sk.everythingseventual-第67部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


　　'Cats　are　different；　though。　A　cat　won't　curry　favor　even　if　it's　in　their　best　interests　to　do　so。　A　cat　can't　be　a　hypocrite。　If　more　preachers　were　like　cats；　this　would　be　a　religious　country　again。　If　a　cat　likes　you；　you　know。　If　she　doesn't；　you　know　that；　too。　Screwlucy　never　liked　Lulu；　not　one　whit；　and　she　made　it　clear　from　the　start。　If　I　was　getting　ready　to　feed　her；　Lucy'd　rub　around　my　legs；　purring；　while　I　spooned　it　up　and　dumped　it　in　her　dish。　If　Lulu　fed　her；　Lucy'd　sit　all　the　way　across　the　kitchen；　in　front　of　the　fridge；　watching　her。　And　wouldn't　go　to　the　dish　until　Lulu　had　cleared　off。　It　drove　Lulu　crazy。　〃That　cat　thinks　she's　the　Queen　of　Sheba；〃　she'd　say。　By　then　she'd　given　up　the　baby…talk。　Given　up　picking　Lucy　up；　too。　If　she　did；　she'd　get　her　wrist　scratched；　more　often　than　not。
　　'Now；　I　tried　to　pretend　I　liked　Frank　and　Lulu　tried　to　pretend　she　liked　Lucy；　but　Lulu　gave　up　pretending　a　lot　sooner　than　I　did。　I　guess　maybe　neither　one　of　them；　the　cat　or　the　woman；　could　stand　being　a　hypocrite。　I　don't　think　Lucy　was　the　only　reason　Lulu　left…hell；　I　know　it　wasn't…but　I'm　sure　Lucy　helped　Lulubelle　make　her　final　decision。　Pets　can　live　a　long　time；　you　know。　So　the　present　I　got　her　for　our　second　was　really　the　straw　that　broke　the　camel's　back。　Tell　that　to　〃Dear　Abby〃！
　　'The　cat's　talking　was　maybe　the　worst；　as　far　as　Lulu　was　concerned。　She　couldn't　stand　it。　One　night　Lulubelle　says　to　me；　〃If　that　cat　doesn't　stop　yowling；　L。T。；　I　think　I'm　going　to　hit　it　with　an　encyclopedia。〃
　　'　〃That's　not　yowling；〃　I　said；　〃that's　chatting。〃
　　'　〃Well；〃　Lulu　says；　〃I　wish　it　would　stop　chatting。〃
　　'And　right　about　then；　Lucy　jumped　up　into　my　lap　and　she　did　shut　up。　She　always　did；　except　for　a　little　low　purring；　way　back　in　her　throat。　Purring　that　really　was　purring。　I　scratched　her　between　her　ears　like　she　likes；　and　I　happened　to　look　up。　Lulu　turned　her　eyes　back　down　on　her　book；　but　before　she　did；　what　I　saw　was　real　hate。　Not　for　me。　For　Screwlucy。　Throw　an　encyclopedia　at　it？　She　looked　like　she'd　like　to　stick　the　cat　between　two　encyclopedias　and　just　kind　of　clap　it　to　death。
　　Sometimes　Lulu　would　e　into　the　kitchen　and　catch　the　cat　up　on　the　table　and　swat　it　off。　I　asked　her　once　if　she'd　ever　seen　me　swat　Frank　off　the　bed　that　way…he'd　get　up　on　it；　you　know；　always　on　her　side；　and　leave　these　nasty　tangles　of　white　hair。　When　I　said　that；　Lulu　gave　me　a　kind　of　grin。　Her　teeth　were　showing；　anyway。　〃If　you　ever　tried；　you'd　find　yourself　a　finger　or　three　shy；　most　likely；〃　she　says。
　　'Sometimes　Lucy　really　was　Screwlucy。　Cats　are　moody；　and　sometimes　they　get　manic；　anyone　who's　ever　had　one　will　tell　you　that。　Their　eyes　get　big　and　kind　of　glary；　their　tails　bush　out；　they　go　racing　around　the　house；　sometimes　they'll　rear　right　up　on　their　back　legs　and　prance；　boxing　at　the　air；　like　they're　fighting　with　something　they　can　see　but　human　beings　can't。　Lucy　got　into　a　mood　like　that　one　night　when　she　was　about　a　year　old…couldn't　have　been　more　than　three　weeks　from　the　day　when　I　e　home　and　found　Lulubelle　gone。
　　'Anyway；　Lucy　came　pelting　in　from　the　kitchen；　did　a　kind　of　racing　slide　on　the　wood　floor；　jumped　over　Frank；　and　went　skittering　up　the　living　room　drapes；　paw　over　paw。　Left　some　pretty　good　holes　in　them；　with　threads　hanging　down。　Then　she　just　perched　at　the　top　on　the　rod；　staring　around　the　room　with　her　blue　eyes　all　big　and　wild　and　the　tip　of　her　tail　snapping　back　and　forth。
　　'Frank　only　jumped　a　little　and　then　put　his　muzzle　back　on　Lulubelle's　shoe；　but　the　cat　scared　the　hell　out　of　Lulubelle；　who　was　deep　in　her　book；　and　when　she　looked　up　at　the　cat；　I　could　see　that　outright　hate　in　her　eyes　again。
　　'　〃All　right；〃　she　said；　〃that's　enough。　Everybody　out　of　the　goddam　pool。　We're　going　to　find　a　good　home　for　that　little　blue…eyed　bitch；　and　if　we're　not　smart　enough　to　find　a　home　for　a　purebred　Siamese；　we're　going　to　take　her　to　the　animal　shelter。　I've　had　enough。〃
　　'　〃What　do　you　mean？〃　I　ask　her。
　　'　〃Are　you　blind？〃　she　asks。　〃Look　what　she　did　to　my　drapes！　They're　full　of　holes！〃
　　'　〃You　want　to　see　drapes　with　holes　in　them；〃　I　say；　〃why　don't　you　go　upstairs　and　look　at　the　ones　on　my　side　of　the　bed。　The　bottoms　are　all　ragged。　Because　he　chews　them。〃
　　'　〃That's　different；〃　she　says；　glaring　at　me。　〃That's　different　and　you　know　it。〃
　　'Well；　I　wasn't　going　to　let　that　lie。　No　way　I　was　going　to　let　that　one　lie。　〃The　only　reason　you　think　it's　different　is　because　you　like　the　dog　you　gave　me　and　you　don't　like　the　cat　I　gave　you；〃　I　says。　〃But　I'll　tell　you　one　thing；　Mrs。　DeWitt：　you　take　the　cat　to　the　animal　shelter　for　clawing　the　living　room　drapes　on　Tuesday；　I　guarantee　you　I'll　take　the　dog　to　the　animal　shelter　for　chewing　the　bedroom　drapes　on　Wednesday。　You　got　that？〃
　　'She　looked　at　me　and　started　to　cry。　She　threw　her　book　at　me　and　called　me　a　bastard。　A　mean　bastard。　I　tried　to　grab　hold　of　her；　make　her　stay　long　enough　for　me　to　at　least　try　to　make　up…if　there　was　a　way　to　make　up　without　backing　down；　which　I　didn't　mean　to　do　that　time…but　she　pulled　her　arm　out　of　my　hand　and　ran　out　of　the　room。　Frank　ran　out　after　her。　They　went　upstairs　and　the　bedroom　door　slammed。
　　'I　gave　her　half　an　hour　or　so　to　cool　off；　then　I　went　upstairs　myself。　The　bedroom　door　was　still　shut；　and　when　I　started　to　open　it；　I　was　pushing　against　Frank。　I　could　move　him；　but　it　was　slow　work　with　him　sliding　across　the　floor；　and　also　noisy　work。　He　was　growling。　And　I　mean　growling；　my　friends；　that　was　no　fucking　purr。　If　I'd　gone　in　there；　I　believe　he　would　have　tried　his　solemn　best　to　bite　my　manhood　off。　I　slept　on　the　couch　that　night。　First　time。
　　'A　month　later；　give　or　take；　she　was　gone。'
　　If　L。T。　had　timed　his　story　right　（most　times　he　did；　practice　makes　perfect）；　the　bell　signaling　back　to　work　at　the　W。S。　Hepperton　Processed　Meats　Plant　of　Ames；　Iowa；　would　ring　just　about　then；　sparing　him　any　questions　from　the　new　men　（the　old　hands　knew　。　。　。　and　knew　better　than　to　ask）　about　whether　or　not　L。T。　and　Lulubelle　had　reconciled；　or　if　he　knew　where　she　was　today；　or…the　all…time　sixty…four…thousand…dollar　question…if　she　and　Frank　were　still　together。　There's　nothing　like　the　back…to…work　bell　to　close　off　life's　more　embarrassing　questions。
　　'Well；'　L。T。　would　say；　putting　away　his　Thermos　and　then　standing　up　and　giving　a　stretch；　'it　has　all　led　me　to　create　what　I　call　L。T。　DeWitt's　Theory　of　Pets。'
　　They'd　look　at　him　expectantly；　just　as　I　had　the　first　time　I　heard　him　use　that　grand　phrase；　but　they　would　always　end　up　feeling　let　down；　just　as　I　always　had；　a　story　that　good　deserved　a　better　punchline；　but　L。T。's　never　changed。
　　'If　your　dog　and　cat　are　getting　along　better　than　you　and　your　wife；'　he'd　say；　'you　better　expect　to　e　home　some　night　and　find　a　Dear　John　note　on　your　refrigerator　door。'
　　
　　He　told　that　story　a　lot；　as　I've　said；　and　one　night　when　he　came　to　my　house　for　dinner；　he　told　it　for　my　wife　and　my　wife's　sister。　My　wife　had　invited　Holly；　who　had　been　divorced　almost　two　years；　so　the　boys　and　the　girls　would　balance　up。　I'm　sure　that's　all　it　was；　because　Roslyn　never　liked　L。T。　DeWitt。　Most　people　do；　most　people　take　to　him　like　hands　take　to　warm　water；　but　Roslyn　has　never　been　most　people。　She　didn't　like　the　story　of　the　note　on　the　fridge　and　the　pets；　either…I　could　tell　she　didn't；　although　she　chuckled　in　the　right　places。　Holly　。　。　。　shit；　I　don't　know。　I've　never　been　able　to　tell　what　that　girl's　thinking。　Mostly　just　sits　there　with　her　hands　in　her　lap；　smiling　like　Mona　Lisa。　It　was　my　fault　that　time；　though；　and　I　admit　it。　L。T。　didn't　want　to　tell　it；　but　I　kind　of　egged　him　on　because　it　was　so　quiet　around　the　dinner　table；　just　the　click　of　silverware　and　the　clink　of　glasses；　and　I　could　almost　feel　my　wife　disliking　L。T。　It　seemed　to　be　ing　off　her　in　waves。　And　if　L。T。　had　been　able　to　feel　that　little　Jack　Russell　terrier　disliking　him；　he　would　probably　be　able　to　feel　my　wife　doing　the　same。　That's　what　I　figured；　anyhow。
　　So　he　told　it；　mos