osc.am1.seventhson-第37部分
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〃I feared that； too；〃 said Miller。 〃But the boy doesn't know he has that knack。 He doesn't trick people into doing what he wants。 He lets me punish him when he does wrong。 And he could stop me； if he wanted。〃
〃How？〃
〃Because he knows that sometimes when I see him； I see my boy Vigor； my firstborn； and then I can't do him any harm； even harm that's for his own good。〃
Maybe that reason was partly true； Taleswapper thought。 But it certainly wasn't the whole truth。
A bit later； after Taleswapper stirred the fire to make sure the log caught well； Miller told the story that Taleswapper had e for。
〃I've got a story；〃 he said； 〃that might belong in your book。〃
〃Give it a try；〃 said Taleswapper。
〃Didn't happen to me； though。〃
〃Has to be something you saw yourself；〃 said Taleswapper。 〃I hear the craziest stories that somebody heard happened to a friend of a friend。〃
〃Oh； I saw this happen。 It's been going on for years now； and I've had some discussions with the fellow。 It's one of the Swedes downriver； speaks English good as I do。 We helped him put up his cabin and his barn when he first e here； the year after us。 And I watched him a little bit even then。 See； he has a boy； a blond Swede boy； you know how they get。〃
〃Hair almost white？〃
〃Like frost in the first morning sun； white like that； and shiny。 A beautiful boy。〃
〃I can see him in my mind；〃 said Taleswapper。
〃And that boy； his papa loved him。 Better than his life。 You know that Bible story； about that papa who gave his boy a coat of many colors？〃
〃I've heard tell of it。〃
〃He loved his boy like that。 But I saw them two walking alongside the river； and the father all of a sudden lurched kind of； just bumped his boy； and sent the lad tumbling down into the Wobbish。 Now； it happened that the boy caught onto a log and his father and I helped pull him in； but it was a scary thing to see that the father might have killed his own best…loved child。 It wouldn't've been a…purpose； mind you； but that wouldn't make the boy any less dead； or the father any less blameful。〃
〃I can see the father might never get over such a thing。〃
〃Well； of course not。 Yet not long after that； I seen him a few more times。 Chopping wood； and he swung that axe wild； and if the boy hadn't slipped and fell right at that very second； that axe would've bit into the boy's head； and I never seen nobody live after something like that。〃
〃Nor I。〃
〃And I tried to imagine what must be happening。 What that father must be thinking。 So I went to him one day； and I said； 'Nels； you ought to be more careful round that boy。 You're likely to take that boy's head off someday； if you keep swinging that axe so free。'
〃And Nels； he says to me； 'Mr。 Miller； that wasn't no accident。' Well； you could've blowed me down with a baby's burp。 What does he mean； no accident？ And he says to me； 'You don't know how bad it is。 I think maybe a witch cursed me； or the devil takes me； but I'm just working there； thinking how much I love the boy； and suddenly I have this wish to kill him。 It came on me first when he was just a baby； and I stood at the top of the stairs； holding him； and it was like a voice inside my head； it said； 〃Throw him down；〃 and I wanted to do it； even though I also knew it would be the most terrible thing in the world。 I was hungry to throw him off； like a boy gets when he wants to smash a bug with a stone。 I wanted to see his head break open on the floor。
〃'Well； I just fought off that feeling； just swallowed it back and held that boy so tight I like to smothered him。 Finally when I got him back into his cradle； I knew that from then on I wasn't going to carry him up those stairs no more。
〃'But I couldn't just leave him alone； could I？ He was my boy； and he grew up so bright and good and beautiful that I had to love him。 If I stayed away； he cried cause his papa didn't play with him。 But if I stayed with him； then those feelings came back； again and again。 Not every day； but many a day； sometimes so fast that I did it afore I even knew what I was doing。 Like the day I bumped him into the river； I just took a wrong step and tripped； but I knew even as I took that step that it was a wrong step； and that I'd trip； and that I'd bump him； I knew it； but I didn't have time to stop myself。 And someday I know that I won't be able to stop myself； I won't mean to do it； but someday when that boy is under my hand； I'll kill him。'〃
Taleswapper could see Miller's arm move； as if to wipe tears away from his cheek。
〃Ain't that the strangest thing。〃 Miller asked。 〃A man having that kind of feeling for his own son。〃
〃Does that fellow have any other sons？〃
〃A few。 Why？〃
〃I just wondered if he ever felt a desire to kill them。〃
〃Never； not a speck。 I asked him that； matter of fact。 I asked him； and he said not a speck。〃
〃Well； Mr。 Miller； what did you tell him？〃
Miller breathed in and out a few times。 〃I didn't know what to tell him。 Some things are just too big for a man like me to understand。 I mean； the way that water is out to kill my boy Alvin。 And then this Swede fellow with his son。 Maybe there's some children that wasn't meant to grow up。 Do you think so； Taleswapper？〃
〃I think there are some children that are so important； that someone some force in the world may want them dead。 But there are always other forces； maybe stronger forces； that want them alive。〃
〃Then why don't those forces show theirselves； Taleswapper？ Why don't some power from heaven e and say e to that poor Swedish man and say； 'Don't you fear no more； your boy is safe； even from you！'〃
〃Maybe those forces don't speak out loud in words。 Maybe those forces just show you what they're doing。〃
〃The only force that shows itself in this world is the one that kills。〃
〃I don't know about that Swedish boy；〃 said Taleswapper； 〃but I'd guess that there's a powerful protection on your son。 From what you said； it's a miracle he isn't dead ten times over。〃
〃That's the truth。〃
〃I think he's being watched over。〃
〃Not well enough。〃
〃The water never got him； did it？〃
〃It came so close； Taleswapper。〃
〃And as for that Swedish；boy； I know he's got somebody watching over him。〃
〃Who？〃 asked Miller。
〃Why； his own father。〃
〃His father is the enemy；〃 said Miller。
〃I don't think so；〃 said Taleswapper。 〃Do you know how many fathers kill their sons by accident？ They're out hunting； and a shot goes wrong。 Or a wagon crushes the boy； or he takes a fall。 Happens all the time。 Maybe those fathers just didn't see what was happening。 But this Swedish man is sharp； he sees what's happening； and he watches himself； catches himself in time。〃
Miller sounded a little more hopeful。 〃You make it sound like maybe the father ain't all bad。〃
〃If he were all bad； Mr。 Miller； that boy would be dead and buried long ago。〃
〃Maybe。 Maybe。〃
Miller thought for a while more。 So long； in fact； that Taleswapper dozed a little。 He snapped awake with Miller already talking。
〃and it's just getting worse； not better。 Harder to fight off those feelings。 Not all that long ago； he was standing up in a loft in the in his bam and he was pitching down hay。 And there below him was his boy； and all it would take is to let fly with the pitchfork； easiest thing in the world； he could say the pitchfork slipped and no one would ever know。 Just let it fly； and stick that boy right through。 And he was going to do it。 Do you understand me？ It was so hard to fight off those feelings； harder than ever before； and he just gave up。 Just decided to have it done with； to give in。 And in that very moment； why； a stranger appeared in the doorway； and shouted； 'No；' and I set down the pitchfork that's what he said； 'I set down the pitchfork； but I was shaking so bad I could hardly walk； knowing that the stranger saw me with murder in my heart； he must think I'm the most terrible man in the world to think of killing my own boy； he can't even guess how hard I've struggled all those years before'〃
〃Maybe that stranger knew something about the powers that can work inside a man's heart；〃 said Taleswapper。
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