cpatricia.blacknotice-第13部分

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　　〃Maybe　you　should。　find　somebody；〃　Lucy　said；　the　light　and　shadow　of　flames　dancing　on　her　face。
　　〃Shit！〃　Marino　erupted。　〃What　is　this　all　of　a　sudden？　The　Dating　Game？　Maybe　if　she　wants　to　tell　you　personal　stuff　like　that；　she　will。　You　shouldn't　be　asking。　It　ain't　nice。〃
　　〃Life　isn't　nice；〃　Lucy　said。　〃And　why　should　；you　care　if　she　plays　The　Dating　Game？〃
　　Jo　silently　stared　into　the　fire。　I　was　getting　fed　up。　I　was　beginning　to　wonder　if　I　might　have　been　better　off　staying　alone　tonight。　Even　Benton　hadn't　always　been　right。
　　〃Remember　when　Doris　left　you？〃　Lucy　went　on。
　　〃What　if　people　hadn't　asked　you　about　it？　What　if　no　one　had　cared　what　you　did　next　or　if　you　were　holding　yourself　together？　You　sure　wouldn't　have　volunteered　anything。　Same　goes　for　the　idiots　you've　gone　out　with　since。　Every　time　one　of　them　didn't　work　out；　your　friends　had　to　jump　in　again　and　pry　things　out　of　you。〃
　　Marino　set　the　empty　beer　bottle　on　the　hearth　so　hard　I　thought　he　might　break　the　slate。
　　〃Maybe　you　ought　to　think　about　growing　up　one　of　these　days；〃　he　said。　〃You　gonna　wait　until　you're　thirty　before　you　stop　being　such　a　goddamn；　stuck…up　brat？　I'm　getting　another　beer。〃
　　He　stalked　out　of　the　room。
　　〃And　let　me　tell　you　another　thing；〃　Marino　threw　back　at　her；　〃just　because　you　fly　helicopters　and　program　puters　and　bodybuild　and　do　all　the　other　friggin'　shit　you　do　doesn't　mean　you're　better　than　me！〃
　　〃I've　never　said　I　was　better　than　you！〃　Lucy　yelled　after　him。
　　〃The　hell　you　haven't！〃　His　voice　carried　from　the‘　kitchen。
　　〃The　difference　between　you　and　me　is　I　do　what　I　want　in　life；〃　she　called　out。　〃I　don't　accept　limitations。〃
　　〃You're　so　full　of　shit；　Agent　Asshole。〃
　　〃Ah；　now　we're　getting　to　the　root　of　the　matter；〃　Lucy　said　as　he　reappeared；　gulping　beer。　〃I'm　a　federal　agent　fighting　big　bad　crime　on　big　bad　streets　of　the　world。　And　you're　in　uniform　riding　around　baby…sitting　cops　at　all　hours　of　the　night。〃
　　〃And　you　like　guns　because　you　wish　you　had　a　dick！〃
　　〃So　I　can　be　what？　A　tripod？〃
　　〃That's　it；〃　I　exclaimed。　〃Enough！　The　two　of　you　ought　to　be　ashamed　of　yourselves。　Doing　this　。　。　。　of　all　times　。　。　。〃
　　My　voice　splintered　and　tears　stung　my　eyes。　I　was　determined　I　wouldn't　lose　control　again；　and　I　was　horrified　that　I　no　longer　seemed　able　to　help　it。　I　looked　away　from　them。　Silence　was　heavy；　the　fire　popping。　Marino　got　up　and　opened　the　screen。　He　stirred　embers　with　the　poker　and　tossed　on　another　log。
　　〃I　hate　Christmas；〃　Lucy　said。
　　
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　　he　next　morning；　Lucy　and　Jo　had　an　early　flight　and　I　could　not　bear　the　emptiness　that　would　return　with　the　shutting　door。　So　I　went　out　with　them；　briefcase　in　hand。　I　knew　this　day　was　going　to　be　awful。
　　〃I　wish　you　didn't　have　to　go；〃　I　said。　〃But　I　guess　Miami　might　not　survive　another　day　if　you　stayed　here　with　me。〃
　　〃Miami's　probably　not　going　to　survive　anyway；〃　Lucy　said。　〃But　that's　what　we　get　paid　to　do…fight　wars　already　lost。　Sort　of　like　Richmond；　when　you　think　about　it。　God；　I　feel　like　shit。〃
　　Both　of　them　were　in　scruffy　jeans　and　wrinkled　shirts　and　had　done　nothing　more　than　push　gel　through　their　hair。　All　of　us　were　exhausted　and　hung　over　as　we　stood　in　my　driveway。　Carriage　lanterns　and　streetlights　had　gone　out　as　the　sky　turned　dusky　blue。　We　could　not　see　each　other　well；　just　our　shapes　and　shining　eyes　and　foggy　breath。　It　was　cold。　Frost　on　our　cars　looked　like　lace。
　　〃Except　the　One…Sixty…Fivers　aren't　going　to　survive；〃　Lucy　talked　big。　〃And　I'm　looking　forward　to　that。〃
　　〃The　who？〃　I　asked。
　　〃The　gun…trafficking　assholes　we're　after。　Remember；　I　told　you　we　call　them　that　because　their　ammo　of　choice　is　one…sixty…five…grain　Speer　Gold　Dot。　Real　high　end；　hot　stuff。　That　and　all　sorts　of　goodies…AR…fifteens；　twotwenty…three…caliber　rifles；　fully　automatic　Russian　and　Chinese　shit…ing　in　from　maggot…promise　land。　Brazil；　Venezuela；　Colombia；　Puerto　Rico。
　　〃Point　is；　some　of　this　is　being　smuggled　piecemeal　by　container　ships　that　have　no　idea；〃　she　went　on。　〃Take　the　port　in　L。A。　It　unloads　one　cargo　container　every　one　and　a　half　minutes。　No　way　anybody　can　search　all　that。〃
　　〃Oh；　that's　right。〃　My　head　was　throbbing。
　　〃We're　real　flattered　to　get　the　assignment；〃　Jo　added　dryly。　〃A　couple　of　months　ago；　the　body　of　some　guy　from　Panama　eventually　linked　to　this　cartel　turned　up　in　a　South　Florida　canal。　When　they　did　the　autopsy；　they　found　his　tongue　in　his　stomach　because　his　patriots　cut　it　off　and　made　him　eat　it。〃
　　〃I'm　not　sure　I　want　to　hear　all　this；〃　I　said　as　the　poison　sped　into　my　mind　again。
　　〃I'm　Terry；〃　Lucy　let　me　know。　〃She's　Brandy。〃　She　smiled　at　Jo。　〃U　of　M　girls　who　didn't　quite　graduate；　but　hey；　who　needs　to　because　during　our　hardworking　semesters　of　being　dopers　and　getting　laid；　we　learned　some　pretty　good　addresses　for　home　invasions。　We've　developed　a　nice　social　relationship　with　a　couple　One…SixtyFivers　who　do　home　invasions　for　guns；　cash；　drugs。　We're　setting　up　a　guy　。on　Fisher　Island　right　now　who's　got　enough　guns　to　open　his　own　damn　gun　store　and　enough　coke　to　make　it　look　like　it's　fucking　snowing：〃
　　I　couldn't　stand　to　hear　her　talk　this　way。
　　〃Of　course；　the　victim's　undercover；　too；〃　Lucy　went　on　as　big；　dark　crows　began　making　rude　noises　and　lights　went　on　across　the　street。
　　I　noticed　candles　in　windows　and　wreaths　on　doors。　I　had　given　virtually　no　thought　to　Christmas　and　it　would　be　here　in　less　than　three　weeks。　Lucy　dug　her　wallet　out　of　her　back　pocket　and　showed　me　her　driver's　license。　The　photograph　was　her；　but　nothing　else　was。
　　〃Terry　Jennifer　Davis；〃　she　read　to　me。　〃White　female；
　　twenty…four　years　old；　five…six；　one　hundred　and　twenty…one　pounds。　It's　really　strange　to　be　someone　else。　You　ought　to　see　my　setup　down　there；　Aunt　Kay。　I　got　this　cool　little　house　in　South　Beach　and　drive　a　Benz　V　…twelve　sports　car　confiscated　in　a　drug　raid　in　Sáo　Paulo。　Sort　of　silver；　smoky。
　　And　you　ought　to　see　my　Glock。　A　collector's　model：　Forty　caliber；　stainless　steel　slide；　small。　Talk　about　sweet。〃
　　The　poison　was　beginning　to　suffocate　me。　It　cast　a　purple　hue　behind　my　eyes　and　made　my　hands　and　feet　go　numb。
　　〃Lucy；　how　'bout　we　cut　the　show　and　tell；〃　Jo　said；　sensing　how　all　this　was　affecting　me。　〃It's　like　your　watching　her　do　an　autopsy。　Maybe　more　than　you　want　to　know；　right？〃
　　〃She's　let　me　watch；〃　Lucy　bragged　on。　〃I've　seen　maybe　half　a　dozen。〃
　　Jo　was　getting　annoyed　now。
　　〃Police　academy　demos。〃　My　niece　shrugged。　〃No　axe　murders。〃
　　I　was　rocked　by　her　insensitivity。　It　was　as　if　she　were　talking　about　restaurants。
　　〃Usually　people　who　died　of　natural　causes　or　suicide。　Families　donate　the　bodies　to　the　anatomical　division。〃
　　Her　words　drifted　around　me　like　noxious　gas。
　　〃So　it　doesn't　bother　them　if　Uncle　Tim　or　Cousin　Beth　is　autopsied　in　front　of　a　bunch　of　cops。　Most　of　the　families　can't　afford　a　burial　anyway；　and　might　in　fact　get　paid　something　for　body　donations；　isn't　that　right；　Aunt　Kay？〃
　　〃No；　they　don't；　and　bodies　donated　by　families　to　science　are　not　used　for　demo　autopsies；〃　I　said；　appalled。　〃What　in　God's　name　is　wrong　with　you？〃　I　lashed　out　at　her。
　　Bare　trees　were　spidery　against　the　overcast　dawn；　and　two　Cadillacs　drove　past。　I　felt　people　staring　at　us。
　　〃I　hope　you　don't　plan　on　making　this　tough　act　a　habit。〃　I　dashed　my　cold　words　in　her　face。　〃Because　it　sounds　stupid　enough　when　ignorant；　lobotomized　people　do　it。　And　for　the　record；　Lucy；　I　have　let　you　watch　three　autopsies；　and　although　police　academy　demos　may　not　have　been　axe　murders；　the　cases　were　human　beings。　Someone　loved　those　three　dead　people　you　saw。　Those　three　dead　people　had　feelings。　In　love；　happy；　sad。　They　ate　dinner；　drove　to　work；　went　on　vacations。〃
　　〃I　didn't　dean　。　。〃　Lucy　started　to　say。
　　〃You　can　be　sure　when　those　three　poor　people　were　alive　they　never　thought　they'd　end　up　in　a　morgue　with　twenty　rookies　and　some　kid。　like　you　staring　at　their　naked；　opened…up　bodies；〃　I　went　on。　〃Would　you　want　them　to　hear　what　you　just　s