cb.coldheart canyon-第81部分

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was　still　an　ordinary　room　with　one　extraordinary　element；　surreal　in　its　lack　of　likelihood：　the　sleeping　figure　of　Todd　Pickett。　There　he　was；　sprawled　across　three…quarters　of　the　bed；　his　head　deep　in　the　pillow；　his　face…his　poor；　wounded；　face…free；　it　seemed；　of　troubled　dreams。
　 What　she　would　have　given；　once　upon　a　time；　for　a　moment　like　this：　a　chance　to　lean　over　and　kiss　him　awake。　But　she'd　lost　faith　in　such　fairy…stories。　She'd　seen　too　much　of　their　dark　side；　and　she　never　wanted　to　go　there　again；　even　for　the　kissing　of　princes。　Better　to　let　them　wake　of　their　own　accord；　dragon…breath　and　all。
　 She　glanced　at　the　cheap　digital　clock　on　the　bedside　table。　It　was　five…twenty…one　in　the　afternoon。　Surely　that　couldn't　be　right？　That　they　slept　for　almost　eleven　hours？　And　Todd　still　sleeping？
　 Well；　the　latter　she　could　believe。　She　knew　from　her　years　with　Arnie　how　some　men　loved　to　sleep。　In　Arnie's　case　he'd　loved　it　more　than　anything　else。　More　than　eating；　more　than　drinking；　certainly　more　than　sex。
　 She　left　Todd　to　it；　went　into　the　tiny　bathroom　and　switched　on　the　light。　God；　she　looked　terrible！　How　had　he　ever　consented　to　get　into　the　same　bed　as　her？　She　started　her　clean…up　by　vigorously　scrubbing　her　teeth；　then　ran　the　shower　very　hot；　the　way　she　liked　it　even　when　she　felt　clean；　and　got　in。　Oh；　it　felt　good！　The　soap　smelled　flowery；　and　the　cheap　shampoo　didn't　work　up　a　satisfying　lather；　but　she　was　happy　nevertheless；　getting　herself　clean　for　the　first　time　in　days：　washing　off　the　freaks；　the　ghosts；　the　dirt；　the　darkness。　By　the　time　she　drew　back　the　plastic　curtain　the　steam　was　so　dense　she　could　barely　see　across　the　bathroom　to　the　door。　But　it　was　being　opened；　that　much　she　could　see；　and　there　was　Todd；　standing　looking　at　her。　She　grabbed　the　towel　off　the　sink　where　she'd　left　it；　and　used　it　as　best　she　could　to　cover　her　considerable　nakedness。
　 〃Good　morning；〃　he　said。
　 〃Good　afternoon；〃　she　replied。
　 〃It　isn't。〃
　 〃Almost　five…thirty；〃　she　said。　〃There's　a　clock　beside　the　bed。　Why　don't　you　go　look？　And　close　the　door　after　you。〃
　 〃I　gotta　take　a　leak　first。　I'm　sorry。　But　I　gotta。〃
　 〃Let　me　get　out　first。〃
　 〃Just　don't　look；〃　he　said；　unzipping　himself。
　 She　drew　the　shower　curtain　back；　and　continued　to　dry　herself；　while　for　the　second　time　in　the　last　twelve　hours　she　heard　the　solid　splash　of　him　emptying　his　bladder。　He　took　an　age。　By　the　time　he　was　finished　she　was　almost　done　drying　herself。
　 〃Okay；　I'm　done；〃　he　said；　with　evident　relief。　〃Does　this　place　have　room　service？〃
　 〃Yes。〃
　 〃You　want　something　to　eat？〃
　 This　was　no　time　to　be　ladylike；　she　told　herself。　〃I'm　starving；〃　she　said。
　 〃What　do　you　want？〃
　 〃Just　food。　Nothing　fancy。〃
　 〃I　shouldn't　think　there's　much　danger　of　that。〃
　 She　waited　until　she'd　heard　the　door　click　closed；　then　she　pulled　the　shower　curtain　back　and　finished　off　drying　her　nooks　and　crannies。　She　could　hear　his　voice　as　he　ordered　food　on　the　phone。　It　sounded　like　the　soundtrack　of　a　Todd　Pickett　movie　playing　on　the　television　next　door。　Stepping　out　of　the　bath　she　cleared　a　hole　in　the　steamed…up　mirror　with　the　ball　of　her　hand　and　regarded　her　reflection　balefully。　She　was　cleaner；　but　that　was　about　the　only　improvement。　She　opened　the　door　a　crack。
　 〃I　need　some　dean　clothes。〃
　 Todd　was　sitting　on　the　bed。　He'd　finished　making　his　order　and　had　turned　on　one　of　the　late　afternoon　chat　shows。
　 〃You　can　e　in　here　and　get　dressed；〃　he　said；　not　turning　from　the　screen。　〃I　won't　look。〃
　 She　discarded　her　sodden　towel　and　ventured　in；　sorting　through　the　meager　contents　of　her　suitcase　for　something　presentable。
　 〃I　ordered　club　sandwiches；〃　Todd　said。　〃That　was　pretty　much　all　they　had。　And　coffee。〃
　 〃Fine。〃
　 As　she　pulled　on　her　underwear　she　glanced　up　at　the　television。　A　woman　in　a　red　polyester　blouse　three　sizes　too　small　for　her　was　plaining　vociferously　to　the　host　of　the　show　that　her　daughter；　who　looked　about　eleven；　went　out　every　night　'dressed　like　a　cheap　little　slut。'
　 〃I　love　this　shit；〃　Todd　said。
　 〃People's　lives；〃　Tammy　replied。
　 〃I　guess　they're　happy。　They　get　their　fifteen　minutes；〃
　 〃Did　you　like　yours？〃
　 〃I　got　more　than　fifteen；〃　he　said。
　 〃I　didn't　mean　to　offend　you。　I　was　just　asking。〃
　 〃Sure；　I　enjoyed　it。　Who　wouldn't？　The　first　few　times　you're　in　a　restaurant　and　a　waiter　recognizes　you；　or　somebody　sends　over　a　drink；　you　get　a　buzz　out　of　that。　In　fact；　you　feel　like　you're　the　only　person　who　matters。。。〃　His　voice　trailed　away。　The　daughter　on　the　screen；　who　had　the　seeds　of　whoredom　in　her　pre…pubescent　features；　was　telling　the　audience　that　if　she　wanted　to　dress　like　a　slut　that　was　her　business；　and　anyway　who　did　she　learn　it　from？　She　stabbed　her　finger　in　the　direction　of　her　mother；　who　did　her　best　to　look　virtuous；　but　given　what　she'd　chosen　to　do　with　her　hair；　makeup　and　outfit　didn't　have　a　chance。　Todd　laughed；　then　went　back　to　what　he　was　telling　Tammy。
　 〃The　whole　'look　at　me；　I'm　a　star'　thing　gets　old　pretty　quickly。　And　after　a　while　you　start　to　wish　people　didn't　know　who　you　were。〃
　 〃Really？〃
　 〃Actually；　it's　more　that　you　want　to　be　able　to　turn　it　on　or　off。　Oh　shit；　look　at　this…〃
　 The　sluttish　daughter　was　now　up　off　her　chair；　and　attempting　to　attack　her　mother。　Luckily；　there　was　a　security　man　ready　to　step　in　and　stop　her。　Unluckily；　he　wasn't　quite　fast　enough　to　do　so。　The　girl　threw　herself　upon　her　mother　with　such　violence　the　woman's　chair　topped　over；　and　the　security　man；　who　had　by　now　taken　hold　of　the　girl　to　keep　her　from　doing　harm；　fell　forward　too；　so　that　chair；　mother；　daughter　and　security　man　ended　up　on　the　studio　floor　together。　Todd　continued　to　talk　through　it。
　 〃There　are　days　when　you　really　want　to　feel　good　about　yourself；　you　want　to　be　recognized；　you　want　people　to　say：　I　loved　your　movie　so　much　I　saw　it　six　times。　And　then　there　are　other　days　when　it's　a　curse　to　have　people　know　who　the　hell　you　are；　because　there's　no　privacy；　no　way　to　just　go　out　and　be　yourself。　Everything　bees　a　performance。〃　He　pointed　at　the　brawlers　on　television。　〃Look　at　these　stupid　bitches。　What　are　they　going　to　say　when　their　friends　see　this？〃　He　pondered　his　own　question　for　a　moment；　then　he　said：　〃Actually；　I　know　exactly　what　they're　going　to　say。　They're　going　to　say：　did　you　see　me　on　the　TV？　That's　all　that　matters。　Not：　did　you　see　me　being　smart　or　looking　beautiful：　just　did　you　see　me？〃
　 He　watched　the　women's　antics　for　a　while　longer；　shaking　his　head。　Then　he　glanced　over　at　Tammy　and　said：
　 〃I've　been　thinking　maybe　I'm　done　with　the　movies。　Or　movies　are　done　with　me。　It's　time　to　buy　a　ranch　in　Montana　and　raise　horses。〃
　 〃Really？〃　Tammy　had　finally　got　dressed；　and　came　to　sit　down　on　the　unmade　bed　beside　Todd。　〃You're　going　to　retire？〃
　 He　laughed。
　 〃What's　so　funny？〃
　 〃Oh；　just　hearing　the　word。　Retire。　At　thirty…four。〃
　 〃I　thought　you　were　thirty…two。　Your　bio…〃
　 〃I　lied。〃
　 〃Oh。〃
　 〃But　I'm　still　young。　Right？　I　mean；　thirty…four　is　still　young。〃
　 〃A　mere　kitten。〃
　 〃I　just　can't　face　the　idea　of　that　circus　for　one　more　day。。。〃　He　turned　off　the　television。　The　room　was　suddenly　very　silent。
　 After　a　few　moments　Tammy　said：　〃Are　we　going　to　talk　about　it　or　not？〃
　 Todd　stared　at　the　blank　television。　She　couldn't　see　his　expression　but　she　was　certain　it　was　just　as　vacant　as　the　screen。
　 〃The　Canyon；　Todd；〃　she　said　again。　〃Are　we　going　to　talk　about　what　happened　in　the　Canyon　or　not？〃
　 〃Yes；〃　he　replied　finally。　〃I　suppose　so。〃
　 〃Last　night　you　said　it　wasn't　real。〃
　 〃I　was　tired。〃
　 〃So？〃
　 〃It's　real。　I　knew　last　night　I　was　talking　bullshit。。。〃
　 He　kept　his　back　to　her　through　this；　as　though　he　didn't　want　to　let　her　see　his　inprehension；　as　though　it　were　something　to　be　ashamed　of。
　 〃You　saw　more　than　I　did；〃　she　said　to　Todd。　〃So　you've　probably　got　a　clearer　idea　of　what's　going　on。　And　you　talked　to…〃
　 〃Katya。〃
　 〃Yes。　And。　What　did　she　tell　you？〃
　 〃She　told　me　the　room　downstairs　had　been　given　to　her。〃
　 〃By　Zeffer。　Ye