sk.everythingseventual-第68部分

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e。　That's　what　I　figured；　anyhow。
　　So　he　told　it；　mostly　to　please　me；　I　suppose；　and　he　rolled　his　eyeballs　in　all　the　right　places；　as　if　saying　'Gosh；　she　fooled　me　right　and　proper；　didn't　she？'　and　my　wife　chuckled　here　and　there…they　sounded　as　phony　to　me　as　Monopoly　money　looks…and　Holly　smiled　her　little　Mona　Lisa　smile　with　her　eyes　downcast。　Otherwise　the　dinner　went　off　all　right；　and　when　it　was　over　L。T。　told　Roslyn　that　he　thanked　her　for　'a　sportin…fine　meal'　（whatever　that　is）　and　she　told　him　to　e　any　time；　she　and　I　liked　to　see　his　face　in　the　place。　That　was　a　lie　on　her　part；　but　I　doubt　there　was　ever　a　dinner　party　in　this　history　of　the　world　where　a　few　lies　weren't　told。　So　it　went　off　all　right；　at　least　until　I　was　driving　him　home。　L。T。　started　to　talk　about　how　it　would　be　a　year　Lulubelle　had　been　gone　in　just　another　week　or　so；　their　fourth　anniversary；　which　is　flowers　if　you're　old…fashioned　and　electrical　appliances　if　you're　newfangled。　Then　he　said　as　how　Lulubelle's　mother…at　whose　house　Lulubelle　had　never　shown　up…was　going　to　put　up　a　marker　with　Lulubelle's　name　on　it　at　the　local　cemetery。　'Mrs。　Simms　says　we　have　to　consider　her　as　one　dead；'　L。T。　said；　and　then　he　began　to　bawl。　I　was　so　shocked　I　nearly　ran　off　the　goddam　road。
　　He　cried　so　hard　that　when　I　was　done　being　shocked；　I　began　to　be　afraid　all　that　pent…up　grief　might　kill　him　with　a　stroke　or　a　burst　blood　vessel　or　something。　He　rocked　back　and　forth　in　the　seat　and　slammed　his　open　hands　down　on　the　dashboard。　It　was　like　there　was　a　twister　loose　inside　him。　Finally　I　pulled　over　to　the　side　of　the　road　and　began　patting　his　shoulder。　I　could　feel　the　heat　of　his　skin　right　through　his　shirt；　so　hot　it　was　baking。
　　'e　on；　L。T。；'　I　said。　'That's　enough。'
　　'I　just　miss　her；'　he　said　in　a　voice　so　thick　with　tears　I　could　barely　understand　what　he　was　saying。　'Just　so　goddam　much。　I　e　home　and　there's　no　one　but　the　cat；　crying　and　crying；　and　pretty　soon　I'm　crying；　too；　both　of　us　crying　while　I　fill　up　her　dish　with　that　goddam　muck　she　eats。'
　　He　turned　his　flushed；　streaming　face　full　on　me。　Looking　back　into　it　was　almost　more　than　I　could　take；　but　I　did　take　it；　felt　I　had　to　take　it。　Who　had　gotten　him　telling　the　story　about　Lucy　and　Frank　and　the　note　on　the　refrigerator　that　night；　after　all？　It　hadn't　been　Mike　Wallace；　or　Dan　Rather；　that　was　for　sure。　So　I　looked　back　at　him。　I　didn't　quite　dare　hug　him；　in　case　that　twister　should　somehow　jump　from　him　to　me；　but　I　kept　patting　his　arm。
　　'I　think　she's　alive　somewhere；　that's　what　I　think；'　he　said。　His　voice　was　still　thick　and　wavery；　but　there　was　a　kind　of　pitiful　weak　defiance　in　it　as　well。　He　wasn't　telling　me　what　he　believed；　but　what　he　wished　he　could　believe。　I'm　pretty　sure　of　that。
　　'Well；'　I　said；　'you　can　believe　that。　No　law　against　it；　is　there？　And　it　isn't　as　if　they　found　her　body；　or　anything。'
　　'I　like　to　think　of　her　out　there　in　Nevada　singing　in　some　little　casino　hotel；'　he　said。　'Not　in　Vegas　or　Reno；　she　couldn't　make　it　in　one　of　the　big　towns；　but　in　Winnemucca　or　Ely　I'm　pretty　sure　she　could　get　by。　Some　place　like　that。　She　just　saw　a　SINGER　WANTED　sign　and　give　up　her　idea　of　going　home　to　her　mother。　Hell；　the　two　of　them　never　got　on　worth　a　shit　anyway；　that's　what　Lu　used　to　say。　And　she　could　sing；　you　know。　I　don't　know　if　you　ever　heard　her；　but　she　could。　I　don't　guess　she　was　great；　but　she　was　good。　The　first　time　I　saw　her；　she　was　singing　in　the　lounge　of　the　Marriott　Hotel。　In　Columbus；　Ohio；　that　was。　Or；　another　possibility　。　。　。　'
　　He　hesitated；　then　went　on　in　a　lower　voice。
　　'Prostitution　is　legal　out　there　in　Nevada；　you　know。　Not　in　all　the　counties；　but　in　most　of　them。　She　could　be　working　one　of　them　Green　Lantern　trailers　or　the　Mustang　Ranch。　Lots　of　women　have　got　a　streak　of　whore　in　them。　Lu　had　one。　I　don't　mean　she　stepped　around　on　me；　or　slept　around　on　me；　so　I　can't　say　how　I　know；　but　I　do。　She　。　。　。　yes；　she　could　be　in　one　of　those　places。'
　　He　stopped；　eyes　distant；　maybe　imagining　Lulubelle　on　a　bed　in　the　back　room　of　a　Nevada　trailer　whorehouse；　Lulubelle　wearing　nothing　but　stockings；　washing　off　some　unknown　cowboy's　stiff　cock　while　from　the　other　room　came　the　sound　of　Steve　Earle　and　the　Dukes　singing　'Six　Days　on　the　Road'　or　a　TV　playing　Hollywood　Squares。　Lulubelle　whoring　but　not　dead；　the　car　by　the　side　of　the　road…the　little　Subaru　she　had　brought　to　the　marriage…meaning　nothing。　The　way　an　animal's　look；　so　seemingly　attentive；　usually　means　nothing。
　　'I　can　believe　that　if　I　want；'　he　said；　swiping　his　swollen　eyes　with　insides　of　his　wrists。
　　'Sure；'　I　said。　'You　bet；　L。T。'　Wondering　what　the　grinning　men　who　listened　to　his　story　while　they　ate　their　lunches　would　make　of　this　L。T。；　this　shaking　man　with　his　pale　cheeks　and　red　eyes　and　hot　skin。
　　'Hell；'　he　said；　I　do　believe　that。'　He　hesitated；　then　said　it　again：　'I　do　believe　that。'
　　
　　When　I　got　back；　Roslyn　was　in　bed　with　a　book　in　her　hand　and　the　covers　pulled　up　to　her　breasts。　Holly　had　gone　home　while　I　was　driving　L。T。　back　to　his　house。　Roslyn　was　in　a　bad　mood；　and　I　found　out　why　soon　enough。　The　woman　behind　the　Mona　Lisa　smile　had　been　quite　taken　with　my　friend。　Smitten　by　him；　maybe。　And　my　wife　most　definitely　did　not　approve。
　　'How　did　he　lose　his　license？'　she　asked；　and　before　I　could　answer：　'Drinking；　wasn't　it？'
　　'Drinking；　yes。　OUI'　I　sat　down　on　my　side　of　the　bed　and　slipped　off　my　shoes。　'But　that　was　nearly　six　months　ago；　and　if　he　keeps　his　nose　clean　another　two　months；　he　gets　it　back。　I　think　he　will。　He　goes　to　AA；　you　know。'
　　My　wife　grunted；　clearly　not　impressed。　I　took　off　my　shirt；　sniffed　the　armpits；　hung　it　back　in　the　closet。　I'd　only　worn　it　an　hour　or　two；　just　for　dinner。
　　'You　know；'　my　wife　said；　I　think　it's　a　wonder　the　police　didn't　look　a　little　more　closely　at　him　after　his　wife　disappeared。'
　　'They　asked　him　some　questions；'　I　said；　'but　only　to　get　as　much　information　as　they　could。　There　was　never　any　question　of　him　doing　it；　Ros。　They　were　never　suspicious　of　him。'
　　'Oh；　you're　so　sure。'
　　'As　a　matter　of　fact；　I　am。　I　know　some　stuff。　Lulubelle　called　her　mother　from　a　hotel　in　eastern　Colorado　the　day　she　left；　and　called　her　again　from　Salt　Lake　City　the　next　day。　She　was　fine　then。　Those　were　both　weekdays；　and　L。T。　was　at　the　plant。　He　was　at　the　plant　the　day　they　found　her　car　parked　off　that　ranch　road　near　Caliente　as　well。　Unless　he　can　magically　transport　himself　from　place　to　place　in　the　blink　of　an　eye；　he　didn't　kill　her。　Besides；　he　wouldn't。　He　loved　her。'
　　She　grunted。　It's　this　hateful　sound　of　skepticism　she　makes　sometimes。　After　almost　thirty　years　of　marriage；　that　sound　still　makes　me　want　to　turn　on　her　and　yell　at　her　to　stop　it；　to　shit　or　get　off　the　pot；　either　say　what　she　means　or　keep　quiet。　This　time　I　thought　about　telling　her　how　L。T。　had　cried；　how　it　had　been　like　there　was　a　cyclone　inside　of　him；　tearing　loose　everything　that　wasn't　nailed　down。　I　thought　about　it；　but　I　didn't。　Women　don't　trust　tears　from　men。　They　may　say　different；　but　down　deep　they　don't　trust　tears　from　men。
　　'Maybe　you　ought　to　call　the　police　yourself；'　I　said。　'Offer　them　a　little　of　your　expert　help。　Point　out　the　stuff　they　missed；　just　like　Angela　Lansbury　on　Murder；　She　Wrote'
　　I　swung　my　legs　into　bed。　She　turned　off　the　light。　We　lay　there　in　darkness。　When　she　spoke　again；　her　tone　was　gentler。
　　'I　don't　like　him。　That's　all。　I　don't；　and　I　never　have。'
　　'Yeah；'　I　said。　I　guess　that's　clear。'
　　'And　I　didn't　like　the　way　he　looked　at　Holly。'
　　Which　meant；　as　I　found　out　eventually；　that　she　hadn't　liked　the　way　Holly　looked　at　him。　When　she　wasn't　looking　down　at　her　plate；　that　is。
　　'I'd　prefer　you　didn't　ask　him　back　to　dinner；'　she　said。
　　I　kept　quiet。　It　was　late。　I　was　tired。　It　had　been　a　hard　day；　a　harder　evening；　and　I　was　tired。　The　last　thing　I　wanted　was　to　have　an　argument　with　my　wife　when　I　was　tired　and　she　was　worried。　That's　the　sort　of　argument　where　one　of　you　ends　up　spending　the　night　on　th