lh.narcissusinchains-第143部分

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　He　cornered　me　on　the　far　side　of　the　room　　farthest　away　from　the　door　and　Micah。　I　think　he　could　have　caught　me　sooner　but　he　wasn't　rushing。　I　don't　know　why。　The　sounds　of　fighting　were　closer；　but　not　close　enough。
　Chimera　came　at　me　like　grace　contained　in　violence；　a　mountain　of　tawny　muscle　and　fur　that　gleamed　in　the　lights。　He　opened　his　mouth　and　roared；　a　sound　I'd　never　heard　outside　of　a　zoo　before。　That　coughing　roar　made　me　stand　a　little　straighter。　Zeke　and　Bacchus　had　promised　to　e　get　us　out　of　here　before　the　rest　of　the　fighting　started。　They'd　failed；　or　lied；　but　I　wasn't　going　down　without　a　fight；　and　I　wasn't　going　down　screaming。　I　watched　him　e　towards　me；　like　a　slow…motion　nightmare；　beautiful　and　terrible；　like　some　kind　of　beastial　angel。
　Suddenly；　the　ardeur　rose　inside　me　like　a　warm　wave；　spilling　along　my　skin；　drawing　a　gasp　from　my　throat。　The　last　time　it　had　risen　because　of　Richard's　nearness。　This　time　。。。　maybe　it　was　just　time　to　feed　again。　The　moment　I　thought　feed　I　knew　Jean…Claude　had　awakened；　and　with　his　rising；　down　in　the　depths　of　the　Circus；　the　ardeur　had　risen　inside　me。
　Chimera　stopped　where　he　was；　shaking　his　great　maned　head。　〃What　is　that？〃　he　growled。
　My　voice　came　breathy。　〃The　ardeur。〃
　〃The　what？〃
　〃The　ardeur；　the　fire；　the　need；〃　I　said。　With　each　word　the　ardeur　grew　like　a　weight；　and　that　weight　brushed　against　my　beast。　It　spilled　upward　from　that　tight　curled　place　inside　me；　and　the　two　separate　heats　rose　up　inside；　spilling　along　my　body；　drawing　me　forward　towards　Chimera。　I　wasn't　afraid　of　him　anymore；　because　I　could　smell　his　fear。　You　never　had　to　be　afraid　of　anything　that　was　afraid　of　you。　Part　of　me　knew　that　wasn't　true；　that　a　scared　man　with　a　gun　is　more　likely　to　shoot　you　than　a　brave　one；　but　the　parts　of　me　that　were　able　to　think　were　sliding　away；　leaving　behind　only　instinct。　What　was　left　liked　the　smell　of　fear。　It　reminded　me　of　food　and　sex。
　Chimera　backed　away；　and　we　began　a　slow　walk　back　the　way　we'd　e；　this　time　with　me　advancing　slowly　on　him。　I　stalked　him　as　he'd　stalked　me；　and　part　of　me　noticed　that　I　was　placing　my　feet　one　atop　the　other；　almost　stepping　in　my　own　footsteps；　like　a　cat。　The　walk　was　oddly　graceful；　swaying　my　hips。　My　spine　was　very　straight；　shoulders　back；　arms　almost　motionless　at　my　sides；　but　there　was　a　tension　running　through　my　upper　body；　an　anticipation　of　action；　of　violence。　Always　before　the　ardeur　had　overridden　the　beast's　hunger；　but　as　I　stalked　Chimera；　watched　that　huge　muscular　form　back　away　from　me；　it　was　meat　I　was　thinking　of。　Teeth　and　claws；　flesh　to　rend；　to　bite；　to　tear。　I　could　almost　taste　his　blood　　hot；　almost　scalding　in　my　mouth；　down　my　throat。　It　wasn't　just　my　beast's　hunger；　but　Jean…Claude's　blood　thirst　and　Richard's　craving　for　flesh。　It　was　all　that　and　the　ardeur　running　through　all　of　it；　so　that　one　hunger　fed　into　the　next　in　an　endless　chain；　a　snake　eating　its　own　tail；　an　Ouroboros　of　desires。
　Chimera　stopped　running；　pressing　himself　up　against　the　white　curtain。　We　were　almost　back　to　Cherry　and　Micah。　There　was　solid　wall　behind　Chimera；　behind　the　curtain。　〃What　are　you？〃　he　asked　in　a　voice　that　was　strangled；　full　of　the　fear　that　rose　off　of　him　in　waves。　He　scented　the　air；　nostrils　flaring。　〃You　don't　even　smell　the　same。〃
　〃What　do　I　smell　like？〃　I　touched　his　chest　with　just　my　fingertips；　not　sure　what　he'd　do。　But　he　didn't　pull　away。　I　pressed　my　palm　over　his　heart　and　felt　that　thick；　heavy　beat　rise　against　my　hand；　as　if　I　could　have　caressed　it；　like　running　your　hand　over　the　head　of　a　drum。　I　knew　in　that　moment　what　he　wanted　most　of　all。　He　wanted　to　die。　Whoever　was　at　the　core；　whatever　was　left　of　who　Orlando　King　had　been；　he　wanted　to　end　it。　He'd　been　trying　to　kill　himself　since　the　moment　he　learned　he　was　going　to　be　a　werewolf。　He'd　never　changed　his　mind。　He　just　couldn't　bring　himself　to　mit　suicide；　not　directly　anyway。
　I　leaned　in　close　to　him；　pressing　our　bodies　together；　lightly；　both　hands　on　his　chest。　〃I'll　help　you；〃　I　whispered。
　〃Help　me；　how？〃　But　his　voice　was　fearful；　as　if　he　already　knew。
　Pain　lanced　through　my　chest。　My　knees　collapsed　and　Chimera　caught　me；　carefully；　in　those　clawed　hands。　I　think　it　was　an　automatic　gesture。　I　saw　through　Richard's　eyes　for　a　moment；　saw　a　werehyena　snarling　in　his　face；　felt　the　claws　ripping　through　his　chest。　The　pain　was　sharp；　bones　breaking；　then　numbness；　and　Richard　didn't　fight　it。　He　let　the　numbness　roll　over　him。　I　knew　in　that　instant　that　Richard　wanted　to　die；　or　rather　he　didn't　want　to　live　as　he　was。　The　pain　had　made　him　reach　out　for　me；　but　his　hands　were　slow；　slow　to　defend　himself。　He　would　never　admit　he'd　let　himself　die；　but　he　wanted　it；　and　it　made　him　slow。　Slow　enough　to　have　the　hyena　man　carve　his　chest　open　like　cracking　a　melon。
　Shang…Da　was　there　pulling　the　hyena　off　of　him；　then　I　was　back　in　my　own　body；　airborne；　thrown　into　the　curtain　and　the　alcove　beyond。　The　curtain　cushioned　some　of　the　fall；　and　the　last　remnants　of　Richard's　numbness　made　my　body　limp；　so　it　didn't　really　hurt。　I　lay　for　a　second　in　a　spill　of　curtain。　My　hand　brushed　outward　and　hit　metal。　I　raised　the　edge　of　the　curtain　and　found　that　this　alcove　was　full　of　weapons。　I'd　found　the　blades。　Chimera　had　thrown　me　into　them；　and　the　shock　of　Richard's　injury　had　squelched　the　ardeur。　My　hand　closed　on　a　knife　that　was　longer　than　my　forearm。　I　raised　it　to　the　light　and　knew　silver　when　I　saw　it。　The　ardeur　was　gone　without　my　feeding　it；　and　I　was　armed。　Life　was　good。
　Then　I　heard　the　sound　of　claws；　or　blades；　in　flesh；　a　thick；　tearing　sound　of　something　sharp　going　through　meat。　You　hear　the　sound　often　enough；　you　know　what　it　is。
　I　could　see　the　hanging　men　from　here；　and　they　were　untouched。　My　stomach　clenched　tight　and　cold；　because　I　knew　where　Chimera　was。　I　just　didn't　know　which　of　them　he　was　cutting　up。
　I　pushed　the　curtain　away　from　me；　started　to　stand；　and　Abuta　was　in　front　of　me。　I　kept　one　hand　balled　in　the　curtain　and　flung　it　at　him。　He　did　what　anyone　would　do。　He　flinched；　and　I　drove　the　silver　blade　through　the　middle　of　his　body；　angling　up；　hunting　for　the　heart。
　Abuta　screamed；　hand　reaching　back　towards　where　Chimera　was　cutting　up　my　people。　He　said　something　in　a　language　I　didn't　understand。　As　his　body　collapsed；　I　kept　twisting　the　blade　trying　to　find　his　damn　heart；　but　the　blade　was　stuck　on　his　ribs　and　wider　than　my　usual　knives。　It　wouldn't　move　where　I　wanted　it　to　go。　I　got　a　glimpse　of　a　golden…colored　blur　moments　before　Chimera　smashed　a　hand　into　me　and　sent　me　flying　back　into　the　hanging　men。　I　hit　solid；　and　they　cried　out；　then　I　was　on　the　ground　trying　to　relearn　how　to　breathe。　His　arm　had　taken　me　across　one　shoulder；　and　it　was　numb　from　the　impact。
　Chimera　knelt　over　the　snake　man；　cradling　him　in　his　arms。　Movement　turned　my　gaze　towards　Micah　and　Cherry。　The　front　of　Cherry's　body　was　bloody　ribbons；　as　if　he'd　racked　claws　down　either　side　of　her　as　deep　as　he　could　go；　as　much　damage　as　he　could　do　in　as　little　time　as　possible。　Her　ruined　chest　rose　and　fell　frantically；　she　was　alive。
　Micah's　body　was　spilled　open　like　something　ripe　that　had　been　thrown　against　a　wall。　His　intestines　glittered　like　something　separate　and　alive。　I　could　see　things　inside　his　body　that　were　never　meant　to　see　the　light　of　day。　He　convulsed；　jerking　against　the　chains。
　I　screamed；　and　something　about　my　panic　opened　me　to　Richard　again。　He　was　lying　on　the　floor　downstairs；　and　he　was　dying；　and　more　than　that　I　felt　that　his　giving　up　had　hurt　the　wolves。　He　was　their　Ulfric；　their　heart　and　their　head；　and　his　will　was　weak；　and　it　made　them　weak。　The　hyenas　and　the　halfmen　that　fought　for　Chimera　were　fighting　for　what　they　believed　in；　or　fighting　for　the　ones　they　loved。　The　wolves　had　nothing　but　Richard's　willingness　to　die。
　And　I　knew　in　that　moment　that　if　he　died　like　that　it　wouldn't　just　be　Jean…Claude　and　me　who　would　join　him；　it　would　be　all　the　wolves。　Something　had　gone　terribly　wrong　with　Bacchus　and　Zeke's　plan。　The　hyenas　and　t