cpatricia.blacknotice-第14部分

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em　to　hear　what　you　just　said？〃
　　Lucy's　eyes　brightened　with　tears。　She　swallowed　hard　and　looked　away。
　　〃I'm　sorry；　Aunt　Kay；〃　she　quietly　replied。
　　〃Because　it's　always　been　my　belief　you　ought　to　imagine　the　dead　listening　when　you　speak。　Maybe　they　hear　those　sophomoric　jokes　and　asides。　For　sure；　we　hear　them。　What　does　it　do　to　you　when　you　hear　yourself　say　them　or　hear　someone　else　say　them？〃
　　〃Aunt　Kay　。　。　：　〃
　　〃I'll　tell　you　what　it　does　to　you；〃　I　said　with　simmering　fury。　〃You　end　up　just　like　this。〃
　　I　threw　my　hand　out　as　if　introducing　the　world　to　her；　as　she　looked　on；　stunned。
　　〃You　end　up　doing　just　what　I'm　doing　right　now；〃　I　said。　〃Standing　on　a　driveway　as　the　sun　es　up。　Imagining　someone　you　love　in　a　fucking　morgue。　Imagine　people　making　fun　of　him；　joking；　making　ments　about　the　size　of　his　penis　or　how　much　he　stinks。　Maybe　they　banged　him　around　a　little　too　hard　on　the　table。　Maybe　halfway　into　the　goddamn　job　they　threw　a　towel　over　his　empty　chest　cavity　and　went　to　lunch。　And　maybe　cop　wandering　in　and　out　on　other　cases　made　ments　about　crispy　critters　or　being　burned　by　a　snitch　or　FBI　flambé。〃
　　Lucy　and　Jo　were　staring　at　me　in　astonishment。
　　〃Don't　think　I　haven't　heard　it　all；〃　I　said；　unlocking　my　car　door　and　yanking　it　open。　〃A　life　passing　through　indifferent　hands　and　cold　air　and　water。　Everything　so　cold；　cold；　cold。　Even　if　he　had　died　in　bed；　it's　all　so　cold　in　the　end。　So　don't　you　talk　to　me　about　autopsies。〃
　　I　slid　behind　the　wheel。
　　〃Don't　you　ever　wave　an　attitude　around　me；　Lucy。〃　I　couldn't　seem　to　stop。
　　My　voice　seemed　to　be　ing　from　another　room。　It　even　occurred　to　me　that　I　was　losing　my　mind。　Wasn't　this　what　happened　when　people　went　insane？　They　stood　outside　themselves　and　watched　themselves　do　things　that　really　weren't　them；　like　killing　someone　or　walking　off　a　window　ledge。
　　〃Mese　things　ring　in　your　head　like　a　bell　forever；〃　I　said。　〃Slamming　their　ugly　clapper　against　the　sides　of　your　skull。　It　isn't　true　that　words　will　never　hurt　you。　Because　yours　just　hurt　the　hell　out　of　me；〃　I　said　to　my　niece。　〃Go　back　to　Miami。〃
　　Lucy　was　paralyzed　as　I　jammed　my　car　into　drive　and　sped　off；　a　back　tire　bumping　over　the　granite　border。　I　caught　her　and　Jo　in　my　rearview　mirror。　They　were　saying　something　to　each　other；　and　then　getting　inside　their　rental　car。　My　hands　shook　so　badly　I　couldn't　light　a　cigarette　until　I　was　stopped　in　traffic。
　　I　didn't　let　Lucy　and　Jo　catch　up　with　me。　I　turned　off　on　the　Ninth　Street　exit　and　imagined　them　flying　by　toward　I…64；　heading　to　the　airport；　back　to　their　lives　of　undercover　crime。
　　〃Goddamn　you；〃　I　muttered　to　my　niece。
　　My　heart　slammed　against　me；　as　if　trying　to　break　free。
　　〃Goddamn　you；　Lucy。〃　I　wept。
　　　
　　　10
　　The　new　building　where　I　worked　was　the　eye　of　a　fierce　storm　of　development　I　never　could　have　imagined　when　I　moved　into　it　in　the　seventies。　I　remembered　feeling　rather　betrayed　when　I　charged　in　from　Miami　just　as　Richmond's　businesses　decided　to　charge　out　to　neighboring　counties　and　malls。　People　stopped　shopping　and　dining　downtown；　especially　at　night。
　　The　city's　historic　character　turned　victim　to　neglect　and　crime　until　the　mid…nineties；　when　Virginia　monwealth　University　began　to　reclaim　and　revitalize　what　had　been　relegated　to　ruin。　It　seemed　that　handsome　buildings　began　springing　up　almost　overnight；　all　of　similar　brick　and　glass　design。　My　office　and　morgue　shared　space　with　the　labs　and　the　recently　established　Virginia　Institute　of　Forensic　Science　and　Medicine；　which　was　the　first　training　academy　of　its　type　in　the　country；　if　not　the　world。
　　I　even　had　a　choice　parking　space　near　the　lobby　door；　where　I　sat　in　my　car　this　moment　gathering　my　belongings　and　my　spinning　thoughts。　I　had　childishly　turned　off　my　car　phone　so　Lucy　couldn't　get　hold　of　me　after　I'd　sped　off。　I　turned　it　on　now；　hoping　it　would　ring。　I　stared　at　it。　The　last　time　I　had　acted　like　this　was　after　Benton　and　I　had　had　our　worst　fight　and　I　ordered　him　to　leave　my　house　and　never　e　back。　I　unplugged　my　phones；　only　to　plug　them　back　in　an　hour　later　and　panic　when　he　didn't　call。
　　I　looked　at　my　watch。　Lucy　would　be　boarding　her　flight　in　less　than　an　hour。　I　considered　calling　USAir　and　having　her　paged。　I　was　shocked　and　humiliated　by　the　way　I　had　behaved。　I　felt　powerless　because　I　couldn't　apologize　to　someone　named　Terry　Davis　who　didn't　have　an　aunt　Kay　or　an　accessible　phone　number　and　lived　somewhere　in　South　Beach。
　　I　looked　pretty　rough　when　I　walked　into　the　glass…block　and　terrazzo　lobby。　Jake；　who　worked　the　security　desk；　noticed　right　away。
　　〃Good　morning；　Dr。　Scarpetta；〃　he　said　with　his　usual　nervous　eyes　and　hands。　〃You　don't　look　like　you're　feeling　so　hot。〃
　　〃Good　morning；　Jake；〃　I　replied。　〃How　are　you？〃
　　〃Same…o；　same…o。　Except　the　weather's　supposed　to　start　turning　real　fast　and　get　nasty；　and　I　could　do　without　that。〃
　　He　was　clicking　a　pen　open　and　shut。
　　〃Can't　seem　to　get　rid　of　this　pain　in　my　back；　Dr。　Scarpetta。　It's　right　between　my　shoulder　blades。〃
　　He　rolled　his　shoulders　and　neck。
　　〃Sort　of　pinches　like　something's　caught　back　there。　Happened　after　I　was　lifting　weights　the　other　day。　What　do　you　think　I　should　do？　Or　do　I　need　to　write　you？〃
　　I　thought　he　was　trying　to　be　funny；　but　he　wasn't　smiling。
　　〃Moist　heat。　Lay　off　the　weights　for　a　while；〃　I　said。
　　〃Hey；　thanks。　How　much　you　charge？〃
　　〃You　can't　afford　me；　Jake。〃
　　He　grinned。　I　swiped　my　puter　card　over　the　electronic　lock　on　the　door　outside　my　office　door　and　the　lock　clicked　free。　I　could　hear　my　clerks；　Cleta　and　Polly；　talking　and　'typing。　The　phones　were　already　ringing　and　it　wasn't　even　seven…thirty　yet。
　　〃。　。　。　It's　really；　really　bad。〃
　　〃You　think　people　from　other　countries　smell　different　when　they　depose？〃
　　〃e　on；　Polly。　How　stupid　is　that？〃
　　They　were　tucked　inside　their　gray　cubicles；　sifting　through　autopsy　photographs　and　entering　data　into　puters；　cursors　jumping　field　to　field。
　　〃Better　get　some　coffee　while　you　can；〃　Cleta　greeted　me　with　a　judgmental　look　on　her　face。
　　〃If　that　ain't　the　truth。〃　Polly　smacked　the　return　key。
　　〃I　heard；〃　I　said：
　　〃Well；　I'm　keeping　my　mouth　shut：'　。said　Polly；　who　couldn't　if　she　tried。
　　Cleta　made　a　zipping　motion　across　her　lips　without　missing　a　keystroke。
　　〃Where　is　everyone？〃
　　〃In　the　morgue；〃　Cleta　told　me。　〃We've　got　eight　cases　today。〃
　　〃You've　lost　a　lot　of　weight；　Cleta；〃　I　said；　collecting　death　certificates　from　my　inner…office　mailbox。
　　〃Twelve　and　a　half　pounds；〃　she　exclaimed　as　she　dealt　gory　photographs　like　playing　cards；　arranging　them　by　case　numbers。　〃Thank　you　for　noticing。　I'm　glad　somebody　'round　here　does。〃
　　〃Damn；〃　I　said；　glancing　at　the　death　certificate　on　top　of　my　stack。　〃You　think　we　might　ever　convince　Dr。　Carmichael　that　‘cardiac　arrest'　is　not　a　cause　of　death？　Everyone's　heart　stops　when　he　dies。　The　question　is　why　did　it　stop。　Well；　that　one　gets　amended。〃
　　I　flipped　through　more　certificates　as　I　followed　the　long　teal…　and　plum…carpeted　hallway　to　my　corner　office。　Rose　worked　in　an　open　space　with　plenty　of　windows；　and　it　wasn't　possible　to　reach　my　door　without　entering　her　airspace。　She　was　standing　before　an　open　filing　cabinet　drawer；　fingers　impatiently　fluttering　through　labeled　tabs。
　　〃How　are　you？〃　she　asked　around　a　pen　clamped　in　her　mouth。　〃Marino's　looking　for　you：'
　　〃Rose；　we　need　to　get　Dr。　Carmichael　on　the　line。〃
　　〃AgainT》
　　〃'Fraid　so。〃
　　〃He　rinds　to　retire。〃
　　My　secretary　had　been　saying　this　for　years。　She　pushed　the　drawer　shut　and　pulled　open　another　one。
　　〃Why　is　Marino　looking　for　me？　Did　he　call　me　from　home？〃
　　She　took　the　pen　out　of　her　mouth。
　　〃He's　here。　Or　was。　Dr：　Scarpetta；　do　you　remember　that　letter　you　got　last　month　from　that　hateful　woman？〃
　　〃Which　hateful　woman？〃　I　asked；　looking　up　and　down　the　hallway　for　Marino　and　seeing　no　sign　of　him。
　　〃The　one　in　prison　for　murdering　her　husband　right　after　she　took　out　a　million…dollar　fife　insurance　policy　o