osc.am1.seventhson-第15部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


ffered；　he　cried　out　silently；　they　suffered；　and　I　did　it　to　them；　I　betrayed　them。　That's　what　the　Shining　Man　came　to　show　me。　I　made　the　roaches　trust　me；　but　then　I　cheated　them　and　sent　them　to　die。　I've　done　murder。
　　No；　not　murder！　Who　ever　heard　of　roach…killing　being　murder？　Nobody　in　the　whole　world　would　call　it　that。
　　But　it　didn't　matter　what　other　folks　thought　of　it；　Al　knew　that。　The　Shining　Man　had　e　to　show　him　that　murder　was　murder。
　　And　now　the　Shining　Man　was　gone。　The　light　was　gone　from　the　room；　and　when　Al　opened　his　eyes；　there　was　no　one　in　the　room　but　Cally；　fast　asleep。　Too　late　even　to　beg　forgiveness。　In　pure　misery　Al　Junior　closed　his　eyes　and　cried　some　more。
　　How　long　was　it？　A　few　seconds？　Or　did　Alvin　doze　off　and　not　notice　the　passage　of　a　much　longer　time？　Never　mind　how　long　the　light　came　back。　Once　again　it　came　into　him；　not　just　through　his　eyes；　but　piercing　clear　to　his　heart；　whispering　to　him；　calming　him。　Again　Alvin　opened　his　eyes　and　looked　at　the　face　of　the　Shining　Man；　waiting　for　him　to　speak。　When　he　said　nothing；　Alvin　thought　it　was　his　turn；　and　so　he　stammered　out　the　words；　so　weak　pared　to　the　feelings　in　his　heart。　〃I'm　sorry；　I'll　never　do　it　again；　I'll〃
　　He　was　babbling；　he　knew　it；　couldn't　even　hear　himself　speak　he　was　so　upset。　But　the　light　grew　brighter　for　a　moment；　and　he　felt　a　question　in　his　mind。　Not　a　word　was　spoke；　mind　you；　but　he　knew　that　the　Shining　Man　wanted　him　to　say　what　it　was　he　was　sorry　for。
　　And　when　he　thought　about　it；　Alvin　wasn't　altogether　sure　what　all　was　wrong。　Sure　it　wasn't　the　killing　itself　　you　could　starve　to　death　if　you　didn't　slaughter　a　pig　now　and　then；　and　it　wasn't　hardly　murder　when　a　weasel　killed　himself　a　mouse；　was　it？
　　Then　the　light　pushed　at　him　again；　and　he　saw　another　vision。　Not　roaches　this　time。　Now　he　saw　the　image　of　a　Red　man；　kneeling　before　a　deer；　calling　it　to　e　and　die；　the　deer　came；　all　trembling　and　its　eyes　wide；　the　way　they　are　when　they're　scared。　It　knew　it　was　ing　to　die。　The　Red　loosed　him　an　arrow；　and　there　it　stood；　quivering　in　the　doe's　flank。　Her　legs　wobbled。　She　fell。　And　Alvin　knew　that　in　this　vision　there　wasn't　no　sin　at　all；　because　dying　and　killing；　they　were　both　just　a　part　of　life。　The　Red　was　doing　right；　and　so　was　the　deer；　both　acting　according　to　their　natural　law。
　　So　if　the　evil　he　done　wasn't　the　death　of　the　roaches；　what　was　it？　The　power　he　had？　His　knack　for　making　things　go　just　where　he　wanted；　making　them　break　just　in　the　right　place；　understanding　how　things　ought　to　be　and　helping　them　get　that　way？　He'd　found　that　right　useful；　as　he　made　and　fixed　the　things　a　boy　makes　and　fixes　in　a　rough　country　household。　He　could　fit　the　two　pieces　of　a　broken　hoe　handle；　fit　them　so　tight　that　they　joined　forever　without　glue　or　tack。　Or　two　pieces　of　torn　leather；　he　didn't　even　have　to　stitch　them；　and　when　he　tied　a　knot　in　string　or　rope；　it　stayed　tied。　It　was　the　same　knack　he　used　with　the　roaches。　Making　them　understand　how　things　was　supposed　to　be；　and　then　they　did　what　he　wanted。　Was　that　his　sin；　that　knack　of　his？
　　The　Shining　Man　heard　his　question　before　he　even　found　words　for　it。　Here　came　the　push　of　light；　and　another　vision。　This　time　he　saw　himself　pressing　his　hands　against　a　stone；　and　the　stone　melted　like　butter　under　his　hands；　came　out　in　just　the　shape　he　wanted；　smooth　and　whole；　fell　from　the　side　of　the　mountain　and　rolled　away；　a　perfect　ball；　a　perfect　sphere；　growing　and　growing　until　it　was　a　whole　world；　shaped　just　the　way　his　hands　had　made　it；　with　trees　and　grass　springing　up　on　its　face；　and　animals　running　and　leaping　and　flying　and　swimming　and　crawling　and　burrowing　on　and　above　and　within　the　ball　of　stone　that　he　had　made。　No；　it　wasn't　a　terrible　power；　it　was　a　glorious　one；　if　he　only　knew　how　to　use　it。
　　Well　if　it　ain't　the　dying　and　it　ain't　the　knack；　what　did　I　do　wrong？
　　This　time　the　Shining　Man　didn't　show　him　a　thing。　This　time　Alvin　didn't　see　no　burst　of　light；　there　wasn't　a　vision　at　all。　Instead　the　answer　just　came；　not　from　the　Shining　Man　but　from　inside　his　own　self。　One　second　he　felt　too　stupid　ever　to　understand　his　own　wickedness；　and　then　the　next　second　he　saw　it　all　as　clear　as　could　be。
　　It　wasn't　the　roaches　dying；　and　it　wasn't　the　fact　he　made　them　do　it。　It　was　the　fact　that　he　made　them　do　it　just　to　suit　his　own　pleasure。　He　told　them　it　was　for　their　own　good；　but　it　wasn't　so；　it　was　for　Alvin's　benefit　alone。　Harming　his　sisters；　more　than　harming　the　roaches；　and　all　so　Alvin　could　lie　in　his　bed　shaking　with　laughter　because　he　got　even　The　Shining　Man　heard　the　thoughts　of　Alvin's　heart；　yes　sir；　and　Al　Junior　saw　a　fire　leap　from　his　gleaming　eye　and　strike　him　in　the　heart。　He　had　guessed　it。　He　was　right。
　　So　Alvin　made　the　most　solemn　promise　of　his　whole　life；　right　then　and　there。　He　had　a　knack；　and　he'd　use　it；　but　there　was　rules　in　things　like　that；　rules　that　he　would　follow　even　if　it　killed　him。　〃I'll　never　use　it　for　myself　again；〃　said　Alvin　Junior。　And　when　he　said　the　words　he　felt　like　his　heart　was　on　fire；　it　burned　so　hot　inside。
　　The　Shining　Man　disappeared　again。
　　Alvin　lay　back；　slid　down　under　the　blanket；　exhausted　from　weeping；　weary　with　relief。　He'd　done　a　bad　thing；　that　was　so。　But　as　long　as　he　kept　this　oath　he　made；　as　long　as　he　only　used　his　knack　to　help　other　people　and　never　ever　used　it　to　help　himself；　why　then　he　would　be　a　good　boy　and　didn't　need　to　be　ashamed。　He　felt　lightheaded　the　way　you　do　ing　out　of　a　fever；　and　that　was　about　right；　he　had　been　healed　of　the　wickedness　that　grew　inside　him　for　a　spell。　He　thought　of　himself　laughing　when　he'd　just　caused　death　for　his　own　pleasure；　and　he　was　ashamed；　but　that　shame　was　tempered；　it　was　softened；　cause　he　knew　that　it　would　never　happen　again。
　　As　he　lay　there；　Alvin　once　again　felt　the　light　grow　in　the　room。　But　this　time　it　didn't　e　from　a　single　source。　Not　from　the　Shining　Man　at　all。　This　time　when　he　opened　his　eyes　he　realized　the　light　was　ing　from　himself。　His　own　hands　were　shining；　his　own　face　must　be　glowing　the　way　the　Shining　Man　had。　He　threw　off　his　covers　and　saw　that　his　whole　body　glowed　with　light　so　dazzling　he　couldn't　hardly　bear　to　look　at　himself；　except　that　he　also　couldn't　bear　to　look　anywhere　else。　Is　this　me？　he　thought。
　　No；　not　me。　I'm　shining　like　this　because　I've　also　got　to　do　something。　Just　like　the　Shining　Man　did　something　for　me；　I've　got　something　to　do；　too。　But　who　am　I　supposed　to　do　it　for？
　　There　was　the　Shining　Man；　visible　again　at　the　foot　of　his　bed；　but　not　shining　no　more。　Now　Al　Junior　realized　that　he　knew　this　man。　It　was　Lolla…Wossiky；　that　one…eyed　whisky…Red　who　got　himself　baptized　a　few　days　ago；　still　wearing　the　White　man's　clothes　they　gave　him　when　he　turned　Christian。　With　the　light　inside　him　now；　Alvin　saw　clearer　than　he　ever　did　before。　He　saw　that　it　wasn't　likker　that　poisoned　this　poor　Red　man；　and　it　wasn't　losing　one　eye　that　crippled　him。　It　was　something　much　darker；　something　growing　like　a　mold　inside　his　head。
　　The　Red　man　took　three　steps　and　knelt　beside　the　bed；　his　face　only　a　little　way　from　Alvin's　eyes。　What　do　you　want　from　me？　What　am　I　supposed　to　do？
　　For　the　first　time；　the　man　opened　his　eyes　and　spoke。　〃Make　all　things　whole；〃　he　said。　A　second　later；　Al　Junior　realized　that　the　man　had　said　it　in　his　Red　language。　Shaw…Nee；　he　remembered；　from　what　the　grown…ups　said　when　he　was　baptized。　But　Al　had　understood　it　plain　as　if　it　was　the　Lord　Protector's　own　English。　Make　all　things　whole。
　　Well；　that　was　Al's　knack；　wasn't　it？　Fixing　things；　making　things　go　the　way　they　were　supposed　to。　Trouble　was；　he　didn't　even　half　understand　how　he　did　it；　and　he　surely　had　no　idea　how　to　fix　something　that　was　alive。
　　Maybe；　though；　he　didn't　have　to　understand。　Maybe　he　just　had　to　act。　So　he　lifted　his　hand；　reached　out　as　careful　as　he　could；　and　touched　Lolla…Wossiky's　cheek；　under　the　broken　eye。　No；　that　wasn't　right。　He　raised　his　finger　until　it　touched　the　slack　eyelid　where　the　Red　man's