dclegg.purity-第17部分

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　Jimmy　shouted。　His　face　had　contorted　until　it　was　more　mask　than　face；　a　mask　of　pain　and　fury。　It　was　no　longer　human。　〃You　fucking　think　that；〃　spit　flew　from　his　mouth；　〃that。。。that。。。you；　you；　with　nothing　to　lose　can　just　throw　what　we　have　in　front　of　her；　in　front　of　…　you　know　what　you're　playing　with？　You're　playing　with　things　you　can't　even　understand！〃　Jimmy　began　stomping　around　in　a　circle；　alternating　his　shouts　with　lion　roars。
　When　he　finally　quieted；　Owen　said；　〃What　happened　to　yesterday？　You　looking　up　at　God　and　telling　me　how　this　all　felt；　how　you　felt　on　the　inside。
　How　you　felt　you　needed　to　let　this　out？　What　happened　to　that？〃　He　kept　his　voice　low。
　Jimmy's　eyes　lit　up。　〃Don't　you；　you　son　of　a　bitch；　use　my　words　against　me！　I　wasn't　born　to　lose　everything　because　I'm　sleeping　with　some　island　townie　pervert；　I　wasn't　born　to　have　this　get　out；　to　have　this　ruin　everything　I've　ever　built。〃
　〃Listen　to　yourself。　It's　practically　a　whole　new　century。　You　talk　like　it's　1950。　You　won't　lose　everything　just　because　…　〃
　〃You　think　so？　You　little　bitch；　you　think　I　won't　lose　everything？　You　don't　even　understand　what　is　going　on　here　do　you？　You　think　it's　about　me　wanting　you。　The　stakes　are　higher！　I'll　tell　you　something；　boy；　I　want　you；　but　I　don't　want　you。　You　don't　even　understand　why　I　have　to　be　with　Jenna；　do　you？　Do　you？〃
　Owen　turned　and　began　walking　toward　the　strip　of　beach。　〃I　don't　want　to　hear。〃
　〃Well；　you　need　to。　Maybe　living　in　some　little　caretaker's　house　gives　you　no　perspective　on　this；　but　Jenna　Montgomery　means　I　will　not　be　some　poor　shit　like　you。〃
　Owen　glanced　back。　〃You're　rich。〃
　〃Ha！〃　Jimmy　cried。　〃You　don't　know　the　half　of　it。〃
　〃You're　an　heir　to　some　fortune。　Some　sports　store　chain。〃
　Jimmy　shook　his　head。　〃It's　not　like　it　looks。　My　father　has　these　stores。
　That's　all　he　has。　But　the　business　is　changing。　It's　changing；　and　he's　had　some　setbacks。　He　isn't　a　good　businessman；　Mooncalf。　Never　has　been。　All　this　stuff；　this　boat；　the　houses；　all　of　it；　will　be　gone　in　a　few　years。　It's　ing。
　He's　going　to　be　in　jail　someday；　my　father；　and　the　IRS　is　going　to　eat　him　alive。　And　I　do　not　intend　to　live　like　that。　I　do　not　intend。。。〃
　〃Jesus；〃　Owen　gasped；　and　then　began　laughing。　〃Jesus。　You're　just　a　gold　digger。　You're　just　after　her　money。　Jesus！〃
　Owen　dropped　to　his　knees　on　the　wet　sand。
　〃What's　wrong　with　you？〃　Jimmy　snarled；　ing　over　to　him。　〃You　feeling　bad　now？〃
　〃I　thought　you　loved　me；〃　Owen　said。
　Jimmy's　voice　had　grown　cold。　〃It's　not　about　whether　I　love　you　or　not。
　It's　not　about　that。　But　you've　ruined　even　that　now。〃
　He　grabbed　Owen　under　his　armpits；　lifting　him　up　to　a　standing　position。　〃You've　destroyed　something　for　me；　Mooncalf。　You　really　have。〃
　Then；　he　looked　up　the　hill　to　the　house。　The　lights　were　on　along　the　pool；　and　the　upstairs　light　…　Jenna's　bedroom　…　was　dim。
　〃I　need　to　set　this　right；〃　he　said。
　〃No；　don't；　Jimmy；　it's　…〃
　〃I　need　to；〃　Jimmy　said。　〃I'll　tell　her　that　it　was　weakness。　I'll　tell　her　I　love　her。　I　love　her　more　than　anything　on　the　face　of　the　earth。　I'll　tell　her　that　I　couldn't　help　myself　with　you；　but　that　it　was　nothing。　That　you　were　nothing。〃　He　nearly　laughed；　but　it　had　a　cry　within　it。　〃You're　just　a　little　manipulative　piece　of　trash。　She'll　understand。　She's　not　like　you。　She'll
　understand。〃
　Then；　he　took　off　in　the　rain；　bounding　up　the　wooden　steps　that　crept　like　a　vine　along　the　side　of　the　hill；　and　Owen　began　following；　but　slowly。
　He　heard　the　shots　ring　out　before　he　had　reached　the　top　step。　Five　distinct　shots；　and　soon　dogs　down　in　town　were　howling；　and　lights　came　up　along　the　waterfront。
　7
　The　house　was　dark　and　silent　when　Owen　went　in　through　the　glass　doors　by　the　pool。　He　walked　past　the　shimmering　water；　flicking　up　the　lights　as　he　went。　Entering　the　kitchen；　he　saw　Mrs。　M；　lying　in　a　pool　of　blood；　and　then　Owen　found　himself　moving　more　swiftly；　his　heart　pounding　…　…　she　resembled　nothing　of　the　mermaid　she　had　once　been；　death　had　robbed　her　beauty；　blood　took　away　the　magic　of　her　form；　her　eyes　were　open；　and　fish…like　…　Dagon；　what　is　this？　This　isn't　what　was　promised。　This　isn't　what　I　prayed　for　…　…　And　he　ran　up　the　stairs　to　Jenna's　room；　and　found　him　standing　there；　the　Colt　in　his　hand　…　On　the　bed；　Jenna；　bleeding；　an　enormous　hole　in　her　neck。　Her　hands　moved　as　if　she　were　trying　to　reach　up　to　her　neck　to　stop　the　blood；　but　could　not。
　She　opened　her　mouth　to　cry　out；　but　all　that　came　was　a　rasping　sound；　and　while　blood　pulsed　from　her　throat。　He　felt　himself　burning　as　he　watched　the　last　light　flicker　in　her　beautiful　eyes。
　Then；　her　eyes　closed。
　8
　〃Mooncalf；　what　did　I　do？〃　Jimmy　said；　his　skin　red；　his　eyes　narrow　slits；　his　shirt　torn　and　bloody。　Tears　and　sweat　shone　like　diamonds　on　his　skin。　〃What　did　I　do？　I。。。I　came　up。。。I　wanted　to　talk。。。and　she。。。she　had　this。。。〃　He　held　the　pistol　up。　〃She。。。she　threatened　me。。。and　then　her　mother　came　up。。。I　had　grabbed　it　from　her。。。I　was　going　to　leave。。。but　they　said　things。。。her　mother；　too。。。they　said　。。。things　about　me。。。and　her　father。。。about　something。。。some　lie。。。something　you　told　her。。。something。。。〃
　〃All　of　them？〃　Owen　asked。　〃You　killed。　All　of　them。〃
　Jimmy　shrugged。　〃I　guess　so。　It's　kind　of　a　blur。　Funny　thing　is；〃　he　giggled　in　a　way　that　seemed　uncharacteristic；　〃it　didn't　really　feel　like　me　at　all。
　It　felt　like　something　else。　Like　I　got　taken　over。　Maybe　if　she　hadn't　pointed　this　gun。　Maybe　if　I　hadn't　been　drinking。　I　don't　know。　It　happened　fast。　I　was　about　to　leave；　but　her　mother　saw　me　with　the　gun。　She　saw　me　and　she　was　saying　these　things。　And　then　I　just　wanted　to　shut　her　up　and　this　thing　was　inside　me。　This　feeling。　Like　something　wanted　me　to　point　the　gun　at　her　mother。　Just　to　scare　her。　And　then：　kabang。〃
　〃Jimmy？〃
　〃And　then　her　father　starts　shouting　upstairs；　and　I　feel　this。。。this　wild　thing　inside　me；〃　Jimmy　said；　and　now　the　giggling　was　being　annoying　and　seemed　to　increase　between　words。　〃And　I　just　go　running　back　up　the　stairs　and　down　the　hall　and　there's　her　dad；　and　I　think　of　my　dad；　and　I　think　of　all　the　things　I'm　never　going　to　have；　and　suddenly　the　gun　is　going　off；　and　then　Jenna's　screaming　and　she's　picking　up　the　phone　in　her　room　because　I　hear　that　beep　beep　noise　and　I　have　to　stop　her；　I　have　to　tell　her　not　to　call；　that　there'll　be　a　way　to　work　this　all　out。　And　then；　I　feel　it　in　me　again。　I'm　moving　faster　than　I'm　supposed　to　…　the　rest　of　the　world　is　moving　slow　…　and　I'm　in　her　room　and　she　has　a　look　on　her　face　like　she　doesn't　understand　how　I　got　there　so　quickly　and　I'm　feeling　this　…　power　or　something　…　and　then　I　press　the　gun　against　her　throat　to　shut　her　up。〃
　Then；　he　calmed　slightly。　He　pointed　the　gun　directly　at　Owen。　〃It's　something　you　said　to　her。　Isn't　it？　It's　because　you　told　her。　But　you　said　something　terrible；　didn't　you？〃
　〃Jimmy；〃　Owen　said。　〃Now；　I　know　you're　upset。　I　know　this　is　difficult　right　now。　But　I　want　you　to　breathe。　Take　a　few　deep　breaths。　e　on。　Just　breathe。　The　secret　is　in　breathing。〃
　Jimmy　looked　at　him　curiously　for　a　moment；　blinking。　Then　he　opened　his　mouth　and　let　the　air　in。
　Then；　out。
　Then；　in。　Slowly；　carefully。
　Then；　warmth　returned　to　Jimmy　McTeague's　eyes　and　he　said：
　〃Owen；　I'm　so　sorry。　I'm　so　sorry。　I　should　never　have　e　this　summer。〃
　
　Epilogue
　Belief
　1
　I　can　look　at　this　past　summer　now　and　see　that　it　was　all　Dagon。
　Dagon　was　there；　I　had　brought　Dagon　into　our　world；　and　Dagon　had　gotten　loose。　There　is　no　madness　except　the　madness　of　the　gods。　There　is　no　purity　except　the　purity　of　love。
　Here　is　where　he　took　me　…　down　to　the　sailboat　…　and　out　to　sea。
　2
　We　sailed　around　Outerbridge；　its　cliffs　and　caves；　around　the　Montgomery　palazzo；　shining　green　and　white　with　the　flashing　of　the　lighthouse　nearby；　north　and　then　east；　beyond　the　Great　Salt　Pond；　out　into　the　diamond　night　where　sea　and　sky　met；　and　the　storm　howled　around　us；　and　Jimmy；　gun　to　my　head；　calling　me　Mooncalf　over　and　over　again；　forced　me　to　whisper　an　incantation　to　Da