lh.narcissusinchains-第95部分

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　〃So　we　find；　what；　a　local　coven；　and　ask　their　guidance？〃　He　sounded　patronizing。
　〃I　resent　the　tone；　Jean…Claude；　especially　since　I　don't　hear　you　offering　any　better　suggestions。　Don't　criticize　unless　you　can　do　better。〃
　〃Very　true；　ma　petite；　and　very　wise。　My　deepest　and　most　sincere　apologies。　You　are　quite　right。　I　do　not　have　a　suggestion　for　whom　we　might　turn　to　for　advice；　or　guidance。　I　will　think　upon　your　suggestion　to　find　a　friendly　witch　to　speak　with。〃
　〃I　have　a　friendly　one　to　speak　to。　She　just　might　need　to　see　the　three　or　us　together　to　see　how　things　work。〃
　〃You　mean　your　Marianne？〃
　〃Yeah。〃
　〃I　thought　she　was　more　psychic　than　witch。〃
　〃There's　not　all　that　much　difference；〃　I　said。
　〃I　will　take　your　word　on　that。　I　do　not　have　much　business　with　either。〃
　I　realized　I'd　been　planning　to　call　Marianne　since　I　woke　up　sandwiched　between　Caleb　and　Micah。　Funny　how　it　had　slipped　my　mind。
　〃Is　there　anything　you　can　say　to　Richard　that　will　help　smooth　things　on　this　end？〃
　〃Do　you　wish　me　to　lie？〃
　〃Damn　it；　Jean…Claude　。。。　〃
　〃I　can　point　out　to　him　that　if　he　does　not　meet　the　ardeur's　appetite　that　someone　else　must。〃
　〃I've　already　pointed　that　out　to　him。〃　I　thought　about　that　for　a　few　heartbeats。　〃He　accused　me　of　having　。。。　〃　I　found　I　couldn't　quite　say　it。　〃He　accused　me　of　doing　worse　with　Nathaniel　than　I've　done；　and　he　was　crude　about　it。　I'm　not　sure　I　want　to　have　sex　with　him　right　now。〃
　〃You　are　angry　with　him；〃　Jean…Claude　said。
　〃Oh；　yeah。〃
　〃So　angry　that　if　he　asked；　you　would　refuse　his　bed？〃
　I　started　to　say　yes；　then　stopped　myself。　I　was　tired。　Tired　of　all　of　it；　of　both　of　them；　if　the　truth　be　known。　Couldn't　live　with　them；　or　without　them。　I　wanted　Richard's　body　like　an　ache　in　my　heart；　but　when　he　wanted　to　be；　he　could　be　ugly；　and　his　mood　tonight　was　ugly。　I　didn't　want　to　have　sex　with　him　when　he　was　like　this。　Hell；　I　didn't　want　to　be　around　him　when　he　was　like　this。
　〃I　don't　know；〃　I　said。
　〃Well；　that　was　honest；　and　does　not　bode　well。　If　you　refuse　Richard；　and　Nathaniel；　and　your　Nimir…Raj　does　not　return　tonight；　what　will　you　do　in　the　morning；　ma　petite？　Please；　think　carefully　on　this。　I　beg　you　to　choose　the　lesser　evil；　whatever　that　may　be；　rather　than　wait　until　the　hunger　overrides　your　mon　sense；　or　even　your　need　for　survival。〃
　〃What　are　you　saying？〃
　〃I　am　saying　what　I　have　said　before　　that　to　deny　the　ardeur　is　to　worsen　it。　Deny　it　long　enough　and　hard　enough；　and　it　will　begin　to　erode　all　that　you　are；　or　thought　yourself　to　be。　I　survived　what　I　did　to　feed　it　in　those　first　weeks；　but　my　moral　degradation　had　been　acplished　years　before　I　died。　I　say　again；　ma　petite；　that　you　will　not　take　it　as　well　as　I　did。　I　believe　it　will　promise　your　sense　of　who　you　are。〃
　〃And　fucking　Nathaniel　isn't　going　to　promise　me？〃
　He　sighed。　〃Put　that　way；　I　do　see　your　point。　But　how　much　more　promising　would　it　be　to　seduce　a　stranger？〃
　〃I　would　never　do　that。〃
　〃Is　that　not　exactly　what　you　did　with　the　Nimir…Raj？〃　His　voice　was　very　quiet　as　he　said　it；　very　careful　not　to　be　accusatory。
　I　would　have　loved　to　have　argued　the　point；　but　I　hate　to　lose；　and　I　was　going　to　lose　this　one。　〃Alright；　you've　made　your　point。〃
　〃I　hope　so；　Anita；　I　do　hope　so。〃　He　never　used　my　name　unless　something　was　very　wrong。　Damn。
　〃You　know；　just　once　it　might　be　nice　to　have　normal　problems。〃
　〃And　what；　exactly；　is　a　normal　problem；　ma　petite？〃
　Another　point　for　Jean…Claude。　〃I　don't　know　anymore。〃
　〃You　sound　tired；　ma　petite。〃
　〃It's　only　a　few　hours　until　dawn。　I've　been　up　all　night；　so　yeah；　I'm　tired。〃　Just　acknowledging　it　seemed　to　bring　it　on　in　a　rush　that　left　me　rubbing　my　eyes；　which　smeared　the　eye　shadow　I'd　put　on　onto　my　fingers　and　probably　around　my　eyelids。　I　wore　makeup　so　seldomly　that　I　often　forgot　I　was　wearing　it。
　Richard　came　back　into　the　kitchen　with　his　bodyguards　and　the　wererats　in　tow。　He　gave　me　a　look；　and　it　was　not　a　friendly　one。
　〃I've　got　to　go；〃　I　said　to　Jean…Claude。
　〃Do　you　wish　me　to　speak　to　Richard？〃
　〃No；　I　think　you've　done　enough　damage　for　one　night。〃
　〃I　meant　only　to　help。〃
　〃Sure　you　did。〃
　〃Ma　petite。〃
　〃Yes。〃
　〃Be　careful；　and　remember　what　I　have　said　about　the　ardeur。　There　is　no　shame　in　it。〃
　〃Even　you　don't　believe　that；〃　I　said。
　〃Ah；　you　have　found　me　out。　There　is　no　shame　in　feeding；　if　you　feed　immediately　on　a　person　of　your　own　choosing。　If　you　fight；　then　you　will　find　yourself　feeding　on　someone　not　of　your　choosing；　in　a　place　not　of　your　choosing。　I　do　not　think　you　would　enjoy　that；　ma　petite。〃
　He　was　right　about　that　anyway。　〃I'll　talk　to　you　tomorrow　after　you　get　up。　I　haven't　forgotten　Damian；　you　know。〃
　〃I　did　not　think　that　you　had；　ma　petite。　I　will　look　forward　to　your　call。〃
　I　hung　up　without　saying　good…bye；　mainly　because　I　was　angry；　and　scared。　Not　only　did　I　have　Richard　to　deal　with　tonight　and　Gregory　to　save；　but　tomorrow　morning　when　I　woke　up；　the　ardeur　would　be　there；　waiting。　There　was　a　chance　that　it　wouldn't　be；　that　the　one　day　was　the　only　time　I'd　have　it；　but　I　couldn't　count　on　that。　I　had　to　plan　for　the　worst…case　scenario。　Worst　case　was　I　would　wake　up　tomorrow　and　need　to　feed　just　like　I　had　this　morning。　The　big　question　was；　who　would　I　feed　on；　and　could　I　live　with　myself　after　I'd　done　it？
　
　35
　
　I　HATE　BEING　awake　at　three　in　the　morning。　It　is　the　godforsaken　heart　of　darkness　when　the　body　runs　slow；　and　the　brain　runs　slower；　and　all　you　want　to　do　is　sleep。　But　I　had　promises　to　keep；　and　miles　to　go　before　I　could　sleep。　Or　at　least　a　couple　of　miracles　to　perform　before　I　could　go　to　bed。
　Dr。　Lillian　had　unhooked　Gregory's　IV；　but　he　was　still　bundled　in　the　quilts。　He　sat　on　the　picnic　table　on　the　deck；　cradled　between　Zane　and　Cherry。　Dr。　Lillian　kept　touching　Gregory；　checking　his　pulse；　how　clammy　his　skin　was。　She　was　frowning　and　clearly　not　happy。　Nathaniel　stayed　by　them；　keeping　the　picnic　table　between　him　and　Richard。　Richard　hadn't　tried　to　hurt　him　again；　in　fact；　he'd　ignored　him　studiously。　The　other　cats　milled　around　near　the　sliding　glass　doors。　The　two　wererat　bodyguards；　Claudia　and　Igor；　were　standing　to　one　side　of　me　as　I　leaned　on　the　railing。　They　started　following　me　around　when　Richard　came　out　with　his　bandaged　arm　and　Jamil　and　Shang…Da　at　his　back。
　Richard's　power　crept　on　the　summer　darkness　like　close　thunder；　making　the　hot；　sticky　night　even　thicker　and　making　it　harder　to　breathe。　I　think　it　was　the　press　of　his　power；　the　edge　of　his　anger；　that　made　the　wererats　start　acting　like　bodyguards。　I'd　tried　telling　them　that　Richard　wouldn't　hurt　me；　but　Claudia　had　shrugged；　and　said；　〃Rafael　told　us　to　keep　you　safe；　and　that's　what　we're　going　to　do。〃
　〃Even　if　I　tell　you　that　there　is　no　threat？〃
　She　shrugged　again。　〃I'd　say；　you're　a　little　too　close　to　this　one　to　make　a　sound　judgment　call。〃
　I'd　glanced　at　Igor。　〃You　agree　with　her？〃
　〃I　never　argue　with　a　lady；　especially　one　that　can　beat　me　at　arm　wrestling。〃
　Igor's　logic　was　hard　to　argue　with；　but　it　meant　that　I　had　acquired　two　tall；　muscular　shadows；　and　it　irritated　me。　But　neither　of　them　gave　a　damn　whether　I　was　happy　or　not。　They　were　following　Rafael's　orders；　and　my　wishes　didn't　count。
　So　Richard　and　his　bodyguards；　and　me；　with　mine；　stood　on　the　deck；　facing　Stephen；　who　had　stripped　off　in　preparation　for　the　change。　If　you　made　the　change　with　clothes　on；　you　ruined　them。　Shapeshifters　either　haunted　the　thrift　shops；　looking　for　old　clothes　to　wear　on　the　night　of　the　full　moon；　or　went　nude。
　We　all　stood　there　in　the　circle　of　Richard's　power。　The　energy　built　around　us　like　invisible　lightning　lashing　around　us。　The　power　literally　crackled；　raising　the　hair　on　our　arms；　raising　the　hair　on　our　heads；　like　the　hackles　on　a　dog。
　Jamil　said；　〃Richard　。。。　〃　But　one　glance　from　Richard　stopped　him　in　mid…sentence。　The　power　rose　another　notch；　squeezing　around　us　like　some　kind　of　giant　hand。
　〃What's　wrong；　Richard？　What's　with　the　power　display？〃　I　asked。
　He　turned　to　me；　and　the　anger　in