lh.narcissusinchains-第111部分

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　〃I'd　be　happy　to　answer　any　questions　she　has。〃
　He　nodded　again；　but　wouldn't　look　at　me。　〃I'll　tell　her　to　call。〃
　〃I'll　look　for　the　call。〃
　We　both　stood　there；　him　still　not　looking　at　me。　The　silence　stretched　between　us；　and　it　wasn't　panionable；　it　was　strained。　〃I　don't　have　any　more　questions；　Anita。　Go　on　out。〃
　I　stopped　at　the　door；　looked　back　at　him。　He　was　still　carefully　turned　away；　and　I　wondered　if　he　was　crying。　I　might　have　been　able　to　sniff　the　air　and　use　my　newfound　leopard　senses　to　answer　the　question；　but　I　didn't。　He'd　turned　away　so　I　wouldn't　see；　wouldn't　know。　I　respected　that。　I　opened　the　door　and　closed　it　quietly　behind　me；　leaving　him　alone　with　his　grief　and　his　anger。　Whether　Dolph　cried　or　not　was　his　business；　not　mine。
　
　42
　
　WHEN　THE　LAST　policeman　had　wandered　away；　the　last　emergency　vehicle　driven　off；　the　summer　silence　settled　over　the　house。　The　kitchen　was　a　mess…broken　glass　ground　into　the　floor；　blood　drying　to　black…red　puddles　on　the　polished　wood。　I'd　never　get　all　the　blood　out　from　the　crevices　in　the　wood。　It　would　be　there　forever；　a　reminder　that　superior　fire　power　had　prevailed　but　not　without　cost。
　I　was　going　to　have　to　call　Rafael　and　tell　him　I'd　gotten　his　man　killed　and　his　woman　wounded。　I　had　to　admit　that　it　had　been　a　damn　good　thing　I'd　had　them。　The　two　extra　guns　had　made　the　difference。　If　I'd　been　the　only　one　armed；　things　might　have　gone　differently。　Okay；　I　might　be　dead。
　A　noise　behind　me　whirled　me　around。　Nathaniel　stood　in　the　doorway　with　a　broom；　a　dustpan；　and　a　small　bucket。　〃I　thought　I'd　clean　up　the　glass。〃
　I　nodded；　my　heart　in　my　throat　too　much　to　talk。　I　hadn't　heard　him　e　up　behind　me。　He　was　only　in　the　doorway；　not　so　close；　but　close　enough　if　he'd　been　a　bad　guy　with　a　gun。
　I　had　been　utterly　calm　through　everything。　I　hadn't　fallen　apart　when　the　police　were　here；　but　suddenly　I　was　shaking；　a　faint　trembling。　A　nice　delayed　reaction；　damn。
　Nathaniel　set　the　dustpan　and　the　bucket　on　the　table；　propped　the　broom　against　a　chair；　and　walked　slowly　to　me。　He　peered　into　my　face；　lilac　eyes　concerned。　〃Are　you　alright？〃
　I　started　to　open　my　mouth　and　lie；　but　a　small　sound　came　out　when　my　lips　parted；　almost　a　whimper。　I　closed　my　mouth　tight　to　hold　the　sounds　in；　but　the　shaking　got　worse。　If　you're　too　damn　stubborn　to　let　yourself　cry；　then　your　body　finds　other　ways　to　let　it　out。
　Nathaniel　touched　my　shoulder；　tentatively；　as　if　not　sure　he　was　wele。　For　some　reason　that　made　my　eyes　burn；　my　chest　tighten。　I　clutched　my　arms　tight　around　myself；　as　if　by　holding　tight　I　could　keep　the　tears　squeezed　inside。　He　started　to　move　in；　started　to　hug　me。　I　pulled　away；　because　I　knew　that　if　he　held　me　I'd　cry。　I'd　already　cried　once　today；　that　was　all　I　was　allowed。　Hell；　if　I　cried　every　time　someone　tried　to　kill　me；　I'd　have　drowned　in　my　tears　by　now。
　Nathaniel　sighed。　〃If　you　found　me　like　this；　you'd　hold　me；　make　me　feel　better。　Let　me　do　the　same　for　you。〃
　My　voice　came　out　squeezed　tight。　〃I　fell　apart　once　today。　Once　is　enough。〃
　He　grabbed　my　arm。　Almost　anyone　else　I'd　have　been　watching　for　it；　but　not　Nathaniel。　I　thought　of　him　as　safe。　His　fingers　squeezed　my　arm；　not　hard　enough　to　hurt；　but　hard　enough　to　let　me　know　he　was　serious。　I　stopped　shaking；　like　a　switch　had　been　thrown。　I　was　focused；　not　even　close　to　tears。
　He　shook　me　by　the　arm；　hard　enough　to　have　me　glare　at　him。　〃You　wouldn't　take　a　hug。　I　knew　that　this；〃　he　squeezed　the　arm　a　little　harder；　〃would　help。〃
　〃Let　go　of　me；　Nathaniel；　now。〃　My　voice　was　low　and　careful；　purring　with　anger。　Nathaniel　had　never　laid　hands　on　me　before　in　any　way　that　was　close　to　violent。　Underneath　the　anger　was　sadness。　He　was　supposed　to　be　safe；　and　now　he　wasn't。　He　was　being　a　person；　not　just　a　submissive　mess；　and　it　hadn't　occurred　to　me　until　just　this　moment　that　I　might　not　like　everything　that　Nathaniel　would　grow　into。
　I　felt　movement；　as　if　the　very　air　had　changed　current；　just　before　Micah　stepped　through　the　doorway　of　the　kitchen。　His　hair　was　still　wet　from　the　shower；　slicked　back　from　his　face；　giving　me　the　first　real　glimpse　I'd　ever　had　of　that　face　without　the　curls　to　distract　the　eyes。
　His　face　was　as　delicate　as　the　rest　of　him。　I'd　assumed　the　long　curls　only　made　him　seem　more　delicate；　but　it　was　bone　structure；　just　him。　If　you　could　ignore　the　broadening　of　his　shoulders；　going　down　into　that　slender　waist；　the　straight　line　of　his　hips；　you　might　almost　say；　girl。　He　wasn't　really　anymore　feminine　looking　than　Jean…Claude；　but　he　was　more　delicately　boned；　slighter。　It　was　just　easier　to　pull　off　being　masculine　when　you　were　an　inch　away　from　six　feet　than　when　you　were　an　inch　away　from　five…feet…five。　Only　one　thing　ruined　the　delicacy　of　his　face。　His　nose　wasn't　quite　perfectly　straight；　it　had　been　badly　broken　once　upon　a　time　and　not　healed　quite　right。　It　should　have　ruined　the　near…perfection　of　his　face；　but　it　didn't。　It；　like　his　eyes；　seemed　to　add　to　Micah；　make　him　more　interesting；　not　less　attractive。　Maybe　I'd　just　had　my　fill　of　perfect　men。
　He'd　added　an　oversized　T…shirt　to　the　sweatpants。　The　shirt　hit　him　at　mid…thigh；　which　hid　more　of　his　body　than　it　showed；　but　even　covered；　I　was　aware　of　him。　Aware　of　him　in　a　way　that　I　was　aware　of　Richard　and　Jean…Claude。　I'd　always　assumed　it　was　love　mixed　with　lust；　but　I　didn't　know　Micah　well　enough　to　love　him。　Either　pure　lust　felt　pretty　much　like　love；　or　there　was　more　than　one　kind　of　love。　It　was　too　confusing　for　me。
　〃What's　wrong？〃　he　asked。
　Nathaniel　went　back　to　his　broom；　bucket；　and　dustpan。　He　picked　them　up　and　began　to　sweep　the　glass　up；　ignoring　us。
　〃Nothing；　what's　up？〃
　He　frowned　at　me。　〃You're　both　upset。〃
　I　shrugged。　〃We'll　get　over　it。〃
　He　closed　the　distance　between　us；　but　the　movement　was　too　sudden　after　Nathaniel's　grab；　and　I　backed　up。
　Micah　stopped；　looked　at　me；　clearly　puzzled。　〃What　happened？　You　didn't　look　this　spooked　when　the　guns　were　out。〃
　I　glanced　at　Nathaniel；　who　was　kneeling；　sweeping　glass　into　the　dustpan。　He　was　studiously　avoiding　looking　at　me；　at　us。　〃We　had　a　disagreement。〃
　Nathaniel　stiffened　then；　his　whole　body　reacting　to　what　I'd　said。　He　turned　slowly　around　until　he　looked　up　at　me　with　those　flower…colored　eyes。　〃That　wasn't　fair；　Anita。　I've　never　disagreed　with　you　in　anything。〃
　I　sighed；　not　because　he　was　right；　but　because　of　the　hurt　in　his　eyes。　I　went　to　him；　balanced　on　my　heels；　because　I　didn't　dare　try　to　kneel　in　the　glass。　I　touched　his　bare　shoulder；　the　side　of　his　face。　〃I'm　sorry；　Nathaniel　you　just　caught　me　off　guard。〃
　〃Why　won't　you　let　me　in；　Anita；　why？　I　know　you　want　to。〃
　I　touched　his　back　where　the　bite　marks　had　almost　healed；　dim　reddish　circles。　〃I　don't　let　anyone　in　without　a　fight；　Nathaniel。　You　should　know　that　by　now。〃
　〃Not　everything　has　to　be　a　fight；〃　he　said。　His　eyes　were　very　wide；　glittering。
　〃For　me　it　does。〃
　He　shook　his　head；　closing　his　eyes；　and　tears　trailed　down　his　cheeks。　I　helped　him　stand；　because　I　was　still　worried　about　the　glass。　When　we　were　standing；　I　eased　my　arms　around　him　until　my　face　touched　his　bare　skin；　my　mouth　pressed　into　the　hollow　of　his　shoulder　where　the　collarbone　spoons　inward。　His　arms　wrapped　around　me；　held　me　close。　His　skin　was　so　soft；　so　warm。　I　took　a　deep　shaking　breath。　He　smelled　of　vanilla；　like　always。　I　was　never　sure　whether　it　was　soap；　shampoo；　cologne；　or　just　him。　But　underneath　was　a　ranker　scent　　one　that　no　perfume…maker　in　the　world　would　bottle。　Something　feral　and　far　too　real；　the　scent　of　leopard；　of　pard。
　I　felt　Micah　at　my　back。　I　knew　the　feel　of　his　body；　like　a　line　of　heat　before　he　pressed　himself　against　me。　But　his　arms　didn't　encircle　me；　they　touched　Nathaniel。　Micah's　body　spooned　against　mine　as　we　stood；　but　his　hands；　his　arms　traced　mine；　holding　Nathaniel　to　us；　embracing　him。
　Nathaniel　let　out　a　trembling　breath。　A　deep；　rumbling　sound　came　out　of　Micah's　throat；　and　it　took　me　a　second　to　realize　he　was　purring；　a　deep　rhythm　of　contentment。　The　purr　vibrated　against