el.angeleyes-第96部分

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eply。〃
　〃Why　do　you　laugh？　Mars　has　a　great　deal　of　power；　you　know。〃
　〃Him。　Well；　if　you　can　persuade　him　to　call　off　the　dogs；　I'd　be　very　grateful。〃
　〃Don't　you　get　tired　of　this　pool？〃　Irina　asked。
　〃Don't　you　get　tired　of　Russia？〃　he　said；　mimicking　her　tone。
　〃Is　that　a　joke？〃
　〃Not　in　the　least。　I　don't　consider　freedom　a　subject　suitable　for　humor。〃
　〃Yes；〃　Irina　said。　〃I　do　get　tired　of　the　life　here。〃
　〃Well；　that's　a　step　in　the　right　direction。〃
　She　longed　to　say　more；　to　tell　him　all　about　Cambridge：　the　students；　the　Cokes　and　pizzas；　the　rock　'n'　roll；　but　the　words　got　stuck　in　her　throat。
　Odysseus　floated　for　a　time　in　silence。　He　was　staring　up　into　the　darkness　as　if　he　could　see　the　stars　through　the　roof；　through　the　dull　cloud　cover　over　Zvezdny　Gorodok；　as　if　his　eyes　were　beacons　or　radar　dishes。
　Irina　was　getting　used　to　his　silences。　It　did　not　mean　that　he　wasn't　listening　to　her；　on　the　contrary；　his　silence　was　a　sign　of　his　intense　concentration。　It　came　to　her　after　a　time　that　his　silences　were　not　like　normal　gaps　in　conversation；　but；　if　only　one　knew　how　to　listen；　contained　their　own　form　of　munication。
　''What　was　it；〃　Irina　said　now；　''that　you　left　behind　up　there　in　the　space　between　the　stars？〃
　Odysseus　went　very　still。　His　eyes；　much　like　the　dolphin's；　glittered　in　the　bits　of　electronic　light　that；　here　and　there；　were　scattered　throughout　the　pool　room。　''How　did　you　know　that？''　There　was　astonishment　in　his　voice。
　〃I　don't　know。　I　knew。〃　Irina　seemed　as　bewildered　as　he　was。　〃I。。。　heard　something　in　the　silence。　Or　perhaps　it　was　an　image　I　saw。〃
　Odysseus　said；　''I　was　thinking　of　the　part　of　myself　that　did　not　e　back　to　Earth　with　me。〃
　〃Which　part　was　it？〃
　〃I　don't　think　it's　definable；　like　a　leg　or　a　hand。''　Odysseus　thought　for　some　time；　grappling　with　finding　the　right　words。　〃A　piece　of　what　I　had　been　was　burned　away　during　the　event；　I　know　that　for　a　fact。　But　something　new　was　added；　and　then　a　piece　of　it　was　taken　away　again；　and　that　is　far　more　terrible　to　live　with。　Is　this　making　any　sense　to　you？〃
　''As　much　as　anything　in　the　world　makes　sense；''　Irina　said。
　Odysseus　said　carefully；　〃But　what　I'm　talking　about　is　not　from　this　world…or　any　other　you　can　conceive　of。''
　Irina　said　nothing。　She　was　acutely　aware　of　floating；　hanging　in　a　phosphorescent　space；　detached；　more　apart　than　ever　from　the　people　around　her。　It　was　as　if　a　moat　had　been　added　to　the　pane　of　glass　that　separated　her　from　the　people　in　the　Moscow　streets；　as　if　now　she　were　moving　through　an　altogether　different　medium…and；　without　knowing　it；　had　been　for　some　time。
　〃Let　me　try　to　explain；〃　Odysseus　continued；　〃because　I　want　so　much　to　share　this　with　someone　other　than　Arbat；　and　rade　Volkov　is　incapable　of　any　real　form　of　understanding。〃　He　licked　his　lips。　〃If　I　tell　you　'Here　is　a　flame；　put　your　hand　in　it；'　you　would　fully　expect　to　be　burned。　But　what　if　you　weren't　burned？　If　I　take　you　to　the　top　of　a　building　and　say；　'Walk　over　the　edge；'　you　would　fully　expect　to　fall　to　the　ground。　But　what　if　you　didn't？　It　is　six　in　the　morning；　time　for　sunrise；　but　when　you　go　outside；　there　is　no　sun。
　〃All　these　are　answers　to　what　I　was　given　up　there　in　the　space　between　the　stars。　But　they　are　only　partial　answers。〃　He　stirred　beside　her。　〃If　the　universe　is　vast；　then　the　inculcation　of　ideas　is　even　more　vast。　And　the　only　thing　that　is　infinite　is　the　inception　of　'reality。'　Because　reality　enpasses　even　time。　Reality　is　so　unimaginably　huge；　so　pervasive；　that　it　defies　even　the　dictates　of　time。''
　Irina　pondered　this　for　several　minutes。　Then　she　said；　〃In　an　odd　way；　you're　a　refugee；　aren't　you？　Something　happened　to　you　up　there。　As　if　you　stepped　through　a　doorway　into　a　new　reality；　and　now　you　no　longer　belong　here。〃
　Odysseus　said；　''That's　it　precisely！''　Something　that　had　been　hidden　or　absent　before　had　e　into　his　face；　softening　it；　giving　it　more　of　a　human　scale；　instead　of　the　massive　intensity　of　a　fifty…foot…high　image。
　I　shouldn't　be　understanding　this；　Irina　thought。　But　I　do。　Isn't　my　own　sense　of　a　changed　reality　what's　at　the　heart　of　my　discontent？　I　am；　like　Odysseus；　a　displaced　person；　living　in　one　reality；　while　inside　being　part　of　another。　It　all　makes　so　much　sense；　although　I　doubt　if　I　could　say　why　to　an　outside　observer。　She　shivered；　thinking；　I　hope　we　are　alone　here。　What　would　anyone　else　make　of　this　discussion？　Probably　that　we　were　both　mad　as　czars。
　There　were　tears　in　Odysseus's　eyes。　〃You　can't　know　how　I　despaired　of　ever　finding　someone　who　would　understand。''　He　kissed　her　cheeks；　her　eyes；　her　lips。　He　laughed。　''And　to　think　it's　Volkov　himself　who's　provided　me　with　my　salvation。〃
　Irina；　who　had　begun　to　shiver　when　he　had　touched　her；　now　quaked　beneath　his　kisses。　She　felt　consumed　with　fire；　not　only　in　her　body；　but　in　her　mind　as　well。　It　was　as　if　the　line　of　munication　they　had　together　threaded　had　now　sewed　their　souls　into　one　bined　whole。
　〃Space　is　a　harsh　mistress；〃　Odysseus　said。　Irina　could　feel　his　words　as　well　as　hear　them。　〃It　draws　you　like　a　magnet；　a　siren；　until　you　have　no　choice　but　to　open　up　your　soul　to　it。　And　then　。　。　。〃　He　put　his　head　into　her　neck。　〃And　then　you　step　into　the　black　water…the　silence　between　the　stars…and　find　that　there　is　no　bottom。　You　disappear　into　that　silence；　only　to　find　that　it　isn't　silence　at　all；　but　a　riot　of　munication　you　have　been　too　dull…witted　to　prehend。〃
　She　felt　his　teeth　on　her　flesh；　his　words　in　her　ears　in　exactly　the　same　way。　〃Immersed　in　a　thunder　of　munication；　your　sense　of　humanness　slips　away；　its　importance　diminishing　to　a　point　on　the　new　horizon。　Now　prehension　is　all　that　matters；　understanding　and　being　understood。　An　end　to　isolation；　a　chance　to　bee　one　with　the　angels。〃
　Irina　was　dizzy　with　sensation。　The　sensuality　of　his　body　was　bining　with　that　peculiar　silent　munication　of　his　to　create　a　whirlpool　toward　which　she　was　being　all　too　willingly　drawn。　Concentric　circles　6f　reality/time/energy　seemed　to　surround　her；　pulsing　in　the　darkness　of　the　pool；　heating　the　water　she　swam　in；　the　air　she　breathed。　Oxygen　was　being　forced　into　her　lungs　as　if　through　a　bellows；　there　was　a　singing　in　her　blood　instead　of　a　pulse。
　The　world　disappeared。
　In　its　place　Irina　hung　suspended　like　a　star　in　the　blackest　of　heavens。　And　there　was　Odysseus；　beside　her；　part　of　her；　in　her。
　Sliding　in　as　easily　as　if　he　had　always　been　there。　Irina；　filling　up　with　him；　felt　the　moat　disappear；　the　wall　of　glass　dissolving。　An　end　to　isolation；　a　chance　to　bee　one　with　the　angels。　Her　own　isolation　was　at　an　end；　as　if　her　making　love　to　the　Hero　was　more　than　a　physical　act；　as　if　it　were　emotional；　as　well　as　symbolic。　She　had　at　last　found　the　strength　to　embrace　something　with　every　cell　of　herself；　unequivocally；　unreservedly；　accepting　it　all；　wanting　it　all；　the　good　and　the　bad；　the　light　and　the　darkness；　because　she　was　no　longer　terrified　of　the　darkness　inside　herself；　because　in　embracing　Odysseus；　she　was　also　accepting　all　of　herself；　even　the　part　that　she　had　hated；　feared；　had　tried　for　so　long　to　disown。
　Her　breasts　crushed　against　him；　her　erect　nipples　brushing　his　smooth；　smooth　flesh；　her　arms　surrounding　him；　feeling　the　odd　shape　of　his　curved　back；　but　not　being　afraid；　accepting　that　as　part　of　him。
　Her　eyes　opened　to　watch　his　face　lovingly；　startled　when　his　amazing　eyes　opened　and　she　stared　into　their　pewter　depths；　seeing　behind　them　the　images　in　which　he　had　been　immersed　ever　since　the　event　in　the　nonsilence　between　the　stars。　Irina　saw　what　he　saw；　felt　what　he　felt。　She　was　aware　of　their　two　hearts；　beating　in　unison…surely　an　illusion…the　ticking　of　a　cosmic　clock　in　the　dark　sea　of　reality/time/energy。
　Her　muscles　were　tensed　as　her　hips　moved；　as　her　breath　came　in　hot；　excited　spurts；　but　beneath　that　her　bones　had　turned　to　liquid；　as　if　she　has　been　somehow　transformed　from　human　being　into　a　creature　of　another　design；　as　if　the　places　where　her　bones　were　had　been　turned　into　conduits；　filled　with　an　alien　fluid　pulsing　wi