the stainless steel rat-第23部分

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　　　　　About　the　only　good　thing　about　these　pixilation　producers　is　the　accepted　fact　that　the　effects　are　only　temporary。　When　the　drug　wears　off　so　do　the　hallucinations。　I　hoped。　Nowhere　in　the　texts　I　studied　did　they　mention　a　devil's　brew　such　as　the　one　I　was　concocting。　It　was　a　laborious　task　hunting　down　all　of　Angelina's　fascinating　symptoms　in　the　textbooks　and　trying　to　fit　them　to　an　inclusive　psychotic　pattern。　I　even　called　in　some　professional　help　to　aid　in　analyzing　her　case；　not　mentioning；　of　course；　to　what　use　I　intended　to　put　the　information。　In　the　end　I　had　a　bottle　of　slightly　smoky　liquid　and　a　taped　recording　of　autohypnotic　suggestions　to　play　into　my　ears　while　the　shot　was　taking　effect。　All　that　remained　was　screwing　my　courage　to　the　sticking…place　as　they　say　in　the　classics。　Not　really　all　that　remainedI　wanted　to　take　some　precautions　first。　I　rented　a　room　in　a　cheap　hotel　and　left　orders　not　to　be　disturbed　at　any　time。　This　was　the　first　time　I　had　ever　tried　this　particular　type　of　nonsense　and　since　I　had　no　idea　of　how　foggy　my　memory　would　be　I　left　a　few　notes　around　to　remind　me　of　the　job。　After　a　half　day　of　this　kind　of　preparation　I　realized　I　was　making　excuses。
　　　　　〃Well　it's　not　easy　to　deliberately　go　insane；〃　I　told　my　rather　pale　reflection　in　the　mirror。　The　reflection　agreed　but　that　didn't　stop　either　of　us　from　rolling　up　our　sleeves　and　filling　large　hypodermic　needles　with　murky　madness。
　　　　　〃Here's　looking　at　you；〃　I　said；　and　slipped　the　needle　gently　in　the　vein　and　slowly　pushed　the　plunger　home。
　　　　　The　results　were　anticlimactic　to　say　the　least。　Outside　of　a　ringing　in　my　ears　and　a　twinge　of　headache　that　quickly　passed　I　felt　nothing。　I　knew　better　than　to　go　out　though；　so　I　read　the　newspaper　for　a　while；　until　I　felt　tired。　The　whole　thing　seemed　a　little　foolish　and　pretty　much　of　a　letdown。　I　went　to　sleep　with　the　tape　player　whispering　softly　in　my　ears　such　ego…building　epigrams　as；　〃You　are　better　than　everyone　else　and　you　know　it；　and　people　who　don't　know　it　had　better　watch　out；〃　and　〃They　are　all　fools　and　if　you　were　in　charge　things　would　be　different；　and　why　aren't　you　in　charge；　it's　easy　enough。〃
　　　　　Waking　up　was　unfortable　because　of　the　pain　in　my　ears　where　the　earphones　were　still　plugged　in；　my　own　stupid　voice　droning　away　at　me。　Nothing　had　changed　and　the　whole　futile　experiment　was　a　waste　and　waste　makes　me　angry。　The　earphones　broke　in　my　hands　and　I　felt　better；　felt　much　better　still　when　I　had　stamped　the　tape　player　into　a　tangle　of　rubble。
　　　　　My　face　rasped　when　I　ran　my　hand　over　it；　I　had　been　days　without　a　shave。　Rubbing　in　the　dip　cream　I　looked　into　the　mirror　over　the　sink　and　an　odd　fact　struck　me　for　the　first　time。　This　new　face　fined　me　a　lot　better　than　the　old　one。　A　fault　of　birth　or　the　ugliness　of　my　parentswhom　I　hated　deeply；　the　only　right　thing　they　ever　did　was　to　produce　mehad　given　me　a　face　that　didn't　fit　my　personality。　The　new　one　was　better；　handsomer　for　one　thing　and　a　lot　stronger。　I　should　have　thanked　that　fumble…finger　quack　Vulff　for　producing　a　masterpiece。　I　should　have　thanked　him　with　a　bullet。　That　would　guarantee　that　no　one　would　ever　be　able　to　trace　me　through　him。　It　must　have　been　a　warm　day　and　I　was　suffering　a　fever　when　I　let　him　get　safely　away　like　that。
　　　　　On　the　table　was　a　piece　of　paper　with　a　single　word　written　on　it；　my　own　handwriting　though　I　can't　imagine　why　the　hell　I　left　it　there。　Angelina　it　said。　Angelina；　how　I　would　love　to　get　that　tender　white　throat　between　my　hands　and　squeeze　until　your　eyeballs　popped。　Hah！　I　had　to　laugh　at　the　thought；　made　a　funny　picture　indeed。　Yet　I　shouldn't　be　so　flippant　about　it。　Angelina　was　important。　I　was　going　to　find　her　and　nothing　was　going　to　stop　me。　She　had　made　a　fool　of　me　and　had　tried　to　kill　me。　If　anyone　deserved　to　die　it　was　her。　It　was　an　awful　waste　in　some　ways　yet　it　had　to　be　done。　I　shredded　the　note　into　fine　pieces。
　　　　　All　at　once　the　room　was　very　oppressing　and　I　wanted　out。　What　made　me　doubly　angry　was　the　fact　the　key　was　missing。　I　remember　taking　it　out；　but　had　no　idea　where　I　had　put　it。　The　slob　at　the　desk　was　slow　at　answering　and　I　was　tempted　to　tell　him　just　What　I　thought　of　the　service；　but　I　refrained。　There　is　only　one　permanent　cure　for　these　types。　A　spare　key　rattled　into　the　basket　of　the　pneumo　and　I　let　myself　out。　I　needed　some　food　and　I　needed　some　drink　and　most　of　all　I　needed　a　quiet　place　for　some　thought。
　　　　　A　nearby　spot　provided　all　threeafter　I　had　chased　the　hookers　away。　They　were　all　dogs；　and　Angelina　just　playing　a　role　had　been　better　than　this　entire　crowd　lumped　together。　Angelina。　She　was　on　my　mind　tonight　with　a　vengeance。　The　drinks　warmed　my　gut　and　Angelina　warmed　my　memory。　To　think　that　I　had　actually　once　considered　turning　her　in　or　possibly　killing　her。　What　a　waste！　The　only　intelligent　woman　I　had　ever　run　across。　And　all　womanI'll　never　forget　the　way　she　walked　in　that　dress。　Once　she　had　been　tamed　a　bitwhat　a　team　we　could　make！　This　thought　was　so　mentally　aphrodisiac　that　my　skin　burned　and　I　drained　my　glass　at　a　single　swallow。
　　　　　Something　had　to　be　done；　I　had　to　find　her。　She　would　never　have　left　a　ripe　plum　of　a　planet　like　this　one。　A　girl　with　her　ambition　could　go　right　to　the　top　here；　nothing　could　stop　her。　And　that's　of　course　where　she　would　beeventually　if　not　now。　She　must　spend　her　life　feeling　damned　because　she　was　a　woman；　knowing　she　was　better　than　the　rest　of　the　cruds　around；　then　proving　it　to　herself　and　them　over　and　over　again。　My　arrival　would　be　the　biggest　favor　Angelina　could　have。　I　didn't　have　to　prove　myself　better　than　the　hicks　on　this　rubeified　planetjust　one　look　did　that。　When　Angelina　hooked　up　with　me　she　could　stop　fighting；　relax　and　take　orders。　The　contest　would　be　over　for　all　time。
　　　　　While　I　sat　there　something　was　nagging　at　me；　some　vital　fact　I　had　to　rememberyet　couldn't。　For　a　second　I　fumbled　with　the　memory　before　I　realized　what　it　was。　The　injection　would　be　wearing　off　soon！　I　had　to　get　back　to　the　room；　quickly。　There　had　been　some　fear　about　the　danger　of　this　business；　but　I　realized　now　that　was　just　my　earlier　cowardice。　This　stuff　was　no　more　dangerous　than　aspirin。　And　at　the　same　time　it　was　the　galaxy's　greatest　pick…up。　New　worlds　of　possibilities　were　opening　up　to　me；　my　mind　was　clearer　and　my　thoughts　more　logical。　I　wasn't　going　back　to　the　old　muddled…head　stuff。　At　the　bar　I　paid　the　bartender；　my　fingers　tapping　impatiently　while　he　slothfully　made　change　for　me。
　　　　　〃A　wiseguy？〃　I　asked；　loud　enough　for　everyone　in　the　joint　to　hear。　〃A　customer　is　in　a　hurry　so　that's　your　chance　to　shortchange　him。　This　is　two　gilden　short。〃　I　held　the　money　out　in　my　palm　and　when　he　bent　to　count　it　I　came　up　quick　with　the　hand　and　let　him　have　the　whole　thing　right　in　the　face；　bills；　coins；　thumb　and　fingers。　At　the　same　time　I　told　himin　a　low　voice　so　no　one　else　could　hearjust　what　I　thought　of　him。　Freibur　slang　is　rich　in　insult　and　I　used　the　best　on　him。　I　could　have　done　more　but　I　was　in　a　hurry　to　get　back　to　the　hotel　room；　and　teaching　him　a　lesson　would　take　time。　When　I　turned　to　go　I　kept　an　eye　behind　me　in　a　mirror　across　the　room　and　it's　a　good　thing　I　did。　He　pulled　a　length　of　pipe　out　from　under　the　bar　and　raised　it　over　my　head。　Of　course　I　stood　still　to　give　him　a　nice　target　and　not　throw　off　his　aimonly　stepping　aside　as　the　arm　came　down；　just　moving　enough　to　let　the　pipe　skin　by　me。
　　　　　It　was　no　trick　at　all　to　grab　the　arm；　keep　it　going　down；　and　break　the　bone　across　the　edge　of　the　bar。　The　screams　were　heartwarming　to　say　the　least；　and　I　only　wish　I　had　the　time　to　stay　and　really　give　him　something　to　scream　about。　There　was　just　no　time　left。
　　　　　〃You　saw　him　viciously　attack　me；〃　I　told　the　stunned　customers　as　I　headed　for　the　door。　Rough…and…tough　had　slumped　down　and　was　moaning　out　of　sight　somewhere　behind　the　bar。　〃I'm　going　to　call　the　police　nowsee　that　he　doesn't　leave。〃　Of　course　he　had　as　much　intention　of　leaving　as　I　had　of　calling　the　law。　I　was　out　the　door　long　before　a