cb.coldheart canyon-第86部分

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　 〃Just　the　juicy　bits。〃
　 〃Well　after　a　time　you　get　a　feeling　about　what's　true　and　what's　not　true。〃
　 〃Care　to　give　me　an　example？〃
　 〃No。〃
　 〃Go　on。〃
　 〃That's　not　fair。　I'm　screwed　whatever　I　say。　No！　Wait！　Here's　one！　About　two　years　ago　they　said　you　were　going　into　a　private　hospital　in　Montreal　to　have　your　ding…a…ling　enlarged。〃
　 〃My　ding…a…ling！〃
　 〃You　know　what　I　mean。〃
　 〃Do　you　say　ding…a…ling　to　Arnie？　It　is　Arnie；　isn't　it？〃
　 〃Yes　it's　Arnie　and　no　I　don't　say　ding…a…ling。〃
　 〃Tell　me　about　him。〃
　 〃There　isn't　much　to　tell。〃
　 〃Why'd　you　marry　him？　Tell　me　that。〃
　 〃Well　it　wasn't　because　of　the　size　of　his　dick。〃
　 〃Dick！　That's　what　you　call　it：　dick。〃
　 〃I　guess　I　do；〃　Tammy　said；　amused；　a　little　embarrassed　to　have　let　this　slip。　〃Anyway；　back　to　the　story　in　The　Enquirer。　They　said　you　were　in　Montreal　getting　your　thingie…your　dick…made　bigger。　Except　I　knew　that　wasn't　true。〃
　 〃How　e？〃
　 〃It　just　didn't　make　any　sense。　Not　after　the　articles　I'd　read　about　you。〃
　 〃Go　on；〃　Todd　said；　fascinated。
　 〃Well。。。you　know　I　read　everything　that's　ever　been　written　about　you？　Everything　in　English。　And　then　if　there's　a　really　important　interview　in；　say；　Paris　Match　or　Stern；　I　get　it　translated。〃
　 〃Jesus。　Really？　What　for？〃
　 〃So　I　can　keep　up　with　your　opinions。　And。。。sometimes　in　the　foreign　magazines　they　write　the　kind　of　things　you　wouldn't　read　in　an　American　magazine。　One　of　them　did　a　piece　about　your　love…life。　About　all　the　ladies　you'd　dated；　and　the　things　they'd　said　about　you…〃
　 〃My　acting？〃
　 〃No。　Your。。。other　performances。〃
　 〃You're　kidding。〃
　 〃No。　I　thought　you　knew　about　these　things。　I　thought　you　probably　signed　off　on　them。〃
　 〃If　I　read　every　article　in　every　magazine…〃
　 〃You'd　never　make　another　movie。〃
　 〃Exactly。　So；　go　back　to　the　article。　The　ladies；　talking　about　me。　What　does　that　have　to　do　with　the　story　in　The　Enquirer！〃
　 〃Oh　just　that　here　were　all　these　women　talking　about　you　in　bed…and　a　few　of　them　were　not　exactly　happy　with　the　way　you　treated　them…but　none　of　them　said；　even　vaguely　intimated　that。。。〃
　 〃I　had　a　small　dick。〃
　 〃Right。〃
　 〃So　I　thought；　there's　no　way　he's　gone　to　Montreal　to　have　his　ding…a…ling　enlarged　because　it's　just　fine　as　it　is。　Now。　Can　we　move　on；　or　shall　I　throw　myself　out　of　the　window　from　sheer　embarrassment？〃　
　 Todd　laughed。　〃You　are　an　education；　do　you　know　that？〃
　 〃I　am？〃
　 〃You　are。〃
　 〃In　a　good　way？〃
　 〃Oh　yeah；　it's　all　good。　It's　all　fine。〃
　 〃You　realize；　of　course；　that　there's　stuff　being　written　about　you　right　now；　a　lot　of　people　upset　and　worried。〃
　 〃Why？〃
　 〃Because　nobody　knows　what　happened　to　you。　There　are　plenty　of　people；　fans　of　yours；　like　me；　who　think　of　you　practically　as　a　member　of　the　family。　Todd　did　this。　Todd　did　that。　And　now；　suddenly；　Todd's　missing。　And　nobody　knows　where　he's　gone。　They　start　to　fret。　They　start　to　make　up　all　kinds　of　ridiculous　reasons。　I　know　I　did。　It's　not　that　they're　crazy…〃
　 〃No；　look。　I　don't　think　you；　or　any　of　them；　are　crazy。　Or　if　you　are；　it's　a　good　crazy。　I　mean；　what　you　did　last　night。。。none　of　my　family　would　have　done。〃
　 〃You'd　be　surprised　how　many　people　love　you。〃
　 〃They　love　something　but　I　don't　think　it's　me；　Tammy。〃
　 〃Why　not？〃
　 〃Well　for　one　thing；　if　you　could　get　inside　here；　in　my　head　with　Todd　Pickett；　you　wouldn't　find　much　worth　idolizing。　You　really　wouldn't。　I　am　painfully；　excruciatingly；　ordinary。　My　brother；　Donnie；　on　the　other　hand：　he's　worth　admiring。　He's　smart。　He's　honest。　I　was　just　the　one　with　this。〃　He　turned　on　his　smile　as　he　drove　and　gave　her　the　benefit　of　its　luminosity。　Then；　just　as　easily；　he　turned　it　off。　〃See；　you　learn　to　do　that；〃　he　went　on。　〃It's　like　a　faucet。　You　turn　the　smile　on；　and　people　bathe　in　it　for　a　while；　then　you　turn　it　off　and　you　go　home　and　wonder　what　all　the　fuckin'　fuss　was　about。　It's　not　like　I　deserve　the　adulation　of　millions。　I　can't　act。　And　I've　got　the　reviews　to　prove　it。〃　He　chuckled　at　his　self…deprecation。　〃That's　not　mine；〃　he　said；　〃it　was　Victor　Mature。〃
　 〃Okay；　so　you're　not　the　best　actor　in　Hollywood。　You're　not　the　worst　either。〃
　 〃No。　I　grant　you；　there's　worse。〃
　 〃A　lot　worse。〃
　 〃All　right；　a　lot　worse。　Still　doesn't　make　me　a　good　actor。〃
　 He　obviously　wasn't　going　to　be　moved　on　the　subject；　so　Tammy　left　it　where　it　was。　They　drove　on　in　silence　for　a　while。　Then　he　swung　the　mirror　round；　and　checked　out　his　face。　〃You　know　I'm　nervous？〃
　 〃Why？〃
　 〃In　case　there's　anybody　at　Maxine's　place。〃　He　went　back　and　forth　between　studying　his　face　and　checking　the　road。
　 〃You　look　fine；〃　Tammy　told　him。
　 〃I　guess　it's　not　so　bad；〃　he　said；　assessing　his　features。
　 〃You　just　look　a　little　different　from　the　way　you　used　to　look。〃
　 〃Different　enough　that　people　will　notice？〃
　 Tammy　couldn't　lie　to　him。　〃Sure　they'll　notice。　But　maybe　they'll　say　you　look　better。　I　mean；　when　everything's　properly　healed　and　you've　had　a　month's　vacation。〃
　 〃You　will　e　in　with　me；　won't　you？〃
　 〃To　see　Maxine？　My　pleasure。〃
　 〃Mind　if　I　smoke？〃　He　didn't　wait　for　a　reply。　He　just　rolled　down　the　window；　pulled　out　a　battered　pack　of　cigarettes；　and　lit　up。　The　rush　of　nicotine　made　him　whoop。　〃That's　better！　Okay。　We're　going　to　do　this。　You　and　me。　We're　going　to　ask　Maxine　a　lot　of　very　difficult　questions；　and　figure　out　whether　she's　lying　to　us　or　not。〃
　 They　had　reached　the　Pacific　Coast　Highway；　and　the　roar　of　the　traffic　through　the　open　window　made　any　further　talk　impractical　for　a　time。　They　drove　north　for　perhaps　five　miles；　before　ing　off　the　PCH　and　heading　west。　The　area　wouldn't　have　been　Tammy's　idea　of　idyllic。　Somehow　she'd　imagined　Malibu　being　more　like　a　little　slice　of　Hawaii；　but　in　fact　it　was　just　a　sliver　of　real　estate　two　or　three　houses　deep；　with　the　incessant　din　of　the　Pacific　Coast　Highway　on　one　side　and　a　narrow　strip　of　beach　on　the　other。　They'd　scarcely　driven　more　than　a　quarter　of　a　mile　when　they　came　to　the　Colony　gates。　There　was　a　guard…house；　and　a　single　guard；　who　was　sitting　with　his　booted　feet　up　beside　a　small　television。　The　set　went　off　as　soon　as　they　drove　up；　a　broad　smile　appearing　on　the　man's　face。
　 〃Hey；　Mr。　Pickett。　Long　time；　no　see。〃
　 〃Ron；　m'man。　How　goes　it？〃
　 〃It　goes　good；　it　goes　good。〃
　 The　guard　was　clearly　delighted　that　his　name　had　been　remembered。
　 〃Are　you　going　to　Ms。　Frizelle's　party？〃
　 〃Oh。。。yeah；〃　Todd　said；　throwing　a　panicked　glance　at　Tammy。　〃We're　here　for　that。〃
　 〃That's　great。〃　He　peered　past　Todd；　at　the　passenger。　〃And　this　is？〃
　 〃Oh；　this　is　Tammy。　Tammy；　Ron。　Ron；　Tammy。　Tammy's　my　date　for　the　night。〃
　 〃Good　goin'；〃　Ron　said；　to　no　one　and　about　nothing　in　particular。　Just　a　general　California　yea…saying　to　the　world。　〃Let　me　just　call　Ms。　Frizelle；　and　tell　her　you're　on　your　way　down。〃
　 〃Nah；〃　Todd　said；　sliding　a　twenty　dollar　bill　into　Ron's　hand。　〃We're　going　to　surprise　her。〃
　 〃No　problem；〃　Ron　said；　waving　them　by。　〃Good　to　see　you；　by　the　way…〃
　 It　took　Tammy　a　moment　to　realize　that　Ron　was　talking　to　her。
　 〃It's　always　good　to　meet　a　new　friend　of　Mr。　Pickett's。〃　There　didn't　seem　to　be　any　irony　in　this：　it　was　a　genuine　expression　of　feeling。
　 〃Well；　thank　you；〃　Tammy　said；　thrown　a　little　off…kilter　by　this。
　 〃Fuck。　She's　having　a　party；〃　Todd　said　to　her　as　they　left　the　guardhouse　behind　them。
　 〃So。〃
　 〃So　there'll　be　lots　of　people。　Looking　at　me。〃
　 〃They've　got　to　do　it　sooner　or　later。〃
　 Todd　stopped　the　car　in　the　middle　of　the　street。
　 〃I　can't。　I'm　not　ready　for　this。〃
　 〃Yes　you　are。　The　more　you　put　it　off　the　more　difficult　it's　going　to　be。〃
　 Todd　sat　there　shaking　his　head　saying：　〃No。　No。　I　can't　do　it。〃
　 Tammy　put　her　hand　over　his。　〃I'm　just　as　nervous　as　you　are；〃　she　said。　〃Feel　how　clammy　my　hand　is？〃
　 〃Yeah。〃
　 〃But　we　said　we'd　get　answers。　And　the　longer　we　take　to　ask　her　the　more　lies　she'll　have　ready。〃
　 〃You　do　know　her；　don't　you？〃　he　said。
　 〃She's　my　nightmare。〃
　 〃Really。　Why？〃
　 〃Because　she　stood　between　me　and　you。〃
　 〃Huh。〃
　 Silence