rj.theshadowrising-第39部分

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re　as　strong　as　he。　Near　to　it；　at　least。　She　had　just　been　rudely　disabused。　Perhaps　Nynaeve　could　e　close；　if　she　was　angry　enough；　but　Egwene　knew　she　herself　could　never　have　done　what　he　just　had；　split　her　flows　that　many　ways；　worked　that　many　things　at　once。　Working　two　flows　at　once　was　far　more　than　twice　as　hard　as　working　one　of　the　same　magnitude；　and　working　three　much　more　than　twice　again　working　two。　He　had　to　have　been　weaving　a　dozen。　He　did　not　even　look　tired；　yet　exertion　with　the　Power　took　energy。　She　very　much　feared　he　could　handle　her　and　Elayne　both　like　kittens。　Kittens　he　might　decide　to　drown；　if　he　went　mad。
　　　　　　　But　she　would　not；　could　not；　just　walk　away。　That　would　be　the　same　as　quitting；　and　she　was　not　made　that　way。　She　meant　to　do　what　she　had　e　there　for　…　all　of　it　…　and　he　was　not　going　to　chase　her　off　short　of　it。　Not　him　or　anything　else。
　　　　　　　Elayne's　blue　eyes　were　filled　with　determination；　and　the　moment　Egwene　fell　silent　she　added　in　a　much　firmer　voice；　〃And　we　will　not　go　until　we　are。　You　said　you　would　try。　You　must　try。〃
　　　　　　　〃I　did　say　that；　didn't　I？〃　he　murmured　after　a　time。　〃At　least　we　can　sit　down。〃
　　　　　　　Not　looking　at　the　blackened　tables　or　the　band　of　metallic　cloth　lying　crumpled　on　the　carpet；　he　led　them；　limping　slightly；　to　high…backed　chairs　near　the　windows。　They　had　to　move　books　from　the　red　silk　cushions　in　order　to　sit；　Egwene's　chair　held　Volume　Twelve　of　The　Treasures　of　the　Stone　of　Tear；　a　dusty；　wood…bound　book　entitled　Travels　in　the　Aiel　Waste；　with　Various　Observations　on　the　Savage　Inhabitants；　and　a　thick；　tattered　leather　volume　called　Dealings　with　the　Territory　of　Mayene；　500　to　750　of　the　New　Era。　Elayne　had　a　bigger　stack　to　move；　but　Rand　hurriedly　took　them　from　her　along　with　those　from　his　chair　and　put　them　all　on　the　floor；　where　the　pile　promptly　fell　over。　Egwene　laid　hers　neatly　beside　them。
　　　　　　　〃What　do　you　want　me　to　do　now？〃　He　sat　on　the　edge　of　his　seat；　hands　on　his　knees。　〃I　promise　I　won't　do　anything　but　what　you　ask　this　time。〃
　　　　　　　Egwene　bit　her　tongue　to　keep　from　telling　him　that　promise　came　a　bit　late。　Perhaps　she　had　been　a　little　vague　in　what　she　had　asked　for；　but　that　was　no　excuse。　Still；　that　was　something　to　be　dealt　with　another　time。　She　realized　she　was　thinking　of　him　as　just　Rand　again；　but　he　looked　as　if　he　had　just　splashed　mud　on　her　best　dress　and　was　worried　she　would　not　believe　it　an　accident。　Yet　she　had　not　let　go　of　saidar；　and　neither　had　Elayne。　There　was　no　need　to　be　foolish。　〃This　time；〃　she　said；　〃we　just　want　you　to　talk。　How　do　you　embrace　the　Source？　Just　tell　us。　Take　it　step　by　step；　slowly。〃
　　　　　　　〃More　like　wrestling　than　embracing。〃　He　grunted。　〃Step　by　step？　Well；　first　I　imagine　a　flame；　and　then　I　push　everything　into　it。　Hate；　fear；　nervousness。　Everything。　When　they're　all　consumed；　there's　an　emptiness；　a　void；　inside　my　head。　I　am　in　the　middle　of　it；　but　I'm　a　part　of　whatever　I　am　concentrating　on；　too。〃
　　　　　　　〃That　sounds　familiar；〃　Egwene　said。　〃I've　heard　your　father　talk　about　a　trick　of　concentration　he　uses　to　win　the　archery　petitions。　What　he　calls　the　Flame　and　the　Void。〃
　　　　　　　Rand　nodded；　sadly；　it　seemed。　She　thought　he　must　be　missing　home；　and　his　father。　〃Tam　taught　it　to　me　first。　And　Lan　uses　it；　too；　with　the　sword。　Selene　…　someone　I　met　once　…　called　it　the　Oneness。　A　good　many　people　seem　to　know　about　it；　whatever　they　call　it。　But　I　found　out　for　myself　that　when　I　was　inside　the　void；　I　could　feel　saidin；　like　a　light　just　beyond　the　corner　of　my　eye　in　the　emptiness。　There's　nothing　but　me　and　that　light。　Emotion；　even　thought；　is　outside。　I　used　to　have　to　take　it　bit　by　bit；　but　it　all　es　at　once；　now。　Most　of　it　does；　anyway。　Most　of　the　time。〃
　　　　　　　〃Emptiness；〃　Elayne　said　with　a　shiver。　〃No　emotion。　That　doesn't　sound　very　much　like　what　we　do。〃
　　　　　　　〃Yes；　it　does；〃　Egwene　insisted　eagerly。　〃Rand；　we　just　do　it　a　little　differently；　that's　all。　I　imagine　myself　to　be　a　flower；　a　rosebud；　imagine　it　until　I　am　the　rosebud。　That　is　like　your　void；　in　a　way。　The　rosebud's　petals　open　out　to　the　light　of　saidar；　and　I　let　it　fill　me；　all　light　and　warmth　and　life　and　wonder。　I　surrender　to　it；　and　by　surrendering；　I　control　it。　That　was　the　hardest　part；　to　learn；　really；　how　to　master　saidar　by　submitting；　but　it　seems　so　natural　now　that　I　do　not　even　think　about　it。　That　is　the　key　to　it；　Rand。　I　am　sure。　You　must　learn　to　surrender　…〃　He　was　shaking　his　head　vigorously。
　　　　　　　〃That's　nothing　like　what　I　do；〃　he　protested。　〃Let　it　fill　me？　I　have　to　reach　out　and　take　hold　of　saidin。　Sometimes　there's　still　nothing　there　when　I　do；　nothing　I　can　touch；　but　if　I　didn't　reach　for　it；　I　could　stand　there　forever　and　nothing　would　happen。　It　fills　me　all　right；　once　I　take　hold；　but　surrender　to　it？〃　He　raked　his　fingers　through　his　hair。　〃Egwene；　if　I　surrendered　…　even　for　a　minute　…　saidin　would　consume　me。　It's　like　a　river　of　molten　metal；　an　ocean　of　fire；　all　the　light　of　the　sun　gathered　in　one　spot。　I　must　fight　it　to　make　it　do　what　I　want；　fight　it　to　keep　from　being　eaten　up。〃
　　　　　　　He　sighed。　〃I　know　what　you　mean　about　life　filling　you；　though；　even　with　the　taint　turning　my　stomach。　Colors　are　sharper；　smells　clearer。　Everything　is　more　real；　somehow。　I　don't　want　to　let　go；　once　I　have　it；　even　while　it's　trying　to　swallow　me。　But　the　rest。。。。　Face　the　facts；　Egwene。　The　Tower　is　right　about　this。　Accept　it　for　the　truth；　because　it　is。〃
　　　　　　　She　shook　her　head。　〃I　will　accept　it　when　it　is　proved　to　me。〃　She　did　not　sound　as　sure　as　she　wanted　to；　not　as　sure　she　had　been。　What　he　told　sounded　like　some　twisted　half…reflection　of　what　she　did；　similarities　only　emphasizing　differences。　Yet　there　were　similarities。　She　would　not　give　up。　〃Can　you　tell　the　flows　apart？　Air；　Water；　Spirit；　Earth；　Fire？〃
　　　　　　　〃Sometimes；〃　he　said　slowly。　〃Not　usually。　I　just　take　what　I　need　to　do　what　I　want。　Fumble　for　it；　mostly。　It's　very　strange。　Sometimes　I　need　to　do　a　thing；　and　I　do　it；　but　only　afterward　do　I　know　what　it　was　I　did；　or　how。　It's　almost　like　remembering　something　I've　forgotten。　But　I　can　remember　how　to　do　it　again。　Most　of　the　time。〃
　　　　　　　〃Yet　you　do　remember　how；〃　she　insisted。　〃How　did　you　set　fire　to　those　tables？〃　She　wanted　to　ask　him　how　he　had　made　them　dance　…　she　thought　she　saw　a　way；　with　Air　and　Water　…　but　she　wanted　to　start　with　something　simple；　lighting　a　candle　and　putting　it　out　were　things　a　novice　could　do。
　　　　　　　Rand's　face　took　on　a　pained　expression。　〃I　don't　know。〃　He　sounded　embarrassed。　〃When　I　want　fire；　for　a　lamp　or　a　fireplace；　I　just　make　it；　but　I　do　not　know　how。　I　don't　really　need　to　think　to　do　things　with　fire。〃
　　　　　　　That　almost　stood　to　reason。　Of　the　Five　Powers；　Fire　and　Earth　had　been　strongest　in　men　in　the　Age　of　Legends；　and　Air　and　Water　in　women；　Spirit　had　been　shared　equally。　Egwene　hardly　had　to　think　to　use　Air　or　Water；　once　she　had　learned　to　do　a　thing　in　the　first　place。　But　the　thought　did　not　further　their　purpose。
　　　　　　　This　time　it　was　Elayne　who　pressed　him。　〃Do　you　know　how　you　extinguished　them？　You　seemed　to　think　before　they　went　out。〃
　　　　　　　〃That　I　do　remember；　because　I　don't　believe　I　have　ever　done　it　before。　I　took　in　the　heat　from　the　tables　and　spread　it　into　the　stone　of　the　fireplace；　a　fireplace　wouldn't　even　notice　that　much　heat。〃
　　　　　　　Elayne　gasped；　unconsciously　cradling　her　left　arm　for　a　moment；　and　Egwene　winced　in　sympathy。　She　remembered　when　that　arm　had　been　a　mass　of　blisters　because　the　Daughter…Heir　had　done　what　Rand　had　just　described；　and　with　just　the　lamp　in　her　room。　Sheriam　had　threatened　to　let　the　blisters　heal　by　themselves；　she　had　not　done　it；　but　she　had　threatened。　It　was　one　of　the　warnings　novices　were　given；　never　draw　heat　in。　A　flame　could　be　extinguished　using　Air　or　Water；　but　using　Fire　to　pull　the　heat　away　meant　disaster　with　a　flame　of　any　size。　It　was　not　a　matter　of　strength；　so　Sheriam　had　said；　heat　once　taken　in　could　not　be　gotten　rid　of；　not　by　the　strongest　woman　ever　to　e　out　of　the　White　Tower。　Women　had　actually　burst　into　flame　themselves　that　wa