srdonaldson.theillearthwar-第21部分
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hpower which preserved' them； secured them from age long past their normal years。 High Lord Kevin lived centuries as people live decades。
〃So； too； it is in this present time； though in a lesser way。 We do not bring out all the potency of the Lore。 And the Warlore does not preserve its followers； so Quaan and his warriors alone of your former rades carry their full burden of years。 But those of the rhadhamaerl and the lillianrill； and the Lords who follow Kevin's Lore； age more slowly than others。 This is a great boon； for it extends our strength。 But also it causes grief…〃
She fell silent for a moment； sighed quietly to herself as if she were remembering an old injury。 But when she spoke again； her voice was clear and steady。 〃So it has always been。 Lord Mhoram has seen ten times seven summers…yet he hardly carries fifty of them。 And…〃 Once again； she stopped herself and changed directions。 With a look that searched Covenant； she said； 〃Does it surprise you to hear that I rode a Ranyhyn as a child？ There is no other in the Land who 。has had such good fortune。〃
He finished his springwine； and got to his feet to pace the room in front of her。 The tone in which she recurred to the Ranyhyn was full of suggestions； he sensed wide possibilities of distress in it。 More in anxiety than in irritation； he growled at her； 〃Hellfire。 Get on with it。〃
She tensed as if in preparation for a struggle； and said； 〃Warmark Hile Troy's account of his summoning to the Land may not have been altogether accurate。 I have heard him tell his tale； and he confuses something which I…we…have not thought it well to correct。 We have kept this matter secret between us。
〃Ur…Lord Covenant。〃 She paused； steadying herself； then said carefully； 〃Hile Troy was summoned by no young student； ignorant of the perils of power。 The summoner was one whom you have known。〃
Triock！ Covenant almost missed his footing。 Triock son of Thuler； of Mithil Stonedown； had reason to hate the Unbeliever。 He had loved Lena…but Covenant could not bear to say that name aloud。 Squirming at his cowardice； he avoided Triock by saying； 〃Pietten。 That poor kid…from Soaring Woodhelven。 The ur…viles did something to him。 Was it him？〃 He did not dare to meet the High Lord's eyes。
〃No； Thomas Covenant；〃 she said gently。 〃It was no man。 You knew her well。 She was Atiaran Trellmate…she who guided you from Mithil Stonedown to your meeting with Saltheart Foamfollower at the Soulsease River。〃
〃Hellfire！〃 he groaned。 At the sound of her name； he saw in his mind Atiaran's spacious eyes； saw the courage with which she had denied her passion against him in order to serve the Land。 And he caught a quick visionary image of her face as she incinerated herself trying to summon him…entranced； bitter； livid with the conflagration of all the inner truces which he had so severely harmed。 〃Ah； hell；〃 he breathed。 〃Why？ She needed…she needed to forget。〃
〃She could not。 Atiaran Trell…mate returned to the Loresraat in her old age for many reasons； but two were uppermost。 She desired to bring…no； desire is too small a word。 She hungered for you。 She could not forget。 But whether she wanted you for the Land； or for herself； I do not know。 She was a torn woman； and it is in my heart that both hungers warred in her to the last。 How otherwise？ She said that you permitted the ravage of the Celebration of Spring； though my mother taught me a different tale。〃
No！ moaned Covenant； pacing bent as if borne down by the weight of the darkness on his forehead。 Oh； Atiaran！
〃Her second reason touches on the grief of long years and extended strength。 For her husband was Trell； Gravelingas of the rhadhamaerl。 Their marriage was brave and glad in the memory of Mithil Stonedown； for though she had surpassed her strength during her youth in the Loresraat； and had left in weakness； yet was she strong enough to stand with Trell her husband。
〃But her weakness； her self…distrust； remained。 The grave test of her life came and passed； and she grew old。 And to the pain you gave her was added another； she aged； and Trell Atiaran…mate did not。 His lore sustained him beyond his years。 So after so much hurt she began to lose her husband as well； though his love was steadfast。 She was his wife； yet she became old enough to be his mother。
〃So she returned to the Loresraat； in grief and pain…and in devotion； for though she doubted herself； her love for the Land did not waver。 Yet at the last ill came upon her。 Fleeing the restraint of the Lorewardens； she wrought death upon herself。 In that way； she broke her Oath of Peace； and ended her life in despair。〃
No！ he protested。 But he remembered Atiaran's anguish； and the price she had paid to repress it； and the wrong he had done her。 He feared that Elena was right。
In a sterner voice that did not appear to match her words； the High Lord continued； 〃After her death； Trell came to Revelstone。 He is one of the mightiest of all the rhadhamaerl； and he remains here； giving his skill and lore to the defense of the Land。 But he knows bitterness； and I fear that his Oath rests uneasily upon him。 For all his gentleness； he has been too much made helpless。 It is in my heart that he does not forgive。 There was no aid he could give Atiaran …or my mother。〃
Through the ache of his memories； Covenant wanted to protest that Trell； with his broad shoulders and his strange power； knew nothing about the true nature of helplessness。 But this objection was choked off by the grip of Elena's voice as she said； my mother。 He stood still； bent as if he were about to capsize； and waited for the last unutterable blackness to fall on him。
〃So you must understand why I rode a Ranyhyn as a child。 Every year at the last full moon before the middle night of spring； a Ranyhyn came to Mithil Stonedown。 My mother understood at once that this was a gift from you。 And she shared it with me。 It was so easy for her to forget that you had hurt her。 Did I not tell you that I also am young？ I am Elena daughter of Lena daughter of Atiaran Trell…mate。 Lena my mother remains in Mithil Stonedown； for she insists that you will return to her。〃
For one more moment； he stood still； staring at the pattern woven into the shoulders of her shift。 Then a flood of revelations crashed through him； and he understood。 He stumbled； dropped into a chair as suddenly as if his spine had broken。 His stomach churned； and he gagged； trying to heave up his emptiness。
〃I'm sorry。〃 The words burst between his teeth as if torn out of his chest by a hard fist of contrition。 They were as inadequate as stillborns； too dead to express what he felt。 But he could do nothing else。 〃Oh； Lena！ I'm sorry。〃 He wanted to weep； but he was a leper； and had forgotten how。
〃I was impotent。〃 He forced the jagged confession through his sore throat。 〃I forgot what it's like。 Then we were alone。 And I felt like a man again； but I knew it wasn't true； it was false； I was dreaming； had to be； it couldn't happen any other way。 It was too much。 I couldn't stand it。〃
〃Do not speak to me of impotence；〃 she returned tightly。 〃I am the High Lord。 I must defeat the Despiser using arrows and swords。〃 Her tone was harsh； he could hear other words running through it； as if she were saying； Do you think that mere explanation or apology is sufficient reparation？ And without the diseased numbness which justified him； he could not argue。
〃No；〃 he said in a shaking voice。 〃Nothing suffices。〃
Slowly； heavily； he raised his head and looked at her。 Now he could see in her the sixteen…year…old child he had known； her mother。 That was her hidden familiarity。 She had her mother's hair； her mother's figure。 Behind her discipline； her face was much like her mother's。 And she wore the same white leaf…pattern woven into the cloth at her shoulders which Lena had worn…the pattern of Trell's and Atiaran's family。
When he met her eyes； he saw that they； too； were like Lena's。 They glowed with something that was neither anger nor condemnation； they seemed to contradict the judgment he had heard a moment earlier。
〃What are you going to do now？〃 he said weakly。 〃Atiaran wanted…wanted the Lords to punish me。〃
Abruptly； she left her seat； moved around beh
