sk.carrie-第15部分

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ds。　We　were　kids。　We　were　kids　trying　to　do　our　best　。。。
'You　must　be　crazy。'
He　blinked　at　her；　not　willing　to　believe　that　he　had　actually　heard　it。　They　were　at　his　house；　and　the　television　was　on　but　forgotten。　His　mother　had　gone　over　to　visit　Mrs　Klein　across　the　street　His　father　was　in　the　cellar　workroom　making　a　bird…house。
Sue　looked　unfortable　but　determined。　'Ifs　the　way　I　want　it；　Tommy。'
'Well；　it's　not　the　way　I　want　it。　I　think　ifs　the　craziest　goddam　thing　I　ever　heard。　Like　something　you　might　do　on　a　bet。'
Her　face　tightened。　'Oh？　I　thought　you　were　the　one　doing　the　big　speeches　the　other　night。　But　when　it　es　to　putting　your　money　where　your　big　fat　mouth
'Wait；　whoa。'　He　was　unoffended；　grinning。　'I　didn't　say　no；　did　I？　Not　yet；　anyway。'
'YOU　…'
'Wait　Just　wait。　Let　me　talk。　You　want　me　to　ask　Carrie　White　to　the　Spring　Ball。　Okay；　I　got　that。　But　there's　a　couple　of　things　I　don't　understand。'
‘Name　them。'　She　leaned　forward。
'First；　what　good　would　it　do？　And　second；　what　makes　YOU　think　shed　say　yes　if　I　asked　her？'
'Not　say　yes！　Why　…　'　She　floundered。　'You're　。。。　everybody　likes　you　and…'
'We　both　know　Carrie's　got　no　reason　to　care　much　for　people　that　everybody　likes。'
'She'd　go　with　you。'
'Why？'
Pressed；　she　looked　defiant　and　proud　at　the　same　time。　'I've　seen　the　way　she　looks　at　you。　She's　got　a　crush。　Like　half　the　girls　at　Ewen。'
He　rolled　his　eyes。
'Well；　I'm　just　telling　you；'　Sue　said　defensively。　'She　won't　be　able　to　say　no。'
'Suppose　I　believe　you；'　he　said。　'What　about　the　other　thing？'
'You　mean　what　good　will　it　do？　Why　it'll；　bring　her　out　of　her　shell；　of　course。　Make　her。。。'　She　trailed　off
'A　part　of　things？　e　on；　Suze。　You　don't　believe　that　bullshit。'
'All　right；'　she　said。　'Maybe　I　don't。　But　maybe　I　still　think　I've　got　something　to　make　up　for。'
'The　shower　room？'
'A　lot　more　than　that。　Maybe　if　that　was　all　I　could　let　it　go；　but　the　mean　tricks　have　been　going　on　ever　since　grammar　school。　I　wasn't　in　on　many　of　them；　but　I　was　on　some。　If　I'd　been　in　Chris's　group；　I　bet　I　would　have　been　in　on　even　more。　It　seemed　like。　。　oh；　a　big　laugh。　Girls　can　be　cat…mean　about　that　sort　of　thing；　and　boys　don't　really　understand。　The　boys　would　tease　Carrie　for　a　little　while　and　then　forget；　but　the　girls　。。。　it　went　on　and　on　and　on　and　I　can't　even　remember　where　it　started　any　more。　If　I　were　Carrie；　I　couldn't　even　face　showing　myself　to　the　world。　I'd　just　find　a　big　rock　and　hide　under　it。'
'You　were　kids；'　he　said。　'Kids　don't　know　what　they're　doing。　Kids　don't　even　know　their　reactions　really；　actually；　hurt　other　people。　They　have　no；　uh；　empathy。　Dig？'
She　found　herself　struggling　to　express　the　thought　this　called　up　in　her；　for　it　suddenly　seemed　basic；　bulking　over　the　shower…room　incident　the　way　sky　bulks　over　mountains。
'But　hardly　anybody　ever　finds　out　that　their　actions　really；　actually　hurt　other　people！　People　don't　get　better；　they　just　get　smarter。　When　you　get　smarter　you　don't　stop　pulling　the　wings　off　flies　you　just　think　of　better　reasons　for　doing　it。　Lots　of　kids　say　they　feel　sorry　for　Carrie　White…mostly　girls；　and　that's　a　laugh…but　I　bet　none　of　them　understand　what　it's　like　to　be　Carrie　White；　every　second　of　every　day。　And　they　don't　really　care。'
'Do　you？'
'I　don't　know！'　she　cried。　'But　someone　ought　to　try　and　be　sorry　in　a　way　that　counts　。。。　in　a　way　that　means　something。'。
'All　right。　I'll　ask　her。'
'You　will？'　The　statement　came　out　in　a　flat；　surprised　way。　She　had　not　thought　he　actually　would。
'Yea。　But　I　think　she'll　say　no。　You've　overestimated　my　box…office　appeal。　That　popularity　stuff　is　bullshit。　You've　got　a　bee　in　your　bonnet　about　that。'
'Thank　you；'　she　said；　and　it　sounded　odd；　as　if　she　had　thanked　an　Inquisitor　for　torture。
'I　love　you；'　he　said。
She　looked　at　him；　startled。　It　was　the　first　time　he　had　said　it。
From　My　Name　is　Susan　Snell　（p。　6）：
There　are　lots　of　people…mostly　men…who　aren't　surprised　that　I　asked　Tommy　to　take　Carrie　to　the　Spring　Ball。　They　are　surprised　that　he　did　it；　though；　which　shows　you　that　the　male　mind　expects　very　little　in　the　way　of　altruism　from　its　fellows。
Tommy　took　her　because　he　loved　me　and　because　it　was　what　I　wanted。　How；　asks　the　sceptic　from　the　balcony；　did　you　know　he　loved　you？　Because　he　told　me　so；　mister。　And　if　you'd　known　him；　that　would　have　been　good　enough　for　you；　too　。。。
He　asked　her　on　Thursday；　after　lunch；　and　found　himself　as　nervous　as　a　kid　going　to　his　first　ice…cream　party。
She　sat　four　rows　over　from　him　in　Period　Five　study　hall；　and　when　it　was　over　he　cut　across　to　her　through　the　mass　of　rushing　bodies。　At　the　teacher's　desk　Mr　Stephens；　a　tall　man　just　beginning　to　run　to　fat；　was　folding　papers　abstractedly　back　into　his　ratty　brown　briefcase。
'Carrie？'
'Ohuh？'
She　looked　up　from　her　books　with　a　startled　wince；　as　if　expecting　a　blow。　The　day　was　overcast　and　the　bank　of　fluorescents　embedded　in　the　ceiling　was　not　particularly　kind　to　her　pale　plexion。　But　he　saw　for　the　first　time　（because　it　was　the　first　time　he　had　really　looked）　that　she　was　far　from　repulsive。　Her　face　was　round　rather　than　oval；　and　the　eyes　were　so　dark　that　they　seemed　to　cast　shadows　beneath　them；　like　bruises。　Her　hair　was　darkish　blonde；　slightly　wiry；　pulled　back　in　a　bun　that　was　not　being　to　her。　The　lips　were　full；　almost　lush；　the　teeth　naturally　white。　Her　body；　for　the　most　part；　was　indeterminate。　A　baggy　sweater　concealed　her　breasts　except　for　token　nubs。　The　skirt　was　colourful　but　awful　all　the　same：　It　fell　to　a　1958　midshin　hem　in　an　odd　and　clumsy　A…line。　The　calves　were　strong　and　rounded　（the　attempt　to　conceal　these　with　heathery　knee…socks　was　bizarre　but　unsuccessful）　and　handsome。
She　was　looking　up　with　an　expression　that　was　slightly　fearful；　slightly　something　else。　He　was　quite　sure　he　knew　what　the　something　else　was。　Sue　had　been　right；　and　being　right；　he　had　just　time　to　wonder　if　this　was　doing　a　kindness　or　making　things　even　worse。
'If　you　don't　have　a　date　for　the　Ball；　would　you　want　to　go　with　me？'
Now　she　blinked；　and　as　she　did　so；　a　strange　thing　happened。　The　time　it　took　to　happen　could　have　been　no　more　than　the　doorway　to　a　second；　but　afterwards　he　had　no　trouble　recalling　it；　as　one　does　with　dreams　or　the　sensation　of　deja　vu。　He　felt　a　dizziness　as　if　his　mind　was　no　longer　controlling。　his　body　…　the　miserable；　out…of…control　feeling　he　associated　with　drinking　too　much　and　then　ing　to　the　vomiting　point。
Then　it　was　gone。
'What？　What？'
She　wasn't　angry；　at　least。　He　had　expected　a　brief　gust　of　rage　and　then　a　sweeping　retreat。　But　she　wasn't　angry；　she　seemed　unable　to　cope　with　what　he　had　said　at　all。　They　were　alone　in　the　study　hall　now；　perfectly　between　the　ebb　of　old　students　and　the　flow　of　new　ones。
'The　Spring　Ball；'　he　said；　a　little　shaken。　'It's　next　Friday　and　I　know　this　is　late　notice　but…？
'I　don't　like　to　be　tricked；'　she　said　softly；　and　lowered　her　head。　She　hesitated　for　just　a　second；　and　then　passed　him　by。　She　stopped　and　turned　and　he　suddenly　saw　dignity　in　her；　something　so　natural　that　he　doubted　if　she　was　even　aware　of　it。　'Do　You　People　think　you　can　just　go　on　tricking　me　forever？　I　know　who　you　go　around　with。'
'I　don't　go　around　with　anyone　I　don't　want　to；'　Tommy　said　patiently。　'I'm　asking　you　because　I　want　to　ask　you。'　Ultimately；　he　knew　this　to　be　the　truth。　If　Sue　was　making　a　gesture　of　atonement；　she　was　doing　it　only　at　secondhand。
The　Period　Six　students　were　ing　in　now；　and　some　of　them　were　looking　over　curiously。　Dale　Ullman　said　something　to　a　boy　Tommy　didn't　know　and　both　of　them　snickered。
'e　on；'　Tommy　said。　They　walked　out　into　the　hall。
They　were　halfway　to　Wing　Four　…　his　class　was　the　other　way　…　walking　together　but　perhaps　only　by　accident；　when　she　said；　almost　too　quietly　to　hear：　'I'd　love　to。　Love　to。'
He　was　perceptive　enough　to　know　it　was　not　an　acceptance；　and　again　doubt　assailed　him。　Still；　it　was　started。　'Do　it；　then。　It　will　be　all　right。　For　both　of　us。　We'll　see　to　it。'
'No；'　she　said；　and　in　her　sudden　pensiveness　she　could　have　been　mistaken　for　beautiful。　'It　will　be　a　nightmare。'
'I　don't　hav