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　　　　So　my　cousin　Jasper　despaired　and；　I　learned　later；　wrote　to　his　father　on　the　subject　of　my　excesses　who；　in　his　turn；　wrote　to　my　father；　who　took　no　action　or　particular　thought　in　the　matter；　partly　because　he　had　disliked　my　uncle　for　nearly　sixty　years　and　partly　because；　as　Jasper　had　said；　he　lived　in　his　own　world　now；　since　my　mother's　death。
　　　　Thus；　in　broad　outline；　Jasper　sketched　the　more　prominent　features　of　my　first　year；　some　detail　may　be　added　on　the　same　scale。
　　　　　I　had　mitted　myself　earlier　to　spend　the　Easter　vacation　with　Collins　and；　though　I　would　have　broken　my　word　without　punction　and　left　my　former　friend　friendless；　had　Sebastian　made　a　sign；　no　sign　was　made；　accordingly　Collins　and　I　spent　several　economical　and　instructive　weeks　together　in　Ravenna。　A　bleak　wind　blew　from　the　Adriatic　among　those　mighty　tombs。　In　an　hotel　bedroom　designed　for　a　warmer　season；　I　wrote　long　letters　to　Sebastian　and　called　daily　at　the　post：　office　for　his　answers。　There　were　two；　each　from　a　different　address；　neither　giving　any　plain　news　of　himself；　for　he　wrote　in　a　style　of　remote　fantasy　…　。。。'Mummy　and　two　attendant　poets　have　three　bad　colds　in　the　head；　so　I　have　e　here。　It　is　the　feast　of　S。　Nichodemus　of　Thyatira；　who　was　martyred　by　having　goatskin　nailed　to　his　pate；　and　is　accordingly　the　patron　of　bald　heads。　Tell　Collins；　who　I　am　sure　will　be　bald　before　us。　There　are　too　many　people　here；　but　one；　praise　heaven！　Has　an　ear　trumpet；　and　that　keeps　me　in　good　humour。　And　now　I　must　try　to　catch　a　fish。　It　is　too　far　to　send　it　to　you　so　I　will　keep　the　backbone。。。'　…　which　left　me　fretful。　Collins　made　notes　for　a　little　thesis　pointing　out　the　inferiority　of　the　original　mosaics　to　their　photographs。　Here　was　planted　the　seed　of　what　became　his　life's　harvest。　When；　many　years　later；　there　appeared　the　first　massive　volume　of　his　still　unfinished　work　on　Byzantine　Art；　I　was　touched　to　find　among　two　pages　of　polite；　preliminary　acknowledgements　of　debt；　my　own　name：　'。。。to　Charles　Ryder；　with　the　aid　of　whose　all…seeing　yes　I　first　saw　the　Mausoleum　of　Galla　Placidia　and　San　Vitale。。。'
　　　　I　sometimes　wonder　whether；　had　it　not　been　for　Sebastian；　I　might　have　trodden　the　same　path　as　Collins　round　the　cultural　water…wheel。　My　father　in　his　youth　sat　for　All　Souls　and；　in　a　year　of　hot　petition；　failed；　other　successes　and　honours　came　his　way　later；　but　that　early　failure　impressed　itself　on　him；　and　through　him　on　me；　so　that　I　came　up　with　an　ill…considered　sense　that　there　lay　the　proper　and　natural　goal　of　the　life　of　reason。　I；　too；　should　doubtless　have　failed；　but；　having　failed；　I　might　perhaps　have　slipped　into　a　less　august　academic　life　elsewhere。　It　is　conceivable；　but　not；　I　believe；　likely；　for　the　hot　spring　of　anarchy　rose　from　the　depths　where　was　no　solid　earth；　and　burst　into　the　sunlight　…　a　rainbow　in　its　cooling　vapours　…　with　a　power　the　rocks　could　not　repress。
　　　　In　the　event；　that　Easter　vacation　formed　a　short　stretch　of　level　road　in　the　precipitous　descent　of　which　Jasper　warned　me。　Descent　or　ascent？　It　seems　to　me　that　I　grew　younger　daily　with　each　adult　habit　that　I　acquired。　I　had　lived　a　lonely　childhood　and　a　boyhood；　straitened　by　war　and　overshadowed　by　bereavement；　to　the　hard　bachelordom　of　English　adolescence；　the　premature　dignity　and　authority　of　the　school　system；　I　had　added；　a　sad　and　grim　strain　of　my　own。　Now；　that　summer　term　with　Sebastian；　it　seemed　as　though　I　was　being　given　a　brief　spell　of　what　I　had　never　known；　a　happy　childhood；　and　though　its　toys　were　silk　shirts　and　liqueurs　and　cigars　and　its　naughtiness　high　in　the　catalogue　of　grave　sins；　there　was　something　of　nursery　freshness　about　us　that　fell　little　short　of　the　joy　of　innocence。　At　the　end　of　the　term　I　took　my　first　schools；　it　was　necessary　to　pass；　if　I　was　to　remain　at　Oxford　and　pass　I　did；　after　a　week　in　which　I　forbade　Sebastian　my　rooms　and　sat　up　to　a　late　hour；　with　iced　black；　coffee　and　charcoal　biscuits；　cramming　myself　with　the　neglected　texts。　I　remember　no　syllable　of　them　now；　but　the　other；　more　ancient　lore　which　I　acquired　that　term　will　be　with　me　in　one　shape　or　another　to　my　last　hour。
　　　　　'I　like　this　bad　set　and　I　like　getting　drunk　at　luncheon'；　that　was　enough　then。　Is　more　needed　now？
　　　　Looking　back；　now；　after　twenty　years；　there　is　little　I　would　have　left　undone　or　done　otherwise。　I　could　match　my　cousin　Jasper's　game…cock　maturity　with　a　sturdier　fowl。　I　could　tell　him　that　all　the　wickedness　of　that　time　was　like　the　spirit　they　mix　with　the　pure　grape　of　the　Douro；　heady　stuff　full　of　dark　ingredients；　it　at　once　enriched　and　retarded　the　whole　process　of　adolescence　as　the　spirit　checks　the　fermentation　of　the　wine；　renders　it　undrinkable；　so；　that　it　must　lie　in　the　dark　year　in；　year　out；　until　it　is　brought　up　at　last　fit　for　the　table。
　　　　I　could　tell　him；　too；　that　to　know　and　love　one　other；　human　being　is　the　root　of　all　wisdom。　But　I　felt　no　need　for　these　sophistries　as　I　sat　before　my　cousin；　saw　him；　freed　from　his　inconclusive　struggle　with　Pindar；　in　his　dark　grey　suit；　his　white　tie；　his　scholar's　gown；　heard　his　grave　tones　and；　all　the　time；　savoured　the　gillyflowers　in　full　bloom　under　my　windows。　I　had　my　secret　and　sure　defence；　like　a　talisman　worn　in　the　bosom；　felt　for　in　the　moment　of　danger；　found　and　firmly　grasped。　So　I　told　him　what　was　not　in　fact　the　truth；　that　I　usually　had　a　glass　of　champagne　about　that　time；　and　asked　him　to　join　me。

　　　　On　the　day　after　Jasper's　Grand　Remonstrance　I　received　another；　in　different　terms　and　from　an　unexpected　source。
　　　　All　the　term　I　had　been　seeing　rather　more　of　Anthony　Blanche　than　my　liking　for　him　warranted。　I　lived　now　among　his　friends；　but　our　frequent　meetings　were　more　of　his　choosing　than　mine；　for　I　held　him　in　considerable　awe。
　　　　In　years；　he　was　barely　my　senior；　but　he　seemed　then　to　be　burdened　with　the　experience　of　the　Wandering　Jew。　He　was　indeed　a　nomad　of　no　nationality。
　　　　An　attempt　had　been　made　in　his　childhood　to　make　an　Englishman　of　him；　he　was　two　years　at　Eton；　then　in　the　middle　of　the　war　he　had　defied　the　submarines；　rejoined　his　mother　in　the　Argentine；　and　a　clever　and　audacious　schoolboy　was　added　to　the　valet；　the　maid；　the　two　chauffeurs；　the　pekinese；　and　the　second　husband。　Criss…cross　about　the　world　he　travelled　with　them；　waxing　in　wickedness　like　a　Hogarthian　page　boy。　When　peace　came　they　returned　to　Europe；　to　hotels　and　furnished　villas　spas；　casinos；　and　bathing　beaches。　At　this　age　of　fifteen；　for　a　wager；　he　was　disguised　as　a　girl　and　taken　to　play　at　the　big　table　in　the　Jockey　Club　at　Buenos　Aires；　he　dined　with　Proust　and　Gide　and　was　on　closer　terms　with　Cocteau　and　Diaghilev；　Firbank　sent　him　novels　with　fervent　inscriptions；　he　had　aroused　three　irreconcilable　feuds　in　Capri；　by　his　own　account　he　had　practised　black　art　in　Cefal？and　had　been　cured　of　drug…taking　in　California　and　of　an　Oedipus　plex　in　Vienna。
　　　　At　times　we　all　seemed　like　children　beside　him　…　at　most　times；　but　not　always；　for　there　was　a　bluster　and　zest　in　Anthony　which　the　rest　of　us　had　shed　somewhere　in　our　more　leisured　adolescence；　on　the　playing　field　or　in　the　school…room；　his　vices　flourished　less　in　the　pursuit　of　pleasure　than　in　the　wish　to　shock；　and　in　the　midst　of　his　polished　exhibitions　I　was　often　reminded　of　an　urchin　I　had　once　seen　in　Naples；　capering　derisively　with　obscene；　unambiguous　gestures；　before　a　party　of　English　tourists；　as　he　told　the　tale　of　his　evening　at　the　gaming　table；　one　could　see　in　the　roll　of　his　eye　just　how　he　had　glanced；　covertly；　over　the　dwindling　pile　of　chips　at　his　stepfather's　party；　while　we　had　been　rolling　one　another　in　the　mud　at　football　and　gorging　ourselves　with　crumpets；　Anthony　had　helped　oil　fading　beauties　on　sub…tropical　sands　and　had　sipped　his　ap閞itif　in　smart　little　bars；　so　that　the　savage　we　had　tamed　was　still　rampant　in　him。　He　was　cruel；　too；　in　the　wanton；　insect…maiming　manner　of　the　very　young；　and　fearless　like　a　little　boy；　charging；　head　down；　small　fists　whirling；　at　the　school　prefects。
　　　　He　asked　me　to　dinner；　and　I　was　a　little　discon