lh.narcissusinchains-第15部分

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　I　looked　at　Jean…Claude　and　Richard　and　knew　I'd　decided　to　sleep　with　both　of　them　tonight；　however　we　arranged　it。　But　seeing　them　on　the　bed　in　the　middle　of　all　this；　watching　them　at　home　in　it；　made　me　wonder　about　my　decision。　It　made　me　think　that　maybe；　after　all　this　time；　I　still　didn't　know　what　I　was　getting　myself　into。
　Asher　was　wandering　the　room　looking　at　the　things　on　the　wall。　I　couldn't　read　him　like　I　could　read　the　others；　but　he；　too；　seemed　unruffled；　and　I　didn't　think　it　was　an　act。　Narcissus　had　swept　into　the　room　with　Ajax　at　his　back。　He'd　agreed　to　leave　everyone　else　in　the　hallway；　or　downstairs；　in　exchange　for　us　leaving　our　extra　wolves　outside　the　room。　I　guess　for　true　privacy　you　did　need　less　than　a　double　digit　worth　of　people　in　a　room。
　Richard　held　his　hand　out　to　me。　〃It's　okay；　Anita。　Nothing　in　this　room　can　hurt　you　without　your　permission；　and　you're　not　going　to　give　that。〃　That　wasn't　exactly　the　forting　ment　I'd　wanted；　but　I　guess　it　was　the　truth。　I　used　to　believe　that　truth　was　good；　but　I'd　begun　to　realize　that　it　is　neither　good；　nor　bad。　It's　just　the　truth。　Life　had　been　simpler　when　I　believed　in　black…and…white　absolutes。
　I　took　his　hand　and　let　him　draw　me　to　the　bed；　between　Jean…Claude　and　himself。　Well；　Narcissus　had　already　made　a　play　for　Jean…Claude；　so　I　guess　we　needed　to　make　the　hands…off　point。　But　it　still　bothered　me　that　Richard　put　me　between　them；　not　simply　beside　him。　The　warm；　fuzzy　feeling　I'd　had　from　the　marriage　of　the　marks　seemed　to　be　receding　at　an　alarming　rate。　Magic　does　that　sometimes。
　I　felt　stiff　and　unfortable　on　the　black　bed　between　my　two　men。　〃What　is　wrong；　ma　petite？　You　are　suddenly　very　tense。〃
　I　looked　at　Jean…Claude；　raising　my　eyebrows。　〃Am　I　the　only　one　here　that　doesn't　like　this　room？〃
　〃Jean…Claude　liked　this　room　very　much；　once；〃　Narcissus　said。
　I　turned　and　looked　at　the　werehyena　as　he　paced　the　room　in　his　stocking　feet。　〃What　do　you　mean？〃　I　asked。
　Jean…Claude　answered；　〃Once；　I　submitted　to　unwanted　advances　because　I　was　told　to　do　so。　But　those　days　are　past。〃
　I　stared　at　him；　and　he　wouldn't　meet　my　gaze。　His　eyes　were　all　for　Narcissus；　as　the　other　man　paced　around　the　bed。
　〃I　don't　remember　you　being　unwilling；〃　Narcissus　said。　He　leaned　against　the　far　post　of　the　bed。
　〃I　learned　long　ago　to　make　a　virtue　of　necessity；〃　Jean…Claude　said。　〃Besides；　Nikolaos；　the　old　Master　of　the　City；　sent　me　to　you。　You　remember　now　she　was；　Narcissus。　Refusal　of　an　order　was　not　allowed。〃
　I'd　had　the　horror　of　meeting　Nikolaos　personally。　She　had　been　very；　very　scary。
　〃So　I　was　an　unpleasant　duty。〃　He　sounded　angry。
　Jean…Claude　shook　his　head。　〃Your　body　is　pleasant；　Narcissus。　What　you　like　doing　with　your　lovers；　if　they　can　take　the　damage；　is　not　。。。　〃　Jean…Claude　looked　down　as　if　searching　for　the　right　word；　then　raised　his　midnight　blue　eyes　to　Narcissus；　and　I　saw　the　effect　that　his　gaze　had　on　the　shapeshifter。　Narcissus　looked　like　he'd　been　hit　between　the　eyes　with　a　hammer　　a　handsome；　charming　hammer。
　〃Is　not　what？〃　Narcissus　asked；　his　voice　hoarse。
　〃Is　not　to　my　taste；〃　Jean…Claude　said。　〃Besides；　I　must　not　have　pleased　you　very　much；　for　you　did　not　do　what　my　late　master　wished　you　to　do。〃
　I　was　the　reason　that　Nikolaos　was　the　late　Master　of　the　City。　She'd　been　trying　to　kill　me；　and　I'd　gotten　lucky。　She　was　dead；　I　wasn't。　And　now　Jean…Claude　got　to　be　Master　of　the　City。　I　hadn't　planned　that。　How　much　of　it　Jean…Claude　had　planned　was　still　up　for　debate。　It　is　not　just　prejudice　on　my　part　that　makes　me　trust　him　less　than　Richard。
　Narcissus　put　one　knee　on　the　bed；　one　hand　still　around　the　bedpost。　〃You　pleased　me　very　much。〃　The　look　on　his　face　was　too　intimate。　They　should　have　been　alone　for　this　conversation。　But；　then　again；　watching　the　way　Narcissus　looked　at　Jean…Claude；　maybe　that　wouldn't　have　been　such　a　great　idea。　From　Jean…Claude　all　I　sensed　was　a　desire　to　soothe　any　injured　feelings。　But　I　was　betting　if　I　could　peek　inside　Narcissus's　head　I'd　find　a　different　kind　of　desire。
　〃Nikolaos　thought　I　failed　her　and　punished　me　for　it。〃
　〃I　could　not　ally　myself　with　her　　not　even　for　you　as　my　permanent　toy。〃
　Jean…Claude　raised　an　eyebrow　at　that。　〃I　do　not　remember　that　being　part　of　the　deal。〃
　〃When　I　first　told　her　no；　she　sweetened　the　offer。〃　Narcissus　crawled　onto　the　bed。　He　stayed　crouched　on　all　fours；　as　if　he　were　expecting　someone　to　e　up　behind　him。
　〃In　what　way　did　she　sweeten　the　offer？〃
　Narcissus　started　to　crawl　across　the　bed；　slowly；　his　knees　catching　on　the　hem　of　his　dress　as　he　moved。　〃She　offered　you　to　me　for　always；　to　do　with　as　I　wished。〃
　A　thrill　of　terror　ran　through　me　from　my　toes　to　the　top　of　my　head。　It　took　me　a　second　to　realize　it　wasn't　my　fear。　Richard　and　I　both　turned　to　Jean…Claude。　His　face　showed　nothing。　It　was　his　usual　polite；　attractive；　almost　bored　mask。　But　we　could　both　feel　the　cold；　screaming　terror　in　his　mind　at　the　thought　of　how　close　he'd　e　to　being　Narcissus's　permanent　。。。　guest。
　It　filled　him　with　a　fear　that　was　larger　than　the　shapeshifter。　Images　flashed　through　my　mind；　memories。　Chained　on　my　stomach　on　rough　wood；　the　sound　of　a　whip　going　back；　the　shock　of　it　biting　into　my　skin；　and　the　knowledge　that　it　was　only　the　first　blow。　The　wave　of　utter　despair　that　followed　that　memory　left　me　blinking　back　tears。　I　had　a　confused　image　of　being　tied　to　a　wall；　with　a　hand　rotted　to　green　pus　caressing　my　body。　Then　the　images　stopped　abruptly；　like　someone　had　thrown　a　switch。　But　the　body　the　hand　had　been　traveling　down　had　been　male。　They　were　Jean…Claude's　memories；　not　mine。　He'd　been　projecting　his　memories　on　me　and　when　he　realized　it；　he'd　blocked　it。
　I　looked　at　him　and　couldn't　keep　the　horror　out　of　my　eyes。　My　hair　hid　my　face　from　Narcissus；　and　I　was　glad　because　I　couldn't　be　blasé　about　what　I'd　just　seen。　Jean…Claude　didn't　look　at　me　but　kept　his　eyes　on　Narcissus。　I　was　trying　not　to　cry；　and　Jean…Claude's　face　betrayed　nothing。
　Jean…Claude　hadn't　been　remembering　Narcissus's　abuse；　but　others；　many；　countless　others。　It　wasn't　the　pain　I　carried　away　from　the　memories；　but　the　despair。　The　thought　that　I　。。。　no；　he。　He　had　not　owned　his　own　body。　He　had　never　been　a　prostitute；　or　rather；　he　had　never　traded　sex　for　money。　But　for　power；　the　whim　of　whoever　was　his　current　master；　and　strangely　for　safety；　he　had　traded　sex　for　centuries。　I'd　known　that；　but　I'd　pictured　him　as　the　seducer。　What　I'd　just　seen　had　nothing　to　do　with　seduction。
　A　small　sound　came　from　Richard；　and　I　turned　to　him。　His　eyes　were　shiny　with　unshed　tears；　and　he　had　the　same　look　of　numb　horror　that　I　felt　on　my　own　face。　We　looked　at　each　other　for　a　long　frozen　moment；　then　a　tear　trickled　down　his　face　a　second　before　a　hot　line　of　tears　eased　down　my　own。
　He　reached　for　my　hand　and　I　took　it。　And　we　both　turned　to　Jean…Claude。　He　was　still　watching；　even　talking；　though　I　hadn't　heard　any　of　it；　with　Narcissus。　The　other　man　had　crawled　all　the　way　across　that　huge　bed　to　be　within　touching　distance　of　us　all。　But　it　wasn't　us　all　that　he　wanted　to　touch。
　〃Sweet；　sweet；　Jean…Claude；　I　thought　I　had　forgotten　you；　but　seeing　you　tonight　on　the　floor　with　the　two　of　them　made　me　remember。〃　He　reached　out　towards　Jean…Claude；　and　Richard　grabbed　his　wrist。
　〃Don't　touch　him。　Don't　ever　touch　him　again。〃
　Narcissus　looked　from　Jean…Claude　to　Richard　and　finally　back　to　Richard。　〃Such　possessiveness；　it　must　be　true　love。〃　I　had　a　ringside　seat　and　watched　the　muscles　in　Richard's　hands　and　forearm　tense　as　he　squeezed　that　dainty　wrist。
　Narcissus　laughed；　voice　shaky；　but　not　with　pain。　〃Such　strength；　such　passion；　would　he　crush　my　wrist　just　for　trying　to　touch　your　hair？〃　His　voice　held　amusement　and　what　I　finally　realized　was　excitement。　Richard　touching　him；　threatening　him；　hurting　him　。。。　He　was　enjoying　it。
　I　felt　Richard　realize　it　too；　but　he　didn't　let　go。　Instead　he　jerked　the　other　man　off　balance　until　he　fell　against　his　body。　Narcissus　made　a　small　surprised　sound。　Richard　kept　one　hand　on　his　w