Italy；　Vivarium　had　been　long　destroyed。　The　earthquakes　had　shaken　loose　the　last　of　its　walls。　Had　it　been　sacked　first　by　the　next　wave　of　ignorant　tall　men　of　Northern　Europe；　the　Vandals？　Was　it　an　earthquake　that　brought　about　its　ruin？
　No　one　knows。　What　survives　of　it　are　the　letters　that　Cassiodorus　sent　to　others。
　Soon　the　classics　were　declared　profane。　Pope　Gregory　wrote　tales　of　magic　and　miracles；　because　it　was　the　only　way　to　convert　thousands　of　superstitious　uncatechized　Northern　tribes　to　Christianity　in　great　en　masse　baptisms。
　He　conquered　the　warriors　Rome　could　never　conquer。
　The　history　of　Italy　for　one　hundred　years　falls　into　absolute　darkness　after　Cassiodorus。　How　do　the　books　put　it？　For　a　century；　nothing　is　heard　from　Italy。
　Ah；　what　a　silence！
　Now　David；　as　you　e　to　these　final　pages；　I　must　confess；　I　have　left　you。　The　smiles　with　which　I　gave　you　these　notebooks　were　deceptive。　Feminine　wiles；　Marius　would　call　them。　My　promise　to　meet　with　you　tomorrow　night　here　in　Paris　was　a　lie。　I　will　have　left　Paris　by　the　time　you　e　to　these　lines。　I　go　to　New　Orleans。
　It's　your　doing；　David。　You　have　transformed　me。　You　have　given　me　a　desperate　faith　that　in　narrative　there　is　a　shadow　of　meaning。　I　now　know　a　new　strident　energy。　You　have　trained　me　through　your　demand　upon　my　language　and　my　memory　to　live　again；　to　believe　again　that　some　good　exists　in　this　world。
　I　want　to　find　Marius。　Thoughts　of　other　immortals　fill　the　air。　Cries；　pleas；　strange　messages。。。
　One　who　was　believed　gone　from　us　is　now　apparently　known　to　have　survived。
　I　have　strong　reason　to　believe　that　Marius　has　gone　to　New　Orleans；　and　I　must　be　reunited　with　him。　I　must　seek　out　Lestat；　to　see　this　fallen　brat　Prince　lying　on　the　chapel　floor　unable　to　speak　or　move。
　e　join　me；　David。　Don't　fear　Marius！　I　know　he　will　e　to　help　Lestat。　I　do　the　same。
　e　back　to　New　Orleans。
　Even　if　Marius　is　not　there；　I　want　to　see　Lestat。　I　want　to　see　the　others　again。　What　have　you　done；　David？　I　now　contain　…　with　this　new　curiosity；　with　this　flaming　capacity　to　care　once　more；　with　reborn　capacity　to　sing　…　I　now　contain　the　awful　capacity　to　want　and　to　love。
　For　that；　if　for　nothing　else；　and　there　is　indeed　much　more；　I　shall　always　thank　you。　No　matter　what　suffering　is　to　e；　you　have　quickened　me。　And　nothing　you　do　or　say　will　ever　cause　the　death　of　my　love　for　you。
　
　
　
　
　
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