lh.narcissusinchains-第82部分

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　〃I　don't　want　to　go　down；　and　I　don't　want　to　see　what　they've　done　to　Gregory；　but　I'm　not　as　afraid　as　you　are；　no。〃
　〃Then　it　doesn't　make　you　braver　than　me　to　go　down　into　the　hole；　does　it？　Because　it　doesn't　cost　you　anything　to　go　down　there。〃
　He　leaned　very；　very　close　to　my　ear；　then　breathed　the　barest　of　sounds　against　my　skin。　〃Like　it　would　cost　you　nothing　to　kill　Jacob　for　me。〃
　I　stiffened　beside　him；　then　turned；　trying　to　keep　the　shock　off　my　face。
　〃I　knew　that　was　what　you　were　thinking　the　moment　I　saw　you　look　at　him；〃　Richard　said。
　〃You'd　let　me　do　that？〃　I　asked；　voice　soft；　but　not　as　soft　as　his　had　been。
　〃I　don't　know　yet。　But　wouldn't　your　reasoning　be　that　it　would　cost　you　nothing　to　do　it　and　it　would　cost　me　dear？〃
　We　stared　at　each　other。　I　finally　nodded。
　He　smiled。　〃Then　let　me　go　down　the　fucking　hole。〃
　〃When　did　you　start　using　the　F…word？〃
　〃While　you　were　away。　I　think　I　missed　hearing　it。〃　He　grinned　at　me　suddenly；　a　bright　flash　of　smile　in　the　dark。
　I　couldn't　not　smile　back。　Kneeling　by　that　horrible　black　opening；　fear　still　flat　on　my　tongue；　his　anger　still　riding　the　air　between　us；　and　we　smiled　at　each　other。　〃I'll　let　you　go　down　the　hole　first；〃　I　said。
　The　smile　widened　until　it　filled　his　eyes；　and　even　by　starlight　I　could　see　them　gleam　with　humor。　〃Okay。〃
　I　leaned　into　him　and　gave　him　a　quick　kiss。　Too　quick　for　the　powers　to　move　between　us；　too　quick　to　taste　the　blood　in　his　mouth；　too　quick　to　find　out　if　our　beasts　would　roil　through　each　other's　bodies。　I　kissed　him　just　because　I　wanted　to；　because　for　the　first　time　I　thought　we　might　both　be　willing　to　bend　a　little。　Would　it　be　enough？　Who　the　hell　knew？　But　I　was　hopeful。　For　the　first　time　in　a　long　time；　I　was　truly　hopeful。　Without　hope；　love　dies　and　parts　of　you　wither。　I　didn't　know　what　it　meant　for　Micah　that　I　had　hope　for　Richard　and　me。　We'd　talked　openly　about　sharing；　but　I　didn't　know　how　much　of　that　had　been　for　public　show　and　how　much　had　been　real。　But　right　that　second；　I　didn't　care；　I　clutched　that　positive　emotion　to　me　and　held　on。　Later；　later；　we'd　worry　about　other　things。　I'd　let　Richard　climb　down　first；　but　I'd　still　be　going　down；　and　I　wanted　that　small　warm　hope　inside　my　chest　along　with　the　fear。
　
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　RICHARD'S　WEIGHT　ON　the　rope　ladder　kept　it　tight　under　my　hands。　He'd　put　his　flashlight　on　a　strap　around　his　wrist。　I　watched　the　pool　of　yellow　light　vanishing　down　into　that　narrow　darkness　and　realized　that　I　was　still　barely　on　the　ladder；　my　head　still　aboveground。
　Micah　was　kneeling　beside　the　hole。　〃It'll　be　alright；〃　he　said。
　I　swallowed　and　looked　at　him；　knowing　my　eyes　were　just　a　little　wide；　〃I　know；〃　but　my　voice　came　out　breathy。
　〃You　really　don't　have　to　do　this；〃　he　said；　voice　soft；　and　as　neutral　as　he　could　make　it。
　I　frowned　at　him。　〃Don't　you　start。〃
　〃Then　you　better　catch　up　with　him。〃　His　voice　was　a　little　less　neutral；　but　I　couldn't　tell　what　tone　it　held。
　I　started　climbing　down　the　soft　roughness　of　the　rope　ladder；　moving　quickly；　angrily。　I　wasn't　angry　with　Micah；　not　really。　I　was　angry　with　me。　The　anger　got　me　well　down　into　the　dark　where　the　light　from　the　flashlight　below　me　seemed　very　yellow　and　very　stark　against　the　earthen　walls。
　I　clung　there　for　a　second　or　two；　staring　at　that　hard…packed　earth。　I　gazed　up　slowly　and　found　Micah　staring　down　at　me　from　a　distance　so　far　away　that　I　couldn't　tell　what　color　his　eyes　or　hair　were。　I　knew　it　was　him　from　the　shape　of　his　face　and　shoulders。　My　God；　how　deep　did　this　pit　go？
　It　seemed　like　the　earthen　walls　were　curving　in　towards　me；　like　a　hand　about　to　close　into　a　fist　and　crush　me；　so　that　I　couldn't　breath　enough　of　the　stale；　flat　air　to　fill　my　lungs。　I　closed　my　eyes　and　forced　myself　to　move　one　hand　off　the　ladder　and　touch　the　wall。　It　was　farther　away　than　I'd　thought；　and　when　I　finally　touched　it；　it　startled　me。　The　earth　was　surprisingly　cool　against　my　hand；　and　I　realized　it　was　cool　in　the　pit；　even　with　early　summer　heat　up　above。　I　opened　my　eyes；　and　the　walls　were　still　about　six　feet　circular；　just　like　they'd　always　been。　The　earth　wasn't　closing　in　around　me；　only　my　phobia　was　doing　that。
　I　started　climbing　down　again；　and　this　time　I　didn't　stop　until　I　felt　the　ladder　loosen　under　my　body　and　it　was　suddenly　harder　to　climb　down　without　bumping　into　the　dirt　walls。　Richard's　weight　was　no　longer　steadying　the　ladder　for　me。　If　I　hadn't　been　such　a　pain　in　the　ass；　I　might　have　asked　for　him　to　hold　it　steady　until　I　got　down　to　the　end。　Instead　I　hugged　the　ladder　frantically　and　kept　moving　downward。　It's　hard　to　cling　to　something　while　you're　climbing　down　it；　but　I　managed。
　The　world　narrowed　down　to　the　feel　of　the　rope　under　my　hands；　my　feet　trying　to　find　purchase　　just　the　simple　act　of　moving　downward。　It　got　to　the　point　that　I　stopped　jumping　every　time　my　body　bumped　the　walls。　Hands　touched　my　waist；　and　I　let　out　that　little　yip　that　is　only　a　girl　sound。　I　always　hated　when　I　did　it。
　They　were　Richard's　hands　around　my　waist；　of　course。　He　steadied　me　the　last　few　feet；　while　my　heart　tried　to　jump　out　of　my　chest。　I　stepped　down　onto　a　floor　that　crunched　and　rolled　with　bones。　They　were　deep　yet　you　didn't　sink　into　them；　rather　walked　on　top　of　them　like　a　saint　treading　on　water。
　The　narrow　shaft　opened　into　a　small；　cramped；　cave…like　hole　in　the　earth。　Richard　had　to　stand　bent　almost　in　two。　I　could　stand　up　if　I　was　careful；　though　the　top　of　my　hair　brushed　the　ceiling　solidly　enough　that　ducking　a　little　was　a　good　idea。
　Micah　called　from　way；　way　above　us；　〃Are　you　alright？〃
　It　took　me　two　tries　to　be　able　to　say；　〃Fine；　we're　fine。〃
　Micah　pulled　back　from　the　opening；　a　dark　dot　against　the　paler　grayness。　〃My　God；　how　far　down　are　we？〃
　〃Sixty　feet；　give　or　take。〃　There　was　something　in　his　voice　that　made　me　turn　to　him。
　He　shook　his　head　and　looked　to　one　side；　shining　the　flashlight　on　something　small　and　hunched。　It　was　Gregory。
　He　was　on　his　stomach；　hog…tied；　his　arms　and　legs　at　such　acute　angles　that　I　couldn't　imagine　lying　there　like　that　for　three　days。　He　was　nude；　a　white　cloth　blindfold　cutting　across　his　face；　knotted　in　a　tangle　of　long　blond　hair；　as　if　even　that　had　been　done　to　hurt；　and　not　merely　to　blind。　As　Richard's　light　played　over　Gregory's　body；　he　made　small　helpless　sounds。　He　could　see　the　light　through　the　cloth；　if　nothing　else。　I　knelt　beside　him；　seeing　where　the　silver　chains　had　dug　into　his　wrists　and　ankles。　The　wounds　were　raw　and　bloody　where　he'd　struggled　against　them。
　〃The　chains　have　rubbed　him　raw；〃　Richard　said；　voice　soft。
　〃He　struggled；〃　I　said。
　〃No；　he's　not　powerful　enough　to　take　this　much　silver　against　his　skin。　The　chains　ate　their　way　into　his　skin。〃
　I　stared　at　the　raw　wounds　and　didn't　know　what　to　say。　I　touched　Gregory's　shoulder；　and　he　screamed　through　the　gag　I　hadn't　seen。　His　hair　had　hidden　it。　But　there　was　a　dark　rag　stuffed　in　his　mouth。　He　screamed　again　and　tried　to　worm　away　from　me。
　〃Gregory；　Gregory；　it's　Anita。〃　I　touched　him　as　gently　as　I　could；　and　he　screamed　once　more。　I　looked　up　at　Richard。　〃He　doesn't　seem　to　hear　me。〃
　Richard　knelt　and　raised　a　tangle　of　Gregory's　hair。　Gregory　struggled　harder；　and　Richard　handed　me　the　flashlight　so　he　could　use　one　hand　to　steady　the　smaller　man's　face　and　the　other　to　keep　the　hair　out　of　the　way。　There　was　more　cloth　stuffed　in　his　ears。　Richard　pulled　out　the　cloth　and　found　a　black　earplug　deeper　in　the　channel。　They　were　never　meant　to　be　pushed　in　that　far；　and　when　Richard　pulled　it　free；　fresh　blood　trickled　from　his　ear。
　I　just　stared；　my　mind　frozen　for　a　second；　not　wanting　to　understand。　But　finally；　I　heard　myself　say　it。　〃They　burst　his　eardrums。　Why；　for　God's　sake？　Wasn't　the　blindfold　and　gag　enough　sensory　deprivation？〃
　Richard　held　the　earplug　up　to　the　light。　I　had　to　shine　the　flashlight　directly　on　it　to　see　that　it　had　a　metal　point。
　〃What　is　that？〃
　〃Silver；〃　he　said。
　〃Oh；　God；　they　were　designed　for　this？〃
　〃Remember；　Marcus　was　a　doctor。　He　knew　all　kind