anner.bloodandgold(v2)-第115部分
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Suddenly； she saw me。 She picked me out of the hundreds of faces。 Her eyes fixed on me； and I saw the blood rush into her beautiful cheeks and her mouth opened to speak the name Marius。
I heard it over the thin sweet music。
I raised my fingers to my lips； just as Bianca had done only a little while ago； and I blew a kiss to her。
How sad and happy at once she seemed； her mouth opened in a half smile as she gazed at me。 She seemed as frozen in her place as I was。
But this was intolerable。 What were these volumes of silence which divided us！
Quickly I crossed the dance floor and bowed before her。 I lifted her cold white hand； and led her out and into the dance； and would take no resistance from her。
〃No； you're mine； you're mine； do you hear？〃 I whispered。 〃Don't pull away from me。〃
〃Marius； I fear him and he is strong；〃 she whispered in my ear。 〃I must explain to him that we've found each other。〃
〃I don't fear him。 Besides he knows。 What does it matter？〃
We were dancing as if we said no such things to one another。 I held her tight and kissed her cheeks。 I didn't care what the mortals around us might think of this impropriety。 How very absurd was the whole notion。
〃Pandora； my blessed love； if only you could know how long I've waited。 What use is it to tell you now that from the very beginning I have missed you in pure agony？ Pandora； listen to me； don't close your eyes； don't look away。 I knew within the year； the very year； that I had made a dreadful error！〃
I realized that I was turning her too violently： I was pressing her hand too hard。 I had lost the cadence of the dance。 The music was a strange shrill noise in my ears。 I had lost control of everything。
She pulled back to look into my eyes。 〃Take me out on the pavilion；〃 she said。 〃We can talk in the river breeze。 The music makes me dizzy。〃 Immediately I led her through a huge pair of doors and we found ourselves on a stone bench overlooking the river。
I shall never forget how clear it was that night； how much the stars seemed in my favor； and how brilliant the light of the moon on the Elbe。 All around us were pots of flowers； and other couples or groups of mortals who had e to gain a little air before returning to the ballroom。
But in the main we had the shadows to ourselves and I gave way to kissing her。 I felt her perfect cheeks beneath my lips。 I kissed her throat。 I felt her brown hair with its tight waves； which I had so often painted on my wild nymphs as they ran through my thick gardens。 I wanted to pull it loose。
〃Don't leave me again；〃 I said。 〃No matter what is said between us tonight。 Don't leave me。〃
〃Marius； it was you who left me；〃 she said； and I heard a tremor in her voice which frightened me。 〃Marius； that was so long ago；〃 she said sadly。 〃Marius； I wandered so far and wide searching for you。〃
〃Yes； yes； I admit to all；〃 I said。 〃I admit to every error。 How could I guess what it meant to break the tie？ Pandora； I didn't know！ Yea gods； I didn't know！ Believe me； I didn't know。 Tell me you will leave this creature； Arjun； and e back to me。 Pandora； I want nothing short of this！ I can't make pretty words。 I can't recite old poems。
Pandora； look at me。〃
〃I am looking at you！〃 she declared。 〃Don't you see； you blind me！ Marius； don't think I too haven't dreamt of this reunion。 And now you see me in this shame； this weakness。〃
〃What？ I don't care！ What shame and weakness？〃
〃That I'm a slave to my panion； Arjun； that I let him move me through the world； that on my own； I possess no will； no momentum。 Marius； I am nothing now。〃
〃No； that's not true； and besides it doesn't matter。 I'll free you from Arjun。 I have no fear of him whatsoever； and then you'll be with me and all your old spirit will e back to you。〃
〃You dream；〃 she said and the first coldness came into her face and into her voice。 It was in her brown eyes； a coldness that es from sorrow。
〃Are you telling me；〃 I demanded； 〃that you mean to leave me again for this creature？ You think I will stand for it？〃
〃And what are you saying to me； Marius； that you will force me？〃 Her voice was low； distant。
〃But you've told me you're weak； you've told me you're a slave。 Is this not asking for me to force you？〃
She shook her head。 She was ready to weep。 Again I wanted to pull down her hair； to see it loose； to take the jewels out of it。 I wanted to take her face in my hands。
I did it。 I held her face too roughly。
〃Pandora； listen to me；〃 I said。 〃One hundred years ago； I learnt from a strange mortal that in your wanderings with this creature you circled again and again the city of Dresden。 And learning this； I moved myself to this city to wait for you。 Not a night has passed that I have not awakened to look through Dresden to find you。
〃Now that I have you in my arms I have no intention of abandoning you。〃
She shook her head。 She seemed for a moment incapable of speech。 I felt that she was imprisoned in her strange fashionable garments and lost in some painful reverie。
〃But what can I give you； Marius； but what you've already learnt？ The knowledge that I live still； that I endure； that I wander？ With or without Arjun； what does it matter？〃
She turned her eyes to me； wondering。
〃And what do I learn from you except that you go on； and that you endure…that those demons in Rome did not destroy you as they claimed； that you were burnt； yes； I can see that in the color of your skin； but you survive。 Marius； what more is there？〃
〃What on Earth are you saying！〃 I demanded。 I was suddenly furious。 〃Pandora； we have each other！ Good Lord。 We have time。 As we e together now； time begins for us all over again！〃
〃Does it； Marius？ I don't know；〃 she replied。 〃Marius； I'm not strong enough。〃
〃Pandora； that's mad！〃 I said。
〃Oh； you are so angry and it is so like our quarrels of old。〃
〃No； it's not！〃 I declared。 〃It's nothing like our quarrels of old because it's about nothing。 Now I'm taking you from here。 I'm taking you to my palace； and I shall deal with Arjun as best as I can afterwards。〃
〃You can't do such a thing；〃 she said sharply。 〃Marius； I've been with him for hundreds of years。 You think you can simply e between us？〃
〃I want you； Pandora。 I shall settle for nothing else。 And if such a time es that you want to leave me…。〃
〃Yes； and what if it does e；〃 she said angrily； 〃then what shall I do when there is no Arjun on account of you！〃
I fell silent。 I was in a rage。 She was staring at me intently。 Her face was full of feeling。 Her breast heaved under the tight satin。
〃Do you love me？〃 I demanded。
〃pletely；〃 she said in her angry voice。
〃Then you are ing with me！〃
I took her by the hand。
No one moved to stop us as we left the palace。
As soon as I had her in the carriage； I kissed her wantonly as mortals kiss and wanted to sink my teeth into her throat but she forbade it。
〃Let me have that intimacy！〃 I begged。 〃For the love of Heaven； Pandora； it's Marius who is speaking to you。 Listen to me。 Let us share blood and blood。〃
〃Don't you think I want to？〃 she asked。 〃I'm afraid。〃
〃Afraid of what？〃 I demanded。 〃Tell me what you fear。 I'll make it vanish。〃
The carriage rolled on out of Dresden and through the forest towards my palace。
〃Oh； but you won't；〃 she replied。 〃You can't。 Don't you understand； Marius； you're the same being you were in those times when we were first together。 You're strong and spirited as you were then； and I'm not。 Marius； he takes care of me。〃
〃Takes care of you？ Pandora； this is what you want！ I'll do it。 I shall take care of every tiny detail of your entire existence as though you were my daughter！ Only give me the chance。 Give me the chance to restore in love what was lost to us。〃
We had reached my gates； and my servants were opening them。 We were about to enter when she signaled to me that I must hold the coach。 She was looking out the window。 She was looking up at the windows of the palace。 Perhaps she could see the pavilion。
I did as she asked。 I saw that she was paralyzed with fear。 There was no disgui
