brideshead+revisited-第40部分
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onounced it the sort; of stuff he put soda in at home。
So; shamefacedly; they wheeled out of its hiding place the vast and mouldy bottle they kept for people of Rex's sort。
'That's the stuff;' he said; tilting the treacly concoction till it left dark rings round the sides of his glass。 'They've always got some tucked away; but they won't bring it out unless you make a fuss。 Have some。'
'I'm quite happy with this。'
'Well; it's a crime to drink it; if you don't really appreciate it。
He lit his cigar and sat back at peace with the world; I; too; was at peace in another world than his。 We were both happy。 He talked of Julia and I heard his voice; unintelligible at a great distance; like a dog's barking miles away on a still night。
At the beginning of May the engagement was announced。 I saw the notice in the Continental Daily Mail and assumed that Rex had 'squared the old man'。 But things did not go as were expected。 The next news I had of them was in the middle of June; when I read that they had been married very quietly at the Savoy Chapel。 No royalty was present; nor was the Prime Minister; nor were any of Julia's family。 It sounded like a 'hole…in…the…corner' affair; but it was not for several years that I heard the full story。
'2'
IT is time to speak of Julia; who till now has played an intermittent and somewhat enigmatic part in Sebastian's drama。 It was thus she appeared to me at the time; and I to her。 We pursued separate aims which brought us near to one another; but we remained strangers。 She told me later that she had made a kind of note of me in her mind; as; scanning the shelf for a particular book; one will sometimes have one's attention caught by another; take it down; glance at the title page and; saying 'I must read that; too; when I've the time;' replace it; and continue the search。 On my side the interest was keener; for there was always the physical likeness between brother and sister; which; caught repeatedly in different poses; under different lights; each time pierced me anew; and; as Sebastian in his sharp decline seemed daily to fade and crumble; so much the more did Julia stand out clear and firm。
She was thin in those days; flat…chested; leggy; she seemed all limbs and neck; bodiless; spidery; thus far she conformed to the fashion; but the hair…cut and the hats of the period; and the blank stare and gape of the period; and the clownish dabs of rouge high on the cheekbones; could not reduce her to type。
When I first met her; when she met me in the station yard and drove me home through the twilight; that high summer of 1923; she was just eighteen and fresh from her first London season。
Some said it was the most brilliant season since the war; that things were getting into their stride again。 Julia was at the centre of it。 There were then remaining perhaps half a dozen London houses which could be called 'historic'; Marchmain House in St James's was one of them; and the ball given for Julia; in spite of the ignoble costume of the time; was by all accounts a splendid spectacle。 Sebastian went down for it and half…heartedly suggested my ing with him; I refused and came to regret my refusal; for it was the last ball of its kind given there; the last of a splendid series。
How could I have known? There seemed time for everything in those days; the world was open to be explored at leisure。 I was so full of Oxford that summer; London could wait; I thought。
The other great houses belonged to kinsmen or to childhood friends of Julia's; and beside s them there were countless substantial houses in the squares of Mayfair and Belgravia; alight and thronged; one or other of them; night after night。 Foreigners returning on post from their own waste lands wrote home that here they seemed to catch a glimpse of the world they had believed lost forever; among the mud and wire; and through those halcyon weeks Julia darted and shone; part of the sunshine between the tress; part of the candle…light in the mirror's spectrum; so that elderly men and women sitting aside with their memories; saw her as herself the blue…bird。 ' 〃Bridey〃 Marchmain's eldest girl;' they said。 'Pity he can't see her tonight。'
That night and the night after; wherever she went always in her own little circle of intimates; she brought a moment of Joy; such as strikes deep to the heart on the river's bank when the kingfisher suddenly flares across the water。
This was the creature; neither child nor woman; that drove me through the dusk that summer evening; untroubled by love; taken aback by the power of her own beauty; hesitating on the cool edge of life one who had suddenly found herself armed; unawares; the heroine of a fairy story turning over in her hands the magic ring; she had only to stroke it with her fingertips and whisper the charmed word; for the earth to open at her feet and belch forth her titanic servant; the fawning monster who would bring her whatever she asked。; but bring it; perhaps; in unwele shape。
She had no interest in me that evening; the jinn rumbled below us uncalled; she lived apart in a little world; within a little world; the innermost of a system of concentric spheres; like the ivory balls laboriously carved in China; a little problem troubling her mind … little; as she saw it; in abstract terms and symbols。 She was wondering dispassionately and leagues distant from reality; whom she should marry。 Thus strategists hesitate over the map; the few pins and lines of coloured chalk; contemplating a change in the pins and lines; a matter of inches; which outside the room; out of sight of the studious officers; may engulf past; present; and future in ruin or life。 She was a symbol to herself then; lacking the life of both child and women; victory and defeat were changes of pin and line; she knew nothing of war。
'If only one lived abroad;' she thought; 'where these things are arranged between parents and lawyers。'
To be married; soon and splendidly; was the aim of all her friends。 If she looked further than the wedding; it was to see marriage as the beginning of individual existence; the skirmish where one gained one's spurs; from which one set out on the true quests of life。
She outshone by far all the girls of her age; but she knew that; in that little world within a world which she inhabited; there were certain grave disabilities from which she suffered。 On the sofas against the wall where the old people counted up the points; there were things against her。 There was the scandal of her father; that slight; inherited stain upon her brightness that seemed deepened by something in her own way of life … waywardness and wilfulness; a less disciplined habit than most of her contemporaries; but for that; who knows?。。。
One subject eclipsed all others in importance for the ladies along the wall; who would the young princes marry? They could not hope for purer lineage or a more gracious presence than Julia's; but there was this faint shadow on her that unfitted her for the highest honours; there was also her religion。
Nothing could have been further from Julia's ambitions than a royal marriage。 She knew; or thought she knew; what she wanted and it was not that。 But wherever she turned; it seemed; her religion stood as a barrier between her and her natural goal。
As it seemed to her; the thing was a dead loss。 If she apostatized now; having been brought up in the Church; she would go to hell; while the Protestant girls of her acquaintance; schooled in happy ignorance; could marry eldest sons; live at peace with their world; and get to heaven before her。 There could be no eldest son for her; and younger sons were indelicate things; necessary; but not to be much spoken of。 Younger sons had none of the privileges of obscurity; it was their plain duty to remain hidden until some disaster perchance promoted them to their brother's places; and; since this was their function; it was desirable that they should keep themselves wholly suitable for succession。 Perhaps in a family of three or four boys; a Catholic might get the youngest without opposition。 There were of course the Catholics themselves; but these came seldom into the little world Julia had made