cpatricia.blacknotice-第1部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


　　December　6；　1996
　　Epworth　Heights　Luddington；　Michigan
　　My　Dearest　Kay；
　　1　am　sitting　on　the　porch；　staring　out　at　Lake　Michigan　as　a　sharp　wind　reminds　me　I　need　to　cut　my　hair。　1　am　remembering　when　we　were　here　last；　both　of　us　abandoning　who　and　what　we　are　for　one　precious　moment　in　the　history　of　our　time。　Kay；　I　need　you　to　listen　to　me。
　　You　are　reading　this　because　I　am　dead　When　I　decided　to　write　it；　1　asked　Senator　Lord　to　deliver　it　to　you　in　person　in　the　early　part　of　December；　a　year　after　my　death。　I　know　how　hard　Christmas　has　always　been　for　you；　and　now　it　must　be　unbearable。　Loving　you　was　when　my　life　began。　Now　that　it　has　ended；　your　gift　to　me　is　to　go　on。
　　Of　course　you　haven't　dealt　with　a　damn　thing；　Kay。　You　have　sped　like　hell　to　crime　scenes　and　done　more　autopsies　than　ever。　You　have　been　consumed　by　court　and　running　the　institute；　with　lecturing；　worrying　about　Lucy；　getting　irritated　with　Marino；　eluding　your　neighbors　and　fearing　the　night。　You　haven't　taken　a　vacation　or　a　sick　day；　no　matter　how　much　you've　needed　it。
　　It's　time　to　stop　dodging　your　pain　and　let　me　fort　you。　Hold　my　hand　in　your　mind　and　remember　the　many　times　we　talked　about　death；　never　accepting　that　any　disease　or　accident　or　act　of　violence　has　the　power　of　absolute　annihilation　because　our　bodies　are　just　the　suits　we　wear。　And　we　are　so　much　more　than　that。that　everything's　going　to　be　all　right。　l　ask　you　to　do　one　for　me　to　celebrate　a　Kay　I　want　you　to　believe　I　am　somehow　aware　of　you　as　you　read　this；　somehow　looking　after　you；　and　life　we've　had　that　I　know　will　never　end。　Call　Marino　and　Lucy。　Invite　them　over　for　dinner　tonight。　Cook　one　of　your　famous　meals　for　them　and　save　a　place　for　me。
　　1　love　you　forever；　Kay；
　　Benton
　　　1
　　The　late　morning　blazed　with　blue　skies　and　the　colors　of　fall；　but　none　of　it　was　for　me。　Sunlight　and　beauty　were　for　other　people　now；　my　life　stark　and　without　song。　I　stared　out　the　window　at　a　neighbor　raking　leaves　and　felt　helpless；　broken　and　gone。
　　Benton's　words　resurrected　every　awful　image　I　had　repressed。　I　saw　beams　of　light　picking　out　heat…shattered　bones　in　soggy　trash　and　water。　Shock　rocked　me　again　when　confusing　shapes　turned　into　a　scorched　head　with　no　features　and　clumps　of　sooty　silver　hair。
　　I　was　sitting　at　my　kitchen　table　sipping　hot　tea　that　Senator　Frank　Lord　had　brewed　for　me。　I　was　exhausted　and　light…headed　from　storms　of　nausea　that　had　sent　me　fleeing　to　the　bathroom　twice。　I　was　humiliated；　because　beyond　all　things　I　feared　losing　control；　and　I　just　had。
　　〃I　need　to　rake　the　leaves　again；〃　I　inanely　said　to　my　old　friend。　〃December　sixth　and　it's　like　October。　Look　out　there；　Frank。　The　acorns　are　big。　Have　you　noticed？　Supposedly　that　means　a　hard　winter；　but　it　doesn't　even　look　like　we're　going　to　have　winter。　I　can't　remember　if　you　have　acorns　in　Washington。〃
　　〃We；　do；〃　he　said。　〃If　you　can　find　a　tree　or　two。〃
　　〃Are　they　big？　The　acorns；　I　mean。〃
　　〃I'll　be　sure　to　look；　Kay。〃
　　I　covered　my　face　with　my　hands　and　sobbed。　He　got　up　from　the　table　and　came　around　to　my　chair。　Senator　Lord　and　I　had　grown　up　in　Miami　and　had　gone　to　school　in　the　same　archdiocese；　although　I　had　attended　St。　Brendan's　High　School　only　one　year　and　long　after　he　was　there。　Yet　that　somewhat　removed　crossing　of　paths　was　a　sign　of　what　would　e。
　　When　he　was　the　district　attorney；　I　was　working　for　the　Dade　County　Medical　Examiner's　Office　and　often　testified　in　his　cases。　When　he　was　elected　a　United　States　senator　and　then　appointed　the　chairman　of　the　judiciary　mittee；　I　was　the　chief　medical　examiner　of　Virginia　and　he　began　calling　on　me　to　lend　my　voice　in　his　fight　against　crime。
　　I　was　stunned　when　he　called　me　yesterday　to　say　he　was　ing　to　see　me　and　had　something　important　to　deliver。　I　barely　slept　all　night。　I　was　devastated　when　he　walked　into　my　kitchen　and　slipped　the　simple　white　envelope　out　of　a　pocket　of　his　suit。　。
　　As　I　sat　with　him　now；　it　made　perfect　sense　that　Benton　would　have　trusted　him　this　much。　He　knew　Senator　Lord　cared　deeply　for　me　and　would　never　let　me　down。　How　typical　of　Benton　to　have　a　plan　that　would　be　executed　perfectly；　even　though　he　wasn't　around　to　see　it　through。　How　typical　of　him　tó　predict　my　behavior　after　his　death　and　for　every　word　of　it　to　be　true。
　　〃Kay；〃　Senator　Lord　said；　standing　over　me　as　I　wept　in　my　chair；　〃I　know　how　hard　this　must　be　and　wish　I　could　make　it　all　go　away。　I　think　one　of　the　hardest　things　I've　ever　done　was　promise　Benton　I　would　do　this。　I　never　wanted　to　believe　this　day　would　e；　but　it　has　and　I'm　here　for　you。〃
　　He　fell　silent；　then　added；　〃No　one's　ever　asked　me　to　do　anything　like　this　before；　and　I've　been　asked　a　lot　of　things。〃
　　〃He　wasn't　like　other　people；〃　I　quietly　replied　as　I　willed　myself　to　calm　down。　〃You　know　that；　Frank。　Thank　God　you　do。〃
　　Senator　Lord　was　a　striking　man　who　bore　himself　with　the　dignity　of　his　office。　He　had　thick　gray　hair　and　intense　blue　eyes；　was　tall　and　lean　and　dressed；　as　was　typical；　in　a　conservative　dark　suit　accented　by　a　bold；　bright　tie；　cuff　links；　pocket　watch　and　stickpin。；　I　got　up　from　my　chair　and　took　a　deep；　shaky　breath。　I　snatched　several　tissues　from　a　box　and　wiped　my　face　and　nose。
　　〃You　were　very　kind　to　e　here；〃　I　said　to　him。
　　〃What　else　can　I　do　for　you？〃　he　replied　with　a　sad　smile。
　　〃You've　done　it　all　by　being　here。　I　can't　imagine　the　trouble　you've　gone　to。　Your　schedule　and　all。〃
　　〃I　must　admit　I　flew　in　from　Florida；　and　by　the　way；　I　checked　on　Lucy　and　she's　doing　great　things　down　there；〃　he　said。
　　Lucy；　my　niece；　was　an　agent　for　the　Bureau　of　Alcohol；　Tobacco　and　Firearms；　or　ATF。　Recently；　she　had　been　reassigned　to　the　Miami　field　office；　and　I　hadn't　seen　her　for　months。
　　〃Does　she　know　about　the　letter？〃　I　asked　Senator　Lord。
　　〃No；〃　he　answered；　looking　out　the　window　at　a　perfect　day。　〃I　think　that's　your　call　to　make。　And　she's　feeling　rather　neglected　by　you；　I　might　add。〃
　　〃By　me？〃　I　said；　surprised。　〃She's　the　one　who　can't　be　reached。　At　least　I'm　not　undercover　chasing　gun　traffickers　and　other　persons　of　such　fine　character。　She　can't　even　talk　to　me　unless　she's　at　headquarters　or　on　a　pay　phone。〃
　　〃You're　not　easy　to　find；　either。　You've　been　elsewhere　in　your　spirit　since　Benton　died。　Missing　in　action；　and　I　don't　even　think　you　realize　it；〃　he　said。　〃I　know。　I've　tried　to　reach　out　to　you；　too；　haven't　I？〃
　　Tears　flooded　my　eyes　again。
　　〃And　if　I　get　hold　of　you；　what　do　you　tell　me？　Every…thing's　fine。　Just　busy　Not　to　mention；　you　haven't　e　to　see　me　once。　Now　and　then　in　the　old　days；　you　even　brought　me　some　of　your　special　soups。　You　haven't　been　taking　care　of　those　who　love　you。　You　haven't　been　taking　care　of　yourself。〃
　　He　had　covertly　glanced　up　at　the　clock　several　times　now。　I　got　up　from　my　chair。
　　〃Are　you…　heading　back　to　Florida？〃　I　asked　in　an　unsteady　voice。
　　〃Afraid　not。　Washington；〃　he　said。　〃I'm　on　Face　the　Nation　again。　More　of　the　same。　I'm　so　disgusted　by　it　all；　Kay。〃
　　〃I　wish　I　could　do　something　to　help　you；〃　I　said　to　him。
　　〃It's　dirty　out　there；　Kay。　If　certain　people　knew　I　was　here　alone　in　your　house　with　you；　they'd　start　some　vicious　rumor　about　me。　I'm　sure　of　it：'
　　〃I　wish　you　hadn't　came　here；　then。。〃
　　〃Nothing　would　have　stopped　me。　And　I　shouldn't　be　railing　on　about　Washington。　You　have　enough　to　deal　with。〃
　　〃I'll　vouch　for　your　sterling　character　anytime；〃　I　said。
　　〃It　wouldn't　do　any　good；　if　it　came　to　that。〃
　　I　walked　him　through　the　impeccable　house　I　had　designed；　past　fine　furniture　and　art　and　the　antique　medical　instruments　I　collected；　and　over　bright　rugs　and　hardwood　floors。　Everything　was　precisely　to　my　taste　but　not　at　all　the　same　as　it　had　been　when　Benton　was　here。　I　paid　no　more　attention　to　my　home　than　I　did　to　myself　these　days。　I　had　bee　a　heartless　custodian　of　my　life；　and　it　was　evident　everywhere　I　looked。
　　Senator　Lord　noticed　my　briefcase　open　on　the　great　room　couch；　and　case　files；　mail　and　memos　spilled　over　the　glass　coffee　table；　an