el.angeleyes-第108部分

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　〃That's　not　what　I　meant；〃　Tok　Murashito　said　carefully。　〃What　makes　me　unfortable　is　your　easy　acceptance　of　violence。〃
　''You　think　that　because　I　am　female　I　should　hate　violence。''
　〃That　is　my　experience；　yes。〃　He　shrugged。　〃Someone　has　to　fight　against　violence；　don't　you　think？　If　women　abandon　their　traditional　role　as　peacemakers；　where　will　we　be？〃
　〃Mr。　Murashito；〃　Tori　said；　〃you　are　something　of　an　enigma。〃
　〃I　think　I　shall　take　that　as　a　pliment；　young　lady。〃
　Tori　frowned。　〃No　one's　ever　called　me　young　lady　before。〃
　〃Well；〃　Tok　Murashito　said；　〃I　think　it's　about　time　they　did。〃
　The　dream　of　the　past　began　to　dissolve　in　much　the　same　way　as　a　reflection　of　the　moon　on　water　breaks　up　with　the　ing　of　rain。　Tori　became　aware　of　something　dark　and　metallic　impinging　on　her　consciousness；　and　she　rose　through　the　layers　of　sleep；　from　delta　to　beta　to　alpha。
　Her　eyes　fluttered　open　and　she　saw　the　figure　standing　at　the　foot　of　the　bed；　half　illuminated　by　the　lamp　at　her　bedside。　She　was　far　more　aware　of　the　figure　than　she　was　of　her　surroundings。　She　hardly　knew　where　she　was　or　how　she　had　gotten　here。　What　had　happened　to　her？　Slowly；　in　patchwork　fashion；　she　remembered　the　nightmarish　chase　inside　the　Kinji…to；　leading　to　the　final　confrontation　with　Fukuda。
　But；　again；　the　dark　metallic　rings　brought　her　out　of　the　well　of　her　memories；　and　at　last　she　understood　that　what　she　was　feeling　was　the　expansion　of　the　figure's　wa；　a　dangerous　weapon　that　was　about　to　be　used　against　her。
　〃Who　are　you？〃
　Koi　moved　closer。　〃I　am　Fukuda's　spiritual　sister。　I　have　e　to　repay　you　for　killing　her。〃
　And　immediately　Tori　thought　of　her　encounter　with　Tok　Murashito。　Now；　it　seemed；　in　an　eerie　replaying　of　the　scene；　she　was　Tok；　and　this　woman　was　what　Tori　had　been　so　many　years　ago。
　Tori　saw　a　rather　small　handsome　woman　with　wide　shoulders；　narrow　hips；　black；　glossy　hair。　Her　black　eyes　seemed　opaque；　or　perhaps　they　were　utterly　transparent；　and　the　darkness　was　the　ghost　hidden　inside　herself。
　Tori　allowed　herself　to　touch　the　other　woman's　wa；　felt　an　engine　that　would　not　stop；　something　so　relentless　that　it　would　not　give　even　its　owner　surcease。　She　felt　what　Big　Ezoe　had　defined　as　the　water　tap　that　would　not　shut　off。
　〃What　is　your　name？〃　Tori　said。
　''I　have　given　myself　the　name　of　Koi。''
　''You　are　a　foolish　woman。　There　is　far　too　much　fire　burning　in　you。　Go　home。〃
　Koi　said；　〃I　will　leave　when　you　are　dead。〃
　〃So　much　violence　inside　you；　eating　you　alive。　Don't　you　see　it？〃
　〃Not　before。〃
　〃No；　of　course　you　don't。　I　didn't；　either；　years　ago。　I'm　not　sure　that　even　now　I　do。〃
　''I　don't　understand　you。''
　Tori　looked　at　Koi。　〃In　respect　to　Fukuda's　death；　I　did　what　I　had　to　do。　Giri。　She　stalked　me；　laid　a　trap　for　me。　She　was　determined　that　only　one　of　us　was　going　to　leave　that　tunnel。''
　〃This　is　irrelevant　to　me。　I；　too；　must　do　what　I　have　to　do。〃
　Grasping；　at　last；　what　Tok　Murashito　had　meant。　Tori　said；　〃Listen　to　me；　Koi。　There's　a　difference　between　doing　what　you　have　to　do　and　doing　what　you　have　been　told　to　do。〃
　〃There　is　no　difference。〃
　〃If　that's　so；〃　Tori　said；　〃then　there　is　no　self。　In　that　case；　you　don't　exist　at　all；　but　are　purely　the　creation　of　someone　else…who　would　that　be；　Big　Ezoe？　Of　course。　Big　Ezoe。　There　is　no　Koi；　only　Big　Ezoe's　automaton。〃　She　watched　the　other　woman。　〃Tell　me；　Koi；　who　are　you？〃
　〃I　am　the　hard　machine。〃
　〃That　may　be　what　you　are；　but　it　isn't　who　you　are。〃　Silence。　''You　can't　tell　me　because　you　don't　know。　I'll　bet　there　was　never　a　time　in　your　life　when　yon　were　you；　plain　and　simple；　with　no　one　else　telling　you　what　to　do　and　what　to　be。〃
　Koi　said　nothing　for　a　long　time。　Her　eyes　seemed　to　have　fixed　on　that　peculiar　middle　distance　that　exists　only　in　the　back　of　the　mind。　At　last　she　said；　〃I　was　trained　by　a　sensei　known　as　the　Man　of　One　Tree。　He　adopted　me；　or　so　it　seemed；　when　my　parents　no　longer　knew　what　to　do　with　me。　I　am　cursed。　I　was　born　hinoeuma；　in　the　year　of　the　husband　killers。''
　Her　head　moved　slightly；　but　her　eyes　did　not　change　their　focus。　〃The　Man　of　One　Tree　taught　me　how　to　bat　my　curse。　He　told　me　that　karma　was　mutable；　that　if　my　will　was　sufficiently　developed　I　could　change　my　karma。　I　believed　because　I　had　nothing　else　to　believe。
　〃I　stayed　with　him　on　his　island　for　many　years。　I　came　to　think　of　myself　as　his　daughter；　and　it　seemed　that　he　thought　of　himself　as　my　father。　I　liked　that。　My　real　father　was　always　so　afraid　of　me；　whatever　paternal　instincts　he　might　have　had　were　channeled　away　from　me；　toward　my　brothers　and　sisters。
　〃Then；　one　day；　the　Man　of　One　Tree　announced　that　we　were　leaving　the　island　for　several　days。　He　took　me　to　the　mainland；　where　his　daughter　was　getting　married。　Watching　the　look　of　love　transform　his　face　as　he　gazed　upon　his　daughter；　I　knew　what　a　pathetic　fantasy　I　had　been　living　all　the　years　I　had　been　with　him。　I　was　nothing　to　him；　not　a　daughter；　not　family。　Nothing。　But　I　hid　my　disappointment　and　anger　by　covering　myself　with　shame。　Of　course　he　did　not　think　of　me　as　his　daughter。　How　could　he？　I　was　hinoeuma。　I　was　unworthy　of　his　love。
　''I　said　nothing　of　this　to　the　Man　of　One　Tree。　I　needed　him　as　much　as　I　had　before…perhaps　even　more。　Now　that　I　knew　he　had　not　adopted　me　as　his　own；　I　had　even　less　than　I　had　thought。　And　I　needed　every　scrap　of　attention　I　could　find；　otherwise　I　was　sure　I　would　shrivel　up　and　die。〃
　Koi　stood　very　still；　paralyzed　by　memories。
　Tori　could　feel　the　awesome　strength　of　her　wa　purling　outward　in　waves；　but　she　did　not　try　to　fend　it　off。　Instead　she　said；　〃Koi；　tell　me　something；　why　is　it　that　you　accept　violence　as　your　only　alternative？〃
　〃My　nature　is　steeped　in　violence；　in　blood。　I　am　unclean。〃
　〃And　yet；〃　Tori　said；　〃I　bleed　every　month　the　same　as　you。〃
　''And　you　embrace　violence　as　if　it　were　your　lover。''
　〃No；〃　Tori　said。　〃That's　not　true。〃
　〃But　it　is；〃　Koi　said。　〃I　feel　the　fire　of　rage　in　you。　It's　easy　to　identify　something　that　is　so　familiar　to　me。〃
　〃We're　women；〃　Tori　said。　〃We　should　do　whatever　we　can　to　find　alternatives　to　violence。〃
　〃Why？〃
　〃Because　fire　without　the　requisite　water　to　put　it　out　occasionally　is　madness；〃　Tori　said；　beginning　to　work　the　enigma　out　for　herself。　It　had　not　been　Tok　Murashito　who　had　been　the　enigma；　it　was　herself。　〃Nature　cannot　long　tolerate　something　that　is　so　out　of　balance。　Yin　without　yang　will　not　long　survive。〃
　Koi　said；　〃Then　I　will　be　a　star；　burning　bright　in　the　blackness　before　winking　out。〃
　〃Is　that　what　you　want　for　yourself？〃　Tori　asked。　〃Death？〃
　〃In　a　world　without　honor；　death　is　the　only　honorable　solution。　''
　〃No。　You're　wrong。　Bringing　water　to　the　fire　is　the　preferable　alternative。〃
　〃Banking　the　fire　is　impossible　for　me。〃
　〃For　people　like　us；　nothing　is　impossible；〃　Tori　said。
　Koi　put　her　hand　on　Tori。　〃You　cannot　even　bring　the　water　to　your　own　fire；　how　can　you　counsel　me　to　do　it？　〃
　Tori　said；　〃In　life；　only　failure　breeds　success。　If；　in　the　past；　I　have　tried　and　failed；　it　does　not　mean　that　I　will　stop　trying。''
　''And　making　the　same　mistakes　over　and　over。''
　''No。''　Tori　struggled　now　to　sit　up；　but　Koi's　powerful　hand　prevented　her。　〃The　circle　of　defeat　must　be　broken。　I　cannot　tell　you　how　to　make　yourself　better。　Too　many　people　in　your　life　have　already　done　that；　and　look　at　the　result。〃
　〃I　cannot　be　better；〃　Koi　said。　〃I　am　hinoeuma。　I　am　doomed。〃
　〃Superstitious　nonsense。　You're　no　different　than　I　am；　except　that　you've　been　totally　cut　off　from　people。　You've　had　too　many　mentors；　and　no　one　to　trust。　It's　so　terrible　to　be　disconnected。　Life　seems　so　desolate；　you　begin　to　survive　only　on　desperation。　But　all　you're　doing　is　feeding　on　yourself。''　Tori's　eyes　caught　Koi's。　〃If　you　trust　me；　I　can　help　you。　Perhaps　we　can　even　help　each　other。''
　''Impossible；''　Koi　said；　tightening　her　hold　on　Tori。　''I　must　avenge　Big　Ezoe's　death。　Giri。　I　must　kill　you。〃
　〃Then；〃　Tori　said；　〃you　truly　are　doomed。〃　Her　eyes　had　not　left　Koi's。　Koi　did　nothing。
　The　two　women；　locked　in　a