cpatricia.blacknotice-第22部分

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　　〃I'm　sorry　I　didn't　say　anything；〃　Polly　contritely　added。　〃I　don't　have　any　idea　about　who　would　do　something　like　that：〃
　　〃I　mean　it　sort　of　sounds　like　you　when　you　read　it。　That's　the　problem；〃　Cleta　added。
　　〃Sort　of　sounds　like　me？〃　I　said；　frowning。
　　〃You　know；　it　gives　advice　about　accident　prevention；　security；　how　to　deal　with　grief　and　all　sorts　of　medical　things。〃
　　〃You're　saying　it　sounds　like　a　doctor　is　writing　it；　or　someone　trained　in　health　care？〃　I　asked　as　my　incredulity　grew。
　　〃Well；　whoever　it　is　seems　to　know　what　he's　talking　about；〃　Cleta　replied。　〃But　it's　more　conversational。　Not　like　reading　an　autopsy　report　or　anything　like　that。〃
　　〃I　don't　think　it　sounds　much　like　her；〃　Polly　said。　〃Now　that　I　think　about　it。〃
　　I　noticed　a　case　file　on　her　desk　that　was　open　to　color　puter…generated　autopsy　photographs　of　a　man　whose　shotgun…blasted　head　looked　like　a　gory　eggcup。　I　recognized　him　as　the　murder　victim　whose　wife　had　been　writing　me　from　prison；　accusing　me　of　everything　from　inpetence　to　racketeering。
　　〃What's　this？〃　I　asked　her。
　　〃Apparently；　the　Times…Dispatch　and　the　A。G。's　office　have　heard　from　that　crazy　woman；　and　Ira　Herbert　called　here　a　little　while　ago；　asking　about　it；〃　she　told　me。
　　Herbert　was　the　police　reporter　for　the　local　newspaper。　If　he　was　calling；　that　probably　meant　I　was　being　sued。
　　〃And　then　Harriet　Cummins　called　Rose　to　get　a　copy　of　his　records；〃　Cleta　explained。　〃It　appears　his　psycho　wife's　latest　story　is　he　put　the　shotgun　in　his　mouth　and　pulled　the　trigger　with　his　toe。〃
　　〃The　poor　man　was　wearing　army　boots；〃　I　replied。　〃He　couldn't　possibly　have　pulled　the　trigger　with　his　toe；　and　he　was　shot　at　close　range　in　the　back　of　the　head。〃
　　〃I　don't　know　what　it　is　with　people　anymore；〃　Polly　said　with　a　sigh。　〃All　they　do　is　lie　and　cheat；　and　if　they　get　locked　up；　they　just　sit　around　and　stir　up　trouble　and　file　lawsuits。　It　makes　me　sick。〃
　　〃Me；　too；〃　Cleta　agreed。
　　〃Do　you　know　where　Dr。　Fielding　is？〃　I　asked　both　of　them。
　　〃I　saw　him　wandering　around　a　little　while　ago；〃　Polly　said。
　　I　found　him　in　the　medical　library　thumbing　through　Nutrition　in　Exercise　and　Sport。　He　smiled　when　he　saw　me；　but　looked　tired　and　a　little　out　of　sorts。
　　〃Not　eating　enough　carbos；〃　he　said；　tapping　a　page　with　his　index　finger。　〃I　keep　telling　myself　if　I　don't　get　fiftyfive　to　seventy　percent　of　my　diet　in　carbos；　I　get　glycogen　depletion。　I　haven't　had　much　energy　lately　。　。　。〃
　　〃Jack。〃　My　tone　cut　him　off。　〃I　need　you　to　be　as　honest　as　you've　ever　been　with　me。〃
　　I　shut　the　library　door。　I　told　him　what　Ruffin　had　said；　and　a　glint　of　painful　recognition　showed　in　my　deputy　chief's　face。　He　pulled　out　a　chair　and　sat　down　at　a　table。　He　closed　his　book。　I　sat　next　to　him　and　we　turned　our　chairs　facing　each　other。
　　〃Something's　been　going　around　about　Secretary　Wagner　getting　rid　of　you；〃　he　said。　〃I　think　it's　bullshit　and　I'm　sorry　you　even　heard　about　it。　Chuck's　an　idiot。〃
　　Sinclair　Wagner　was　the　Secretary　of　Health　and　Human　Services；　and　only　he　or　the　governor　could　appoint　or　fire　the　chief　medical　examiner。
　　〃When　did　you　start　hearing　these　rumors？〃　I　asked。
　　〃Recently。　Weeks　ago。〃
　　〃Fired　for　what　reason？〃　I　quizzed　him。
　　〃Supposedly；　you　two　aren't　getting　along。〃
　　〃That's　ridiculous！〃
　　〃Or　he's　not　happy　with　you　or　something；　and　consequently；　the　governor　isn't；　either。〃
　　〃Jack；　please　be　more　specific。〃
　　He　hesitated　and　shifted　unfortably　in　his　chair。　He　looked　guilty；　as　if　my　problems　were　somehow　his　fault。
　　〃Okay；　to　lay　it　all　out；　Dr。　Scarpetta；〃　he　said；　〃the　word　is　that　you've　embarrassed　Wagner　with　this　chat　stuff　you're　doing　on　the　Internet：'
　　I　leaned　closer　to　him　and　put　my　hand　on　his　arm。
　　〃It's　not　me　doing　it；〃　I　promised　him。　〃It's　someone　impersonating　me。〃
　　He　gave　me　a　puzzled　look。
　　〃You're　kidding；'　he　said。
　　〃Oh；　no。　There's　nothing　funny　about　any　of　this：'
　　〃Jesus　Christ；〃　he　said　with　disgust。　〃Sometimes　I　think　the　Internet's　the　worst　thing　that's　ever　happened　to　us。〃
　　〃Jack；　why　didn't　you　just　ask　me　about　it？　If　you　thought　I　was　doing　something　as　inappropriate　。　。　。　well；　have　I　somehow　managed　to　estrange　everybody　in　this　office　so　nobody　feels　he　can　tell　me　anything　anymore？〃
　　〃It's　not　that；〃　he　said。　〃It's　not　a　reflection　of　people　not　caring　or　feeling　estranged。　If　anything；　we　care　so　much　I　guess　we　got　overprotective。〃
　　〃Protecting　me　from　what？〃　I　wanted　to　know。
　　〃Everyone　should　be　allowed　to　grieve　and　even　sit　it　out　on　the　bench　for　a　while；〃　he　quietly　replied。　〃No　one's　expected　you　to　function　on　all　cylinders。　I　sure　as　hell　wouldn't　be。　Christ；　I　barely　made　it　through　my　divorce。〃
　　〃I'm　not　sitting　it　out　on　the　bench；　Jack。　And　I'm　functioning　on　all　cylinders。　My　private；　personal　grief　is　just　that。〃
　　He　looked　at　me　for　a　long　moment；　holding　my　gaze　and　not　buying　what　I'd　just　said。
　　〃I　wish　it　were　that　easy；〃　he　said。
　　〃I　never　said　it　was　easy。　Getting　up　some　mornings　is　the　hardest　thing　I've　ever　done。　But　I　can't　let　my　own　problems　interfere　with　what　I'm　doing　here；　and　I　don't。〃
　　〃Frankly；　I　haven't　known　what　to　do；　and　I　feel　really　bad　about　it；〃　he　confessed。　〃I　haven't　known　how　to　handle　his　death；　either。　I　know　how　much　you　loved　him。　Over　and　over　it's　gone　through　my　mind　to　take　you　out　to　dinner　or　ask　if　there's　anything　I　can　fix　or　do　around　your　house。　But　I've　had　my　own　problems；　too；　as　you　know。　And　I　guess　I　didn't　feel　there　was　anything　I　could　offer　you　except　carrying　as　much　of　the　load　here　as　I　can。〃
　　〃Have　you　been　covering　calls　for　me？　When　families　have　needed　to　get　me　on　the　phone？〃　I　was　out　with　it。
　　〃It's　not　been　a　problem；〃　he　said。　〃It's　the　least　I　can　do。〃
　　〃Good　God；〃　I　said；　bending　my　head　and　running　my　fingers　through　my　hair。　〃I　don't　believe　this。〃
　　〃I　was　just　doing　。　。　。〃
　　〃Jack；〃　I　interrupted　him；　〃I've　been　here　every　day　except　when　I'm　in　court。　Why　would　any　of　my　calls　be　defiected　to　you？　This　is　something　I　know　nothing　about。〃
　　Now　it　was　Fielding's　turn　to　look　confused。
　　〃Don't　you　realize　how　despicable　it　would　be　for　me　to　refuse　to　talk　to　bewildered；　grieving　people？〃　I　went　on。　〃For　me　not　to　answer　their　questions　or　even　seem　to　care？〃
　　〃I　just　thought　。　。　。〃
　　〃This　is　crazy！〃　I　exclaimed；　and　my　stomach　was　a　tight　fist。　〃If　I　were　like　that；　I　wouldn't　deserve　to　do　this　work。　If　I　ever　bee　like　that；　I　should　quit！　Of　all　people；　how　could　I　not　care　about　another　person's　loss？　How　could　I　not　feel　and　understand　and　do　everything　I　could　to　answer　the　questions；　lessen　the　pain　and　fight　to　send　the　bastard　who　did　it　to　the　fucking　electric　chair。〃
　　I　was　near　tears。　My　voice　shook。〃Or　lethal　injection。　Shit；　I　think　we　should　go　back　to　hanging　assholes　in　the　public　square；〃　I　declared。
　　Fielding　glanced　toward　the　shut　door　as　if　he　were　afraid　someone　might　hear　me。　I　took　a　deep　breath　and　steadied　myself。
　　〃How　many　times　has　this　happened？〃　I　asked　him。　〃How　many　times　have　you　taken　my　calls？〃
　　〃A　lot　lately；〃　he　reluctantly　told　me。
　　〃How　many　is　a　lot？〃
　　〃Probably　almost　every　other　case　you've　done　in　the　last　couple　months：'
　　〃That　can't　be　right；〃　I　retorted。
　　He　was　silent；　and　as　I　thought　about　it；　doubts　crowded　my　mind　again。　Families　hadn't　seemed　to　be　calling　me　as　much　as　they　used　to；　but　I　hadn't　paid　much　attention　because　there　was　never　a　pattern；　never　a　way　to　predict。　Some　relatives　wanted　every　detail。　Others　called　to　vent　their　rage。　Some　people　went　into　denial　and　wanted　to　know　nothing。
　　〃Then　I　can　assume　there　have　been　plaints　about　me；〃　I　said。　〃Grieving；　upset　people　thinking　I'm　arrogant　and　cold…blooded。　And　I　don't　blame　them。〃
　　〃Some　have　plained。〃
　　I　could　tell　by　his　face　that　there　had　been　more　than　just　a　few　plaints。　I　had　no　doubt　that　letters　had　been　written　to　the　governor；　too。
　　〃Who's　been　rolling　these　calls　over　to　you？〃　I　asked　matter…of…factly　and　quietly　because　I　was　afraid　I　migh