lh.narcissusinchains-第46部分

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anted　to　have　sex　with　me；　to　hold　me　in　his　arms。
　I'd　always　treated　Jason　as　lesser　than　a　friend；　young　and　amusing；　not　serious。　Jean…Claude's　ardeur　let　me　see　into　his　heart；　and　I　found　it　the　most　pure　of　any　that　I'd　looked　into　in　a　long　time。
　I　stared　down　at　Nathaniel　where　he　lay　clinging　to　me。　I　knew　his　heart；　too。　He　wanted　me　physically；　but　more；　he　wanted　me　to　want　him。　He　wanted　to　belong　to　me　in　every　way。　He　longed　for　safety；　a　home；　someone　to　take　care　of　him；　and　to　take　care　of。　He　saw　in　me　all　the　things　that　he'd　lost　over　the　years。　But　he　didn't　really　see　me；　he　saw　an　ideal　of　me　that　he　wanted。
　I　ran　my　hand　down　his　arm；　and　he　snuggled　against　me。　I　looked　back　at　Jason　and　let　my　other　hand　drop　away　from　him；　but　it　was　like　I　pulled　something　out　of　him　as　it　moved；　his　heart　still　beat　inside　my　body。　We　didn't　have　to　touch　for　that。
　The　fact　that　Jason　wanted　me　just　for　me　with　no　ulterior　motives　made　me　want　to　reward　him。　Made　me　love　him　just　a　little。　It　overrode　the　hunger；　stilled　my　beast；　helped　me　think。
　〃Get　out；　both　of　you；　get　out。〃
　〃Anita；　is　that　you？〃
　〃Go；　Jason；　take　him　with　you；　and　go。〃
　〃I　don't　want　to　go；〃　Nathaniel　said。
　I　grabbed　a　handful　of　that　thick　hair　and　raised　him　to　his　knees　with　it。　I　expected　to　see　fear　in　his　eyes；　or　betrayal；　but　what　I　saw　was　eagerness。　I　used　his　hair　as　a　handle　and　drew　him　to　me　until　our　faces　almost　touched。　I　felt　his　heart　thudding；　the　thrill　through　his　body　as　I　drew　him　into　me。　Nathaniel　would　never　tell　me　no。
　If　someone　can't　tell　you　no；　it's　rape；　or　something　like　it。　The　ardeur　poured　through　me；　taking　my　breath　in　a　long　shuddering　line。　I　wanted　to　kiss　Nathaniel；　to　fill　his　mouth　with　my　tongue。　And　I　knew　if　I　did；　it　would　be　too　late。
　My　voice　came　out　strangled。　〃You　will　go　when　I　tell　you　to　go；　now　get　out！〃　I　released　my　hold　on　him　so　suddenly　that　he　fell　back　against　the　bed。
　Jason　was　on　the　other　side　of　the　bed；　pulling　Nathaniel　away　from　me；　pushing　him　towards　the　door。　Watching　them　go　made　me　want　to　cry；　or　scream。　They　were　perfect　for　feeding。　The　room　was　thick　with　mutual　desire；　and　I　was　sending　them　away。　I　could　still　feel　their　heartbeats　like　candy　in　my　mouth；　like　a　double　echo　of　my　own　heart。
　I　covered　my　eyes　with　my　hands　and　screamed；　wordless；　pain…filled。　It　was　as　if　the　hunger　finally　realized　that　I　was　truly　going　to　let　them　go。　It　raged　through　me；　tearing　one　ragged　scream　from　my　mouth　after　another；　as　fast　as　I　could　draw　breath。　I　lay　on　the　bed　in　the　silk　sheets；　writhing；　screaming。　I　had　a　sudden　memory；　and　it　wasn't　mine；　of　this　need　denied；　locked　away　in　the　dark　where　no　hand　could　touch　you；　where　no　skin　could　melt　into　yours。　I　felt　the　faintest　edge　of　Jean…Claude's　madness　after　that　particular　punishment。　He'd　healed；　but　the　memory　was　still　raw。
　Hands　on　me；　holding　me　down。　I　opened　my　eyes　to　find　Nathaniel　and　Jason　holding　me　down。　They　each　had　a　hand　on　one　wrist　and　one　leg。　They　could　bench　press　small　elephants；　but　as　my　body　writhed　against　the　bed；　I　raised　them　up；　made　them　struggle　to　hold　me。
　〃Anita；　you're　hurting　yourself；〃　Jason　said。
　I　looked　down　my　body　and　found　bloody　scratches　on　my　arms　and　legs。　I　had　to　have　done　it；　but　I　didn't　remember　doing　it。　The　sight　of　those　bloody　scratches　calmed　me；　made　me　lie　still　under　their　hands。
　〃I'm　going　to　get　something　to　tie　you　down　with　just　until　Jean…Claude　rises；〃　Jason　said。
　I　nodded；　afraid　to　speak；　afraid　of　what　I'd　say。
　He　told　Nathaniel　to　hold　me；　but　the　only　way　one　person　could　do　that　was　to　hold　my　wrists　while　pressing　against　me　with　his　lower　body。　It　wasn't　perfect　control；　but　it　kept　me　from　hurting　myself。
　Nathaniel's　hair　fell　around　our　bodies　with　a　dry　rushing　sound；　until　I　saw　the　world　through　a　curtain　of　his　hair。　The　scent　of　him　was　like　some　warm　pressure　between　his　upraised　chest　and　mine。　I　could　smell　the　fresh　scent　of　blood；　too。　And　my　beast　wanted　to　lick　the　wounds；　wanted　to　feed　on　my　own　skin；　or　better　yet；　open　wounds　on　Nathaniel　and　feed　off　of　him。　Just　the　thought　tightened　my　body；　made　me　writhe　underneath　him；　until　I'd　freed　my　legs　and　he　slid　against　me；　only　our　clothing　separating　us。　He　made　a　small　sound；　half…protest；　half…something　else。
　I　raised　my　wrists　off　the　bed；　pushing　against　his　grip　on　me。　I　felt　his　arms　strain　against　me；　forcing　me　back　against　the　bed。　It　shouldn't　have　been　a　struggle　for　him　to　hold　me　here　like　this。　I　was　gaining　other　things　besides　hunger　through　the　marks；　or　the　beast。　Nathaniel　was　still　stronger　than　I　was；　I　could　feel　that。　But　there　are　things　besides　strength　that　count　when　you're　struggling。　I　raised　my　arms　from　the　bed　again；　only　a　few　inches；　and　he　forced　me　down　again。　But　when　I　had　enough　room；　I　rotated　my　right　wrist　against　his　thumb；　and　my　hand　was　free。
　I　raised　up　enough　to　kiss　his　chest；　and　he　went　very　still　above　me。　I　knew　in　that　instant　that　he　wouldn't　try　and　regain　control　of　my　arm。　I　bit　him　gently；　and　his　breath　went　out　in　a　soft；　sharp　sound。　I　licked　my　way　up　his　chest；　with　him　still　holding　my　left　arm；　his　lower　body　still　pinning　mine。　I　ran　my　tongue　over　his　nipple　and　felt　his　breathing　quicken。　I　locked　my　mouth　around　his　nipple　and　bit　into　the　skin；　the　flesh　underneath。　He　shuddered　above　me；　his　body　jerking　enough　that　I　had　to　be　careful　not　to　break　the　skin。　But　I　held　on　as　he　moaned　above　me；　and　when　I　drew　back；　I　saw　that　I　had　left　a　near　perfect　imprint　of　my　teeth　behind。
　I　lay　back　against　the　bed　and　stared　at　the　bite　mark　on　his　chest；　with　his　nipple　in　the　center　of　it；　and　a　thrill　went　through　me；　a　wave　of　pleasure　at　the　sight　of　it；　and　a　feeling　of　。。。　possession。　I'd　marked　him。
　I　drew　my　left　wrist　out　of　his　hand；　and　he　didn't　fight　me。　He　stayed　propped　above　me　on　his　arms；　his　hips　pressed　against　me；　his　hair　in　a　cascade　around　us。　He　stared　down　at　me；　and　his　face　was　raw　with　need。　I　didn't　need　anything　else　to　tell　me　how　much　he　wanted　me　to　finish　what　I'd　begun。
　I　raised　up　enough　to　kiss　him；　and　his　lips　trembled　against　mine。　The　kiss　was　long　and　full；　and　a　sound　came　low　in　his　throat；　and　he　suddenly　collapsed　against　me；　his　full　body　weight　pinning　me　to　the　bed；　our　mouths；　our　arms；　our　bodies　locked　together　in　a　warm；　vanilla…scented　nest　of　his　hair；　like　being　rolled　in　warm　satin。　Nathaniel　kissed　me　as　if　he　would　climb　inside　me　through　my　mouth；　and　I　opened　for　him；　let　him　explore　me；　taste　me；　touch　me。　It　wasn't　his　hand　underneath　my　top；　kneading　my　breast；　that　brought　me　to　my　senses。　It　was　my　hands　down　the　back　of　his　shorts；　cupping　the　smooth　curve　of　his　buttocks。　It　helped　me　swim　back　into　control；　to　fight　down　the　desire；　the　hunger。　Where　the　hell　was　Jason？　I　stopped　kissing　Nathaniel；　stopped　touching　him；　while　his　hands；　his　mouth；　explored　my　body。　His　need　was　so　strong；　so　strong。　I　could　not　leave　the　bed。　I　could　not　walk　away。　I　was　not　that　strong。
　〃Nathaniel；　stop。〃
　His　mouth　was　on　my　breast　through　the　satin　of　the　top。　He　didn't　seem　to　hear　me。
　〃Nathaniel；　stop！〃　I　grabbed　a　handful　of　his　hair　and　pulled　him　away　from　me。　The　front　of　the　top　was　wet　where　his　mouth　had　been。　His　eyes　didn't　seem　to　focus　on　me。　It　was　as　if　he　didn't　see　me　at　all。
　〃Nathaniel；　can　you　hear　me？〃
　He　finally　nodded。　〃Yes。〃　Anyone　else　would　have　protested　being　stopped；　but　he　simply　looked　at　me；　eyes　beginning　to　focus。　There　was　no　resentment　on　his　face；　no　anger。　He　simply　did　what　I　told　him　to　do　and　waited　for　me　to　say　more。　I　didn't　understand　Nathaniel；　even　knowing　his　heart's　desires　gave　me　no　real　understanding　of　him。　We　were　too　different；　but　today　that　difference　might　help　us。
　I　would　not；　could　not　have　sex　with　Nathaniel。　But　I　couldn't　stop　pletely　either。　I　had　to　feed。　I　had　to　sink　my　teeth　into　his　flesh；　had　to　bathe　in　his　lust；　had　to。　〃Get　off　me。〃
　He　rolled　onto　his　back；　gazing　up　at　me；　lying　in　a　pool　of　his　hair；　like　a　shining　auburn　frame　around　his　body。　I　wanted　to　see　all　of　him　framed　against　his　hair