dclegg.purity-第15部分

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　trying　to　dig　up　the　garden　I　need　to　grow。　And　you　know　you　need　to　go　to　that　garden　but　every　single　human　being　from　your　mother　to　your　father　to　your　coaches　to　your　teachers　to　your　friends　to　even　strangers　…　every　single　human　being　…　wants　you　to　keep　away　from　the　one　garden　where　you　know　you　can　just　help　things　grow　and　where　you'll　feel　calm　for　once　in　your　life。。。where　you　will　feel　that　what　you　have　known　inside　your　body；　inside　your　heart；　inside　your　mind；　is　the　way　God　and　nature　and　whatever　it　is　that　moves　things　within　any　human　being　…　meant　for　you　to　be。〃
　Owen　nearly　gasped　when　Jimmy　had　finished。
　〃Jim；　Christ；　I　know；〃　Owen　said；　feeling　as　if　he'd　rehearsed　the　lines。
　He　attempted　a　feeble　smile。　Part　of　him　felt　removed　from　within　his　body。
　He　was　watching　himself　…　Owen　…　react；　seem　gentle；　seem　kind。　〃It's　just　like　that。〃　Then；　he　looked　around　at　the　tourists　ing　off　the　ferry；　their　black　and　clear　and　red　and　green　umbrellas　all　blossoming　above　their　heads；　and　there；　beyond　the　Crab　Shack　were　six　of　the　island　guys　he'd　grown　up　with；　and　when　he　looked　through　the　thick　rain；　he　saw　other　people　he　had　known　all　his　life。
　〃Look；　we　can't　do　this　here；〃　Owen　said。　〃Get　in　the　truck。〃
　10
　Owen　drove　in　silence　through　a　rain…shattered　world　…　and　followed　the　slick　black　island　roads　until　they　were　nearly　to　the　Great　Salt　Pond。
　Jimmy　seemed　content　with　the　quiet　of　the　drive。　When　Owen　glanced　over；　he　noticed　that　Jimmy　pressed　his　forehead　against　the　window　beside　him；　reminding　him　somehow　of　a　puppy。　Finally；　they　came　to　the　end　of　road…
　break　that　looked　out　over　the　enormous　pond。　When　he'd　turned　off　the　ignition；　Owen　reached　over　and　took　Jimmy's　hand　in　his。
　〃I　know。　It's　difficult；〃　Jimmy　said。　〃I'm　not　like　this　either。　Not　really。
　There　are　things　I　want　out　of　life。　Things　that　have　nothing　to　do　with　this。
　But　right　now；　Christ；　right　now；　this　is　it。〃
　〃Other　people　can　do　this　kind　of　thing；　but　I　can't。　It　wouldn't　be　right。〃
　〃No；　it　wouldn't　be。　But　we　can　go　somewhere　where　it'll　all　be　all　right。〃
　〃Where？〃　Owen　laughed。　〃Where　would　it　be　right？　My　god。　Where？〃
　Jimmy　recoiled　as　if　he'd　been　slapped。　〃Out　to　sea。　In　the　boat。〃
　〃For　how　long；　Jimmy？　How　long　before　your　dad　cuts　you　off；　or　before　we　move　on？　How　long　before　you　need　to　go　off　to　your　Ivy　League　school　and　then　marry　and　meanwhile；　I　live　in　some　kind　of　shame　on　this　island。　I'm　not　like　you。　I'm　not　like　the　kind　of　men　who　do　this　with　other　men。　I'm　just。。。Just。〃
　〃Just？〃
　〃Just　not　sure　what　I　feel　right　now。〃
　It　was　easy　to　lie　once　Owen　knew　what　he　would　do　with　Jimmy。　How　he　would　destroy　him。　How　it　would　go　easy　once　everything　was　in　place。
　〃Oh；　baby；〃　Jimmy　moaned；　leaning　over；　into　him；　pressing　his　scalp　against　Owen's　neck。　Owen　felt　wetness　along　his　throat。　〃You　don't　know　how　long　I've　hoped　you'd　say　it。〃
　〃We　don't　need　Jenna　do　we？　Or　girls　like　her；〃　Owen　whispered。
　〃God；　if　I　could；　I'd　kill　her。〃
　〃Who？　Kill？〃
　〃I　didn't　mean　that；〃　Owen　said；　and　kissed　him　on　the　top　of　his　head。
　The　rain　beat　down　in　great　sheets　around　the　truck；　and　the　great　clouds　roiled；　and　Owen　knew　that　he　had　him　now。
　He　had　Jimmy　right　where　he　wanted　him。
　Where　Dagon　wanted　him。
　
　
　Chapter　Eight
　Dagon　
　1
　〃Owen？〃　his　mother　asked；　holding　it　in　her　hand。　The　statue。　It　had　always　seemed　enormous　to　him；　but　in　her　hand；　it　was　only　a　foot　in　length。
　The　base　was　cracked；　some　of　its　teeth　had　fallen　out；　and　all　it　was；　after　all；　in　her　hand；　was　something　that　someone　had　carved　and　had　left　behind。
　〃Where'd　you　get　that？〃
　〃Where　you　left　it；〃　she　said。　She　hefted　it　in　her　hand。　〃Where　did　it　e　from？〃
　〃I。。。I　found　it。〃
　〃You　found　it？〃
　〃Yeah；　I　did。　It's　mine。〃　He　held　his　hand　out。
　〃Did　you　buy　it？〃
　〃That's　none　of　your　business；〃　he　said。　〃That's　mine。〃
　〃Why　did　you　put　it　in　the　fish　pond？〃
　〃It's　an　ornament。　It　looked　nice　there。　Give　it　back。〃
　〃It's　terrible　looking。　It's　eyes。　The　skin　on　it。　Who…　ever　made　that　thing　was　sick。　I　think　some　kind　of　animal　was　used。　It　smells；　too。〃
　〃Mother。〃
　〃Don't　mother　me。　You　may　be　a　young　man；　but　you　have　a　thing　or　two　to　learn。　I　know　you；　Owen。　I　know　how　you　think。　I　saw　you　that　morning。〃
　〃What　are　you　talking　about？〃
　〃I　saw　you。　You　cut　your　arm　and　let　it　bleed　on　this。。。this　thing。〃
　〃That's　crazy。　Why　would　I　do　something　crazy　like　that？　Like　…　what　…　like　cut　myself？　And　what　…　did　you　say　…　bleed？〃
　〃It's　some　kind　of　awful　thing；　isn't　it？　This　thing。　It's　some　awful　thing　for　you。　The　way　your　mind　works。〃　She　looked　at　the　small　statue　in　her　hand；　and　then　back　at　his　face。　She　squinted　as　if　trying　to　see　him　more　clearly。　〃You've　never　been　quite　right。　You　know　that；　too。　You　know　how　you're　different　from　other　boys；　don't　you？　Yes；　you're　crafty　and　you　look　good　in　a　suit　and　you　can　make　your　muscles　talk　for　you。　But　I　know　you　better　than　you　know　yourself；　Owen　Crites。　I　know　how　cold　you　are　on　the　inside。　I　know　how　you　believe　different　things。〃　He　felt　her　closing　in　on　him　as　she　moved　toward　him。　〃What　exactly　is　this　thing？　Is　this　a　toy？　Is　this　something　else？　Is　this　something　you　talk　to？　Is　this。。。is　this。。。some　kind　of　devil　god？　Do　you　worship　graven　images　now？〃　She　said　it　in　a　half…joking　manner；　and　that　was　the　worst　of　it。　She　wasn't　taking　Dagon　seriously。　He　could　feel　it　in　her　tone。
　Owen　felt　as　if　his　tongue　had　been　cut　out。　He　felt　a　heat　rash　along　his　neck。　He　looked　from　the　statue　to　his　mother　and　back　again。　Then；　he　grinned。　〃Don't　be　ridiculous。　You　have　such　a　small　mind。　You're　so　quick　to　judge　me　when　you　yourself　are　the　one　with　the　cold　heart。　You　set　a　trap　for　dad　and　now　you　punish　him　for　that　same　trap。　You　can't　even　love　your　only　child。　And　your　imagination　…　your　paranoid　imagination　…　finding　some　carved　art　in　a　koi　pond；　something　that　you　claim　you　watched　me　bleed　over；　did　you　ever　for　a　moment　think　that　perhaps　I　hated　myself　so　much　that　I　wanted　to　slit　my　wrists？　But　something　made　me　stop。　Something　kept　me　from　hurting　myself。　But　it　wasn't　the　thought　of　you；　was　it？　It　wasn't　the　love　of　my　mother　that　saved　me；　was　it？　It　was　the　thought　that　maybe　one　day　I'd　have　a　moment　just　like　this。　A　moment　when　dad　is　out　of　the　house。
　A　moment　when　you're　at　your　worst。　And　then；　do　you　know　what　I　am　going　to　do　with　you？〃
　〃What　are　you　talking　about？　Owen？　Owen？〃
　〃Give　me　that；〃　he　said；　snatching　it　from　her　hand。　〃It's　mine。　Not　yours。〃
　She　stood　before　him；　trembling。
　Owen　cradled　Dagon　in　his　arms。　He　closed　his　eyes；　and　whispered　a　brief　prayer。
　When　he　opened　them；　he　said；　〃Here　is　something　I　hope　you　think　about　until　the　moment　you　die。　I　am　going　to　be　your　dutiful　son　as　long　as　your　years　continue。　But　the　moment　that　I　get　an　inkling　that　you　are　old　and　feeble；　I　will　e　to　your　bedside　one　night；　and　I　will　press　my　hands　over　your　nose　and　mouth　until　you　smother　to　death。　And　in　those　last　moments；　you　will　look　on　me　and　know　that　everything　you　were　ever　afraid　of　was　true。〃
　His　mother　pressed　her　hands　to　her　lips；　but　was　unable　to　speak。
　It　was　the　power　of　Dagon；　of　course。　It　was　there；　in　the　room。
　The　god　was　there　with　him。
　Dagon　whispered　within　his　blood；　〃You　will　die　like　the　bitch　that　you　are。〃
　Or　had　Owen　himself　said　it　aloud；　in　a　whisper；　to　his　mother？
　2
　This　is　how　it　will　happen；　the　voice　came　to　him。　You　will　tell　her　things。　You　will　tell　him　things。　He　harbors　a　madness。　He　is　breakable。　Then；　she　will　kill　him。　You　will　save　her。　She　will　kill　him　and　you　will　have　her。
　He　slept　that　night　with　Dagon　next　to　him　in　bed；　and　dreamed　of　the　great　realm　beneath　the　sea；　and　he　no　longer　felt　his　age；　but　felt　as　if　he　were　again　a　child；　and　Jenna　was　with　him；　the　Queen　of　the　Deepest　Fathom。
　3
　〃Hello　sweetie；〃　Mrs。　M　said。　She　had　just　finished　the　Sunday　crossword　puzzle；　and　looked　up　from　the　paper。　〃You　all　ready　for　four　more　days　of　this。。。this　tempest？〃　The　kitchen　was　like　a　brilliant　day　pared　to　the　murky　rain　outd