brideshead+revisited-第56部分

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；　they　paused　at　the　pletion　of　each　half　circle；　began　to　move　slowly　and　finished　fast　with　a　resounding　clash。　There　was　no　real　risk　in　passing　them；　except　of　slipping　and　being　caught　by　that　swift；　final　blow；　there　was　ample　time　to　walk　through　unhurried　but　there　was　something　forbidding　in　the　sight　of　that　great　weight　of　uncontrolled　metal；　flapping　to　and　fro；　which　might　have　made　a　timid　man　flinch　or　skip　through　too　quickly；　I　rejoiced　to　feel　Julia's　hand　perfectly　steady　on　my　arm　and　know；　as　I　walked　beside　her；　that　she　was　wholly　undismayed。
　　　　'Bravo；'　said　a　man　sitting　nearby。　'I　confess　I　went　round　the　other　way。　I　didn't　like　the　look　of　those　doors　somehow。　They've　been　trying　to　fix　them　all　the　morning。'
　　　　There　were　few　people　about　that　day；　and　that　few　seemed　bound　together　by　a　camaraderie　of　reciprocal　esteem；　they　did　nothing　except　sit　rather　glumly　in　their　armchairs；　drink　occasionally；　and　exchange　congratulations　on　not　being　seasick。
　　　　'You're　the　first　lady　I've　seen；'　said　the　man。
　　　　'I'm　very　lucky。'
　　　　'We　are　very　lucky；'　he　said；　with　a　movement　which　began　as　a　bow　and　ended　as　a　lurch　forward　to　his　knees；　as　the　blotting…paper　floor　dipped　steeply　between　us。　The　roll　carried　us　away　from　him；　clinging　together　but　still　on　our　feet；　and　we　quickly　sat　where　our　dance　led　us；　on　the　further　side；　in　isolation；　a　web　of　life…lines　had　been　stretched　across　the　lounge；　and　we　seemed　like　boxers；　roped　into　the　ring。
　　　　The　steward　approached。　'Your　usual；　sir？　Whisky　and　tepid　water；　I　think。　And　for　the　lady？　Might　I　suggest　a　nip　of　champagne？'
　　　　'D'you　know；　the　awful　thing　is　I　would　like　champagne　very　much；'　said　Julia。　'What　a　life　of　pleasure　…　roses；　half　an　hour　with　a　female　pugilist；　and　now　champagne！'
　　　　'I　wish　you　wouldn't　go　on　about　the　roses。　It　wasn't　my　idea　in　the　first　place。　Someone　sent　them　to　Celia。'
　　　　'Oh；　that　's　quite　different。　It　lets　you　out　pletely。　But　it　makes　my　massage　worse。'
　　　　'I　was　shaved　in　bed。'
　　　　'I'm　glad　about　the　roses；'　said　Julia。　'Frankly；　they　were　a　shock。　They　made　me　think　we　were　starting　the　day　on　the　wrong　foot。'
　　　　I　knew　what　she　meant；　and　in　that　moment　felt　as　though　I　had　shaken　off　some　of　the　dust　and　grit　of　ten　dry　years；　then　and　always；　however　she　spoke　to　me；　in　half　sentences；　single　words；　stock　phrases　of　contemporary　jargon；　in　scarcely　perceptible　movements　of　eyes　or　lips　or　hands；　however　inexpressible　her　thought；　however　quick　and　far　it　had　glanced　from　the　matter　in　hand；　however　deep　it　had　plunged；　as　it　often　did；　straight　from　the　surface　to　the　depths；　I　knew；　even　that　day　when　I　still　stood　on　the　extreme　verge　of　love；　I　knew　what　she　meant。
　　　　We　drank　our　wine　and　soon　our　new　friend　came　lurching　towards　us　down　the　life…line。
　　　　'Mind　if　I　join　you？　Nothing　like　a　bit　of　rough　weather　for　bringing　people　together。　This　is　my　tenth　crossing；　and　I've　never　seen　anything　like　it。　I　can　see　you　are　an　experienced　sailor；　young　lady。'
　　　　'No。　As　a　matter　of　fact；　I've　never　been　at　sea　before　except　ing　to　New　York　and；　of　course；　crossing　the　Channel。　I　don't　feel　sick；　thank　God；　but　I　feel　tired。　I　thought　at　first　it　was　only　the　massage；　but　I'm　ing　to　the　conclusion　it's　the　ship。'
　　　　'My　wife's　in　a　terrible　way。　She's　an　experienced　sailor。　Only　shows；　doesn't　it？'
　　　　He　joined　us　at　luncheon；　and　I　did　not　mind　his　being　there；　he　had　clearly　taken　a　fancy　to　Julia；　and　he　thought　we　were　man　and　wife；　this　misconception　and　his　gallantry　seemed　in　some　way　to　bring　her　and　me　closer　together。　'Saw　you　two　last　night　at　the　Captain's　table；'　he　said；　'with　all　the　nobs。'
　　　　'Very　dull　nobs。'
　　　　'If　you　ask　me；　nobs　always　are。　When　you　get　a　storm　like　this　you　find　out　what　people　are　really　made　of'
　　　　'You　have　a　predilection　for　good　sailors？'
　　　　'Well；　put　like　that　I　don't　know　that　I　do　…　what　I　mean　is；　it　makes　for　getting　together。'
　　　　'Yes。'
　　　　'Take　us　for　example。　But　for　this　we　might　never　have　met。　I've　had　some　very　romantic　encounters　at　sea　in　my　time。　If　the　lady　will　excuse　me；　I'd　like　to　tell　you　about　a　little　adventure　I　had　in　the　Gulf　of　Lions　when　I　was　younger　than　I　am　now。'
　　　　We　were　both　weary；　lack　of　sleep；　the　incessant　din；　and　the　strain　every　movement　required；　wore　us　down。　We　spent　that　afternoon　apart　in　our　cabins。　I　slept　and　when　I　awoke　the　sea　was　as　high　as　ever；　inky　clouds　swept　over　us；　and　the　glass　streamed　still　with　water；　but　I　had　grown　used　to　the　storm　In　my　sleep；　had　made　its　rhythm　mine；　had　bee　part　of　it；　so　that　I　arose　strongly　and　confidently　and　found　Julia　already　up　and　in　the　same　temper。
　　　　'What　d'you　think？'　she　said。　'That　man's　giving　a　little　〃get　together　party〃　tonight　in　the　smoking…room　for　all　the　good　sailors。　He　asked　me　to　bring　my　husband。'
　　　　'Are　we　going？'
　　　　'Of　course。。。I　wonder　if　I　ought　to　feel　like　the　lady　our　friend　met　on　the　way　to　Barcelona。　I　don't；　Charles　not　a　bit。'
　　　　There　were　eighteen　people　at　the　'get…together　party'；　we　had　nothing　in　mon　except　immunity　from　seasickness。　We　drank　champagne；　and　presently　our　host　said：　'Tell　you　what；　I've　got　a　roulette　wheel。　Trouble　is　we　can't　go　to　my　cabin　on　account　of　the　wife；　and　we　aren't　allowed　to　play　in　public。'
　　　　So　the　party　adjourned　to　my　sitting…room　and　we　played　for　low　stakes　until　late　into　the　night；　when　Julia　left　and　our　host　had　drunk　too　much　wine　to　be　surprised　that　she　and　I　were　not　in　the　same　quarters。　When　all　but　he　had　gone；　he　fell　asleep　in　his　chair；　and　I　left　him　there。　It　was　the　last　I　saw　of　him；　for　later　…　so　the　steward　told　me　when　he　came　from　returning　the　roulette　things　to　the　man's　cabin　…　he　broke　his　thigh；　falling　in　the　corridor；　and　was　taken　to　the　ship's　hospital。
　　　　All　next　day　Julia　and　I　spent　together　without　interruption；　talking；　scarcely　moving；　held　in　our　chairs　by　the　swell　of　the　sea。　After　luncheon　the　last　hardy　passengers　went　to　rest　and　we　were　alone　as　though　the　place　had　been　cleared　for　us；　as　though　tact　on　a　titanic　scale　had　sent　everyone　tip…toeing　out　to　leave　us　to　one　another。
　　　　The　bronze　doors　of　the　lounge　had　been　fixed；　but　not　before　two　seamen　had　been　badly　injured。　They　had　tried　various　devices；　lashing　with　ropes　and；　later；　when　these　failed；　with　steel　hawsers；　but　there　was　nothing　to　which　they　could　be　made　fast；　finally；　they　drove　wooden　wedges　under　them；　catching　them　in　the　brief　moment　of　repose　when　they　were　full　open；　and　these　held　firm。
　　　　When；　before　dinner；　she　went　to　her　cabin　to　get　ready　（no　one　dressed　that　night）　and　I　came　with　her；　uninvited；　unopposed；　expected；　and　behind　closed　doors　took　her　in　my　arms　and　first　kissed　her；　there　was　no　alteration　from　the　mood　of　the　afternoon。　Later；　turning　it　over　in　my　mind；　as　I　turned　in　my　bed　with　the　rise　and　fall　of　the　ship；　through　the　long；　lonely；　drowsy　night；　I　recalled　the　courtships　of　the　past；　dead；　ten　years；　how；　knotting　my　tie　before　setting　out；　putting　the　gardenia　in　my　buttonhole；　I　would　plan　my　evening　and　think　at　such　and　such　a　time；　at　such　and　such　an　opportunity；　I　shall　cross　the　start…line　and　open　my　attack　for　better　or　worse；　'this　phase　of　the　battle　has　gone　on　long　enough'；　I　would　think；　'a　decision　must　be　reached。'　With　Julia　there　were　no　phases；　no　start…line；　no　tactics　at　all。
　　　　But　later　that　night　when　she　went　to　bed　and　I　followed　her　to　her　door；　she　stopped　me。
　　　　'No；　Charles；　not　yet。　Perhaps　never。　I　don't　know。　I　don't　know　if　I　want　love。'
　　　　Then　something；　some　surviving　ghost　from　those　dead　ten　years　…　for　one　cannot　die；　even　for　a　little；　without　some　loss　made　me　say；　'Love？　I'm　not　asking　for　love。'
　　　　'Oh　yes；　Charles；　you　are；'　she　said；　and　putting　up　her　hand　gently　stroked　my　cheek；　then　shut　her　door。
　　　　And　I　reeled　back；　first　on　one　wall；　then　on　the　other；　of　the　long；　softly　lighted；　empty　corridor；　for　the　storm；　it　appeared；　had　the　form　of　a　ring；　all　day　we　had　been　sailing　through　its　still　centre；　now　we　were　once　more　in　the　full　fury　of　the　wind　and　that　night　was　to　be　rougher　than　the　one　before。