sk.everythingseventual-第77部分

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er；　but　that　decision　might　have　been　both。　It's　certainly　possible；　sometimes　we　rise　above　ourselves。　In　any　case；　it　gave　my　mind　something　concrete　to　pitch　upon　in　the　days　after　Diane　left；　it　gave　my　misery　a　vocabulary　it　would　not　otherwise　have　had。
　　Of　course　I　have　speculated　that　quitting　when　I　did　may　have　played　a　part　in　what　happened　at　the　Gotham　Café　that　day；　and　I'm　sure　there's　some　truth　to　that。　But　who　can　foresee　such　things？　None　of　us　can　predict　the　final　outes　of　our　actions；　and　few　of　us　even　try；　most　of　us　just　do　what　we　do　to　prolong　a　moment's　pleasure　or　to　stop　the　pain。　And　even　when　we　act　for　the　noblest　reasons；　the　last　link　of　the　chain　all　too　often　drips　with　someone's　blood。
　　
　　Humboldt　called　me　again　two　weeks　after　the　evening　when　I'd　bombed　West　Eighty…third　Street　with　my　cigarettes；　and　this　time　he　stuck　with　Mr。　Davis　as　a　form　of　address。　He　thanked　me　for　the　copies　of　various　documents　forwarded　him　through　Mr。　Ring　and　said　that　the　time　had　e　for　'all　four　of　us'　to　sit　down　to　lunch。　All　four　of　us　meant　Diane。　I　hadn't　seen　her　since　the　morning　of　the　day　she'd　left；　and　even　then　I　hadn't　really　seen　her；　she'd　been　sleeping　with　her　face　buried　in　her　pillow。　I　hadn't　even　talked　to　her。　My　heart　speeded　up　in　my　chest；　and　I　could　feel　a　pulse　tapping　away　in　the　wrist　of　the　hand　holding　the　telephone。
　　'There　are　a　number　of　details　to　be　worked　out；　and　a　number　of　pertinent　arrangements　to　be　discussed；　and　this　seems　to　be　the　time　to　put　that　process　in　work；'　Humboldt　said。　He　chuckled　fatly　in　my　ear；　like　a　repulsive　adult　giving　a　child　some　minor　treat。　'It's　always　best　to　let　some　time　pass　before　bringing　the　principals　together；　a　little　cooling…off　period；　but　in　my　judgement　a　face…to…face　meeting　at　this　time　would　facilitate…'
　　'Let　me　get　this　straight；'　I　said。　'You're　talking　about…'
　　'Lunch；'　he　said。　'The　day　after　tomorrow？　Can　you　clear　that　on　your　schedule？'　Of　course　you　can；　his　voice　said。　Just　to　see　her　again　。　。　。　to　experience　the　slightest　touch　of　her　hand。　Eh；　Steve？
　　'I　don't　have　anything　on　for　lunch　Thursday　anyhow；　so　that's　not　a　problem。　And　I　should　bring　my　lawyer？'
　　The　fat　chuckle　came　again；　shivering　in　my　ear　like　something　just　turned　out　of　a　Jell…O　mold。　'I　imagine　Mr。　Ring　would　like　to　be　included；　yes。'
　　'Did　you　have　a　place　in　mind？'　I　wondered　for　a　moment　who　would　be　paying　for　this　lunch；　and　then　had　to　smile　at　my　own　naiveté。　I　reached　into　my　pocket　for　a　cigarette　and　poked　the　tip　of　a　toothpick　under　my　thumbnail　instead。　I　winced；　brought　the　pick　out；　checked　the　tip　for　blood；　saw　none；　and　stuck　it　in　my　mouth。
　　Humboldt　had　said　something；　but　I　had　missed　it。　The　sight　of　the　toothpick　had　reminded　me　all　over　again　that　I　was　floating　smokeless　on　the　waves　of　the　world。
　　'Pardon　me？'
　　'I　asked　if　you　know　the　Gotham　Café　on　Fifty…third　Street；'　he　said；　sounding　a　touch　impatient　now。　'Between　Madison　and　Park。'
　　'No；　but　I'm　sure　I　can　find　it。'
　　'Noon？'
　　'Noon's　fine；'　I　said；　and　thought　of　telling　him　to　tell　Diane　to　wear　the　green　dress　with　the　little　black　speckles　and　the　slit　up　the　side。　'I'll　just　check　with　my　lawyer。'　It　occurred　to　me　that　that　was　a　pompous；　hateful　little　phrase；　one　I　couldn't　wait　to　stop　using。
　　'Do　that；　and　call　me　back　if　there's　a　problem。'
　　I　called　John　Ring；　who　hemmed　and　hawed　enough　to　justify　his　retainer　（not　outrageous；　but　considerable）　and　then　said　he　supposed　a　meeting　was　in　order　'at　this　time。'
　　I　hung　up；　settled　back　in　front　of　my　puter　terminal；　and　wondered　how　I　was　possibly　going　to　be　able　to　meet　Diane　again　without　at　least　one　cigarette　beforehand。
　　
　　On　the　morning　of　our　scheduled　lunch；　John　Ring　called　and　told　me　he　couldn't　make　it；　and　that　I　would　have　to　cancel。　'It's　my　mother；'　he　said；　sounding　harried。　'She　fell　down　the　damned　stairs　and　broke　her　hip。　Out　in　Babylon。　I'm　leaving　now　for　Penn　Station。　I'll　have　to　take　the　train。'　He　spoke　in　the　tone　of　a　man　saying　he'll　have　to　go　by　camel　across　the　Gobi。
　　I　thought　for　a　second；　jiggling　a　fresh　toothpick　between　my　fin…gers。　Two　used　ones　lay　beside　my　puter　terminal；　the　ends　frayed。　I　was　going　to　have　to　watch　that；　it　was　all　too　easy　to　imagine　my　stomach　filling　up　with　sharp　little　splinterettes。　The　replacement　of　one　bad　habit　with　another　seems　almost　inevitable；　I've　noticed。
　　'Steven？　Are　you　there？'
　　'Yes；'　I　said。　'I'm　sorry　about　your　mother；　but　I'm　going　to　keep　the　lunch…date。'
　　He　sighed；　and　when　he　spoke　he　sounded　sympathetic　as　well　as　harried。　'I　understand　that　you　want　to　see　her；　and　that's　the　reason　why　you　have　to　be　very　careful；　and　make　no　mistakes。　You're　not　Donald　Trump　and　she's　not　Ivana；　but　this　isn't　a　no…faulter　we　got　here；　either；　where　you　get　your　decree　by　registered　mail。　You've　done　very　well　for　yourself；　Steven；　especially　in　the　last　five　years。'
　　'I　know；　but…'
　　'And　for　thuh…ree　of　those　years；'　Ring　overrode　me；　now　putting　on　his　courtroom　voice　like　an　overcoat；　'Diane　Davis　was　not　your　wife；　not　your　live…in　panion；　and　not　by　any　stretch　of　the　imagination　your　helpmate。　She　was　just　Diane　Coslaw　from　Pound　Ridge；　and　she　did　not　go　before　you　tossing　flower…petals　or　blowing　a　cornet。'
　　'No；　but　I　want　to　see　her。'　And　what　I　was　thinking　would　have　driven　him　mad：　I　wanted　to　see　if　she　was　wearing　the　green　dress　with　the　black　speckles；　because　she　knew　damned　well　it　was　my　favorite。
　　He　sighed　again。　'I　can't　have　this　discussion；　or　I'm　going　to　miss　my　train。　There　isn't　another　one　until　one…oh…one。'
　　'Go　and　catch　your　train。'
　　'I　will；　but　first　I'm　going　to　make　one　more　effort　to　get　through　to　you。　A　meeting　like　this　is　like　a　joust。　The　lawyers　are　the　knights；　the　clients　are　reduced；　for　the　time　being；　to　no　more　than　squires　with　Sir　Barrister's　lance　in　one　hand　and　the　reins　of　his　horse　in　the　other。'　His　tone　suggested　that　this　was　an　old　image；　and　well…loved。　'What　you're　telling　me　is　that；　since　I　can't　be　there；　you're　going　to　hop　on　my　nag　and　go　galloping　at　the　other　guy　with　no　lance；　no　armor；　no　faceplate；　probably　not　even　a　jockstrap。'
　　'I　want　to　see　her；'　I　said。　'I　want　to　see　how　she　is。　How　she　looks。　Hey；　without　you　there；　maybe　Humboldt　won't　even　want　to　talk。'
　　'Oh；　wouldn't　that　be　nice；'　he　said；　and　came　out　with　a　small；　cynical　laugh。　'I'm　not　going　to　talk　you　out　of　it；　am　I？'
　　'No。'
　　'All　right；　then　I　want　you　to　follow　certain　instructions。　If　I　find　out　you　haven't；　and　that　you've　gummed　up　the　works；　I　may　decide　it　would　be　simpler　to　just　resign　the　case。　Are　you　hearing　me？'
　　'I'm　hearing　you。'
　　'Good。　Don't　yell　at　her；　Steven。　That's　big　number　one。　Are　you　hearing　that？'
　　'Yes。'　I　wasn't　going　to　yell　at　her。　If　I　could　quit　smoking　two　days　after　she　had　walked　out…and　stick　to　it…I　thought　I　could　get　through　a　hundred　minutes　and　three　courses　without　calling　her　a　bitch。
　　'Don't　yell　at　him；　that's　number　two。'
　　'Okay。'
　　'Don't　just　say　okay。　I　know　you　don't　like　him；　and　he　doesn't　like　you　much；　either。'
　　'He's　never　even　met　me。　How　can　he　have　an　opinion　about　me　one　way　or　another？'
　　'Don't　be　dense；'　he　said。　'He's　being　paid　to　have　an　opinion；　that's　how。　So　say　okay　like　you　mean　it。'
　　'Okay　like　I　mean　it。'
　　'Better。'　But　he　didn't　say　it　like　he　really　meant　it；　he　said　it　like　a　man　who　is　checking　his　watch。
　　'Don't　get　into　substantive　matters；'　he　said。　'Don't　discuss　financial…settlement　issues；　not　even　on　a　'What　would　you　think　if　I　suggested　this'　basis。　If　he　gets　pissed　off　and　asks　why　you　kept　the　lunch…date　if　you　weren't　going　to　discuss　nuts　and　bolts；　tell　him　just　what　you　told　me；　that　you　wanted　to　see　your　wife　again。'
　　'Okay。'
　　'And　if　they　leave　at　that　point；　can　you　live　with　it？'
　　'Yes。'　I　didn't　know　if　I　could　or　not；　but　I　thought　I　could；　and　I　knew　that　Ring　wanted　to　catch　his　train。
　　'As　a　lawyer…your　lawyer…I'm　telling　you　that　this　is　a　bullshit　move；　and　that　if　it　backfires　in　cou