cb.coldheart canyon-第42部分

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　 〃Valentino？〃
　 〃And　he　was　queer。〃
　 〃Rudolph　Valentino？〃
　 〃Yes。　You　didn't　know　he　was　that　way？〃
　 〃No；　it's　just。。。he's　been　dead　a　long　time。〃
　 〃Yes；　it　was　sad　to　lose　him　so　quickly；〃　she　said。
　 She　obviously　had　no　difficulty　agreeing　with　him　about　how　long　the　Great　Lover　had　been　deceased；　even　though　it　made　nonsense　of　her　story。
　 〃We　had　a　great　party　for　him；　out　on　the　lawn；　two　weeks　after　he'd　been　taken　from　us。〃　She　turned　away　from　him　and　laid　the　switch　back　on　the　mantelpiece。　〃I　know　you　don't　believe　a　word　of　what　I've　told　you。　You've　done　the　mathematics；　and　none　of　it's　remotely　possible。〃　She　leaned　on　the　mantelpiece；　her　chin　on　the　heel　of　her　hand。　〃What　have　you　decided？　That　I'm　some　kind　of　trespasser？　A　little　sexually　deranged　but　essentially　harmless？〃
　 〃I　suppose　something　like　that。〃
　 〃Hmm。〃　She　mused　on　this　for　a　moment。　Then　she　said：　〃You'll　change　your　mind；　eventually。　But　there's　no　hurry。　I've　waited　a　long　time　for　this。〃
　 〃This？〃
　 〃You。　Us。〃
　 She　left　the　thought　there　to　puzzle　him　a　moment；　then　she　turned；　the　dusting　of　melancholy　that　had　crept　into　her　voice　over　the　course　of　the　last　few　exchanges　brushed　away。　She　was　bright　again；　gleaming　with　harmless　trouble…making。
　 〃Have　you　ever　done　it　with　a　man？〃
　 〃Oh；　Jesus。〃
　 〃So　you　have！〃
　 He　was　caught。　There　was　no　use　denying　it。
　 〃Only。。。twice。　Or　three　times。〃
　 〃You　can't　remember。〃
　 〃Okay；　three　times。〃
　 〃Was　it　good？〃
　 〃I'll　never　do　it　again；　so　I　guess　that's　your　answer。〃
　 〃Why　are　you　so　sure？〃
　 〃There's　some　things　you　can　be　that　sure　of；〃　he　said。　Then；　a　little　less　confidently；　〃Aren't　there？〃
　 〃Even　men　who　aren't　queer　imagine　other　men　sometimes。　Yes？〃
　 〃Well。。。〃
　 〃Perhaps　you're　the　exception　to　the　rule。　Perhaps　you're　the　one　the　Canyon　isn't　going　to　touch。〃　She　started　to　walk　back　towards　him。　〃But　don't　be　too　certain。　It　takes　the　pleasure　out　of　things。　Maybe　you　should　let　a　woman　take　charge　for　a　while。〃
　 〃Are　we　talking　about　sex？〃
　 〃Valentino　swore　he　only　liked　men；　but　as　soon　as　I　took　charge。。。〃
　 〃Don't　tell　me。　He　was　like　a　naughty　schoolboy。〃
　 〃No。　Like　a　baby。〃　Her　hand　went　to　her　breast；　and　she　squeezed　it；　catching　the　nipple　in　the　groove　between　her　thumb　and　forefinger；　as　though　to　proffer　it　for　Todd　to　suckle。
　 He　knew　it　wasn't　smart　to　show　too　much　emotion　to　the　woman。　If　there　was　some　genuine　streak　of　derangement　in　her；　it　would　only　empower　her　more。　But　he　couldn't　help　himself。　He　took　half　a　step　backwards；　aware　that　the　trenches　of　his　mouth　were　suddenly　running　with　spit　at　the　thought　of　her　nipple　in　his　mouth。
　 〃You　shouldn't　let　your　mind　get　between　you　and　what　your　body　wants；〃　she　said。　She　took　her　hand　from　her　breast。　The　nipple　stood　hard　beneath　the　light　fabric。
　 〃I　know　what　my　body　wants。〃
　 〃Really？〃　she　said；　sounding　genuinely　surprised　at　the　claim。　〃You　know　what　it　wants　deep　down？　All　the　way　down　to　the　very　darkest　place？〃
　 He　didn't　reply。
　 She　reached　out　and　took　gentle　hold　of　his　hand。　Her　fingers　were　cold　and　dry；　his　were　clammy。
　 〃What　are　you　afraid　of？〃　she　said。　〃Not　me；　surely。〃
　 〃I'm　not　afraid；〃　he　said。
　 〃Then　e　to　me；〃　she　told　him；　softly。　〃I'll　find　out　what　you　want。〃　He　let　her　draw　him　closer　to　her；　let　her　hands　move　up　over　his　chest　towards　his　face。
　 〃You're　a　big　man；〃　she　murmured。
　 Her　fingers　were　at　his　neck　now。　Whatever　she　was　promising　about　discovering　his　desires；　he　knew　what　she　wanted；　she　wanted　to　see　his　face。　And　though　there　was　a　part　of　his　mind　that　resisted　the　idea；　there　was　a　greater　part　that　wanted　her　to　see　him；　for　better　or　worse。　He　let　her　hands　go　up　to　his　jawline；　let　her　fingers　rest　on　the　adhesive　tape　that　held　the　mask　of　gauze　against　his　wound。
　 〃May　I。。。？〃　she　asked　him。
　 〃Is　this　what　you　came　here　to　do？〃
　 She　made　a　small；　totally　ambiguous　smile。　Then　she　pulled　at　the　tape。　It　came　away　with　a　gentle　tug。　He　felt　the　gauze　loosen。　He　stared　down　into　her　face；　wondering…in　this　long　moment　before　it　was　done　and　beyond　saving…if　she　would　reject　him　when　she　saw　the　scars　and　the　swelling。　A　scene　from　that　same　silent　horror　movie　he'd　seen　in　his　mind's　eye　many　times　since　Burrows　had　done　his　brutal　work；　flickered　in　his　head：　Katya　as　the　appalled　heroine；　reeling　away　in　disgust　at　what　her　curiosity　had　uncovered。　He　the　monster；　enraged　at　her　revulsion　and　murderous　in　his　self…contempt。
　 It　was　too　late　to　stop　it　now。　She　was　pulling　at　the　gauze；　coaxing　it　away　from　the　hurts　it　concealed。
　 He　felt　the　cool　air　upon　his　wounds；　and　cooler　still；　her　scrutiny。　The　gauze　dropped　to　the　floor　between　them。　He　stood　there　before　her；　more　naked　than　he'd　ever　been　in　his　life…even　in　nightmares　of　nakedness；　more　naked…awaiting　judgment。
　 She　wasn't　horrified。　She　wasn't　screaming；　wasn't　flinching。　She　simply　looked　at　him；　without　any　interpretable　expression　on　her　face。
　 〃Well？〃　he　said。
　 〃He　made　a　mess　of　you；　no　doubt　about　that。　But　it's　healing。　And　if　my　opinion　is　worth　anything　to　you；　I'd　say　you're　going　to　be　fine。　Better　than　fine。〃
　 She　took　a　moment　to　assess　him　further。　To　trace　the　line　of　his　jaw；　the　curve　of　his　temple。
　 〃But　it's　never　going　to　be　perfect；〃　she　said。
　 His　stomach　lurched。　Here　was　the　heart　of　it：　the　bitter　part　nobody　had　wanted　to　admit　to　him；　not　even　himself。　He　was　spoiled。　Perhaps　just　a　little；　but　a　little　was　all　it　would　take　to　shake　him　from　his　high　perch。　His　precious　face；　his　golden　face；　the　beauty　that　had　made　him　the　idol　of　millions；　had　been　irreparably　damaged。
　 〃I　know；〃　Katya　said；　〃you're　thinking　your　life　won't　be　worth　living。　〃But　that's　just　not　true。〃
　 〃How　the　hell　do　you　know？〃　he　said；　smarting　from　the　truth；　angered　by　her　honesty。
　 〃Because　I　knew　all　the　great　stars；　in　the　silent　days。　And　believe　me；　the　smart　ones…when　they　weren't　making　the　money　any　longer…just　shrugged　and　said　okay；　I've　had　my　time。〃
　 〃What　did　they　do　then？〃
　 〃Listen　to　yourself！　There's　life　after　fame。　Sure　it'll　take　some　getting　used　to；　but　people　have　perfectly　good　lives…〃
　 〃I　don't　want　a　perfectly　good　life。　I　want　the　life　I　had。〃
　 〃Well　you　can't　have　it；〃　she　said；　very　simply。
　 It　was　a　long　time　since　somebody　had　told　Todd　Pickett　that　he　couldn't　have　something；　and　he　didn't　like　it。　He　took　hold　of　her　wrists　and　pulled　her　hands　away　from　his　face。　A　quick　fury　had　risen　in　him。　He　wanted　to　strike　at　her；　knock　her　stupid　words　out　of　her　mouth。
　 〃You　know；　you　are　crazy；〃　he　said。
　 〃Didn't　I　tell　you？〃　she　said；　making　no　attempt　to　touch　him　again。　〃Some　nights　I'm　so　crazy　I'm　ready　to　hang　myself。　But　I　don't。　You　know　why？　I　made　this　hell　for　myself；　so　it's　up　to　me　to　live　in　it；　isn't　it？〃
　 He　didn't　respond　to　her；　he　was　still　in　a　filthy　rage　about　what　she'd　said。
　 〃Do　you　understand　what　I'm　saying？〃
　 〃I　think　I've　had　it　with　your　advice　for　the　night；〃　he　said；　〃so　why　don't　you　just　go　back　wherever　you　came　from…〃　In　mid…sentence　he　heard　Marco　calling。　〃Boss？　Are　you　okay？　Where　the　hell　are　you？〃
　 He　looked　towards　the　door；　half　expecting　to　see　Marco　already　standing　there。　He　wasn't。　Todd　then　looked　back　at　Katya；　or　whoever　the　hell　she　was。　The　woman　was　retreating　from　him；　shaking　her　head　as　if　to　say：　don't　tell。
　 〃It's　okay！〃　he　yelled　to　Marco。
　 〃Where　are　you？〃
　 〃I'm　fine。　Go　make　me　a　drink。　I'll　meet　you　in　the　kitchen！〃
　 Katya　had　already　retreated　to　the　far　end　of　the　room；　where　the　shadows　from　which　she　had　originally　emerged　were　enclosing　her。
　 〃Wait！〃　Todd　said；　his　fury　not　yet　pletely　abated。
　 He　wanted　to　make　sure　the　woman　didn't　leave　thinking　she　would　be　allowed　to　e　back；　e　stalking　him　while　he　slept；　damn　her。　But　she　had　turned　her　back　on　him　now；　ignoring　his　instruction。　So　he　went　after　her。
　 A　door　opened　in　the　darkness　ahead　of　him；　and　he　felt　a　wave　of　night…air；　cool　and　fragrant；　e　in　against　his　face。　He　hadn't　known　that　there　was　a　door　to　the　outside　of　the　house　at　the　far　end　of　the　Casin