ah.thefinaldiagnosis-第26部分

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r　myself；　and　nursing　was　what　appealed　to　me　most。〃
　Seddons　had　asked　her；　〃Do　you　still　feel　that　way？〃
　〃Yes；　I　do；〃　she　had　said。　〃Oh；　now　and　then…when　you're　tired　sometimes；　and　you've　seen　some　of　the　things　in　the　hospital；　and　you're　thinking　about　home…you　wonder　if　it's　worth　it；　if　there　aren't　easier　things　to　do；　but　I　guess　that　happens　to　everybody。　Most　of　the　time；　though；　I'm　quite　sure。〃　She　had　smiled；　then　said；　〃I'm　a　very　determined　person；　Mike；　and　I've　made　up　my　mind　to　be　a　nurse。〃
　Yes；　he　had　thought；　you　are　determined；　I　can　believe　that。　Glancing　at　Vivian　covertly　while　she　talked；　he　could　sense　an　inner　strength…a　toughness　of　character　behind　what　seemed　at　first　a　facade　of　gentle　femininity。　Once　more；　as　he　had　a　day　or　two　ago；　Mike　Seddons　had　felt　his　interest　quicken；　but　again　he　warned　himself：　No　involvements！　Remember；　anything　you　feel　is　basically　biological！
　It　was　close　to　midnight　now；　but　Vivian　had　signed　the　late　book　and　there　was　no　problem　about　hurrying　in。　Some　of　the　older　nurses；　who　had　done　their　training　under　spartan　regimes；　felt　the　students　were　allowed　too　much　freedom　nowadays。　But　in　practice　it　was　seldom　abused。
　Mike　touched　her　arm。　〃Let's　go　through　the　park。〃
　Vivian　laughed。　〃That's　an　old　line　I've　heard　before。〃　But　she　offered　no　resistance　as　he　steered　her　to　a　gateway　and　into　the　park　beyond。　In　the　darkness　she　could　make　out　a　line　of　poplars　on　either　side；　and　the　grass　was　soft　underfoot。
　〃I've　a　whole　collection　of　old　lines。　It's　one　of　my　specialties。〃　He　reached　down　and　took　her　hand。　〃Do　you　want　to　hear　more？〃
　〃Like　what；　for　example？〃　Despite　her　self…assurance　her　voice　held　the　slightest　of　tremors。
　〃Like　this。〃　Mike　stopped　and　took　both　her　shoulders；　turning　her　to　face　him。　Then　he　kissed　her　fully　on　the　lips。
　Vivian　felt　her　heart　beat　faster；　but　not　so　much　that　her　mind　could　not　weigh　the　situation。　Should　she　stop　at　once　or　let　this　go　on？　She　was　well　aware　that　if　she　took　no　action　now；　later　it　might　not　be　so　easy。
　Vivian　already　knew　that　she　liked　Mike　Seddons　and　believed　she　could　e　to　like　him　a　good　deal　more。　He　was　physically　attractive　and　they　were　both　young。　She　felt　the　stirrings　of　desire　within　her。　They　were　kissing　again　and　she　returned　the　pressure　of　his　lips。　The　tip　of　his　tongue　came　lightly　into　her　mouth；　she　met　it　with　her　own　and　the　contact　set　up　a　delicious　tingling。　Mike　tightened　his　arms　around　her；　and　through　the　thin　summer　dress　she　felt　his　thighs　pressing　tighter。　His　hands　were　moving；　caressing　her　back。　The　right　dropped　lower；　it　passed　lightly　over　the　back　of　her　skirt；　then　more　heavily；　each　caress　pulling　her　closer　to　him。　Against　her　own　body　she　felt　a　bulkiness。　It　stirred；　intoxicatingly；　heavenly。　She　knew　clearly；　as　if　with　a　second　mind；　that　if　she　were　going　to；　this　was　the　moment　to　break　away。　Just　a　moment　longer；　she　thought；　just　a　moment　longer！
　Then　suddenly　it　seemed　as　if　this　were　an　intermission；　a　release　from　other　things　around。　Closing　her　eyes　she　savored　the　seconds　of　warmth　and　tenderness；　these　past　months　there　had　been　so　few。　So　many　times　since　ing　to　Three　Counties　she　had　had　to　use　control　and　self…discipline；　her　emotions　pent　up　and　tears　unshed。　When　you　were　young；　inexperienced；　and　a　little　frightened；　sometimes　it　was　hard　to　do。　There　had　been　so　many　things…the　shocks　of　ward　duty；　pain；　disease；　death；　the　autopsy…and　yet　no　safety　valve　to　release　the　pressures　building　up　inside。　A　nurse；　even　a　student　nurse；　had　to　see　so　much　of　suffering　and　give　so　much　in　care　and　sympathy。　Was　it　wrong；　then；　to　grasp　a　moment　of　tenderness　for　herself？　For　an　instant；　with　Mike　holding　her；　she　felt　the　same　solace　and　relief　as　when；　years　before；　she　had　run　as　a　little　girl　into　her　mother's　arms。　Mike　had　released　her　a　little　now　and　was　holding　her　slightly　away。　He　said；　〃You're　beautiful。〃　Impulsively　she　buried　her　face　in　his　shoulder。　Then　he　put　a　hand　under　her　chin　and　their　lips　were　together　again。　She　felt　the　same　hand　drop　and；　from　outside　her　dress；　move　lightly　over　her　breasts。　From　every　part　of　her　body　the　desire　to　love　and　be　loved　welled　up；　madly；　uncontrollably。
　His　hand　was　at　the　neckline　of　her　dress。　It　was　made　to　open　at　the　front；　and　a　hook　and　eye　secured　the　top。　He　was　fumbling　for　it。　She　struggled。　Breathlessly；　〃No；　Mike！　Please！　No！〃　She　failed　even　to　convince　herself。　Her　arms　were　around　him　tightly。　He　had　the　dress　open　a　little　way　now　and　she　felt　his　hand　move；　then　gasped　at　the　contact　as　it　cupped　her　own　young；　soft　flesh。　He　took　the　nipple　gently　between　his　fingers；　and　a　shudder　of　ecstasy　moved　through　her　in　a　sensual　wave。　Now　she　knew　that　it　was　too　late　to　stop。　She　wanted；　craved　him　desperately。　Her　lips　to　his　ear；　she　murmured；　〃Yes；　oh　yes。〃
　〃Darling；　darling　Vivian。〃　He　was　equally　excited；　she　could　tell　from　his　whispered；　breathless　voice。
　Womanlike；　a　moment's　mon　sense　came　through。　〃Not　here；　Mike。　There　are　people。〃
　〃Let's　go　through　the　trees。〃　He　took　her　hand　and　they　moved　closely　together。　She　felt　a　trembling　excitement；　a　wondering　curiosity　to　know　what　it　would　be　like。　She　dismissed　any　consequence；　it　seemed　unimportant。　And　Mike　was　a　doctor；　he　would　know　how　to　be　careful。
　They　had　reached　a　small　clearing　surrounded　by　trees　and　shrubs。　Mike　kissed　her　again；　and　passionately　she　returned　his　kisses；　her　tongue　darting　and　fighting　his。　So　this　is　where　it's　to　be；　she　thought。　The　real　thing。　Vivian　was　not　a　virgin；　she　had　ceased　to　be　while　in　high　school；　and　there　had　been　another　incident　in　her　first　year　of　college；　but　neither　experience　had　been　satisfactory。　She　knew　this　would　be。　〃Hurry；　Mike；　please　hurry。〃　She　felt　her　own　excitement　transmit　itself　to　him。
　〃Over　here；　darling；〃　he　said；　and　they　moved　toward　the　far　side　of　the　clearing。
　Suddenly　she　felt　a　searing　pain。　It　was　so　intense　at　first　she　could　not　be　sure　where　it　was。　Then　she　knew　it　was　her　left　knee。　Involuntarily　she　cried　out。
　〃What　is　it？　Vivian；　what　is　it？〃　Mike　turned　to　her。　She　could　see　he　was　puzzled；　not　knowing　what　to　make　of　it。　She　thought：　He　probably　thinks　it's　a　trick。　Girls　do　this　sort　of　thing　to　get　out　of　these　situations。
　The　first　sharpness　of　pain　had　subsided　a　little。　But　it　still　returned　in　waves。　She　said；　〃Mike；　I'm　afraid　it's　my　knee。　Is　there　a　seat　somewhere？〃　She　flinched　again。
　〃Vivian；〃　he　said；　〃you　don't　have　to　put　on　an　act。　If　you　want　to　go　back　to　the　hospital；　just　say　so　and　I'll　take　you。〃
　〃Please　believe　me；　Mike。〃　She　took　his　arm。　〃It　is　my　knee。　It　hurts　me　terribly。　I　have　to　sit　down。〃
　〃This　way。〃　She　could　tell　he　was　still　skeptical；　but　he　guided　her　back　through　the　trees。　There　was　a　park　bench　nearby；　and　they　made　for　it。
　When　she　had　rested；　Vivian　said；　〃I'm　sorry；　I　didn't　do　that　on　purpose。〃
　He　said　doubtfully；　〃Are　you　sure？〃
　She　reached　for　his　hand。　〃Mike…in　there；　I　wanted　to；　as　much　as　you。　Then　this。〃　Again　the　pain。
　He　said；　〃I'm　sorry；　Vivian。　I　thought　。　。　。〃
　She　said；　〃I　know　what　you　thought。　But　it　wasn't　that。　Honestly。〃
　〃All　right。　Tell　me　what's　wrong。〃　He　was　the　doctor　now。　Back　in　there　he　had　forgotten。
　〃It's　my　knee。　All　of　a　sudden…the　sharpest　pain。〃
　〃Let　me　see。〃　He　was　down　in　front　of　her。　〃Which　one？〃
　She　lifted　her　skirt　and　indicated　the　left　knee。　He　felt　it　carefully；　his　hands　moving　lightly。　For　the　moment　Mike　Seddons　dismissed　the　thought　that　this　was　a　girl　to　whom；　a　few　minutes　earlier；　he　had　been　about　to　make　love。　His　behavior　now　was　professional；　analytical。　As　he　had　been　trained　to　do；　his　mind　went　methodically　over　the　possibilities。　He　found　Vivian's　nylons　impeded　his　sense　of　touch。
　〃Roll　down　your　stocking；　Vivian。〃　She　did　so；　and　his　probing　fingers　moved　over　the　knee　again。　Watching　him；　she　thought：　He's　good；　he'll　be　a　fine　doctor；　people　will　e　to　him　for　help　and　he'll　be　kind　and　do　the　utmost　that　he　can。　She　found　herself　wondering　what　it　would　be　like…the　two　of　them　together　always。　As　a　nurse　there　would　be　so　much　sh