brideshead+revisited-第52部分

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　　　　'You　are　not　thinking　of　something　else；　a　little　time　before？'
　　　　'Oh；　Charles；　that's　old　history。　That　was　nothing。　It　was　never　anything。　It's　all　over　and　forgotten。'
　　　　'I　just　wanted　to　know；'　I　said。　'We're　back　as　we　were　the　day　I　went　abroad；　is　that　it？'
　　　　So　we　started　that　day　exactly　where　we　left　off　two　years　before；　with　my　wife　in　tears。

　　　　My　wife's　softness　and　English　reticence　；　her　very　white；　small　regular　teeth；　her　neat　rosy　finger…nails；　her　schoolgirl　air　of　innocent　mischief　and　her　schoolgirl　dress；　her　modern　jewellery；　which　was　made　at　great　expense　to　give　the　impression；　at　a　distance；　of　having　been　mass　produced；　her　ready；　rewarding　smile；　her　deference　to　me　and　her　zeal　in　my　interests；　her　motherly　heart　which　made　her　cable　daily　to　the　nanny　at　home　…　in　short；　her　peculiar　charm　…　made　her　popular　among　the　Americans；　and　our　cabin　on　the　day　of　departure　was　full　of　cellophane　packages　…　flowers；　fruit；　sweets；　books；　toys　for　the　children　…　from　friends　she　had　known　for　a　week。　Stewards；　like　sisters　in　a　nursing　home；　used　to　judge　their　passengers'　importance　by　the　number　and　value　of　these　trophies；　we　therefore　started　the　voyage　in　high　esteem。
　　　　My　wife's　first　thought　on　ing　aboard　was　of　the　passenger　list。
　　　　'Such　a　lot　of　friends；'　she　said。　'It's　going　to　be　a　lovely　trip。　Let's　have　a　cocktail　party　this　evening。'
　　　　The　panion…ways　were　no　sooner　cast　off　than　she　was　busy　with　the　telephone。
　　　　'Julia。　This　is　Celia　…　Celia　Ryder。　It's　lovely　to　find　you　on　board。　What　have　you　been　up　to？　e　and　have　a　cocktail　this　evening　and　tell　me　all　about　it。'
　　　　'Julia　who？'
　　　　'Mottram。　I　haven't　seen　her　for　years。'
　　　　Nor　had　I；　not；　in　fact；　since　my　wedding　day；　not　to　speak　to　for　any　time；　since　the　private　view　of　my　exhibition　where　the　four　canvases　of　Marchmain　House；　lent　by　Brideshead；　had　hung　together　attracting　much　attention。　Those　pictures　were　my　last　contact　with　the　Flytes；　our　lives；　so　close　for　a　year　or　two；　had　drawn　apart。　Sebastian；　I　knew；　was　still　abroad；　Rex　and　Julia；　I　sometimes　heard　said；　were　unhappy　together。　Rex　was　not　prospering　quite　as　well　as　had　been　predicted；　he　remained　on　the　fringe　of　the　Government；　prominent　but　vaguely　suspect。　He　lived　among　the　very　rich；　and　in　his　speeches　seemed　to　incline　to　revolutionary　policies；　flirting；　with　munists　and　Fascists。　I　heard　the　Mottrams'　names　in　conversation；　I　saw　their　faces　now　and　again　peeping　from　the　Tatler；　as　I　turned　the　pages　impatiently　waiting　for　someone　to　e；　but　they　and　I　had　fallen　apart；　as　one　could　in　England　and　only　there；　into　separate　worlds；　little　spinning　planets　of　personal　relationship；　there　is　probably　a　perfect　metaphor　for　the　process　to　be　found　in　physics；　from　the　way　in　which；　I　dimly　apprehend；　particles　of　energy　group　and　regroup　themselves　in　separate　magnetic　systems；　a　metaphor　ready　to　hand　for　the　man　who　can　speak　of　these　things　with　assurance；　not　for　me；　who　can　only　say　that　England　abounded　in　these　small　panies　of　intimate　friends；　so　that；　as　in　this　case　of　Julia　and　myself；　we　could　live　in　the　same　street　in　London；　see　at　times；　a　few　miles　distant；　the　rural　horizon；　could　have　a　liking　one　for　the　other；　a　mild　curiosity　about　the　other's　fortunes；　a　regret；　even；　that　we　should　be　separated；　and　the　knowledge　that　either　of　us　had　only　to　pick　up　the　telephone　and　speak　by　the　other's　pillow；　enjoy　the　intimacies　of　the　levee；　ing　in；　as　it　were；　with　the　morning　orange　juice　and　the　sun；　yet　be　restrained　from　doing　so　by　the　centripetal　force　of　our　own　worlds；　and　the　cold；　interstellar　space　between　them。
　　　　My　wife；　perched　on　the　back　of　the　sofa　in　a　litter　of　cellophane　and　silk　ribbons；　continued　telephoning；　working　brightly　through　the　passenger　list。。。'Yes；　do　of　course　bring　him；　I'm　told　he's　sweet。。。Yes；　I've　got　Charles　back　from　the　wilds　at　last；　isn't　it　lovely。。。What　a　treat　seeing　your　name　in　the　list！　It's　made　my　trip。。。darling；　we　were　at　the　Savoy…Carlton；　too；　how　can　we　have　missed　you？'。。。Sometimes　she　turned　to　me　and　said：　'I　have　to　make　sure　you're　still　really　there。　I　haven't　got　used　to　it　yet。'
　　　　I　went　up　and　out　as　we　steamed　slowly　down　the　river　to　one　of　the　great　glass　cases　where　the　passengers　stood　to　watch　the　land　slip　by。　'Such　a　lot　of　friends；'　my　wife　had　said。　They　looked　a　strange　crowd　to　me；　the　emotions　of　leave…taking　were　just　beginning　to　subside；　some　of　them；　who　had　been　drinking　till　the　last　moment　with　those　who　were　seeing　them　off；　were　still　boisterous；　others　were　planning　where　they；　would　have　their　deck　chairs；　the　band　played　unnoticed　…　all　were　as　restless　as　ants。
　　　　I　turned　into　some　of　the　halls　of　the　ship；　which　were　huge　without　any　splendour；　as　though　they　had　been　designed　for　a　railway　coach　and　preposterously　magnified。　I　passed　through　vast　bronze　gates　on　which　paper…thin　Assyrian　animals　cavorted；　I　trod　carpets　the　colour　of　blotting　paper；　the　painted　panels　of　the　walls　were　like　blotting　paper；　too　…　kindergarten　work　in　flat；　drab　colours　…　and　between　the　walls　were　yards　and　yards　of　biscuit…coloured　wood　which　no　carpenter's　tool　had　ever　touched；　wood　that　had　been　bent　round　ers；　invisibly　joined　strip　to　strip；　steamed　and　squeezed　and　polished；　all　over　the　blotting…paper　carpet　were　strewn　tables　designed　perhaps　by　a　sanitary　engineer；　square　blocks　of　stuffing；　with　square　holes　for　sitting　in；　and　upholstered；　it　seemed；　in　blotting　paper　also；　the　light　of　the　hall　was　suffused　from　scores　of　hollows；　giving　an　even　glow；　casting　no　shadows　…　the　whole　place　hummed　from　its　hundred　ventilators　and　vibrated　with　the　turn　of　the　great　engines　below。
　　　　'Here　I　am；'　I　thought；　'back　from　the　jungle；　back　from　the　ruins。　Here　where　wealth　is　no　longer　gorgeous　and　power　has　no　dignity。　Quomodo　sedet　sola　civitas'　（for　I　had　heard　that　great　lament；　which　Cordelia　once　quoted　to　me　in　the　drawing…room　of　Marchmain　House；　sung　by　a　half…caste　choir　in　Guatemala；　nearly　a　year　ago）。
　　　　A　steward　came　up　to　me。
　　　　'Can　I　get　you　anything；　sir？'
　　　　'A　whisky　and　soda；　not　iced。'
　　　　'I'm　sorry；　sir；　all　the　soda　is　iced。'
　　　　'Is　the　water　iced；　too？'
　　　　'Oh　yes；　sir。'
　　　　'Well；　it；　doesn't　matter。'
　　　　He　trotted　off；　puzzled；　soundless　in　the　pervading　hum。
　　　　'Charles。'
　　　　I　looked　behind　me。　Julia　was　sitting　in　a　cube　of　blotting　paper；　her　hands　folded　in　her　lap；　so　still　that　I　had　passed　by　without　noticing　her。
　　　　'I　heard　you　were　here。　Celia　telephoned　to　me。　It's　delightful。'
　　　　'What　are　you　doing？'
　　　　She　opened　the　empty　hands　in　her　lap　with　a　little　eloquent　gesture。　'Waiting。　My　maid's　unpacking；　she's　been　so　disagreeable　ever　since　we　left　England。　She's　plaining　now　about　my　cabin。　I　can't　think　why。　It　seems　a　lap　to　me。'
　　　　The　steward　returned　with　whisky　and　two　jugs；　one　of　iced　water；　the　other　of　boiling　water；　I　mixed　them　to　the　rig　ht　temperature。　He　watched　and　said：　'I'll　remember　that's　how　you　take　it；　sir。'
　　　　Most　passengers　had　fads；　he　was　paid　to　fortify　their　self…esteem。　Julia　asked　for　a　cup　of　hot　chocolate。　I　sat　by　her　in　the　next　cube。
　　　　'I　never　see　you　now；　'　she　said。　'I　never　seem　to　see　anyone　I　like。　I　don't　know　why。'
　　　　But　she　spoke　as　though　it　were　a　matter　of　weeks　rather　than　of　years；　as　though；　too；　before　our　parting　we　had　been　firm　friends。　It　was　dead　contrary　to　the　mon　experience　of　such　encounters；　when　time　is　found　to　have　built　its　own　defensive　lines；　camouflaged　vulnerable　points；　and　laid　a　field　of　mines　across　all　but　a　few　well…trodden　paths；　so　that；　more　often　than　not；　we　can　only　signal　to　one　another　from　either　side　of　the　tangle　of　wire。　Here　she　and　I；　who　were　never　friends　before；　met　on　terms　of　long　and　unbroken　intimacy。
　　　　'What　have　you　been　doing　in　America？'
　　　　She　looked　up　slowly　from　her　chocolate　and；　her　splendid；　serious　eyes　in　mine；　said：　'Don't　you　know？　I'll　tell　you　about　it　sometimes　I've　been　a　mug。　I　thought　I　was　in　love　with　someone；　but　it　didn't　turn　out　that　way。'　And　my　mind　went　back　ten　years　to　the　evening　at　Brideshead；　when　that　lovely；